Microsoft Word - Fates_Second_Chance-AJ_Jarrett.doc (12 page)

Shawn's face pulled back in a grimace. He didn't want to hurt me but not taking me the way I needed was hurting us both. He cursed under his breath and let go of my legs. I wrapped them tightly around his hips as he leaned forward and braced his hands on either side of my head. He snapped his hips forward and I used my arms to lever myself up to meet him.

Sweat dripped off Shawn's face to land on mine. He pushed his body to the limits to give me what I wanted.

Without warning, he grabbed my right hand and pushed it down to my cock. I grabbed my length and started to pump my fist. He covered my hand with his and squeezed, creating a tighter seal.

"Yes, yes, yes," I hissed. My orgasm shot like a rocket out of my body. Stream after stream of semen shot 114

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between our bodies. I coated both our hands and my chest with my release.

I laid there like a limp noodle as Shawn rode my body to his orgasm. He shouted to the ceiling as he came.

His body continued to twitch as he covered my body with his. My legs lay loose on either side of him but I was able to wrap my arms around him. I stroked his back gently.

I loved what we just did. It was different than all the other times we'd made love. It was as if I was seeing the real Shawn for the first time. I smiled and nuzzled my lips into his neck. This moment couldn't be more perfect. So caught up in my afterglow I couldn't control the words as they sprung off my tongue.

"I love you."

Shawn lifted himself up on his elbows to smile

down at me. "I like you a lot, too." After he said that, he bent down and put a kiss to the tip of my nose.

I think I must have been losing my mind because I was certain he just said he liked me. What the fuck was that?
I'm good enough to fuck and give a key to your house
but no confessions of love
? My expression turned grim and I could tell Shawn felt the anger rolling off me.

"What's the matter?"

"What's the matter? Are you fucking seriously asking me that question?" I snapped the words at him. I 115

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was totally having a drama queen moment, but to have the person I love tell me he likes me, excuse me, likes me a lot, was just a punch in the heart.

"Hey, why are you so upset, Marc?" Shawn's eyebrows scrunched up in confusion. "I thought we were having a good time and now you're yelling at me."

I laughed as I pushed him off me. "Yell? I haven't even started to yell, mister. Now get the hell off me." He rolled to the side and I grabbed my pants and started to get dressed. I cringed as I smeared the cooling cum on my stomach as I pulled my pants up.

I knew I shouldn't be mad at him but when you

were living on a life and death timeline, a person tends to get a little jumpy.

"Are you leaving?"

I stopped in the process of dressing to look him straight in the face. "No, I'm not leaving. I'm just going to go bake you a cake," I said sarcastically. "Of course I'm fucking leaving. I'm sick of putting myself out there to get nothing in return, so I'm going home."

Shawn pulled up his pajama bottoms and relaxed

back on the couch. "Is this because I didn't say I love you?"

I threw my hands up in frustration. Was he always this dense? "Sort of, yeah. We spend all our time together, we fuck constantly, and I have a freaking key to your 116

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house. If this isn't love I don't know what we've been doing together these past few weeks."

"Marc, I have very strong feelings for you but I can't just go blurting those words out like you do. That's not me."

I whipped my head around so fast I was surprised I didn't get whiplash. "Do you honestly think I would say those words to just anyone? You're such a fucking guy." I grabbed my car keys off the side table and headed for the door. I needed space and I needed it fast before I broke down and started crying.

Shawn jumped up, beat me to the front door, and

held it shut so I couldn't open it. "Please don't go. Let's talk about this."

I kept my eyes toward the floor, because if I looked at him I'd lose what composure I had. "There's nothing to talk about. We're at different places where our relationship is concerned and I just need some space at the moment."

Shawn stepped away from the door and I ran

outside without looking back. If I saw him standing in the doorway I would crack and run right back into his arms.

I was running out of time and if me leaving tonight lit a fire under Shawn's ass to admit to himself that he loved me, then so be it. I started my car and pulled out of Shawn's driveway.

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I pulled into my parking spot and sat in my car

taking deep calming breaths, but all the deep breathing did was make my throat hurt. The lump sitting smack dab in the middle of my airway blocked those breaths' exit out of my mouth. Tears started to fall and I couldn't make them stop even if I tried.

I got out of my car, praying none of my neighbors saw me. I walked up the stairs to my apartment and thanked the angel on the other side for not locking the door. As I walked inside, I ignored Ross's questions about what was wrong and went to my room to fall face first on my bed.

"What is the matter with you?"

Ross walked into my room but I couldn't move, I

couldn't say anything. My heart hurt so badly I was paralyzed with the pain. I was so in love with Shawn and all I got was
I like you a lot
.

"Marc, you're scaring me. What happened?"

"Shawn likes me a lot." I mumbled into my mattress.

"Sweetheart, I didn't get that. You need to roll over and use your big boy words."

I just laid there and ignored him. Hoping he would 118

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get the point and leave me alone.

"Don't make me have to get physical with you, Marc, because I will." Ross's voice rose with his threat.

I still didn't move. I just needed time to myself so I could figure out what to do next. Ross had other ideas. His thin hands pushed me in the side until I rolled over. My face was flushed with heat from the tears I'd been crying. I should have been embarrassed to have Ross see me like this but I couldn't muster the energy to care.

"Marc, tell me what happened?"

I could tell Ross was concerned and it made acting like a blubbering baby that much worse. "I had a fight with Shawn."

"About?" Ross raised his eyebrows as he waved his hand around, signaling for me to continue my story.

"I said I loved him and he said he liked me." My tears started to run freely again.

