Mid-Life Crisis Diaries (8 page)

C H A P T E R  13

O
nce they were back at the condo, Marsha left to unlock the door while Andre took care of something in the trunk of his car. He was rifling through a wicker tote bag in the back somewhere and had motioned for Marsha to go ahead and let herself in. She set her new bags gingerly on the bed, and smiled at the little indention they made in the comforter. The whole place was already beginning to feel more like home than like vacation. Not that she would ever live in this condominium…but she was beginning to view her entire life as something that she could alter if she wanted to. And that thought was incredibly freeing. There was nothing saying that she couldn’t just stay in Mexico forever and never go back to work. Perhaps she could stay here, write a book or two to live off the royalties, and create an online web presence for herself just like Dr. Lee had done. She could even find a way to work
with
the woman…though Marsha didn’t want to entertain that thought just yet. She just loved knowing that the possibilities were, for the first time in her life, endless.

Andre waltzed through the door she’d left open, and clicked it shut behind him. He had his swimsuit in his hand. “I keep a spare in the car,” he grinned.

“Well it
is
Puerto Vallarta.” Marsha shrugged. “I would, too.”

They changed quickly, Marsha in the bathroom and Andre in the living space. Somehow, she didn’t feel the need to say any warnings of
I’ll knock three times before I come out in case you’re not ready
. She felt comfortable knowing that he was a grown man, and could fend for himself in the presence of a lady.

Comfortably in her swimsuit, not checking to make sure that everything was as it should be, and instead trusting that the world was as it should be, she went to find Andre. Marsha found him in the spare bedroom, a room that Marsha hadn’t even ventured to, yet. He smiled at her when she walked in, and when he turned she saw that he had the paper sack full of necklaces sitting on top of the large dresser near the wall. He was pulling them out one by one and stringing them carefully into a large jewelry box he’d found.

“Pretty, right? It’s perfect. And you’ll be here a month, so you might as well.”

Marsha walked up next to him and stood quietly, running her fingers along the length of the beaded necklaces he’d already hung on little gold hooks. “They look lovely in here.”

“They look lovely on
you
.”

Marsha felt her cheeks flush. She finished taking the remaining necklaces out of the bag for him and handed him each one. Then he took her by the hand and they walked to the beach. The sun would be setting within the hour, so Marsha settled herself for a short swim to relax and Andre looked as if he had the same idea. They walked slowly into the water, holding hands, and then went their separate ways. Marsha automatically, and without feeling like it was a fault, swam away from him and floated on her back for a while.

Andre also swam alone, relaxing in the evening sun. It was a perfect half hour of swimming, each of them dipping under the water and soaking in the silence, finding comfort in the fact that the other one was there. Eventually, they made their way toward each other and floated side by side for a while before anyone spoke. The small crowd that had gathered on the beach slowly rolled up their beach towels and gathered their sand buckets and began the trek back to where they had come from. But Andre and Marsha stayed, floating side by side in silence, until the place had nearly emptied.

“What made you first fall in love with Blake, Marsha?” Andre was looking up at the sky that was only just beginning to change colors. “You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to, but I was just wondering. What does it take to get a woman like you to fall in love with someone?”

Marsha laughed and swished her arms through the water. She closed her eyes and concentrated on how the water felt, flowing over the skin on her arms, and imagined that she was lying on the most amazing therapy couch in the world. Digging back through more than twenty years of marriage, she revisited the time when they were young, and a pang of sadness swept through her chest.

“A younger version of myself, thank you. And who of us weren’t stupid when we were young?”

“Hey now,” Andre said. “I resent that.”

Marsha dipped her forehead back into the water a bit and laughed. “I didn’t mean you, of course! I forget that you’re young. My apologies. I was stupid, let’s put it that way. I was stupidly in love in the best way possible.” She breathed slowly and closed her eyes again. “The kind of love where nothing is like real life, but everything sure seems like it is. You think you’re an adult at nineteen, and that the world is your oyster. Really, though, you don’t recognize that the world doesn’t revolve around you. You don’t realize what you’re getting yourself into when you choose a partner. You think it’s all about looks, and how the person makes you feel. What I forgot to do, Andre, when I was young….was to make myself a whole person
before
I fell in love. I got married very young, after dating Blake for two years. When you date someone for two years as an almost twenty year old, you assume that you know everything there is to know about relationships.”

Andre acknowledged her story with a gentle
m-hmm
.

