Midnight (McKenna Chronicles Book 1) (40 page)

Later
in the evening Colin and I walk to a small restaurant on the beach, my hand
held tightly in his. The entire dining area is completely open, the ocean
expanding before us with only pristine white sand hovering between the
two. 

The
dining area is a tall pavilion open on all three sides, the ceiling providing
protection from rain, but otherwise allowing guests to enjoy the beautiful
seaside weather. A soft breeze floats in off of the bay. There's a beautiful
view of the sun as it readies to set, almost touching the horizon line in the
distance.

I
wonder if Colin called in advance because we’re immediately seated in a prime
spot, greeted, and our drinks ordered in less than a minute as the restaurant
quiets.

The
sky is cast in blurred layers of orange and pink. The sun sinks lower, the
colors brightening to an unbelievable clarity, heat shimmering from the sphere
as if the ocean is affecting its flame. Colin’s fingers find mine on the table,
his thumb strumming my knuckles. I couldn’t possibly wish for anything more.

Soon
the only thing remaining is the leftover painter’s palette in the clear sky and
the seagulls flying over the water in the distance. Our drinks are delivered
and Colin removes his hand from mine as he orders our food.

“A
platter?” My nose scrunches automatically assuming it must contain something
unworthy of consumption.

Laughing,
he nods. “Yes a platter of goodness. You’ll like it.”

Not
convinced, I take a sip of my beer.

“Tell
me more about your family. Your parents are lovely.”

He
looks like he’s contemplating his answer, maybe where to begin. “My dad fell in
love with my mom when he was in the sixth grade, his first year of middle
school. My mom despised him.” He smiles, lifting the bottle to his lips. “She
was horrified when he followed her around like a lost puppy; it wasn’t very
good for her image.” His smile deepens.

“When
did she realize she loved him?” I ask, intrigued.

“Not
until high school. They had found a companionable friendship through middle
school. She learned to put up with his incessant pledges of love.”

 “That's
so sweet.”

“Not
to the president of the student council who only had eyes for the captain of
the football team. My dad was a mess until freshman year when Mom finally gave
in and went on a date with him. They’ve been together ever since.”

“How
old were they when they got married?”

“My
mom made him wait until they graduated from college. They had me a year after
they got married, my sister five years later.”

“Are
you close to Ryanne?”

“About
as close as you can be to a little twerp who ruined a perfectly good G.I. Joe
when she married him off to her Beach Barbie.” He laughs at the memory.
“Ryanne’s wonderful. I only had to beat up two of her boyfriends. The other one
is marrying her, so I can’t complain.” His face shows the pride he feels for
her.

“What
does she do?”  

“So
full of questions today, Charlie,” he says with his trademark sexy-ass smirk.

“I’m
just curious about you.” I tilt my head shyly, distracted by the T-shirt
clinging to his chest.

“I
don’t mind.” Linking our hands again, he threads his fingers through mine. My
body sings at the connection.

“Ryanne
went to Boston College; she’s a Nurse Practitioner now at Massachusetts
General. That’s where she met her fiancée, Brett. He’s an orthopedic surgeon.”

“She
works with him?”

He
laughs again. “No, he did my dad’s knee replacement.”

“Love
at first joint.” I giggle at my silly joke.

“Yes,
I guess that’s how it happened for them.” His face loses some of the levity.

“How
did it happen for you and Abby?”

“Charlie.”
His tone holds an ounce of warning.

“I’d
like to know. You never talk about her.”

“I’ve
told you I don’t like to.”

I
can tell he’s getting frustrated. “I’m trying to understand, Colin. Learn more
about you.”

He
looks out toward the water, our fingers lazily rolling together. “Did you love
Abby immediately? Was it love at first sight for you, too?”

“She
was beautiful,” he whispers as he watches the birds flying in the distance. “I
suppose I fell for her quickly. I wanted to be in love, to have someone with
me.”

“You
wanted a family?”

His
eyes remain disconnected. “Yes, very much. I grew up with such a strong sense
of family; I wanted to have the same for myself.”

“So
you had a baby?” I watch him carefully, looking for his reaction and it comes
in waves crashing in on him, much like the ocean. At first there is anger, then
shock intermingled with the distant draw of his eyes when the sadness and pain
grip him.  