Ross let out a whistle. "That's like the kiss of death."

"Thanks, Ross, that's really what I needed to hear, you insensitive ass." I put my arms over my face to block the view of my idiot guardian angel. I didn't need him to tell me what Shawn said was bad. 'Like' is a good thing, but not when you needed love in order to stay alive.

"I'm sorry but it's true. I guess Shawn is taking his 119

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time and wanting to get to know you better before he commits himself completely."

I grabbed a pillow and threw it at Ross's head. "You jerk, we don't have time. Thanks to your constant fuck ups, we—" I pointed at him then to myself. "—don't have time."

"I know, I know. You don't have to keep reminding me." Anger coursed through my veins and my control slipped. The angel had lost his mind. "I'm sorry but this is entirely your fault. If you had been there, you could have stopped them from shoving me into a girl body. If you had done your job, I'd be with Shawn right now the way it was supposed to be. So please forgive me for being upset," I shouted at Ross.

"Oh sweetheart, I'm sorry but we need to keep moving forward, not looking back. We need to put all our positive thoughts and energy into fixing this. I know this sounds crazy but I have faith this will all work out in the end."

"At least one of us does." I mumbled into my arm.

"Don't say that. This is fixable." Ross pulled me into a sitting position. I relaxed as he rubbed my back; he was a good friend, just a lousy angel.

My breathing evened out and my tears dried up. If Ross could stay optimistic when faced with an eternity locked out of Heaven, then I could at least stay hopeful.

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"Okay, I'll try to remain positive."

Ross's face lit up with his bright smile. "Great! Now go put on your pajamas, Serena is on her way over with ice cream and the first season of
Buffy
. We're going to have some girl time."

I arched an eyebrow at him. "Ross, we're guys."

"I know this, but Serena sounded so excited I didn't want to burst her bubble. She is a hard one to please."

I laughed as I got up to grab a clean T-shirt and some sleeping pants and went to the bathroom to change. I looked at my reflection in the mirror and what I saw depressed me even more. Tear stained cheeks, eyes swollen, and my nose red from all the tears I'd shed over the past hour. I shook my head at my appearance. Love did crazy things to a person.

I pulled on my pajamas and walked out of the

bathroom. I shouted at Ross to hurry up. When I heard a knock at the front door, I assumed it was Serena. Why that girl never used her key was beyond me.

"Why don't you start using your key?" My jaw dropped to my chest when I saw Shawn staring back at me.

"Shawn, what are you doing here?"

Shawn looked around as if he couldn't believe his eyes. I lived in my old apartment from when I was Marie and he kept blinking his eyes as if in disbelief.

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"Shawn, are you okay?" I timidly reached out my hand to touch his forearm. "How did you know where to find me?"

"I followed you." Shawn's eyes darted around the small living room. "You live in her apartment. How is that possible?" Shawn asked in a hushed tone.

I opened my mouth to answer when Ross came into

the front room talking about his silky pajama bottoms.

Shawn's face went from pale to bright red with anger. Ross noticed and stopped in his tracks.

"I see we have company. Sorry to interrupt. I'll just go wash some dishes."

Ross turned to leave when Shawn spoke. "No, I'll leave." Shawn stared down at me. "It appears I've already been replaced."

As Shawn walked out of my apartment, I turned to look at Ross. He motioned for me to run after Shawn, so I did. I caught up with Shawn on the stairs. His face red with anger and fists balled up ready to punch the first thing that gave him the opportunity.

"Shawn, stop. Please let me explain."

Shawn swung around so fast I ran right into his

chest. He grabbed my arms to keep me from falling backward then dropped his hands as if my skin scorched his fingers.

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"Explain? What could you possibly say for

yourself? You're living with another guy while you're fucking me." Shawn pounded a fist into his chest.

Okay, technically that was true but it wasn't like I was in a relationship with Ross. I wanted to tell Shawn but I couldn't without him thinking I was lying even more.

"It's not what you think, Shawn. Ross is just my roommate."

"Really? Then why didn't you tell me about him?"

Shawn crossed his massive arms over his chest.

"I didn't know it was relevant." I shrugged. I didn't.

I never had him over because I lived in the same apartment I had when I was Marie and it was kind of hard to explain that as just a coincidence. I never thought of living with Ross as being an issue.

"Didn't think it was relevant? I can't believe you, Marc." Shawn shook his head. "I thought I knew you. I was actually coming over here to apologize to you and tell you how I felt." He laughed bitterly. "Thank God, I didn't do that. See you around."

He turned to walk away and I couldn't control my anger at him anymore. Shawn had always been a hothead, reacting before he thought things through. I had seen him go through countless relationships due to his lack of trust and his temper.

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"Shawn, you're such an asshole," I yelled down the stairwell at him. He stopped to stare at me. "You always do this. You meet someone you like then you tear him apart until you find a reason to dump the poor guy. Just like your last boyfriend. You thought he was cheating on you so you broke up with him. Then when he explained to you the reason he was being so secretive you still dumped him.

Who breaks up with a guy for trying to plan a surprise birthday party for them?" I really didn't expect him to answer so I answered for him. "You do," I said as I pushed away from the railing.

Shawn started to walk back up the stairs. "How do you know about that?" He whispered.

I didn't pause in my rant to respond to him. "That was your last relationship. Two fucking years ago and you always wondered why you were alone." I pointed my finger at his chest because he now stood right in front of me.

"That's why, your inability to trust."

Shawn grabbed the finger I was using to poke him with. "I said, how do you know all this?" He growled down into my face. His stiff features and hard tone frightened me.