Midnight Wrangler (22 page)

Chapter Twenty-Four

Bonnie got in her car and drove directly to the river. Why? She didn't know. It would hurt like hell to be at the one place that reminded her so strongly of Rohn, but that didn't stop her.

Barely able to see the road through her tears, she hadn't even been aware of where she was headed until she saw the turn for the dirt road. Slowing the car to a crawl, she bounced along the unpaved path toward the site of the memories that spanned decades.

The wild pounding of her heart hadn't slowed during the drive.

He'd proposed.

It should be a dream come true, the man she loved, proposing to her. Loving her enough to want to spend the rest of his life with her. But how could she say yes to a future with Rohn after what she'd done?

All his love and devotion had done was renew Bonnie's guilt, until the secret she'd held inside felt as if it would cripple her.

There was no happy ending in her future. She'd ensured that years ago.

She cut the engine and sat, staring at the river.

It was peaceful. Or it would be if she could quiet her mind. She couldn't stop the voices that yelled at her from inside her own head. She was alone yet she couldn't escape herself.

She wasn't alone for long.

Rohn's truck soon barreled into the dirt road not long after she'd arrived. It skidded to a stop directly behind her car, blocking her in. There was no escape.

He got out of his truck and strode fast to her car, pulling open the door.

She feared his anger, but when she finally dared to look up at his face, she didn't see anger. She did see confusion, and determination, and pain.

“I'm sorry.” Her tears started fresh.

He squatted down to be level with her as she sat and took both of her hands in his. “I don't want your apologies. I want you to tell me what you're thinking. What you're feeling. Why you ran away from me.”

All she could do was shake her head.

“I know you love me, Bonnie.” The intense stare of his blue eyes pinned her, making her unable to lie.

She nodded.

“Then what is it?”

“I lied to you.”

A frown furrowed Rohn's forehead. “When? About what?”

“About why I left. Back then.” A huge heaving intake of breath cut off any more words.

“Why did you leave?” His words were soft. A plea for the truth. He continued to hold her hands gently in his.

“I . . .” She couldn't finish.

He stood and tugged her out of the car, wrapping his arms around her. She pressed her face into his chest as the sobs wracked her body. Her tears wet his shirt but he didn't seem to notice.

Rohn ran his hands up and down her back with smooth, slow, calming strokes. “Take your time. You can tell me anything.”

Hiding the truth from him hurt so badly, she couldn't stand it anymore. She just wanted it to end. The words came rushing out. “I was pregnant.”

He paused his hands in their path up her back. She felt him draw in a big breath and let it out. He squeezed her tighter against him and shook his head.

“God, Bonnie. I'm so sorry you had to go through that alone. Christ. It was my fault. I was careless and got you pregnant. I should have been there for you. Held your hand while you . . .” His words trailed off.

She knew what he'd assumed. He thought she'd run away to Arizona and had an abortion. He didn't understand the full depth of her betrayal.

In hindsight, she probably should have terminated the pregnancy. Then she wouldn't have had to make this next confession that would hurt him even more.

“Rohn, I didn't—”

“Didn't what?”

“I didn't get an abortion.” Bonnie felt Rohn's hands still again as he pulled back to stare at her. She dared to glance up at his face and found disbelief in his expression. “I had the baby.”

“You what?” he asked again, but this time his tone was not so gentle.

“I gave her up for adoption. I—we had a daughter.” That little girl was grown up, living what Bonnie hoped was a happy life. A better life than she could have given her.

He took a step back but his hands remained on her shoulders, squeezing tight. “Why didn't you tell me?”

“I don't know.” Her words came out so softly, she was afraid he hadn't heard them.

He drew in another breath, shaking his head. “I gotta go.”

“Rohn. Please—” She took a step after him and reached out to touch his arm as he spun to leave.

He pulled his arm from her grasp. “I need some time.”

“I'm sorry.”

“So am I.” The slow, sad sway of his head and the slump of his shoulders as he walked back to his truck broke her. It brought the sadness, the guilt, the horror at herself and her own actions crashing back on her.

She might as well have been that frightened eighteen-year-old again.

That horrible day was as vivid in her mind as if it were yesterday. Her mother had been there with her, through the delivery, during every contraction, every second of the unbearable pain. They'd taken her and Rohn's daughter away the moment the birth was over. Bonnie hadn't even held the baby. The adoption agency had said it would be easier that way.

The paperwork was closed. She'd never know where her daughter went or who raised her. Her daughter would never know the name of her parents.

What else could Bonnie have done?

She should have told Rohn then. He deserved to know, even if she had been firm in her decision about what to do. Now, twenty-five years later, she was going to pay the price for that decision. She'd lost the love of her life, not once but twice.

Given what she'd done, keeping the truth from him that he had a child, she had to think that maybe she deserved it.

Chapter Twenty-Five

All the years Rohn had longed for a son or daughter. All those heartbreaking disappointments he'd lived through with Lila as all hope was yanked from them again and again.

Through all that, he already had a child. A daughter somewhere who didn't even know his name. Hell, he didn't know hers, either.

