Mesmeris (17 page)

He roared and let go.

As he staggered backwards, doubled over, I twisted myself back into the room and ran for the door, yelling short panicky screams. It opened before I got there. I grabbed Jack’s arm.

He didn’t look at me, just stared at Leo. ‘You bastard.’ He dropped the coffee cup. Coffee splashed up the walls and over the immaculate carpet. ‘You
fucking
bastard.’

Leo got to his feet, attempted to straighten up, pretend he wasn’t hurt. He tried a tentative laugh. ‘Hey, Jack. She’s an attractive girl. What can I say?’

‘He . . .’ I couldn’t catch my breath. ‘He tried to . . .’ I pointed at the window.

‘Did he now?’ Jack shook my arm off and walked across the room, dawdled even, rubbing his hands together. Leo moved backwards. I held my breath. Jack’s hand shot out, caught Leo’s throat and pushed his head through the open window. Leo’s arms flailed as he tried to grab hold of something. ‘There you go.’ Jack tipped him further out so his whole body above the knee was dangling outside.

I didn’t feel drunk any more.

Art stood, leaning back against the doorjamb, arms folded across his chest. ‘What?’ he said, when he saw me look at him. ‘Doesn’t bother
me
if he goes out.’

‘There you go,’ Jack picked Leo’s feet up. ‘Have some fresh air.’

Leo screamed.

Jack turned his head and grinned, as if it was all a game. ‘Drop him or no? Up to you, Pearl.’

I stared. ‘No. For God’s sake.’

‘Oh, you’re so soft,’ Jack said. ‘I’m going to drop him anyway.’

Leo screamed. ‘No!’

Jack laughed. ‘Ready? Steady? Go.’ He let go.

Leo let out a piecing shriek as he fell, just for an instant, just for an inch or two.

Jack caught him again, hauled him back in and dumped him on the floor. Art chuckled.

Leo held on to the wall and dragged himself to his feet, grey-faced. ‘Wanker!’ He stood for a moment, breathing heavily. ‘I was doing you a favour, you tosser,’ he said. ‘She’s messing with your head.’

‘Crap,’ Jack said.

‘Yeah? She’s making you weak. She’ll have you cuddling fluffy bunnies next.’

Jack sneered. ‘Yeah, like she just cuddled yours.’

Art cleared his throat. ‘Much as it pains me to say it, dickhead does have a point.’

‘
You
want some fresh air?’ Jack said.

Art laughed. ‘Wanna try it?’

‘Maybe.’

Art raised his eyebrows. ‘Maybe not,’ he said.

They held each other’s gaze. Jack looked away first. ‘Get your coat, Pearl.’

Art yawned and scratched his jaw. ‘Guess that’s the entertainment over.’ He wandered back to the living room.

We drove back in the same car. Jack didn’t speak all the way home. Every time I looked at him, he was staring straight ahead, just that one tiny muscle twitching in his jaw.

‘You okay?’ I said.

He didn’t reply. We parked down the road from my house. He turned the engine off and just sat. I wasn’t sure if he expected me to get out or what.

Silence. A sideways look – dark eyes. ‘He’s right,’ he said. ‘You’re making me weak.’

I licked my lips. ‘What?’

He shook his head, stared straight ahead.

‘So you’re dumping me?’ Such ordinary words, such paralysing dread.

‘No,’ he said.

Relief overwhelmed every other emotion, even the shock at Leo’s sudden violence. My limbs felt weak, boneless.

He looked at me and smiled. ‘I’m addicted.’

I sank back into the seat and closed my eyes. ‘Thank God for that.’

‘Nothing to do with him,’ Jack said.

The light was on in the living room. I checked my phone – half past eleven – not too late.

He walked so close behind me, I could feel his breath on my hair.

At the door, I turned to say goodnight, and he kissed me, long and hard. I wrapped my arms around his neck.

He pulled away. ‘Not here, Pearl.’

‘Kiss me again,’ I said. ‘One kiss – just one.’

His eyes flashed to the window, and he kissed me again, so lightly and quickly I barely felt it.

I caught hold of his head. ‘I’m scared.’

‘Don’t be. Everything’s fine.’

‘It’s not though, is it? Everything’s not fine.’ My eyes stung. ‘I’m always scared. The only time I’m not is when you’re . . .’

His mouth covered mine and swallowed the words. The taste of him, his tongue in my mouth made me dizzy. He crushed my lips, scraped my skin, pushed me up against the door. My feet off the floor, my heart punched against his chest. I forgot where I was, forgot everything except him, his mouth, his hands, his body. He moaned, then tore at my blouse, kissed my neck.

