Miles Before I Sleep (28 page)

“I am sorry, Andrea. I’m sorry I let Richard and your father handle the details. I’m sorry I let you believe your assumptions. I’m sorry that you are hurting right now. I’m even sorry you had to jump from the window because of me and hurt your beautiful delicate ankle—which, by the way, I intend to kiss often during the next fifty years. But I’m not sorry we are married, nor am I sorry that I had to wait five years to do so. You are worth every second.”

He cupped the side of her face with one hand and felt her slight withdrawal. Instead of kissing her as he had planned, he stroked her cheek twice with his thumb before rising to his feet.

“Good night, Andi,” he said, reaching across her for his pillow. “Since you aren’t able to talk about it yet, I’ll assume you don’t want me in your bed.”

36

It was still the middle of the night when Andrea woke up. Knowing that he was sleeping just on the other side of the door made her feel trapped inside his bedroom. She also felt guilty that he had given up his bed and was now on a sofa that in no way could accommodate his tall form. Normally, when she felt pensive, she would have pulled out her sketchbook and filled the page with quick line drawings of faces with eyes in the shadows wearing dark expressions that reflected her mood. But she had not brought her art supplies with her.

After an hour of trying to go back to sleep, Andrea climbed out of bed and lit a lantern. As quietly as possible, she dressed, blew out the lantern and taking extra care, opened the door that separated the sitting room from the bedroom. There was barely enough moonlight coming in through the porthole to illuminate the outline of the furniture. She glanced at him as she slipped past and left the suite, unlocking and opening the door with exaggerated slowness, hoping not to make any noise.

Midnight forays were not unknown to Andrea—eating the bowl of bread pudding was not the first or the last time she left her bedroom at night. She did it at home and at school and the only time anyone found out, was the night she ate the bread pudding. When home from school, she would sneak out to the rose garden to sit and think. Before they had moved to Mayfair, she would escape to Lord Stemple’s garden when he was having a party and watch the festivities from the bushes.

At school, she would wander around the empty classrooms, sometimes reading the teachers’ plans for the upcoming classes or comparing her grades to her classmates’. Once she went to the stables, but the horses would not stay quiet and woke up the groom who slept in the building. He lit a lamp, giving her advanced warning of his approach and she was able to slip out unseen.

Andrea spared only one glance at the door before she briskly left the corridor behind. She knew even at night, a crew of sailors manned the ship, so she looked in each direction before walking onto the deck. No one seemed to be about. She stepped up to the railing and watched the way the moonlight glistened on the waves and the paddlewheel chopped into the water. She stayed there until a sailor rounded the corner unexpectedly. They both startled and Andrea lifted her head and walked past him as if being on deck in the middle of the night was perfectly normal.

She entered the first corridor she came to and began looking for a place where she could be alone and soon found herself outside the main saloon. During day and evening hours, the double doors had been fully open, but now—she supposed, to tell the passengers that the saloon was closed and they were not supposed to be there—the doors were shut. Andrea turned the knob and finding it unlocked, let herself in.

The saloon was an interior room, completely devoid of light.

Andrea carefully picked her way to the back corner of the room where the grand piano hid a small seating area from the rest of the room. As a child, she might have sat under the piano or on the floor behind the furniture. Although she was hiding, in case the sailor informed the mate she was wandering about, she preferred to keep her dignity and not make it obvious.

It would not do to have anyone come upon her crying, so she kept her emotions in check as she sat rigidly on the edge of the tapestry-upholstered sofa. Unaware of her posture, as it was second nature for her to sit erect, Andrea was only conscious of her stillness as she stared into the darkness, feeling completely at odds with her emotions.

Had she known her father had betrothed her to Miles, she would not have run away, nor would she have spent the last year miserable and studying bookkeeping. No doubt, she would have married him without too much objection. But it was the deceit she couldn’t see past. He could have told her from the beginning or once he revealed he knew her identity, and given her time to get to know him to see if they would suit. Instead, he let her believe as soon as her parents arrived, she would be forced to marry Rory.

