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done anything other than let Tor hold him.

The sun was behind a cloud. The fly lay on the dashboard, still.

"Okay," Jake said slowly, testing his voice. "Okay. It's going to be okay. I have to call Cath."

Tor looked at him uncertainly. "Okay," he echoed. Then he put the truck back in gear and headed for home.

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Part of Jake wasn't ready to get back to the house, back to where there were phones and people;

back to where he was supposed to start coping. Part of Jake screamed out against calling Cath, re-

fused to accept that he'd have to begin to deal with losing their sister.

Only a fraction of Jake was prepared for Tor to stop the truck, but when they rolled to a stop his

hand reached for the door handle just like it had always done. Muscle memory. The truck stops,

you reach for the door handle and get out. Habit.

He was almost in the house, Tor hurrying to be next to him, when Elias called out to them, yelling

that he needed a word or two about something that Jake no longer gave a sweet damn about. Jake

barely registered it when Tor broke away from him and simply kept going into the house, not sure

what else to do. He didn't want to watch Tor tell Elias, didn't want to see sympathy appear in any-

one's eyes. Not yet.

The house was silent inside, dull and muted. He could hear something outside, his puppy Barkley

and another dog playing. Kip must have brought Winner for the day. Jake was holding the phone

before he realized he'd crossed the room. He stared at it for a moment, his mind utterly blank, the

numbers he needed gone, if they'd ever been in his memory. Someone, some time, had been think-

ing, though, and there was a neat little note next to the speed dial buttons. 1. Vet 2. Bunk 3. Becky

4. Melissa
ohgodohgodohgod
5. Cath's cell. Five. Cath was five. One button dialing and he needed it now, needed it like he'd never needed anything before, except maybe the need he had for family,

his family, so long gone and now ripped apart again.

He closed his eyes against the stab of pain and pushed the damn button, trying to breathe through

the pressure on his mind. She'd found him, she'd changed for him, she'd accepted Tor, had wel-

comed Jake back, she'd actually looked for him after the lies and she… It was always 'Lissa. It was

'Lissa first; 'Lissa who wrote, 'Lissa who cared enough to keep trying when she knew all there was

to know, 'Lissa who rebelled against her own upbringing and found a way to love Jake the way he

was. 'Lissa had given him back his family and now she… she… Jake pressed his fingers to his eye-

lids, listened to the busy signal and disconnected, then pressed five again.

Busy.

Busy.

Jacob.

Jake groaned and sat down on the couch, still pressing five and then disconnecting. Shame welled

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up in him and he knew it was stupid. He was allowed to hurt about this. He was allowed to be upset

and angry and he was allowed to be in denial. But there was a voice in his mind pointing out that

there was a fourteen-year-old boy--almost fifteen--who'd just lost his mother, and Jacob had so

much more pain to deal with, so fucking much more. It wasn't fucking fair.

"No, it's not," Tor said behind him and Jake jumped.

"Didn't know I said that out loud." Christ, he sounded pathetic, but Tor didn't seem to notice.

"Doesn't matter, you're right. It's not fair." Tor moved around the couch and plucked the phone out of Jake's hand. "Busy?"

"Yeah. Can't get through." Barkley came scrambling into the room, his feet sliding on the floor and his tail going a mile a minute. Jake scooped him up and buried his hands in the warm gray fuzz of

his back, taking a bit of comfort from the pup but putting him down when Barkley just wanted to

lick his face.

Tor nodded and moved to the desk. "Gimme a minute or two then, and try later. Gotta make some

calls."

Jake didn't care. It didn't seem to matter at all, and he had no interest in the calls Tor was making.

He didn't consciously listen to him either, just kind of registered that Tor was talking to a few peo-

ple to let them know they were going out of town; that he wouldn't be able to get to Hally's to

check the stock. Then Tor started calling the airlines and Jake was a little surprised at how easy it

was to get them on a flight that night.

"… Is there anything sooner out of Little Rock?" Tor was asking. "…Nah, that's actually too soon, we'd never get there in time. Okay, leave us on that one, and make sure one ticket is open-ended,

the other… say, five days."