I flung my head back and hit the doorbell. It rang out, loud enough to wake the whole street. We froze, stared at each other. A light came on in the hallway.

‘Pearl?’ Mum’s footsteps.

‘You rang the bloody doorbell,’ he said, eyes wide. ‘How did you do that?’

I pushed him away, tried to straighten my clothes, pulled my blouse together. ‘Go - quick.
Quick
.’

He staggered away, laughing so much he couldn’t run properly. He was only just out of sight by the time Mum opened the door.

I must have been leaning against it, because I stumbled over the threshold and into the hallway.

‘Sorry,’ I said. ‘I forgot my key.’

‘Where’ve you been?’ Mum said. ‘We’ve been worried sick, you stupid girl. I was about to call Jim.’

‘Abbi’s. I texted.’ I walked into the kitchen to avoid her gaze.

‘You smell of drink.’ She followed me down the hall.

‘I met Jack afterwards.’

‘Oh, that’ll be right,’ she said. ‘Might’ve known
he’d
have something to do with it.’

‘Oh, Mum.’ I rolled my eyes. ‘I’m tired, okay?’

‘Tired?’ she said. ‘Drunk, more like.’

It wasn’t worth arguing. All the pleasant effects of the alcohol had evaporated, leaving me weary, hungry and with an apparent inability to walk without bumping into something.

‘You’d better drink some water, my girl,’ Mum said.

‘I will.’ I sat at the table.

She ran the tap and plonked a pint glass of water in front of me. ‘I’ve a good mind to give you a proper slap,’ she said. ‘Knock some sense into you.’

That made me laugh. A slap from Mum? After what I’d had?

‘Go on. Drink it. Then maybe you’ll not feel so bad in the morning.’

‘It’s all
right
,’ I said when she just stood and watched me. ‘You can go.’ And then I laughed because it sounded like dismissing a servant.

She turned back at the door. ‘Make sure you drink the lot.’

‘I am – look.’ I lifted the glass to my lips.

She shook her head and disappeared back down the hall. I waited to hear her close the living room door and then tipped the water down the sink. Tap water tasted foul and, anyway, it wasn’t drink I needed, it was food. I grabbed anything edible I could find - a chunk of cheese, a cereal bar and a banana. I took everything up to my room and fell asleep before eating any of it.

CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

In my dream, I was in a grand stately home, and I was thirsty, very thirsty. If I didn’t find water quickly, I was going to die. There was a lion somewhere in the house. I wasn’t afraid, not at first anyway. I wandered from room to room, looking for a kitchen or bathroom or anywhere there might be a tap. There wasn’t one. Every now and then, I caught a glimpse of the lion, through a doorway or down a corridor. It was important not to show any fear, to act calmly, to walk rather than run. I knew that. As time went on, it became obvious the lion was stalking me - its prey. I tried to find a room to hide in but every room had a door that wouldn’t quite shut or no door at all. I thought about hiding behind something, but knew it would be able to smell me. It was getting closer. I could smell its fur, hear it breathing. I decided my best bet would be to go outside, into the grounds, and shut the lion inside the house. It took me ages to find a door that led outside and, even when I did, I had the same problem as before - it wouldn’t close properly. I put a stone against it and wedged it shut as tightly as possible, then looked around the landscaped gardens for somewhere to hide. There were trees in the distance but there was movement in amongst them, perhaps more lions.

I heard a noise and turned to see the lion had pushed the door and that his front paw and his head were already through. He stared right at me. Grey, hooded eyes. I knew him.

I ran down the stone steps. There was a block of toilets I hadn’t noticed before. I ran to them and bolted myself in one of the cubicles. I sat on the toilet seat and relaxed. At last, a door that would lock. Then I saw there was a large gap underneath the door, plenty big enough for a lion to get through. I saw the lion’s paws stop outside. I knew he could smell my fear, and I knew he was going to kill me.

Fear woke me up. My heart stuttered. Sweat chilled my skin. The relief I felt once I realised the nightmare wasn’t real didn’t last. My throat was parched. The desperate need for water was real. I turned to my bedside table. My head hurt. Cheese, cereal bar and banana. No drink. My eyes ached when I moved them. Gritty, sticky, it even hurt to blink. I slid one foot out of bed and onto the floor, then the other foot, trying to keep my head as still as possible. I twisted around to lift my head gradually, my two hands resting on the bed, slowly, slowly standing upright. Oh, that really hurt. I stood still for a moment while the dizziness passed. My mouth tasted pickled. My stomach sloshed about, acid and queasy. I staggered to the door while claw hammers pounded at the inside of my skull. The bathroom had never been so far away. I drank out of the cold tap. It tasted disgusting, but it was wet. I saw myself in the mirror, still dressed from the night before. I didn’t look like me at all. My cheeks were pink, my lips deep burgundy red and swollen, my eyes huge and dark.