Suddenly, Andrea heard voices and saw light under the crack below the door. She held her breath as the door opened and Miles walked in with a sailor.

“Check in there,” Miles said, pointing to an area where the waiters went to fill the drink orders.

As soon as the crewman took his lantern into the side room, Miles cast his light around the saloon. He did not see her at first, but as he swept his arm the second time, he saw a bit of color from her skirt visible past the legs of the piano.

“She’s here,” he said to the sailor. “Let everyone know they can stop searching.” Miles grabbed the man’s arm before he could depart and spoke to him in low tones that she could not hear.

Miles waited until they were alone to approach her. “You scared me half to death. I thought you might have thrown yourself overboard,” he said, setting the lantern on the piano.

“Don’t flatter yourself.”

A slight smile threatened to lift one corner of Miles’s mouth at her tart reply. Not only did it give him an indication of how upset she was, it was also one of the few times she had put him in his place. It always pleased him when the Ice Princess melted away and he could see her true self.

“Why are you roaming around alone on the ship in the middle of the night, Andi? I would’ve been happy to come with you—even if you wanted me to stay ten feet behind.”

Andrea shrugged. “I don’t know. I felt restless. The room wasn’t big enough,” she said before a humorless chuckle escaped her lips. “Your ship isn’t big enough.”

He leaned in and corrected her softly. “
Our
ship.” Miles took her hands in his. “Do you suppose that restless feeling is due to our marriage?”

She shook her head in denial. “I’ve always known my marriage was just as likely to be unhappy as happy.”

His shoulders dropped and the corners of his mouth drew downward. “I’m sorry I’ve made you unhappy. It is the last thing I ever wanted. I have botched this up from the beginning. Is it so terrible that I am the man to whom your father betrothed you? You liked me enough to marry me. Does it matter that I am also the man your father hand-picked?”

“You have no inkling what I’m upset about. I am hurt because everyone lied to me. Mama, Papa and you all lied to me about one thing or another. I think I have every right to be mad.”

“Yes, you do. I should have gone behind your father’s back and written to you at school. But there was a problem. I wanted to get to know the young woman I had met at the ball, not the girl on the pier. I didn’t know what to say to her. She was just a child and I was a grown man—it felt immoral. Honestly, Andi, if Richard’s health remained good, I probably would have waited another year or two before I claimed you.”

“If you didn’t like who I was, why did you say yes?”

“Don’t you see? I did not fall in love with the girl on the docks; I fell in love with the woman I had met in the Kincaids’ ballroom. I was devastated to find out your real age. But I also knew if I agreed to the betrothal, the woman I had danced with would be mine. I knew you would grow up into that woman. And you did.”

Andrea pulled her hands away and stood up. “You dare to lie to me again?” she shouted. “You only asked me to dance because my mother asked you to fetch me. You wanted to take me out in the gardens so no one would see us waltzing together. When I refused, you intentionally picked a fight with me.”

“That is not true,” he said vehemently. “I wanted to take you out into the gardens to get you alone for few minutes, so I could get to know you better. You might have even gotten your first kiss that night.  And I would hardly call my needling you, picking a fight. I was trying to get past the façade you wore to see the real you. The mask both fascinated and vexed me. I wanted to see what was hidden beneath.”

Andrea weighed his words, wanting to believe him. “There is a low-born girl behind the mask. That is why I wear it. That girl sneaks out of her room at night and steals food out of the mouths of servants. She looks at the teachers’ notes for future lessons so she can get ahead of the other girls and no one will think she is unintelligent.”

Miles grinned at her. “So this sneaking out at night is not an isolated incident?” She shook her head. “I wish you could see that she is the woman I want to get to know. I am no higher born than you. My father was a sea captain just like yours. My mother’s people farmed the land. I love the woman who wanted to see the steam engine because she wanted to see the future and the one who ran away from home to prove she could run her father’s company. I want my children to have a mother who would not name an imaginary constellation something mean-spirited because it was beneath her. Nor would she punish our children severely for sneaking bread pudding in the middle of the night. She is the woman I want for my wife, not some emotionless lady who would sell her happiness away for a title.”

