Midnight Squad: The Grim (15 page)

           
“Mister, why did you kill me?” No, it was a small voice,
innocent but confused. I looked up and standing beside the boat was a child no
older than five or six. I watched as his skin blistered and peeled away like it
was on fire. “I…I never killed any children.” I stammered. Jesus’ face was
so
sad as he looked at me. He turned to the child and his
face turned to a pure, sweet love. “Grim…You killed him. You were responsible
for using a laser to paint a building for the air force to bomb. You could have
picked any side of the building. You chose the side facing an orphanage.” I
looked out. Many of dead sank back below the surface. Thirty children still
surrounded me. I fell to my knees. The boat rocked, nearly tipping over into
the glowing…blood. “I didn’t mean to. I didn’t know. I’m sorry. I’m so very
sorry.” I felt my insides heave.

           
I threw my head over the side of the boat and waited to
vomit, but all that came was gasping and dry heaves. “I didn’t know. I didn’t
fucking know!” I heard Jesus’ seat creak as he leaned back, “No Grim, you knew.
You’d watched them play all day long before you set up the laser. You just
didn’t care. You wanted to take care of the mission the most efficient way
possible. You weren’t worried about the collateral damage. Children died
because you wanted to make sure you didn’t miss your target. It was the best
side to choose militarily, but morally it was a terrible decision.” I felt a
tiny hand on the back of my head. That same small voice said, “Don’t cry
Mister. It hurt a lot, but it doesn’t hurt anymore. I forgive you.”

           
That innocence broke me, and I put my arms around the
child. My heart ached as I felt him reach his tiny arms around my neck to hug
me back. “I’m so sorry.” I couldn’t stop blubbering. Finally, a strong hand
touch my shoulder and I had to sit back into my seat. I was crying so much I
couldn’t even see anymore. Jesus’ voice was calm, “What would have been fair?
Would it have been fair if I’d stopped you, and maybe the people you were
targeting end up killing hundreds, or maybe thousands of other children? Maybe
it would have been fair to let these children live and have them grow up in a
war zone where they could make more orphans and widows. Maybe I just could have
kept you from ever being born, and those same orphans grow up and spend their
lives fighting the men you were sent to kill, and they could kill each other
forever. What’s fair?” His words seared into me. I was crying again. He grabbed
me. His hand was strong like iron. “Let me tell you what’s fair. What’s fair is
that I give you all a chance, a chance to make your own choices. What’s fair is
that I let you make those choices, and that I let you deal with many of the
consequences. What’s fair is that you pay for your sins. Luckily, I’m not fair.
I have rigged the game, but I rigged it in your favor. Don’t you know that I paid
for your sins, and all I ask is that you let me pay the price so you won‘t have
to? It’s what your mother believes. It’s what your father believes.” Jesus
looked back over his shoulder.

           
I could see at the edge of the water a silhouette. I
couldn’t make out who it was, but they were waving. “I believe.” I whispered,
sniffling back snot bubbles. Jesus just calmly said, “No, you don’t. You don’t
believe, but maybe someday you will. You still think that if you put your faith
in yourself that you don’t need me.” I couldn’t even argue. He’d been right so
far. I turned to the children, “I’m sorry.” They sank back into the water. Some
of them smiled at me, some looked as though they’d never forgive me. I then
looked at the one beside the boat, “I mean it. I really am sorry.” The little
child smiled. He looked healthy and whole again. “Please, kid, what’s your
name. I have to know your name.” The child looked to Jesus who shook his head
no.

           
I started crying again. It upset the kid, “Please Mister
don’t
cry.” He held out his arms for a hug. I wrapped my
arms around and squeezed tight. I was still sputtering apologies with every
breath. The sky turned a cool blue, and the water changed back to its original
color. I squeezed even tighter. Finally, I leaned back. The child snickered,
“Mister for such a big man, you really do cry a lot.” A felt a fit of giggles
bubbling up through me. When I started laughing the child was quick to follow.
Before long, my ribs were hurting from laughter. I caught a glimpse of the man sitting
next to me. He was happy, and peaceful. He watched us both with a loving smile
on his face. I felt the kid tug at my shirt. When I turned back, he was waving
goodbye. I didn’t want him to go. I reached out and grabbed his arm as he
descended. Even though I was much larger, I couldn’t even slow him down. He
sank under, but I wouldn’t let go. I pulled with all my might. I wouldn’t let
go…I couldn’t let go. I can do this if I just hold on. My body braced against
the boat, but it was no use. I felt the boat lurch. Jesus shook his head, “Boy,
you’re stubborn. We don’t have much time, and you still have so much to learn.”
It was then that I lost my footing and splashed into the water.