“What I wouldn’t even admit to myself for the longest time was that I fell in love with Blake’s looks, first. He was the handsomest thing I’d ever laid my eyes on, and I still feel that way about him.” Marsha knew Andre wouldn’t find any insult in the comment, so she continued without assuming that she’d just hurt his feelings.

“Amazingly, I’m still attracted to him. Even now. I think he’s beautiful. He just lost his way somewhere in the last twenty five years…he lost most of that spark that I fell in love with second.”

“Spark?” Andre asked, splashing his feet.

“Oh yes. The man had a spark. I can’t quite describe it properly. It was like a drive, an amazing motivation, I guess you’d say.” Marsha righted herself in the water and looked toward Andre, running her fingers through her hair to clear it from her face. “Actually, he kind of reminds me of you.”

Andre pulled himself upright as well and turned toward her, closing the distance between them a little but still giving her adequate space to feel out the rest of her story.

“Blake was a very driven young man. He knew what he wanted, and often wanted several different things at once. Kind of a serial entrepreneur, but in a day job mentality. Does that make sense?”

Andre shook his head lightly.

“Well, he wanted to run an all natural dog food company once. But when he couldn’t find one that would let him come in as a manager, he gave up on it. He was twenty, mind you, and had no business running
anything
until he had life experience. But it was like he just couldn’t grab a hold of life fast enough. Whatever it was he wanted to do, he wanted to be the top dog and do
all
of it. Right then.” Marsha looked up at the sky, the yellows more evident now, and considered cutting her story short. She figured, though, that this was exactly part of the therapy Dr. Lee was hoping for, so she continued. “Nothing was good enough for him, eventually not even me. But at the very beginning, it was very intoxicating to be around someone who always wanted to move forward. It wasn’t my personality to think like that…as I always wanted to do things in the right order, if you will. But for him, it was always leap first, look later. And I thought that since opposites usually attract, he was the one for me. And I dove head first into loving his late night brainstorming sessions while we were dating, and his last minute trips to La Jolla to walk the beach or our thrice-weekly coney runs. He was just…fun. He had plenty of money, we both held down whatever jobs we could find, though Blake was never happy with his until he started moving up in the corporate world.” Marsha stopped, wondering how long it had been since they’d left late at night to run and get coneys. If she mentioned it to him now, Blake would probably laugh and insist that they make reservations somewhere nice.

After a generous minute or two, Andre broke the silence. “So do you ever think it’s strange…that he was the one with all the big ideas, and you were the worrier that needed to do things in the right order? Which to me, means you would have the more stable, less creative job. And it turns out, that he has the boring job now, and you’re the creative type that kind of made your own job? I mean, to me, that’s really interesting. You rely on only yourself to make your living. And from what I’ve seen on the internet…”

Marsha stopped him by cocking her head to the side with a strange look.

“Yes, I’ve stalked you. Are you happy?” He grinned and splashed water toward her. “Anyway, it really strikes me as interesting that you have the fun job that you made up for yourself. You’re your own boss. That’s pretty fun.”

“Yeah, I guess you’re right. Even if I did have a stick up my butt about it the last ten years or so.”

Andre didn’t laugh. Which surprised her a bit, she just assumed he would. She’d meant it as a joke, but there was a lot of truth in it. Marsha had started her love guru business on a whim, and because her natural instinct was to be practical about everything, she weighed every option and assessed every risk before she even put anything on paper for a business plan. She worked from the ground up, using no debt to start her business, and when she was explaining as much to Andre, a huge grin spread across his face.

“Do you still love it, though? I don’t mean right this minute, but before he dropped the bomb. Did you love it then?”

“No.”

Andre pulled his head back quickly, truly surprised at her answer.

“What? Did I leave you speechless? I didn’t love it.” She shrugged her shoulders and swam closer to him. “For a long time now, I can’t even remember how long, I’ve been pulling away from Blake and my own marriage, and diving headfirst into my customers and their issues. I have a high success rate with my twelve-step program—”

“I know,” Andre said. “Stalker, remember? Only since last week, though. Nothing serious.” He winked at her and they both swam toward the beach. When they got almost to shore, they turned and sat with their bodies in the water, leaning on their arms and looking out over the beautiful sea.

“So I threw myself into my work. And I’m sure you’ve figured out, since you’re very good at reading people…what I do actually isn’t that difficult. There’s nothing new under the sun, right? People problems are all the same. It’s just that they’re experiencing them for the first time, and I’ve seen them all repeatedly. I know what they look like when they’re creeping up, I know what they appear to be when they’re fixing to be exposed, and I know how to clean them up afterward.” She dug her fingertips into the sand under the water. “Except for when it’s about me.”