Colin
releases my hand, winding his around his beer bottle. He toys with the paper
label and then takes a long drag, all the while looking at the simmering
sky-looking anywhere but at me. After a few minutes, he says, “I won’t discuss
that topic. Don’t ask me again.”

“I
didn’t mean to upset you . . .” I don’t know what else to say. I didn’t realize
he would withdraw so thoroughly, that this topic would induce such a tragic
reaction.

The
silence stretching between us becomes uncomfortable, more so than I’ve ever felt
with him before. It’s a relief when he continues, even though his anger is
palpable. “I’ve told you before Abby isn’t an easy topic for me. The child is
absolutely something I will not discuss. I can’t make it more clear than this,
Charlie.” His eyes are emotionless seas, completely blank and I gasp at the
dark void.

He
stares for moments, remaining silent and distant; his reaction reminds me of
the first night we were together. Colin has an emotional limit, a wall built to
protect him. I drive him against it, and when I do he pushes away from me. My
heart falls to my knees. I suppose we’re meant for each other. Two fucked up
souls mucking through the waters together.

“I’m
sorry,” he whispers finally. “I’ll tell you someday, I will.” He takes a deep
breath. “But not right now. I’m not ready.”

I
nod. “I’m sorry too. I didn’t realize how hurtful the topic is for you.”

“It’s
something I try not to think about.”

“Maybe
you need to confront the demons that haunt you.” I grab for his hand again and
squeeze it. “I’ll help you get through it.”

He
rolls his fingers through mine, gazing at our joined hands. “It’s not that
easy. It’s too painful.” He cringes before continuing. “In one moment, the
future I thought belonged to me was destroyed. I’ve spent years moving beyond
it and you’re asking me to relive it.”

“I
am. It may be the only way to truly move beyond it; deal with the past so you
can have a future free of the pain.”
So you can have a future with me.
Oh shit. That’s really what I want, isn’t it? I want him to heal so he can have
a future with me. “I had to do it. After I was raped I shut down, I could
barely even speak to Ali about it.”

Colin’s
face hardens. He doesn’t like to hear me talk about Shane Roberts.

“For
a long time after I came to the Carters’, I chose to ignore what happened. If I
thought about it, I would push the memories away, try to focus on anything but
that. It didn’t work.” My voice is soft but imploring. “All of the fear, pain
and anger were channeled into another outlet. Usually self-deprecating—I never
felt worthy of anything, certainly not love. I couldn’t love myself; how could
I let anyone else love me? I pushed away everyone except Ali.” Even now it’s
hard to remember the pain I saw on my parents’ faces and their struggle to help
me. Colin is stoic as I share with him another piece of my puzzle.

“After
a few months, my mom found a counselor I was comfortable with. I had to relive
it all, eventually. I told her my story, everything: all of the horrible
details, including how it made me feel, then and at the time of the telling. It
helped; it certainly wasn’t a cure, but it allowed me to start over. A new
beginning, so to speak. I could start to let Shane Roberts stay in my past so
he didn’t prevent me from having some sort of a future. That was another
turning point in my life, and I’ve had a few.” I lift my lips into a small, wry
smile. “There’s something cathartic in talking about the pain. Let it out of
your heart, Colin, so it doesn’t cripple you.” I can hear the plea in my voice
and I think he can too.

He
contemplates an answer before responding. “Are you going to be my counselor,
Charlie?” His lips turn up into a wry smile of his own. “Lay me down on a couch
and ask me questions?”

I
know he’s lightening the mood and directing it away from what he really needs
to talk about and I let him. “There are lots of things I’d like to lay you down
on, but asking you questions isn’t what I had in mind.” I’m able to keep the
serious look on my face when I say it.

He
laughs, a good cathartic laugh telling me he’s coming back. Just as Colin is
about to respond the platter of steaming food arrives, along with two plates,
handy wipes and a bib for those that are exceptionally messy. Colin teasingly
holds the bib out mid-table, inferring I need to protect my dress from myself.

“Your
dress is beautiful. You may want to take precautions to save it from sure death
by barbeque sauce.” He winks.