Jake looked up at that, but didn't question it. It was enough that Tor was going with him. Then it

was done and Tor was handing him the phone.

"I'll pack," Tor said gently. "You try Cath again. Elias will be over in a few minutes; I'm putting him in charge."

Jake nodded and pressed five. His finger floated over the disconnect button and almost pushed it

automatically before he realized that the expected busy signal was actually a ring tone. Two rings,

then three, and suddenly there was Cath's voice.

"Hi, you got me but you didn't. Leave a message."

He almost hung up, having no idea what to say, but his subconscious supplied a word for him.

Screening. She might be screening her calls.

"It's Jake," he said finally. There was a silence then, unnatural and tinged with desperation, but he didn't know what else to say. "We... we're comin'. Tor's got a flight booked, but I don't know what the fuck's going on, and I need you to pick up, Cath. Cath? It's Jake. Come on, please be there."

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"I'm here," she said, and Jesus, but Jake had thought he'd sounded bad. Her voice had lost its silky smooth sound, had mutated into something hoarse and raspy from crying and talking. "I'm here."

"Hey." Jake took a deep breath and realized he'd closed his eyes again. He decided that was a good thing. "How are you doing?" He thought that might just have been the stupidest thing he'd ever asked.

"As well as I can be, I guess," she said, and then it didn't matter if he'd been stupid to ask. "You?"

"Been better." God, wasn't that true? "What happened?"

She sighed. "They got hit side-on, on a cross street. As near as I can tell, it was an honest accident--

the other guy's brakes failed on a hill, and he was trying to drive off the road to slow down, to hit

anything other than another car. He actually crossed a lawn and slowed a bit, but not enough. Came

through a low fence and… The doctor told me that she never knew."

Jake bit at his lower lip, his eyes still squeezed shut. God. "Jacob?" he asked hollowly.

"He's going to be okay. He's got a broken arm and a concussion. They're keeping him in the hospi-

tal for a few more hours, then I'll take him home."

Jake swallowed. "Have you seen him? Does he know?"

"Yeah," she whispered. "God, I never want to do anything like that again. They… they let me tell him. He said he doesn't remember anything, just driving and then being in the ambulance. Said that

when he woke up and she wasn't there he knew she was hurt real bad, that his momma would al-

ways be there if she could be. Jake, he didn't cry."

Jake hadn't cried either, wasn't sure he could. "He will. And we'll be there."

"I know. Listen, I know this is going to mean huge changes for you and Tor, and believe me, I'll do everything I possibly can. I'll take a leave from work for as long as you need, do everything I can

here to take care of the house and property. I'll do as much as I can to make this easier on you."

"Yeah, okay," Jake said, mostly from reflex. Someone promised favors, you said thank you; it was more muscle memory. But this was different, something wasn't sitting right. "What?" he asked, trying to engage his brain instead of floating on the cloud of not feeling.

"What, what? I mean, I know it's early and all, but it's going to take planning. I'm sorry, I'm pushing, we can talk about it when you get--"

"What planning? What're you talking about?" Jake sat up and opened his eyes, heard the door open and Elias' familiar step in the hall.

Silence stretched out like a winding road. "She didn't tell you," Cath said softly. "Oh, God."

"Tell me what?" Jake could feel himself start to twitch and fought down the urge to yell. He could 11

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sense Elias behind him, and could hear Tor coming down the stairs. He held up a hand, for no rea-

son other than it seemed like a good idea to grab Tor's attention.

"Jake, listen to me. You're listening?"

"Yes."

"I know this 'cause I'm the executor of 'Lissa's will. You knew that?"

"Yeah." No, he hadn't, but it didn't matter. She was executor of his will, too, it made sense. She was the smart one.

"When you and Tor bought the ranch and settled down, 'Lissa changed her will. She changed

guardianship of Jacob from me over to you. She thought that it was a better atmosphere--a nice

place in the country, two parents who would be there instead of one who works twelve-hour days

and travels one week out of four. A better life for Jacob if anything… anything happened to her."

