Mila (Heartbreaker #3) (10 page)

Chapter Ten

Mila

The blank canvas in front of me is taunting me, begging me to put paint on it, but I can’t do it. Every time I try, nothing happens. It’s like I’m blocked.

I throw my paintbrush. It hits the wall and then falls to the floor. It sucks knowing what your problem is, but feeling like there is nothing that can be done. It didn’t take me long to realize that I’m falling in love with Brian. It hit me when we were at his martial arts studio. It felt like the sun was beginning to shine and life made sense again, but then he helped the little boy and he was such a natural. I could never give him that.

Of course, my brother and sister-in-law have both told me over and over again that there are other options for having children, and logically I know this, but a part of me is still bitter and sad at what I’m never going to experience, so I’ve been avoiding them. The past few weeks, I’ve missed Brian terribly. The first week Brian called and texted, but I didn’t respond or answer, and it killed me not to. When the calls and texts stopped, I felt like a part of me had died.

The gallery is about the only thing that’s keeping my mind off of Brian, but I can only work so much. I focus back on the blank canvas and decide to call it a day. The sculpture that Brian inspired taunts me from the corner. I sit down in front of it. Reverently, I run my hand over it. Then I get up and head to the kitchen. Pouring myself a large glass of wine, I pick up my phone and call the one person who can help me.

I hear Nico’s SUV pull up in the driveway, set my wine down, and make my way toward the front door, opening it before he can knock. “
Ciao,
big brother.”

He wraps his arms around me and holds me tight. This is what I needed. He stepped in and became the man of the house when our father left, even though he was hurting so much.

“Hey you. How are you?” He follows me inside and I lead him into the kitchen, where he sits down at the breakfast bar.

“I’m horrible. I think I made a mistake, Nico. I miss him so much, but I’m scared it’s too late. He tried reaching out, but I didn’t respond.” Tears fill my eyes, obscuring my vision. Nico’s hand covers mine.

“Sweetheart, what’s going on? You’re a mess, Brian’s a mess, and now he’s gone.”

“What do you mean he’s gone?” My heart starts pounding in my chest, and I’m suddenly hot.

“Jill says he took a vacation and that he needed a break.”

“Do you know where he is? Does Jill?” I know I’m pleading, but I must see him, talk to him.

“No, sweetheart, I don’t. I don’t think Jill does either. Why did you stop talking to him? You never told us.”

With a deep breath, I look at my brother. I tell him about going with Brian to the martial arts studio and watching Brian with the little boy and taking off. Now that I’ve had a lot of time to think about it, I’ve realized how irrational it was to run off without explaining things to him.

“Why am I so fucked up?” My cries are quiet and I don’t hear Nico moving until I’m in his arms and he’s shushing me.

“You’re not fucked up, sweetheart.”

“But why do I always pick safe door mats and the one time I pick someone wonderful, I ruined it?”

“That shit with Dad and Ava affected us all. I drowned myself in alcohol, drugs, and women, hurting the one woman I love more than anything. You picked guys that could never have the power to hurt you. As far as Brian’s concerned, I think you need to talk to him and I think you need to tell him about the hysterectomy. I haven’t known Brian very long, but he seems like the kind of man that would stand by you. If he’s someone you can see a future with, then you owe it to both of you to give a relationship between the two of you a shot.” He pulls back and kisses the top of my head.

Nico leaves shortly after that. I know how to find Brian. I just hope that they’ll help me.

***

I pull into the driveway of Brian’s parents’ house and butterflies take up residence in my belly. I don’t know if they’ll even speak to me, but I have to try. I must find out where Brian is so I can talk to him. I only hope that he forgives me. With a deep breath, I climb out of the car and walk toward the front door. As I reach the steps, the door swings open and Brian’s mom is standing in the doorway.

“Can I help you?” Her tone isn’t mean, but it isn’t friendly either.

“Mrs. Burns, I know you have no reason to want to speak to me, but I need to see Brian. There are some things I’ve-I’ve kept from him. I think we could have something amazing, but I’m scared. He’s going to want things that I can’t give him.”

Tears start to slide down my cheeks as I unload on his poor mother. I tell her about my dad and his bullshit and about the fibroids and the hysterectomy. When I finish, I take a deep breath and wipe the tears from my cheeks.

She’s not saying anything and it’s freaking me out. Suddenly, I’m in her arms and she’s holding me so tight the tears start falling faster. This makes me miss my mom and her hugs. When the tears finally stop, she wraps her arms around me and leads me into her home.

“He’s in San Diego visiting an old friend of his. Here’s Nathan’s address.” She’s scribbling on a piece of paper. “When you have your flight booked, let me know and I’ll call Brian and find out where they’ll be.” She writes her phone number on the paper and hands it to me.

“I don’t know how I can ever repay you for this.” I remember what I have in the car. “Hold on. I have something for you and your husband.”

Out in my car, I very carefully undo the seatbelt and grab the sculpture that Brian inspired. I carry it into the house and bring it into the living room. “Oh my goodness. It’s beautiful,” Mrs. Burns says as she moves toward it.

“Brian inspired it, especially after he told me his story about how he came to be here, and then I met you both and saw the love you have for him and I just started sculpting it.”

She grabs my hand, squeezing it. “When we decided to become foster parents, we had no clue the kind of child we’d get. We’d heard stories that some kids were so messed up and abused in other homes. We heard that sometimes the kids were terrible and could be nightmares, but the day they brought us Brian, I knew he was our boy. Oh, people gave us grief at first. He was a scrawny little white child and we’re black, but we never saw color. He was so quiet at first and mostly stayed in his room, reading, but Jack quickly got him out by taking him to his first karate class.”

