‘Of course it is,’ said Tatiana brightly. ‘I’m a marrying a wonderful man tomorrow. I suppose … I just wanted your blessing.’
No, no, she screamed inside, I want you to stop me. I want you to come over here and tell me you can’t live without me.
‘You have it, always,’ Bron said. ‘Good luck, darling. Be happy.’
‘You too,’ she whispered. ‘You too.’
She put down the phone, blinked the tears back from her eyes. He was never coming back to her. Finally, it was over. Time for her to move on.
Be happy. If only it were that simple.
‘Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind;
And therefore is wing’d Cupid painted blind.’
A Midsummer Night’s Dream
: Act I, Scene 1
‘It’s not a trick. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to. I make suggestions. Some people are more susceptible than others, that’s all.’
Freddie Puck:
The Art of Illusion
It was another warm, balmy evening as they walked down to the pub. Everyone was feeling pleasantly mellow and relaxed. Diana, in a post-meal, alcoholic-infused warm glow, was feeling a little more positive about her future – she had a lot of experience, she was still young, something would turn up – and even more kindly towards Ant, keeping up a steady banter about how easy it was going to be for Freddie Puck to dupe him.
‘You’re already half in love with the guy,’ she teased, ‘if he hypnotises you, you’ll do anything he says.’
‘I am not, as you put it, in love with him,’ said Ant, prickling a little, ‘I just respect his abilities, that’s all.’
‘It was a joke,’ said Di, touching him lightly on the shoulder. ‘I’m a real sucker for this kind of thing, so he’ll probably persuade me more.’
‘Do we really want to do this?’ said Josie, as they sat down with their drinks in the pub. She scanned the pub, looking to see if Freddie had turned up yet. ‘I’m not sure it’s a good idea.’
‘Oh go on, Josie, it might be a laugh,’ said Diana. ‘Haven’t you always wanted to be on TV?’
‘Not especially,’ said Josie. ‘Besides, Harry and I are already in love, so what can a hypnotic experiment do?’
‘Ah, but he hasn’t plighted his troth to you at the Standing Stones, has he?’ said Ant. ‘Perhaps hypnosis will bring out his romantic side.’
‘I thought Harry had been showing Josie his romantic side all afternoon,’ said Diana.
Josie and Harry blushed, and even Ant laughed at the joke.
‘You people all seem to be having fun.’ Freddie Puck appeared as if by magic. ‘May I buy you all a drink?’
‘Ha, that’s how hypnotism works is it?’ snorted Diana. ‘Get us all plastered and then we’ll do what you suggest? Not really rocket science is it?’
‘Oh ye of little faith,’ said Freddie, with a hurt look on his face. ‘Let me show you what I can do. If you come to Tresgothen Manor tomorrow, I can take you through it properly. But I could do a simple demonstration here, tonight, if you’d like.’
‘Like what?’ Josie still seemed suspicious.
‘I could hypnotise someone else, so you can see how straightforward it is.’
‘I’ll think about it,’ said Diana. She was sipping an elderflower wine, a local brew known as Love in the Mist. It was stronger than it looked and on top of the wine she’d had at dinner, was making her feel a bit giddy. ‘Do I have to sign anything?’
‘Disclaimers at the ready,’ said Freddie with a wolfish smile.
‘No, seriously,’ said Diana, ‘I do like to know what I’m getting into. Do you have a contract or anything?’
‘Bron’s sorting out the finer detail, and we can go through it properly tomorrow,’ said Freddie, ‘but here’s a basic version. Honestly, I have been doing this for a long time, I am properly licensed. You really have nothing to worry about. And you can put an end to the experiment at any time. I won’t make you do anything you don’t want to do. You don’t have to go through with it, if you change your mind.’
Reading through the disclaimers Freddie had given her, Diana felt a bit better. There didn’t seem anything too horrendous there, and the few hundred quid on offer was enough to put aside her qualms. Beggars couldn’t be choosers.
‘Right, gather round folks.’ Ever the showman, Freddie had worked the crowd in the pub, and they were all gathering round a chair in the middle of the room, where his victim was waiting.
Harry pushed forward and nearly burst out laughing when he realised that Freddie’s first punter was Mike Slowbotham.
‘Am I okay here?’ Mike was saying. He looked simultaneously nervous and proud. See, he appeared to be saying, the great Freddie Puck has chosen me to be his first subject. It was all Harry could do not to giggle out loud. Little did Mike know how little the locals were impressed with him.
‘You’re fine,’ said Freddie. ‘Now I want you to take a deep breath, while I count you down.’
