Midnight Secrets (26 page)

Chapter Thirteen

I chose his bed and he knelt before me, his gaze burning through my clothes. “I offer all that I am and all that I have to you.”

Sliding my fingers from his, I cupped his cheek in my hand, feeling the rough texture of his evening beard, absorbing the warmth of his skin. “I fell in love with you the moment I saw your picture. I cannot deny you.”

He surged to his feet, sweeping me into his arms. “You’re mine. No excuses this time.” As before, he carried me swiftly down the short corridor to his bedchamber, but this time he set me gently upon his bed. Leaning down, he set his lips on mine. Reverently at first, then more demanding as the heady desire between us ignited and flamed to a scorching fire of need.

I pressed to him, wanting more, restless for things I’d never known. Groaning, he pulled at my buttons, impatiently pushing aside the rough wool to expose the wispy chemise that covered my breasts.

Sitting back, he gazed down at me, running his finger across my lips, down my neck, then splayed his hand against my chest. I felt branded by the heat of his touch and the potency of his gaze. “You are so beautiful. I must see all of you now.”

I groaned. My desire pulsed so hotly within me that I had to be afire.

The tiny pearl buttons of my chemise flew as he ripped open the delicate cotton and—

“Cassie! Wake up.”

“What?” I reared up, blinking in confusion in the dark. “What’s wrong?”

“Ack, that’s what I was going to ask you. You’re moaning in your sleep as if you were burning alive. Do you have a fever?” Bridget sat on the edge of my cot.

Gathering my wits, I realized where I was. My room. My bed. I hadn’t taken Sean up on his challenge. I’d chosen the stairs rather than his bed, but I had dreamed otherwise.

I grabbed Bridget’s arm, awed. “I had a dream again!” I’d counted the one of Sean as a vampire a fluke. Now that I’d dreamed of him twice, I felt this warming sense of being normal for the first time in my life. Well, as normal as a woman could feel, having dreamt of being ravished!

“Must have been a bad one.”

“Oh, no. It was, well, wonderful.” And Good heavens, so utterly scandalous that I could barely think straight. I knew my cheeks had to be scarlet, perhaps permanently so.
 

Bridget laughed. “You dreamed about the Killdaren, didn’t you.”

“No, I…yes. Have you ever done that? Dream about a…well…”

“A man and all those things you think aren’t proper to talk or think about?” She sighed. “Nearly every night since coming here.”

“Three years? You’ve been dreaming about Stuart that long?”

“Who said anything about Stuart?” She sounded irritated as she stood and moved back to her own cot. “We’d better sleep more now. The sun’s going to be rising soon.”

I wasn’t about to let Bridget escape my question so easily. “Then is it Mr. Killdaren, or any of the other men?”

She sounded as if she hit her pillow a couple of times. “No. It’s Stuart. And you can just wipe that grin off your face. Even if I can’t exactly see it, I know it’s there.”

Smiling, I laid back down. “Why are you so prickly to him?”

“He has this education and all. What would he want with me besides getting beneath my skirt? One of these days he’s going to go back to the city and he’d leave me behind, so it’s better I don’t like him at all than to be left with a broken heart. Now let’s get back to sleep.” She yawned, though I thought it a pretense to end our conversation rather than sleepiness.

Once comfortable on the cot, my mind drifted back over last night and the choice Sean had issued in an almost pain-filled voice. “My bed or the stairs, Cassie?”

It had taken every fiber of my being to choose the stairs. How could he be so attracted to a woman as simple as myself, a woman he thought to be a downstairs maid! How I could ache so deeply for him? Inside, I was still poised on that moment of wanting to forsake everything just to be with him, do anything to soothe my burning and to ease his pain. Marriage between us was out of the question.

What man would marry a woman who dreamed of other people’s death? Then there was the matter of my station in life. Though not the immediate heir to an earldom, if Sean did marry, he would need to marry a woman far above me, a woman with a dowry worthy of the Killdaren’s wealth.

There were some proprieties in society that were unchangeable, and status was one that few ever broke free from. Besides position, there was Sean’s belief in the curse itself. Though I gave little countenance to it, for I truly thought curses in the same realm as vampires and fairies, I knew Sean didn’t take the curse as lightly.