Rohn slammed a fist against the dashboard. One question resonated through him. Why?

Why would Bonnie run away rather than tell him? How could she keep something so monumental from him?

With him beside her, they could have raised the baby.

His knowing could have changed absolutely everything, or it might have changed nothing at all. The fact remained he should have been at least a part of the decision.

He felt the bulge of the ring box in the pocket of his jeans. Had he been ready for marriage and babies at eighteen? Would that have been the end of his college career? The end of Bonnie's, too?

Chances were good she wouldn't have graduated with a teaching degree if she'd kept that baby. Would he be where he was now if he'd had to get a full-time job straight out of high school rather than getting a college degree? If he'd had to support a wife and a baby on whatever he could earn at whatever job he could have gotten?

Rohn scrubbed both hands over his face.

The anger began to seep out of him, and exhaustion replaced it. He felt bone weary. Physically, it felt as if he could collapse in bed and sleep until morning. Mentally, he knew his spinning thoughts would never let him rest.

He realized all of Bonnie's things were in his guest room. He doubted she'd sleep at his house tonight. Not after how badly he'd reacted to her news, and the overly dramatic exit he'd made afterward. Hell, she probably wouldn't even come get her stuff. She'd sleep at her house on that old sofa and not even have a change of clothes or a toothbrush.

He should go to her. They should do what they hadn't done twenty-five years ago—talk about this.

He'd calmed down considerably.

At least he wasn't still shaking from her revelation. He'd be able to talk to her about this rationally. He was by no means happy about her hiding her decision from him, but he was willing to discuss it.

Keeping communications open was the only hope they had to get past this. As he started his truck, he hoped she felt the same.

Rohn swung by the river first, but she was gone. He spun the truck around and headed to the only other place he could think of to find her.

He reached her house only to find the driveway empty. Hell, she could have gone to his house and he'd missed her when he was driving around.

Ridiculous as it seemed, he didn't have her cell phone number so he couldn't even call her on it now. He'd been calling her on the house phone the whole time.

That's what he got for being old school. Keeping in that vein, he'd have to leave her a note on the door before he went back to his place to see if she was there or they'd keep missing each other.

He was scrounging through the truck for something to write on, not to mention something to write with, when he saw a man cut across from the neighboring property. Rohn opened the truck door and stepped out onto the drive.

“Evening.” Rohn nodded a greeting to the man when he neared.

“Evening.” The older man nodded back. “You looking for Bonnie?”

“Yeah, I was, but I don't see her car so I was going to leave her a note.” Remembering basic manners, Rohn extended his hand. “Rohn Lerner. I'm a friend of hers.”

The man shook his hand. “Andrew. I live next door. And don't bother with the note. She's gone back to Phoenix.”

That information was as confusing as it was disturbing. He'd just seen her a little while ago. Barely half an hour. He drew his brows down low. “You sure?”

“Yup. She came knocking, told us she had to get back to Arizona right away, and asked if we'd give the key to the real estate agent who's coming to look at the property.”

“Did she say why she had to get back?” Rohn had his suspicions.

“She said something came up with her job, but didn't say what.” The man pursed his lips. “I can tell you she looked upset enough my wife tried to convince her to at least wait until the morning to leave.”

“But she wouldn't wait.”

“Nope. She said it took her about fourteen hours to get here so we're more than a little worried about her on that long drive. But she promised to call when she got home safe. I can tell her you were looking for her, if you'd like.”

Drawing in a breath to quell his roiling emotions, Rohn shook his head. “No, thanks. That's not necessary. Have a good night.”

With barely a glance, Rohn ended his conversation with the neighbor and turned for his truck.

Nothing had come up with her job. She was running away from him. Again. Twenty-five years later and nothing had changed. She would still rather run from a conflict than try to work things out.

Could he be with a woman who didn't trust him enough to even talk about things?

A woman in love should choose to turn toward the man in her life when times got tough, not away from him. Bonnie had made the opposite choice twice now.

Two times should be enough to prove to him that she'd never change.

He knew to his very soul if he let her go, she'd stay gone. Maybe that would be the best thing for both of them.

 

 

The morning dawned after a sleepless night and Rohn was not ready to greet a new day without Bonnie in it.

Of course, the boys noticed first thing in the morning.

“Damn, he's cranky again.” Colton shot Rohn a glance as he whispered to Justin.

Unfortunately, he hadn't whispered softly enough. Rohn heard every word and all it did was make him more pissed off.

“Maybe if you got to work instead of standing around my kitchen, my piss-poor mood wouldn't offend you so much.”

He was in no mood for dealing with anyone today. Not after discovering last night that Bonnie had left him yet again.

Hell, she hadn't just left. She'd all but fled, even abandoning her suitcase and all of her stuff she'd left at his house, just to avoid seeing him again. That was some serious avoidance right there.

“Fine.” Colt knocked his hat back a notch and tipped his head toward the door. “I'll give Ty a heads-up it ain't safe around here when he gets in.”

Scowling, Rohn could only agree. “Good plan.”

Colton paused with one hand on the door, glancing back at Justin. “You coming?”