‘Look into my eyes, look into my eyes, you’re under,’ said Mike, in a very poor attempt at a
Little Britain
impression.
‘It’s not quite like that,’ said Freddie. ‘Just try and relax and think soothing thoughts. Imagine you’re climbing down a spiral staircase, and at the bottom, something really pleasant and lovely is waiting for you.’
Harry watched in fascination as Freddie put Mike under. He didn’t seem to be asleep, although he had shut his eyes. In actual fact, it seemed like no big deal. All Freddie suggested was that when he awoke Mike would think he was a donkey, until Freddie clicked his fingers. It didn’t seem like a lot. Just a bit of light entertainment. Much like he’d used to do in his TV shows.
‘Do you think it will work?’ said Diana, equally fascinated.
‘I guess the proof will be in the pudding,’ said Harry. ‘Shh, watch.’
Freddie was bringing Mike round. ‘… and three, two, one – you’re awake.’
‘Eee ore,’ said Mike, promptly going down on all fours, much to the amusement of the pub at large.
He put his hands above his head to make ear shapes and said ‘Eee ore,’ again, more loudly this time, making the place erupt.
‘Do you think he fancies a carrot?’ shouted a wag.
Mike eee-ored enthusiastically, and one of the bar staff fetched one from the kitchen, which Freddie fed to him while patting him on the head, saying ‘Good donkey.’
‘I’m not sure I like this,’ said Josie uneasily. ‘Freddie could do anything to us when we’re asleep.’
‘It’s only a bit of fun,’ said Harry. ‘Freddie, you wouldn’t do anything like that to us, would you, right?’
‘Of course not,’ said Freddie, ‘I’m just showing how easy it is to hypnotise someone. I promise I won’t make you look silly.’
Josie still looked unconvinced, but Harry gave her a hug and said, ‘You worry too much. I’m sure it will be fine.’
He sipped another sip of Idle Brew. God this stuff was good. His hangover had completely cleared and he felt up for an adventure. This hypnotism lark didn’t look too onerous and – who knew? – it might even be fun.
Josie was still feeling uncomfortable about the whole hypnosis thing. She’d watched Freddie put Mike under, which she had to admit had been quite a mesmerising experience in itself. But while the atmosphere was joshing and light-hearted, Josie didn’t like the fact that Mike didn’t realise he was being made a figure of fun. Granted the guy was self-delusional – he’d promised more than one woman over a certain age in the village fame and fortune – but this seemed cruel. And maybe a little dangerous.
Josie wasn’t the only one who was having doubts.
‘What the hell’s going on here?’ Tatiana Okeby arrived and her retinue; camp M’stard, willowy little Ariadne, and fussy Gypsy, tumbled in after her.
‘I’m conducting a little experiment, and I’ve hypnotised Mike here to think he’s a donkey.’
‘You’re making a laughing stock of the poor man.’
‘Eee ore,’ said Mike and the pub erupted.
‘What’s wrong with that?’
‘What’s right with it?’ Tatiana was furious. ‘This is typical of you, Freddie. You always have to make people look foolish, don’t you? And as for you, Bron, isn’t it about time you stopped putting up with all this crap? I despair, I really do.’
‘What would you have me do?’ said Freddie, shrugging his shoulders to his audience as if to say, look what I have to contend with. ‘Be reasonable. Mike here consented to be hypnotised –’
‘The man is a well-respected member of this community, and you are making a mockery of him,’ said Tatiana, oblivious to the sniggers in the audience. ‘Go on, snap him out of it.’
‘You are such a spoilsport, Tati,’ sighed Freddie, ‘but if you insist. Three, two, one and you’re awake.’
Mike came round, looking a little confused.
‘I was dreaming I was a donkey,’ he said, ‘and how come I’m holding a carrot?’
‘This idiot played a rotten trick on you,’ said Tatiana. ‘I think he should apologise.’
‘Oh, no need, no need, all in the spirit of the thing.’ Mike took her hand earnestly and planted a kiss on it, ‘but thank you dear lady, for thinking of me in my hour of need.’
‘See, no problem,’ said Freddie. ‘All a bit of harmless fun. I was just demonstrating what I could do to these lovely people who are going to join in an experiment with me tomorrow. You could come along too if you want.’
Josie looked anxiously at the others; she was even less sure now than she’d been at the beginning.
‘Over my dead body,’ said Tatiana. ‘I wouldn’t trust you with a bargepole. Come on, everyone, party’s over. Let’s get back to the yurt.’