Cath choked out the last words and Jake turned his head to stare at Tor, who was looking back with

huge questions in his eyes, and Elias, who was leaning on the wall like he wanted to melt into it.

"She didn't tell me," Jake said quietly. "I'll have to talk to Tor."

"Yeah. Yeah, okay. I mean, I can take him if you want, I just thought you knew, and now I don't

know if it's legal or what'll happen--"

"Cath, it'll be okay." He had no idea if it would be. "We'll sort it. Whatever is best for Jacob, that's what'll happen."

"Okay, Jake." She sounded so small and tired that Jake had a sudden memory of her as she'd been just before he'd left home. She'd been so small, playing in the mud in the backyard. She'd looked at

him as he'd stormed out of the house that last day, him all of sixteen and her eight years younger,

and she'd looked so serious, like she knew he wasn't coming back. "Okay."

Jake looked at Tor, held his uncertain gaze and nodded firmly. "We'll be there as soon as we can

be; don't meet us at the airport. You'll be at 'Lissa's?"

"Um, yeah. I have to start the arrangements and Jacob will be there. I gotta make more calls, pick him up from the hospital."

"All right. We'll go there. Tell Jacob we'll be there as soon as we can. And Cath? We'll figure it out."

"Okay. I love you, Jake."

"I love you, too. See you soon." He hung up the phone carefully, like it might shatter, and stood to face Tor. "'Lissa made us Jacob's guardians."

A muscle in Tor's jaw twitched, but he nodded. "We'll figure it out."

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"Jake?" Tor's voice was soft, barely loud enough to be heard over the sound of the truck's engine.

Low enough for Jake to pretend he hadn't heard if he wanted to continue his silence.

Jake kept looking out the window and wondered idly where they were, how close they were to the

airport. It was the first non-family thought he'd had in almost two hours. "I wish she'd said something," he said quietly. "Just… anything. What do we know about raising kids? Being an uncle is one thing, taking them in is another." He turned his head suddenly and pointed an accusing finger

at Tor. "And don't you dare say something about the hard part being over, and at least we don't

have to deal with diapers, 'cause that's shit, and you know it."

Tor gave him a mild look and nodded. "Wasn't going there. Promise. I know this is going to be

rough."

Jake narrowed his eyes and searched Tor's face for reluctance, resistance, for something to fight

against, and found only the usual strength and weather-etched lines. He sighed and closed his eyes,

his head rolling back against the seat. "I can't believe she didn't say anything."

"Jake, it was a safety measure. I doubt people make these arrangements ever expecting them to take effect. She probably thought that when Jacob was out on his own, or seventeen or whatever, she

could just take the clause out. You know? And maybe she was going to tell us, ask us, when they

were here, after she'd seen the place."

Jake sighed. "Yeah, I know. It's just… fuck. What do we know about teenage boys? Lord, between

the two of us we're gonna screw this kid up so bad."

"Nah." Tor's objection was lazy and calm. "It'll be better than anything you had, better than me, with my dad just going. Think about it--we live on the same land that got you turned around. It's a

good place to grow up. Same school Missy went to, people around us that we respect."

Jake opened his eyes and took another long look at Tor. "You want this. You never once said any-

thing about kids."

Tor shrugged. "Didn't want kids. But this isn't the same. It's taking family in and making sure he's safe and grows up with his head screwed on right."

"But what about us?" Jake blurted, color rising on his face from shame about his selfishness. "What about you and me and the ranch? What about when you're off at auction and I'm riding fence? What

about sex, for fuck's sake?"

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Tor looked like he was going to smile, but he stopped just in time. "Take him on the fence with

you. The ranch will be fine. You and me will be fine--even if we don't make out on the kitchen

floor anymore. I can still drag your ass out to the barn in the middle of the night so you can scream.

The rest will be the same; morning, noon, and at night, in our bed."

Jake just shook his head. "When did you become the stable one and the voice of reason?"