Andrea felt her façade slipping away. Her lower lip trembled as emotion threatened to overwhelm her. “My mother hates that girl,” she said quietly. “She has tried to rid me of her since I was six.”

Miles had her in his arms in a heartbeat. “Thank heavens she did not succeed.”

Slowly, her arms came around him and her body relaxed against his. “I love you, Miles.”

He pulled back from her and looked into her face. “I love you too,” he said smiling widely at her. “Do you forgive me?”

The corners of her eyes crinkled as she grinned at him and nodded. “It would be beneath your wife to hold a grudge.”

He laughed and his arms constricted again to hold her securely, rocking slightly. “I’m famished. What do you say we raid the galley?”

“We can’t!”

“Of course we can. It’s our ship we can do anything we please,” he said. “And after we eat our fill, I can use my key to enter Levi’s quarters. We can steal his shoes.”

Andrea laughed and snorted then laughed at herself for snorting. “You’re truly wicked. But you don’t know the proper way to sneak around at night. We shan’t steal his shoes. He would know we were there.”

“Then what should we do?”

“I had a teacher who would leave her spectacles on her desk. I would put them in the pocket of her apron. She never once realized someone was moving them. I propose we pilfer a pair of his trousers. I could shorten the hem in less than thirty minutes then we must return them.”

Miles laughed. “And you called me wicked.”

37

Miles found himself reluctant to release her so they could leave. “It seems like an eternity since I held you.”

“I did not think I could miss something so new to me,” she said shyly, pulling back enough to look him in the face. “I have only been married for twenty-four hours, but I have longed for our time together all day. When I close my eyes, I can almost feel you. Do you suppose we might go back to our cabin now and I shall endeavor to do it right this time?” She said it with an impish smile that implied she knew there was nothing wrong with the way they had made love.

A lusty smile spread across his face. “Are you ready for lesson three?”

“Will there be a test afterwards?”

“If you find your pleasure, I will give you the highest marks,” Miles said. “Take off your unmentionables and give them to me. Your next lesson is called, ’Who needs a bed?’”

“Here? Right now?” Her eyes were wide and she glanced at the closed double doors through which she had entered. The light from his lantern barely reached that end of the room.

“No one has reason to come in here at night.”

“But…they could. There is no lock.”

“The danger is half the fun. Besides, I’m not asking you to take off all your clothes. If anyone came in, they would see nothing more than you sitting in my lap. Take off your unmentionables.”

A myriad of expressions crossed her face before she made a decision. Andrea stood up, turned her back to the door and tugged up the front of her skirts to get to the string of her drawers.

“Come here,” he said when he saw her glance at the door again. He pulled the string and with a devilish grin yanked the cotton garment from her hips. “Leave your slippers on and step out.”

After a moment’s hesitation, she did as he instructed, dropping her skirts back in place as soon as he had her drawers in hand.

“May I gut the light?”

“You may lower it, but do not extinguish it. I don’t know why you are so worried. If I had not seen your skirt beneath the piano, I would not have been able to see you at all.”

She stepped over to the piano and lowered the wick until it put off a minimum amount of light. With a nod, she acknowledged his assurances.

As she returned, he unbuttoned the front of his hastily donned trousers.

“I’m shaking,” she said.

He smiled compassionately. “You’ll forget your nerves soon enough,” he said in hushed tones. “Besides, I told the crewman not to let anyone come down the passageway.”

“You planned this?” she said stepping back.

He held out his hand to her. “I didn’t think you’d want us overheard if we argued or if you cried, Andi. No one is coming in. I just thought we could see how it feels to be naughty.”

Andrea tentatively stretched out her hand, placed it in his and allowed him to draw her forward. “If that’s true, why are you whispering?” she said in an equally soft tone.

“It’s part of the game. We don’t want anyone to catch us. Lift your skirt and sit on my knees facing me.”

“Miles….”

“Andi… I find it hard to believe the brave young woman who ran away from her safe London home to go to America all alone, is afraid to sit on her husband’s lap behind closed doors.”