“Yeah. In a minute.”

“A'ight.” With a nod, Colton was gone, but Justin remained.

“Something I can do for you?” The tone in Rohn's question didn't invite conversation, but Justin stayed put anyway, leaning against the counter with his arms folded.

“I ever tell you about the last time I spoke with my brother?”

Justin was talking about his older brother who had been killed in action in Afghanistan. Rohn calmed his temper and shook his head. “No. Don't think you ever did.”

“We were close, him and me, but there was an age difference and he was always away, so we didn't get to spend much time together. And when he was back, I always kinda felt like he was the big hero and I was the lowly little brother who hadn't been man enough to follow in his footsteps and serve my country.”

This was all news to Rohn. Justin was smart, a hell of a horse trainer, and a hard worker. Rohn had never realized he had these issues and insecurities. “I'm sorry to hear that.”

Justin shrugged, as if it didn't matter. “No big deal. I chose my path, he chose his. What the folks who did judge me didn't see was what his being gone all the time did to my mamma. If I'd left, too, who would she have? Nobody. My daddy died years ago. Big brother was off fighting a war that ain't ever gonna end. I figured my job was to stay home and take care of things. Be the man of the house.”

“That's important.” Rohn tipped his head, even though he didn't understand what had prompted this confession from Justin.

“It is, but I always assumed no one else saw my reasoning and thought I was a coward. But I was wrong. That last phone call I got from my brother, right before his Humvee was blown up, was him calling to tell me thanks for taking care of our mother. How he could only be away with a clear conscience because he knew I was there taking care of her.”

“I'm glad you got to have that conversation.”

“Me too, but that's not the point.”

Ah, so there was a point to this. “What is?”

“I didn't want to take the phone call. I watched my cell phone ring and almost didn't answer it. I was going to let it go to voice mail because I was being small, and petty and letting my pride get in the way. It was right after the church had put out a special bulletin like they do around all of the patriotic holidays. They list all the folks serving and there's a special prayer during the service just for them. I always sit there and feel like a piece of shit because I'm safe in that pew rather than riding around in a damn tank getting shot at. But I forced myself to pick up that phone, even though I didn't want to and I'm glad I did.”

“I'm glad you did too.”

“Here's why I'm telling you this.”

Rohn had just about given up hope there was more of a point to this odd conversation, as touching as it was.

Justin continued, “I can't help but notice Miss Bonnie's car isn't here.”

“She went back to Arizona.” Rohn swallowed away the sick feeling in the back of his throat.

“Without saying good-bye to any of us?” Justin shook his head.

“Yup.”

She hadn't said good-bye to Rohn, either, so he didn't have much sympathy for Justin.

“I don't know what happened, but I do know this—you two need to talk.”

“She left. She doesn't want to talk.”

“I didn't want to talk to my brother that day, either. Thinking about how disappointed my mamma would be if she knew I'd dodged my brother's call guilted me into answering it. It was the nudge I needed. I'm here to give you that nudge. Or a shove, if you need it. Call her. Talk to her. Even if nothing comes of it, you won't be any worse off than you are now, right?”

“I don't know what you think you know about me and Bonnie—”

“I know you're happy when she's here and miserable when she's not. That's all I need to know. All the other details are private. I don't care 'bout them. That's between you two.”

“A phone call's not going to cut it.” It didn't work twenty-five years ago. Rohn was sure it wouldn't help now. “She left because she doesn't want to talk.”

“Then go there in person and make her listen.” Justin lifted one shoulder. “Who knows, maybe she ran hoping you'd chase her.”

That summer so long ago he hadn't gone after her. Had she wanted him to? Was that what kept them apart? That he'd let her go?

“Jesus.” Rohn ran his hand over his face.

Everything in him told him to go after her, but he couldn't just pick up and drive fourteen hours to Arizona on a moment's notice—could he?

He opened his mouth and Justin held up one hand, interrupting him before he even had a chance to talk.

“I can make sure everything is taken care of. Between Colt, Ty, and me, we can hold down the ranch just fine without you. Ty's right next door at Janie's all night, every night. And I'll even feed that old fleabag dog of yours that sleeps out in the barn.”

There really was nothing stopping Rohn from going after her, except for his pride. And maybe one other obstacle stood in his way. “I don't know her address.”

He supposed he could go to her neighbor's place and see if they knew her address, if they'd even give it to him.

“Did you try a web search?” Justin asked.

“No.” Rohn sighed. One day he'd remember he was in a century where anything and everything was available right at his fingertips. “I'll give that a try.”

“A'ight. Make a list of anything you want done while you're gone. I'll go tell the boys you'll be away for a couple of days.”

“Thanks, Justin.”

“Anytime.” Justin smiled, as if he knew Rohn was thanking him for far more than just his going out to deliver the message to Tyler and Colton.

Rohn turned toward the office and his computer while Justin headed out the door. He was really going to do this. Drive more than twelve hours chasing a woman who might not want him. Then again, she just might.

One way or another, for better or worse, he'd know soon enough, and the answer would determine his future.