Maggie, which his mom insisted I call her, brought out photo albums, and we spent the next hour going through pictures. She tells me stories that have me smiling and laughing. The love that his parents have for him his amazing and just proves that you don’t have to be biologically related to be a family.

When I take my leave, she hugs me close. “Thank you for sharing with me today. I know it’s not easy and sometimes life throws us a curveball, but there’s always a silver lining. We had a boy that passed away a long time ago. I couldn’t have any more children, but we had so much love to give, so we looked at all of our options and being foster parents was the right thing for us. Honey, whatever happens, whether you’re with Brian or someone else, you’ll do what’s right for you and you’ll know when it’s right.”

We say goodbye and I promise to let her know my flight information as soon as I book it, which is what I plan to do as soon as I get home.

***

The pilot comes on over the speaker and welcomes us to San Diego, California. I pull my purse out from under my seat and place my sunglasses on top of my head as we wait for them to let us off of the plane.

Earlier this week, when I told Jill and Nico about my planned trip, they were supportive, but Jill warned me that it could possibly be too late. As much as it pained me to think that could be the case, I certainly appreciated her honesty. She’s known him a lot longer than me, but I’d regret it if I didn’t try.

I grab my carry-on bag from the overhead bin and make my way slowly to the front of the plane. I’m a nervous wreck and feel like I’m going to get sick. Outside, the heat immediately assails me and a fine sheen of sweat covers my body. I cross the street and stand under the awning where I’m supposed to get on the shuttle to take me to the rental car office.

While I wait, I shoot a quick text to Brian’s mom. I’m just tucking the phone back into my purse when the small bus pulls up. The driver gets out, grabs my bag, and places it in the rack. I climb on and sit at the front. Other people climb on and then we’re off.

After picking up my car, I plug the address in for the Manchester Grand Hyatt. My brother booked my room for me. When I see it in the distance, I shake my head. Of course he put me up in a swank hotel. It’s incredibly beautiful and modern-looking.

The valet comes around to help me out when I pull up in front of the hotel. I grab my bags and hand the man a tip. He thanks me and then hands me a ticket for my car. The lobby is extravagant with an almost classic look. The desk to check-in looks like a shiny cherry wood, and when I step up to it, I run my hand down the smooth surface.

She hands me a pamphlet with my room key in it, and I make my way to the elevators. The music is soft. It fills the space around me as I ride the elevator up and up. When I reach my floor, I make my way down the hall until I find my room number, slide the keycard in, and step inside the room.

“Oh wow,” I whisper. It’s not even the room itself that gets my reaction. I mean, sure, the room is beautiful and modern with a huge flat screen TV, but it’s the view of the bay that has my full attention.

I put my bags down and move slowly toward one of the walls of windows. The water is clear, even from up high. There are boats in the marina and people milling around.

My phone chirps and I pull it out of my purse. There’s a text from Brian’s mom.

Hi Sweetheart. I’m glad you arrived safely. I “checked” in with Brian and they’re spending the day at South Mission Beach. Good luck!

Grazie, Maggie. We’ll talk soon.

After freshening up, I change into a flowing maxi dress and slip on a pair of flip-flops. I check myself in the full-length mirror. I don’t look too bad for someone who hasn’t gotten very much sleep. I decided to wear my hair up since it’s really warm out. My sunglasses are resting on top of my head. My makeup is light and natural looking.

With a deep breath, I head out.

***

I pull into the parking lot at South Mission Beach and shut my rental car off. There are people everywhere, and I have no idea how I’m going to be able to find him.

The smell of saltwater tickles my nose as I get out of the car. A light sheen of sweat covers my skin as I start walking down the path. Flowers are everywhere and the sweet, pungent smell combines with the saltwater.

I pass basketball courts and a park. There’s a large group of people by the sand volleyball courts, so I move in that direction. Not wanting to look like a creeper, I casually look at all of the people. He’s not near the courts, so I move along to the next group of people. Again, nothing.

I’m starting to get discouraged when I finally spot him. My body is frozen as I stare at him. He’s wearing a t-shirt, board shorts, and sandals. Sunglasses cover his eyes, and his hair is messier than I have ever seen, but I love it. He’s talking to a man who’s dressed similar to him. They’re both holding bottles of beer. I make my way toward him, but stop because some young woman in a tiny bikini comes over and starts flirting with Brian.

An ache forms in my chest as I watch him smile at her, lean in close, and say something into her ear. This was a mistake. I’ve ruined everything and have lost Brian forever. I start walking away, but I need to see him one more time, so I stop and turn around. Immediately, it becomes clear that turning around was a mistake because he looks in my direction. His mouth gapes open as he continues to stare.

I need to keep moving, but I’m frozen and dammit if a tear doesn’t escape and slide down my cheek. He starts moving toward me. That seems to unfreeze me. I turn and start walking fast to my car.

“Mila! Mila, stop!” He puts his hand on my arm and halts me. I hang my head because I’m afraid if I look at him, I’m going to break. “Mila, what are you doing here?”

“Um…I made a mistake. I’m leaving. Sorry to interrupt your time.” He tightens his grip when I try to yank my arm free.

He moves so he’s in front of me. He grips my chin and tilts it up so I have to look at him. Brian pushes my sunglasses up on my head. “Why. Are. You. Here?”

“I-I-I wanted to talk to you, to explain things.” My insides feel like they’re shaking.

“Explain what? Why you left? Why you gave me no explanation? Tell me why you’re here.”

I stare up at him, the words bubbling up in my throat. It feels like it’s too late, but if I tell him then at least he’ll have all of the information. In time, maybe we can be friends. I swallow the lump in my throat.