           
My eyes opened. I could see bubbles. I looked around. Monitors
surrounded me. I screamed. Bubbles blocked out my vision. My chest was killing
me. It burned and itched. I started kicking and struck thick glass. An old
woman came to the glass. I was starting to get a better understanding of
everything around me. I was inside a glass bowl, nude and breathing through a
facemask. I looked at my chest. There was a deep purple bruise where a bullet
wound should be, but otherwise I was unharmed.

           
I looked at the old woman. She was distorted, and almost
featureless. When I saw that tight bun tied tight, I figured out who it was. It
was doctor
Nowitski
. “Sergeant, can you please go one
day here without needing my assistance. From what I’ve seen these last two days
it’s a miracle you’ve lived this long.” My stomach tightened. From what I’d
just seen she was far more correct than either of use probably realized.

           
Another face pressed against the glass. It was a tiny
Middle Eastern woman in her thirties. Even though the glass blurred her face, I
could tell she had sharp features. How could such a tiny thing have caused me
so much suffering? She taunted, “You aren’t dead yet? Are you just too
stubborn, or too stupid?” Can’t I be both? And my sisters said I don’t know how
to multitask. I strained to flip
her the
bird. She gave
me a threatening smile and walked off laughing. I could have sworn that when
she first came to the glass she looked concerned, maybe even sorry. Maybe I was
just feeling guilty myself.

           
Doctor
Nowitski
keyed up on the
intercom, “He’s conscious.” She then walked out of the room. Apparently, I just
wasn’t interesting enough for her when I was going to live. It took a few
minutes, but everyone started to come in. First was DD, “Hey, Doc says you’ll
be here for another day. You’re not even here a week and you’re already calling
in sick. That’s not how you impress the boss.” We both laughed. The bubbles
tickled my face. Elizabeth was next. She just checked my vitals and gave me an
approving nod before heading back to wherever she’d come. I guess since I’d be
back on my feet soon, and the project wouldn’t be interfered with then there
was no point in waiting around making chit chat.
 

           
Janine, Katy, and
Danika
came
in together. Janine actually tried to enter the tank with me, but the liquid
seemed to make it impossible.
Danika
tapped the glass
with her long black fingers, “Are you okay? You had us worried.” I smiled and
tried not to wince when I gave her
a thumbs
up. Her
big afro looked like a rain cloud as the tank warped its shape. Katy just stood
in the background. She looked a little afraid to talk to me. It was as if she
expected me to crumble to dust or something. I waved hello. She waved back. She
was always striking, with her brown skin, purple hair and white highlights done
up into pigtails. The young Hispanic woman usually went for the gothic look,
but the distortion of the glass made her look like a blurry anime character. It
probably would have pissed her off to know how adorable I thought she looked. I
waved for her to come closer, but she just shook her head. DD said, “Dr.
Nowitski
said she couldn’t come any closer. Her powers
might interfere with your healing pod. I nodded. None of that made any sense to
me, but I gave her the ok sign anyway. Katy and
Danika
stayed a few minutes before leaving. I waited a few more minutes, and then gave
up on Penny showing up. I must have looked as sad as I felt because Janine
tried to cheer me up by flashing me her boobs behind DD‘s back. God bless that
woman.