I
shake my head to decline his gesture, but snatch the bib from his hands just in
case it becomes a necessary accessory.

Quickly,
Colin reviews our gourmet meal. “Chicken wings, shrimp, scallops and
slow-cooked ribs, homemade coleslaw, corn on the cob and warm bread.”

“Holy
moly.” My eyes widen. “How in the world is it possible to eat all of this?”

“We
only need to try, Charlie.” He smiles and hands me a plate.

We
work through the food slowly, his appetite bigger than mine. It really is
delicious. Licking the sauce from my fingers after finishing a wing, we’re
interrupted by a tall man in a cowboy hat.

“Senator
McKenna?” he says with an eager grin. He holds his hand out, and Colin shakes
it with natural grace.

“I’m
Billy Adkins. It sure is a pleasure to have you here at my place. How is
everything?” His eyes sweep to me, and then widen as he stares.

“It’s
very good, thank you,” Colin replies.

“Uhh,
Senator, I’d like to get a picture with you if you wouldn’t mind. We keep a
wall of photos over there by the entrance and I’d be real honored if I could
get one of you.”  He's hesitant, nervous that Colin will decline his
invitation.

Colin
smiles graciously. “Sure.” I can’t tell if underneath the cool façade he’s
upset at the intrusion, but if he is Billy has no idea.

“Would
ya like to have your gal, here, in the picture too?” Billy asks hopefully.

Shaking
my head vehemently, I mouth the word
no
to Colin. But he just throws a
sexy ass smirk my way. “Charlie would love to join us.”

I
glare at him in mock anger as he takes my hand, pulling me from my stool. The
three of us pose in front of the darkening sky, the hanging string of lights
the only glow other than the flash. Colin’s hand rests on my lower back, Billy
on the other side of him with a huge grin plastered on his face.

Shaking
Colin’s hand, he thanks him profusely. “Dinner’s on me, Senator McKenna. I just
want to tell you that you have my vote, and my wife’s too. Wait till I tell her
you were here. She won’t believe me. Thank goodness I have the picture to prove
it.”

“Thank
you for dinner. That’s very kind of you.”

“Enjoy
the rest of your night.” Billy smiles before turning to leave.

“Does
this happen a lot?” I ask out of curiosity. The interruption didn’t bother me,
but somehow I feel as if Colin is apprehensive about it.

“Sometimes.”
His response sounds remorseful.

“Comes
along with saving the country,” I tease, trying to find my rhythm with him
again.

“I
suppose that’s true.” His mouth remains downturned.

“Why
are you upset?” I can tell he’s holding something back and I can’t tell what it
is. When he hesitates, I prompt him. “Tell me.”  I reach across the table
to squeeze his hand.

His
eyes are glued on our entwined fingers, running his thumb along my knuckles,
taking a few moments to begin. “I wasn’t sure how you would react to the
interruption, the intrusion to your privacy.” Flicking his gaze to mine, I wait
in silence for him to continue.

Finally
ready to share his thoughts, he sighs, rushing the words in a state of complete
and utter bewilderment. “I wanted you in the picture with me, but I’m not sure
how I feel about that.”

I
don’t know if I should laugh at his dazed expression and confession or cry
because it pains him to want me next to him. I answer the easy question first
and save the hard one for later.

“I
didn’t consider it an intrusion or an invasion of my privacy, Colin. I’ve been
around you enough to know many, many people support you and want you to know
it. I’m proud of that and proud of you. Your ability to elicit this kind of
response from so many, all because of your integrity and pure genius, amazes
me.”

Colin
looks deeply into my eyes. I can tell he's still reeling from his desire to be
with me.

“Why
does it hurt you so much to want me with you?” My voice is low, faltering on
the last few words.

He
flinches ever so slightly. “Charlie, it doesn’t have anything to do with you.”

“Don’t
you dare tell me
it’s not you, it’s me.
I’m trying to understand, Colin,
but you don’t share anything about Abby or why you feel this way.” He’s so damn
frustrating, so I rip my hand from his and hide it in my lap and lean away. By
the sound of his sharp inhale I'd say that got his attention. Our eyes lock and
we watch each other wearily for minutes in an unspoken standoff. I don’t want
to have to beg him for information.