The two of them sat there for a while in silence, never looking at each other. With arms stretched out behind them so they would have something to lean on, Andre inched his hand closer to hers and rested his palm on her wrist. The human touch during that moment pricked Marsha’s heart, and tears fell from her eyes.

Andre leaned over and kissed her wet cheek. “Let’s go get some dinner.”

C H A P T E R  14

O
nce they got back to the condo to change, the mood had shifted between them. There was more of a somber feeling in the air than had been to that point, and Marsha couldn’t tell if it bothered her or not. Andre was quieter than normal, but his smiles on the way back to the room let her know there was nothing to fear in the way of over-stepped boundaries, which eased her nerves. It had hurt a bit to share with him about Blake, because it reminded her that she did once love him very much. She saw in him things that she wished she saw in herself: a love of life, a sense of adventure, a constant pursuing of things ahead. She had grown accustomed to settling in to life, and making sure that money flowed in and bills were paid, and she knew she’d lost the zeal she felt when she was younger. But didn’t everyone do that? That was normal, right?

Marsha let herself in to the room and rummaged through her suitcase for something to wear to dinner. “There’s pineapple in the fridge, all ready to eat, if you want a snack before we go. I’ll just take a quick shower.”

Andre nodded and gathered his clothes from where he’d laid them on the bed, heading toward the spare bedroom to take a shower. When Marsha emerged from the bathroom, she was wearing a tank top with no bra underneath, just as she’d seen Dr. Lee do. Her new skirt was wrapped around her waist, lower than she had worn anything in years, but still appropriate for her age. Only lipstick graced her face in place of full makeup. Andre was perched against the kitchen counter, eating the pineapple. She smiled at him, remembering her time enjoying the fruit on the back patio.

“You look beautiful,” he told her, walking over to stand in front of her. He perched a large piece of pineapple on the end of the fork and held it to her mouth. When she opened it to take a bite, he rubbed it on her lips before sliding it into her mouth. The sensation, coupled with the look on his face, sent shivers down her stomach in a way that she hadn’t felt in years. He looked pleased, and watched her chew through a hard, girlish grin. She was sure she felt her cheeks flush, and she swallowed the fruit awkwardly before taking a step back.

“One more before we go?” Andre asked, pushing a piece of pineapple around inside the bowl.

He stepped closer to her, placing one of his gorgeous feet between hers, and held out another piece. Her neck grew warm and her thighs tightened a bit, though she hoped he wouldn’t notice. Marsha was pretty sure the gentleman in front of her could have anyone he wanted, and he surely wouldn’t want her in that way. But she opened her mouth just the same, pushing her tongue forward to cover her bottom teeth.

“Close your eyes,” he said softly.

Without thinking, she did. He touched the fruit to her top lip, and traced around her mouth with it, running it back and forth over the tip of her tongue. Before he allowed her to grasp it, Marsha felt his warm breath on her neck and she let out a quick breath accidentally. Gently, Andre ran his lips down her neck as he slid the fruit into her mouth. Instantly, while she chewed, her ears started ringing and the hairs on her arms stood up. Just the simple touch felt so amazing, and she kicked herself for not putting herself in a position to feel it every day.

He lingered there, on her neck, tracing it lightly with his mouth and breathing easily on her skin. When she swallowed, he backed away and touched the tip of her nose with his finger, still holding the fork. His smile was that of pure pleasure.

“I’m so happy to be able to make someone feel like that. Thank you.” Andre pulled the plastic wrap over the bowl and slid it back into the fridge. Only he could make something so amazing seem like such a beautiful gesture between souls.

“Thank
you
,” she answered back. Not sure of how to respond properly.

“One more thing.” Andre disappeared and returned with a necklace. He put his hands on her shoulders and spun her away from him, fastening it around her neck.

“Let’s go get some dinner and maybe we can have dessert when we get back.”

Without giving herself one moment to consider what such an attractive, forward, confident young man could possibly mean by that, she grabbed her purse and followed him out the door. Again, he locked it behind her and touched the small of her back on the way down the path. Only this time, her skin was on fire, though she hoped he wouldn’t notice.

When they pulled up to the restaurant, it was nearly dark out. Marsha worried that they would have to eat in a hurry, but once she saw where they would be eating, she decided not to care. It was the most beautiful place she’d ever seen.
La Palapa
, the sign said. When the host showed them to a table, Marsha could hardly take her eyes off the place. There were linen tablecloths on every table, sturdy wooden chairs with sweet little cushions tied to them, and the lighting in the whole place looked like something out of a fine cuisine magazine. Everything was a creamy white, golden, or a reddish wood color. It oozed romance and comfort, and Marsha never wanted to leave.