With her free hand, Andrea lifted one side of her skirt and slid her knee along the upholstery next to his leg. She released his hand in order to lift the other side of her skirt and quickly sat straddling his legs. With a pointed look, she glanced down waiting for him to withdraw
it
from his trousers.

“Andi, are you always going to be in a hurry to get it over and done with? Can’t we kiss for a few minutes first?”

When she sat up straight, he knew she had taken his question as criticism.

“I’m sure it’s easy for you to wait. You have had your pleasure so many times you have probably grown bored with it. I have only had mine three times. It’s a bit like a new dress; I want to wear it all the time.”

With a chuckle, he cupped her bottom and drew her forward. In the dim light, she could see his playful smile. “I love that you’re tall,” he said stretching his neck slightly to kiss her. His hands moved up her back and pulled her against his chest.

Even the parts of her body he was not touching began to tingle with excitement. After half a minute passed she pulled back. “But maybe I’m too tall or else we’d be the same height right now.”

“I’m not talking about kissing you. I’m talking about the way you can take all of me.”

“Take all of you? What do you…?” She gasped as it dawned on her what he meant. “Well it’s not as if
it
was the size of an elephant or even a stallion.”

“Andi!” he said with feigned horror. “I can’t believe you know how big an elephant or even a horse is.”

“What am I blind? I even saw a stallion mount a mare once. The way she screamed and pawed scared me to death and I was sure it was like that for women.”

He chuckled sympathetically. “Poor Andi, your mother was cruel to tell you such lies.”

As he kissed her again, a soft sigh escaped her lips. “I love your kisses,” she whispered as she threaded her fingers through his soft black hair.

His lips thinned with a smile. “They are even better when you aren’t talking during them.”

For a moment, Andrea felt chastised, but quickly realized Miles’s tone did not bear criticism in it but humor. As the feeling of his lips began to stave away all of her internal chatter, Andrea could feel her passion growing. Her breathing came in short bursts. Her back arched and her breasts longed for his touch.

She loved this man. She finally admitted it. How that had happened when she didn’t believe in love, she didn’t know. But she couldn’t deny her overwhelming feelings for him. Why else would she be doing this here? God, she just could not get enough of him. What had he said about making love? It was a tangible way of feeling his love. How true that was. And it felt so good to be loved.

His hand suddenly found her breast. He palmed it roughly through her clothing making her moan with desire into his mouth. His touch had never felt impatient before and she felt nearly weak under his aggressive stroke.

“Does Andi like that?”

“Oh, yes,” she panted. “She definitely likes that. Andi likes everything you do to her.”

He tried to put his hand inside the neckline of her dress to draw her breast out. However, when he found it was too tight, he quickly reached behind her and unfastened the top buttons of her dress. With an urgency neither one had experienced before, he grabbed the top of her gown and jerked it downward with two hard tugs that would have torn cheaper material.

As soon as her breasts were exposed, his mouth fell on one and his hand found the other. Gone were the gentle caresses of the day before. The calluses on his hands abraded the silken skin of her breast as he suckled hungrily upon her, forming both nipples into large hard pearls.

“God,” she gasped. Her whole sex clinched, making her hungry for more. Her hand tentatively reached for the protrusion in his pants.

A low primal moan rumbled out of his throat. “Harder,” he said, thrusting his hips forward.

His hand covered hers and pressed it into him to show her how to stroke the length of his erection. As soon as she found her rhythm, he reached into his trousers and pulled out his cock.

Suddenly Miles’s head lifted and he froze. “What was that noise?”

He craned his head in the direction of the doorway. Her hand continued stroking him even as she twisted around and pulled at her bodice with her other hand.

“God, it’s so dark over there. Someone could be standing in the doorway and we would never know it,” he said into her ear.

They were both breathing hard when she turned back to him. His lips immediately seized hers. “No one’s there, I promise,” he whispered pulling away for a moment. “But shall we pretend there is?”

Before she could formulate an answer, his large hands clasped her by her bottom. He lifted her and shifted their position until she was on her back on the sofa.

Suddenly, he was inside her to the hilt, buried in her warm moist heat.