I went downstairs, one stair at a time, holding onto the bannister with both hands, hoping no one would be up. As I neared the kitchen, I smelled bacon.

Dad looked round. His gaze took in my clothes. ‘What’s going on, Pearl?’

‘Nothing.’ I sat very carefully down on a chair and put my head on the table.

‘Mum said you were with that lad again.’

‘Mmm, and his brothers.’

‘What on earth were you drinking?’

‘Champagne.’ Just the word made me feel ill.

He whistled. ‘They have money then.’

I shrugged.

‘Had you eaten?’

I shook my head and my brain slammed into the side of my skull.

He put a plate of bacon and eggs in front of me. ‘Eat that. It’ll help.’

‘Thank you.’ I forced a mouthful down.

He sat opposite me, sipped at his coffee, his eyes watching me. ‘They know it’s a criminal offence, do they?’ he said. ‘Buying alcohol for a minor?’

I had to laugh, even though it hurt.

He frowned. ‘They’ve broken the law, Pearl. It’s not funny. Drinking too much puts you in danger. You could’ve ended up in hospital.’

Yes, I could have ended up in hospital, but not from the Champagne.

He sighed. ‘Don’t mention the pub to Jim or they’ll lose their license.’

Even frowning hurt. ‘Why would I mention it to Jim?’

He didn’t answer. ‘Where do they live then, these boys?’

‘Actually, Dad, I’m going to be late for school.’ I stood up very, very slowly.

Dad winced. ‘Don’t think you’ll want to drink again for a while.’

‘Never,’ I said. ‘I’m never drinking again.’

‘Good,’ he said. ‘Glad to hear it.’

It took me ages to get washed and dressed because any sudden movements resulted in agonising pain and made the room spin.

Outside it was horrible again. Chilly, dark and damp. Slate grey sky, slate grey puddles, slate grey everything and a howling, blustery wind to go with it. I picked my way carefully along the pavement, holding my hood tightly around my head. With each step, a sharp pain stabbed the top of my head.

Tuesday was bin day so, as I passed each house, the stench of rotting food wafted up to me. The contents of my stomach churned. I made it as far as the park without throwing up but only just. I would have gone back home but couldn’t face the thought of passing the bins again.

A car drew up alongside me. The passenger door opened. ‘Jump in,’ Jack said.

To ‘jump in’ seemed like a very bad idea. I slid into the passenger seat, moving my head as little as possible.

‘You okay?’ he said.

‘No.’

He laughed. ‘Thought you might be feeling a bit rough.’

I closed my eyes and leaned my forehead against the cool window while he drove. He parked the car and looked sideways at me. His lazy smile made me smile. ‘Guess we’re lucky you rang that doorbell,’ he said.

Even though I felt like death, a tingle of excitement shot through me at the memory. I nodded and my brain swam around in a sea of alcohol. It bounced off the inside of my skull, then sloshed about a bit before hitting the other side. ‘Leo tried to kill me,’ I said.

‘I know. He thinks you’re a threat,’ he said. ‘Don’t worry. You did a great job.’

‘Really?’ I smiled, ridiculously pleased.

‘Mashed balls hurt, believe me. And I gave him another smack when I got back, just to be sure. He won’t mess with you again.’

I wondered what kind of smack it would take to stop Leo coming after me.

‘Maybe I shouldn’t go to school,’ I said. ‘Because I’m not very well.’

I thought he’d jump at the chance. Instead, he looked awkward. ‘I’m a bit – tied up today.’

‘Right.’

‘No.’ He stopped my hand going to the door handle. ‘I have to do something, that’s all.’

‘Something?’

He smiled and kissed my nose. ‘Nothing for you to worry about.’

‘Right.’ Whatever it was, I didn’t want to know.

School was a waste of time. I couldn’t concentrate on anything. All I could think about was my head, my stomach and how much I wanted to be back in bed. I didn’t think about what Jack’s ‘something’ was. At the end of the day when my phone buzzed, I hoped it was him. It wasn’t. It was my dad, asking me to meet him at the police station. More questions from Jim no doubt. The last thing I needed with my pickled brain.