With that, she swept out, leaving Freddie smirking in the corner.
‘So is that how it works?’ said Josie. ‘You make us look idiots? I can’t speak for the others, but I’m really not up for that.’
‘No, no, no,’ said Freddie. ‘That was my little joke. Mike understands, don’t you? And if he’s prepared to have another go, I’ll show you that there really is nothing to worry about.’
‘I’d be delighted old boy,’ said Mike, preening himself. It didn’t look as though he’d been harmed by his encounter. Maybe she was worrying over nothing.
‘All right, Mike, now let’s try and relax you once more …’
Ant came back from the bar with another round of drinks, as Mike slipped under again. This time he was snoring really loudly. Ant couldn’t see what Tatiana was making a fuss about. The guy was a prize idiot. He could make himself look like an ass without Freddie’s help.
‘I think we could have a bit more fun with this,’ he said to Auberon Fanshawe, who was sitting nearby looking sardonically amused by it all. ‘Just to stir things up a bit for Tati.’
‘Go for it,’ said Auberon. ‘She deserves everything she gets in my opinion.’
Ouch. Still no love lost there then. Their fiery relationship had clearly not been exaggerated in the press. Bron made Ant feel he was being positively charitable to Di.
Freddie turned to the still-snoring Mike and said very solemnly, ‘When you awake you will be convinced that you are a famous London producer with lots of connections to the stage, and you can bring a certain famous actress back into the fold. Tatiana Okeby is going to be the key to your golden future. Three, two, one … now you are awake.’
‘That’s so mean,’ said Josie, who still looked uncomfortable. ‘I really don’t like this at all.’
‘It’s only a bit of fun,’ said Di. ‘I bet it won’t work. And doesn’t that guy have ideas above his station anyway?’
‘Yes, but I feel sorry for Tatiana Okeby,’ said Josie. ‘She’s clearly the butt of the joke.’
‘So,’ Freddie grinned. ‘What do you think? Are you going to come by my place tomorrow and sign yourselves up?’
‘I’m your man,’ said Ant. ‘What do the rest of you think?’
‘I think it looks like a laugh,’ said Diana, who had clearly slightly overindulged in Love in the Mist. ‘I’m game if everyone else is.’
‘Ditto,’ said Harry.
That only left Josie.
‘I’m really not sure,’ she said.
‘There’s nothing to it,’ said Freddie. ‘I promise I won’t do anything you don’t want me to, and you can stop the experiment at any time.’
‘Go on, Josie,’ said Harry, putting an arm round her. ‘It doesn’t look too bad, and I’ll be there. What could possibly happen?’
‘I suppose,’ said Josie.
‘Brilliant, it’s agreed,’ said Freddie. ‘So you’ll come by Tresgothen Manor in the afternoon, then? Say two-ish?’
‘You have a deal,’ said Ant, shaking Freddie by the hand.
The hypnosis session over, the rest of the pub returned to what they were doing. The four of them sat back down at a table and carried on chatting – Josie clearly making strenuous efforts to talk about something other than the wedding.
‘I’m really tuckered out,’ Harry yawned eventually. ‘I think I’m ready for my bed.’
‘Me too,’ said Josie.
‘Are you sure you’ll be getting any sleep?’ said Diana with a grin.
‘Behave,’ said Josie.
Bed. Yes, bed seemed like a good idea. Ant suddenly felt very sleepy. Too much beer on top of a heavy session the previous night.
‘Yeah, let’s go,’ he said.
They got up to leave. It wasn’t actually that late. And the cool evening air was refreshing, and suddenly Ant felt more wakeful. The evening sky was a darkening blue, and a blood-red moon sat huge and still over the sea.
‘Wow, that’s amazing,’ said Josie.
‘Wouldn’t it look better from the cliffs?’ said Diana. ‘And we could check out what it’s like up there in the dark, so we know whether we’ll be safe if we do go along with the hypnotism.’
‘That’s a great idea,’ agreed Harry. ‘The fresh air’s woken me up a bit.’
‘Sounds like a good plan,’ said Josie. ‘Besides, I feel there’s magic in the air tonight.’
Ant followed them up the path with a growing sense of excitement. Like Josie, he felt as if something momentous was about to happen. He just didn’t know what …
Josie walked up the hill in a dream. The evening had taken a surreal turn. Several glasses of Love in the Mist had taken the edge off her slight anxiety over the whole hypnosis thing. She was probably making a fuss about nothing, and Mike seemed unharmed by the experience. She should probably relax a bit more.