“Oh!” It wasn’t the low throaty sound of passion she usually made, but more a higher pitched exclamation.

He stilled instantly and withdrew a couple of inches. “Did I hurt you?”

“No. Don’t stop.”

He began moving in the rhythm he taught her before.

“No, Miles. Not like that. Do it the same as when you entered me.” Her breath was coming in gasping spurts.

“Fast and hard?”

“Oh, yes,” she moaned.

His first forceful thrusts were tentative as if he expected her to change her mind. He could feel the head of his cock flattening into the bottom of her womb. With other women, he would still be partially outside their bodies. Most women love his girth but some complained if he drove too hard because of the length. But Andi seemed to be built for him.

He felt her hand reach around him and lower until she cupped the round globes of his bottom. With every thrust, he felt her encouraging him to pump into her harder. It was almost too much for him to bear.

With gritted teeth, he found their new rhythm. He slowly dragged himself out of her long slick passage and slammed back forcefully. His balls slapped her ass and he ground his pubis into her clitoris at the apex of his thrust. When he did not think he could take any more, she began tightening her muscles the way he taught her. He silently prayed she would find her release quickly because he wasn’t sure he could hold off much longer.

Her head lolled to the side and he thought she was looking into the dark corner of the room at the doorway as she exploded into orgasm. Her back arched thrusting her breasts forward; her whole body froze in place as she rode out wave after wave of ecstasy. She had no control of the rising volume of her cries and after trying to hush her, Miles sealed his mouth over hers to absorb the sound.

As her climax began to wane, Miles’s body found his release. He shuddered with a grunt that sounded pained as he buried himself in her depths, unable to move for several seconds before he collapsed on top of her.

They lay like that catching their breath for more than a minute when she began to laugh. “I can’t believe we did that here.”

He chuckled. He couldn’t either.

“Did you really hear a sound?”

A boyish grin spread across his face. “No. Trust me if I thought anyone could see us, I’d cover you up and get rid of them.”

“Thank heavens. I was worried you had peccadilloes.”

He smiled inwardly at her choice of words. How polite to choose a word that had no more judgment to it than that.

“I’ve had three years of betrothal to think about you and what it was going to be like when we were married. Being watched has never appealed to me, but I wanted us to be so in love that when we found ourselves alone—like maybe in a carriage—we couldn’t help ourselves.”

She reached out, ran her fingers through his hair and brushed a lock off his forehead.

“I’ve thought about you too,” she admitted.

“Indeed? In a romantic way?”

Even in the dim light, he could tell she was blushing. She was slow to answer. “Perhaps—but nothing like this, mind you.”

“No, of course not. All this was beyond your scope of knowledge.” He shifted slightly and his manhood slipped out of her, making them both twitch and chuckle. Without getting up, he concealed his man-root inside his pants and pushed her skirts down. “Will you tell me?”

She shook her head, color flooding her cheeks as she pulled at her neckline of her dress, hiding her breasts away. A shy smile touched her lips and her eyes couldn’t hold contact with his. “It’s embarrassing.”

“Please.”

She hesitated and looked into his eyes. They were warm and loving and she knew he would never use her words against her. He made her feel that it was safe to confide in him.

“Do you remember when we stepped out on the dance floor and you bumped into me?”

“What a way to start a waltz.”

“Quite,” she said with a smile. “The contact made my things tingle.”

“Things?”

She pointedly looked down at her breasts hoping he would understand.

“Your breasts? Andi, you can say
breasts
to me. It’s not a dirty word. Regardless, you were saying, when I ran into you, it made your breasts tingle.”

“Heavens, I can’t believe I’m admitting this,” she said. Her hands flew to her face, covering her eyes, and she quickly finished in a rush before she lost her nerve. “Sometimes at night, as I lay in bed, I would think about you and I would press them to see if I could feel the tingling again.”

Miles couldn’t help but grin. Despite the foul lies her mother had told her, she could not suppress a mild curiosity about her own body. It was all very innocent and sweet and he had unknowingly played a very small role.

He pulled her hands away from her eyes. “So it was more about the sensation you felt when we collided, than about me?”