“Have you been here before?”

“Oh yes, their
pay de coco y canela
is a real treat. We’ll get it for dessert if you like.” He eyed her as he laid his napkin in his lap. “Or perhaps we’ll find something when we get back.”

Marsha tucked a stray hair behind her ear and rubbed her earlobe, suddenly finding incredible interest in looking at the menu. Focusing on her breathing was easier said than done, but she managed to get it together while skimming through the items. With the mix of Spanish and English on the menu, it took her a few minutes to decide what she wanted, but she finally settled on the tuna. Once they had ordered, Andre rattled off a wine selection, which the waiter left to retrieve.

While he was gone, a couple that was seated a few tables away from them had ordered something that was on fire. Andre informed her that it was their flaming coffee show, and they watched as a man expertly poured flaming liquid from one silver container to another, and then into a clear goblet. The whole waterfall of liquid was on fire, landing perfectly where it was intended, met with a round of applause from the table it was presented to. Marsha’s eyes must have been bigger than she’d imagined, because Andre’s smile was wider than she’d ever seen it.

“You like it?”

“I do.” She smiled. “I don’t know why. I’ve eaten at plenty of fine restaurants, but the little touches like that just always bring out the little kid in me. I love it!” She joined in the last bit of applause before bending down to reach inside her purse.

“So you often eat at places like this in the states, then?” Andre asked as she placed her phone in her lap.

“Well, they’re not this relaxing, to be honest. But I think that says more about the company I’m with than the place itself.” She stopped herself and put her forearm on the table, stroking her water glass. “I don’t mean to sound like things were always terrible, you know. I’m not meaning to do that.” Her frown shortly interrupted by the waiter filling their wine glasses, she smiled and nodded in silence until he was gone. “I just mean that we drifted apart, is all. You asked how things were when we were first together, and when we walked in to this restaurant tonight, I was reminded of something. Blake loved to make everything into an occasion. Birthdays, promotions…of which there have been plenty…meeting a deadline, everything is a cause for a celebration. That meant dinner at places like this, with wow moments like that fire-y coffee.” She smiled again, watching the couple enjoy their treat a few tables across from them. “Blake would always order for me, which I find endearing. It made me feel like I was in high school and my boyfriend was ordering my food. Dumb, probably, but I liked it. Over time, he knew what I liked, and I enjoyed letting him order it. He used to love ordering me things I’d never tried before and then waiting to see if I liked them or not. And since money wasn’t usually an issue, if I hated it we would just laugh about it and order something else. Or he would share his food and we would double up on dessert.”

Andre nodded and sipped his wine, never breaking eye contact with her.

“But eventually, I had to start creating reasons to celebrate, because the dinner table conversation became less and less interesting and we stopped going just for fun. If I didn’t have a milestone to celebrate, we would end up not talking at all. He would check his phone or answer work emails, and I would do the same. Or at least pretend to. Truthfully, I missed him ordering for me and feeding me from across the table.” Marsha adjusted her skirt under her legs and smiled. “One of my favorite things that he would do was sit right next to me. He, or the waiter, would pull my chair out first…and then Blake would take the chair next to mine.” She laughed. “The waiters always stared at him like he’d made a mistake, and he loved that. He used to say he wanted to sit by his best girl, and that it was harder to share food when we were so far apart.”

A long silence gave her time enough to take a few swigs of wine and watch Andre’s face for a response.

“That’s really sweet,” he finally said. Nothing he ever did was in a hurry, and his response to her story was no different. “It reminds me,” he said. “When Layla and I first started actually dating, you know when we made if official, I would always put one of my feet up on her chair, and she would rest her hand on it. Sometimes she would play with my ankle while we talked, and if she was in a playful mood she would reach under and tickle the back of my knee. As you said, it sounds ridiculous, but she could be fun. And I appreciated that. The ability to tickle me and make me bang my knee on the underside of the table, and then
laugh at me
! Well, that was something I loved.”

They both sighed and Andre reached his hand across the table. Marsha placed hers inside of it and he stroked the back of her wrist with his fingers. When their appetizer arrived, Marsha felt the pang of regret, not sharing this beautiful meal with her husband, and her appetite waned. Even though Blake was not there
by his own choice,
it still hurt that she wouldn’t be able to share the memory with him even if they did get back together. She looked down in her lap and clicked the button on the side of her phone, waiting for it to turn on.