He believed, and as long as he did, it would stand in his way of ever having a future.

Even so, all of me wanted to experience those things with Sean Killdaren that were utterly improper for an unmarried woman to think about, much less want with every beat of her heart. He was like a dark prince from a strange world that I couldn’t resist, and didn’t want to either.

I woke early, my eyes scratchy from the lack of sleep. My body protested, wanting more rest, but I knew that if I didn’t at least try and read one of Mary’s letters this morning before Bridget woke, I wouldn’t be able to until late that night. Even then, so much of me hoped there would be another invitation for stargazing in my pillow case.

Pulling out the box, I found Mary’s letters weren’t organized at all. It would have taken too long to put them in chronological order this morning, so I closed my eyes and pulled one out. Opening it, I first noted the date. Almost seven months ago. January of this year.

Dear Mother,

As much as I long for your company, and the comfort of your smile, I know that my decision to come to Rebecca a right one. She’s a bright child that I hope one day will gain the confidence to live beyond the walls of her room. I’ve hesitated to write of the others here at the castle except to give you brief captions of them, but even more so than Rebecca, those that live here live in a world of darkness.

The light of life that so filled my childhood doesn’t shine into this corner of the world. I hope that I can change that. Sometimes I wish I could bring all of my family here and let them fill the rooms with their zest.

I’m painting the sea in my spare time, capturing moments of golden light and crashing waves for a special friend who hasn’t been able to see sunlight for a very long time.

I thought I had a good idea who the friend she spoke of was. Sean. What I didn’t know was why he couldn’t see the light, for I knew he could see, and how special did special mean?

The rest of the letter spoke of family matters, inquiring about my mother and father, and me and my sisters. That Mary had asked about me, at a time I’d been so involved in answering the letters of strangers for my column, stung my heart and brought tears to my eyes. I’d let something precious slip through my fingers because I’d been too caught up in the proper and practical. I’d never be able to go back and recapture that moment, when I could have written to Mary, could have discovered what joys and worries filled her life. Folding the letter, I returned it to the box, and slid it back safely beneath my cot.

Reading Mary’s letters was going to be harder than I ever imagined it would be. I determined that, somehow, I would bring about all those things that Mary had hoped for.

“Did you like the happy tune, poppet?” I asked, stretching my fingers against the ivory keys.

Rebecca shifted on the piano bench next to me, nodding her head, her rag doll clasped tightly in her arms. It was the first time she’d joined me on the bench. “More, p-p-please, Miss C-c-cass.”

“Certainly. I’ve a rhyming song that my sisters and I used to play all the time when we were little. I want you to sing it with me.”

She shook her head, hunching her shoulders and wrenching my heart at how little she believed she could do. “After you learn the words, I’ll teach you the game. It’s very easy and I daresay one that you could win better than anyone else in the castle.”

Scrunching her brow in doubt, she sat silent for so long a moment that I feared she would back away from the progress we’d made. Finally, she whispered, as if she didn’t want anyone but me to hear. Odd, for we were alone in the music room, a place that I still was unable to relax in. “I c-c-could w-w-win?”

“Yes,” I whispered back. “In the game, whoever reaches the ground first wins, and since you’re the littlest person around, you can do that better than anyone else. This used to be my sister Gemini’s favorite game to play, since she was the youngest of us all.”

“Can I m-meet your s-s-sisters?”

“I hope someday, poppet.” My heart squeezed painfully. How could I leave those at Killdaren’s Castle and never come back? “I truly hope that someday you can. And then you can play this game and even have a real tea party.

“This is how it goes: Ring around the rosie, A pocket full of posies. Ashes, Ashes, we all fall down.” I played the lively tune, which in my mind had little to do with the death it sang of and more to do with fun, though I doubted the children of London thought that when the black death had raged. “Now sing the first word with me—Ring.”

“R-r-ring,” Rebecca parroted.

“Ring around,” I sang.

“R-r-ring around.”

I nearly stopped playing the tune as I absorbed the fact that Rebecca hadn’t stuttered on her second word. “Ring around the rosie.” I watched her carefully.

“R-r-ring around the rosie.”