           
After another twenty minutes, Janine waved goodbye and left.
It was just DD and
myself
. “
Grimmy
,
while you’re in here, do you mind if I run some diagnostics on you?
Specifically I’d like to use our software to map your brain, and if you don’t
mind I’d like to take a few DNA samples.” I nodded. If she thought it was
important, who was I to argue? DD is the big brain around here, so if she
thought something was useful then it probably was. She’d been watching out for
me since everything began. “
Grimmy
, I’m going to
increase your dosages so you’ll sleep. You really won’t want to be awake for
any of it. It won’t hurt, but it’ll be very uncomfortable.”

           
I nodded and did my best to smile, but the breathing mask
probably covered my smile, or at least distorted it. DD tapped a few buttons,
twisted a few dials, and then struck some keys. Suddenly I felt sleepy. My eyes
drooped. I felt myself going under, and smiled a dreamy smile behind my
breather. DD waved, “Goodnight
Grimmy
.” My eyes shut,
and I fell asleep to the steady sound of my own bubbly breathing.

           
I was out of the healing pod, and I definitely gained a
new respect for goldfish. There was still a deep bruise on my chest, but
otherwise I had a clean bill of health. A nice long hot shower and a change of
clothes made me feel almost human again. They let me out just in time for movie
night. Sitting down to watch a bunch of chick flicks sounded horrible, but I’d
just spent an ungodly amount of time floating in a fishbowl, some estrogen
filled films were a step up…maybe.

           
I struggled to get my shirt on. Lifting my arms over my
head hurt like a son of a bitch. Doctor
Nowitsky
said
I’d be all better by tomorrow, but I wasn’t so sure. Perhaps we have different
definitions of all better. This bruise looked like it’d be here for a long
time, and it was really causing me some upper mobility issues. My arm wouldn’t
stay lifted up for very long, but it wasn’t anything I hadn’t dealt with in the
field. In battle you don’t have time to complain about a sore chest, or a
twisted knee. It’s either
keep
fighting or wait to
die. Here there was so much time that it was easy to just start complaining. It
struck me as odd when I’d see a war buddy that kicked ass and took names in the
field complaining about a paper cut when they finally got stuck behind a desk.
Somehow, they’d gone soft, and all I could do was pray I wasn’t the next one
stuck behind a desk. Realistically, I knew that would never happen. I’m not
stupid, but there’s a certain type of mentality that’s required to sit behind a
desk. It took patience, and a determination to handle frustration with quiet
professionalism. I just didn’t have those qualities. No, the truth is that I am
just good for fighting. Once I couldn’t do that anymore, then I’d be doing good
to get a job flipping burgers. Maybe I could work construction, but my temper
would probably still get me in trouble. I tied my shoes, and tried not to dwell
on my depressing future. Irritation kept coiling itself around like snakes
inside me. Finally, I just had to lean back and take a few breaths. The end was
coming. It might not be for another ten years if I’m lucky, but it is coming.
Light flashed in front of my eyes, and I realized I still had the main monitor
set to one of the recreation room cameras.

           
“I don’t care what you say. He’s awesome!” It was Janine.
Maybe I could take a few minutes to listen in. My pity party had me pretty low.
I wasn’t proud of snooping, but who doesn’t want to know what people really
think of them? “I don’t know. He’s kind of pushy.” Katy responded. She was in
charge of making the popcorn, and it was slow going since she was more
interested in eating it than making it. She kept scarfing down handfuls of it
as it came out.

           
I tapped a few keys, and the main screen popped up a
full-length view of the room.
Danika
was at her laptop.
I could see she was looking on Netflix for a movie. “Give him a chance Katy;
he’s not a complete ass. He’s not like the last tool they brought in. Grim
actually cares.” I like her more every minute. We still needed to get some time
together so I could learn more about her. Honestly, I needed to find time for
all of them. If I couldn’t find the time then I’d have to make it. They really
deserved better than me. I was just a broken down soldier with too many miles,
and not much gas left in the tank.

           
“And he just brings the hotness.” DD giggled while
stretching out on the sofa. “Could you imagine having those arms wrapped around
you?” DD, and surprisingly most of the others squealed. And they say my ego
grew three sizes that day. “Well that’s fine for all of you, but I don’t swing
that way. Now if he has a sister that’s into girls…woof!”
Danika
pretended to pant while some of the others laughed. Elizabeth just rolled her
eyes.