Tears bit my eyes. I was sure Rebecca herself didn’t realize that she hadn’t stuttered. “You sing beautifully.”

Rebecca shook her head.

I stopped playing and put my arm around her. “You do. You sing like the littlest angel in the world.”

“M-m-mary,” Rebecca suddenly cried out, shocking me. My heart skipped a beat then thundered. She flung herself from my arms and cried out again. “M-m-mary!”

I reached for her, catching hold of her hand. “Rebecca, stop. It’s all right poppet. Don’t be afraid.”

She shook her head, trying to pull away from me as she clutched her doll so tightly I thought she’d break her fingers. I wouldn’t let her go. I didn’t want her to hurt herself and whatever was causing her this deep pain, I didn’t want her to be alone in it.

Her breaths came in sharp gasps and she trembled horribly.

I sat on the ground, pulling her into my lap, and wrapped my arms tightly around her and her rag doll. She struggled, screaming for Mary over and over. I wondered if I were doing the right thing and decided to hold her closer, tighter, and to sing softly. A lullaby my mother had used to comfort me when I had dreamed of my grandmother’s death came to mind and I sang softly.

I was about to give up when Rebecca stopped thrashing and pressed herself to me. Crying tears, but no longer screaming.

“You’ve wrought a miracle.”

The soft whisper came from behind me, toward the back of the stage.

Turning slightly, I found Prudence there, her hands fisted, worry and pain etched deeply upon her face. How did she get there?

“I didn’t see you come in.”

“I’ve been here since I heard her cry out. There are stairs backstage that lead up to my and Rebecca’s wing.”

I wanted to gasp, wondering why someone hadn’t seen fit to tell me that, but then bit my tongue. Exactly who was I? A mere maid, and unless there was a particular reason I would need to know about the staircase in order to perform my duties, no one would ever mention it to me. Learning of the staircase would go a long way toward explaining how Rebecca had appeared that first day when Bridget and I were cleaning the music room. I wondered if it might not also explain how Rebecca was getting past her nurse to wander alone.

“May I hold her now?” Prudence asked, surprising me with her polite and gentle tone.

I started to rise. “Of course.”

“Stay there,” Prudence knelt beside me, kissed Rebecca’s head. I saw tears fill the mother’s eyes, seeing her daughter so wrenched her painfully. “It’s Mum, precious. Can you hear me?”

Hiccupping, Rebecca nodded.

Prudence held out her arms. “There now, come to Mum, and I’ll make it all right.”

Rebecca plunged herself into her mother’s arms. Prudence pulled her tightly against her bosom and kissed the child’s head again. “She’s never quieted this quickly before. It’s always taken at least a day and the sleeping medicine the doctor prescribed for her to calm her down.”

Prudence rocked Rebecca a few minutes, humming off-tune to her. “I heard you sing, dumpling. The lady is right, you sing beautifully.”

We both looked down at Rebecca, only to find she’d fallen asleep, having likely exhausted herself.

“Can I help you get her to her room?” I whispered.

“Yes, thank you. If you’ll help me rise, I can carry her up.”

When Prudence was upright and Rebecca safely tucked into her mother’s arms, she turned to me. “Please, will you come see me? Have tea in my room? I’d like to speak to you about Rebecca.”

“Yes, of course.”

“I’ll send for you this afternoon.” Then she smiled softly, “It will most likely put Mrs. Frye into a complete dither.”

I grinned. “Imagine that.”

Though in any ordinary household, the housekeeper would in no way ever deny the request of a person in a higher position than herself, when it came to Mrs. Frye, I had no assurance she wouldn’t find a way to stop me from going to tea. My back ached and my mind spun. The center hall of Killdaren’s Castle, though not as vast as the Hall of Mirrors at Versailles, was just as daunting to clean. I polished the marble floor like a whirlwind, determined to finish it before teatime. Bridget had joined me in the almost impossible task. She’d never failed to help me ever since I arrived at Killdaren’s Castle, and it made my heart squeeze. Even though she’d not get tea herself, Bridget worked harder than I to remove any excuse Mrs. Frye might have to keep me from meeting with Rebecca’s mother. As we cleaned, I swore that someday soon I’d make sure Bridget had tea every day.