MILITARY ROMANCE: The War Within Himself (Alpha Bad Boy Marine Army Seal) (Contemporary Military Suspense & Thriller Romance) (52 page)

Ryan looked at her and saw the tiny fragile girl she was. Sure, she was sexy as hell and she knew how to turn him on. There was something about Sarah he couldn’t get off his mind ever since she had bumped into him. However, he knew he had a past and Sarah Watkins was the last person he wanted to hurt.

It felt wrong and as he realized, he might hurt her, he knew he had to leave before he did more damage.

“Shit. This is a mistake, Sarah. We shouldn’t be doing this. Trust me, the sex was mind-blowing. I could die for this kind of sex and you’re one heck of a beautiful woman. However, we can’t do this. I am not the right guy. This is a mistake. Forget what we did. Let’s get over it.”

With these words, he quickly wore his shirt, buttoned his pants and left, not even looking back once.

Sarah didn’t know to laugh or cry. In less than a couple of minutes, she went from being out of the world happy to heartbroken.

The tears didn’t stop that night. Men are all dogs she said, to no one in the room. She didn’t even have the energy to dress up. So, she stayed, all alone in her bed, naked and crying. She had the most amazing night of her life only to hear that it was a bloody mistake. So much for her stupid heart thinking of a beautiful tomorrow! What was it with men and her life?

When they were making love, it didn’t look like Ryan had made a mistake. He had looked at her with those hungry eyes and he had made her feel alive. Why then did he leave, without much of an explanation? He had called himself a wrong guy. Of course, he was wrong, who else leaves a naked woman in bed and calls such an orgasmic brilliance a mistake!

***

Sarah had no clue when she slept but remembered waking up in the morning to an empty bed and the memories of the night. Her tee was still crumpled on the floor and she tossed it away in anger and disgust. As she took a hot shower, she thought that Ryan certainly had a deep dark secret he was holding in.

She vowed not to let things slip away. She had allowed others to take control of her life and it had landed her nowhere. She decided it was time she handled her own life and wrote the stories she was meant to live.

Sarah Watkins was all set to change things and if there was one thing about her, it was that she never lost when she challenged herself. Sarah put on her shape wear and then wore the only piece of sexy dress she owned. It was a black peplum dress which did wonders to her cleavage.

She then took her time with cosmetics and wore an electric pick lipstick and dabbed a little extra gloss. She put on her fake eyelashes and added the right touch of mascara. She had her stilettos that were some 4 inches tall and then she decided it was enough to seduce the man who definitely was into her.

As she entered the college, people were literally dumbstruck. Her transformation was so whopping that it knocked off many guys. She wondered why she hadn’t tried all of it when she had first entered the college and then she knew that it was the month spent at NYC that finally taught her what the American taste looks like.

She really didn’t care what the other guys thought of her because her mission was to seduce Ryan enough that he would not call their night a mistake. She couldn’t wait for the poetry class to begin and when it did, she loved the look on Ryan’s face.

His eyes literally popped in delight and she saw the same hungry gaze as it drifted from her face to her cleavage and her whole body and back to those lips which he had definitely enjoyed last night.

He knew he was in class and it was difficult for him to keep his focus. Ryan wondered if he should sue the cosmetic companies for playing with a guy’s mind. He had no doubt that Sarah was beautiful, but when he saw her wearing all those layers of makeup and that dress, it made him all sorts of crazy. It was hard to talk of HW Longfellow when his mind was wishing to whisper something a lot dirtier.

Unable to concentrate, Ryan called off the class early and Sarah couldn’t help but grin at the effect she had on him. She kind of loved the difference a little effort could make.

“I have a question, professor,” Sarah said putting her hands up.

Ryan knew she wanted to make it difficult for him and said, “Sure, shoot it.”

“Is there a deeper literary meaning for the word ‘mistake’? Can someone call a person as a mistake and still not mean it? What do we call that figure of speech?”

Ryan chuckled and he had to admit that Sarah was a beauty with brains. He knew avoiding her was a mistake and so he said, “Class you may leave. Sarah, stay back. This is a good point to be discussed. As we have some time before the period officially ends, join me in my cabin.”

Sarah definitely enjoyed the conversation and she said, “Okay.”

As she walked into her cabin, she found Ryan had visibly relaxed. He had a smile, but he looked tired.

“Hello, Professor.”

“Sarah, I never called you a mistake. The problem is not you. It is me. I can’t really explain, but you are better off without me.”

“I thought I was the one in charge of my life and I am adult enough to make my own calls.”

“You do not know who I used to be.”

“Well, as far as I recall, all the books of literature tell me that it doesn’t matter where a person comes from. What matters is who they turn out to be.”

Ryan knew that convincing this girl would be difficult. He debated what part of his life to tell because it was hard to trust someone. He had made a new life for himself and had locked the nightmares of the past. He couldn’t allow himself to slip back into those times, but when he looked in the blue eyes of this sexy girl, he thought she deserved to know. He knew his secret would be safe with her. However, he also knew that she would walk away and he would never get to taste those lips or travel down to her girl parts ever again.

As he realized that it might be their last exchange; he took a deep breath and said, “Okay, Sarah. I am going to tell you my tale. This isn’t your world of fiction where every guy is a handsome prince. Some of us have a dark tale and we often hide our faces beneath masks. I won’t hold a thing against you if you walk out on me. I would respect that. However, I need you to meet me in the coffee shop at Bull’s street because this is not the place to talk. 6’o clock tonight.” With this, he briefly hesitated and then kissed her hot and deep, right in his cabin and said, “Might as well be our last kiss.”

Once again, he walked away leaving Sarah as confused as ever. She wondered if she should seriously give up on men altogether. Who said, women were difficult! It was the guys who needed a manual. She had no clue to know if her plan to seduce had worked or not.

However, her stomach did a little flip-flop as she wondered of the secret so grave that would make her walk out on the hottest man she had ever met. She had nothing to do but brood and the whole day she waited until her classes ended.

As the clock read 5:30, she headed for the coffee shop to get the answers she had started to dread.

Ryan was already waiting for her, sipping his mocha latte and sitting on the perfect booth, overlooking the street. He wore a black shirt and a pair of jeans. The upper two buttons of the shirt were unbuttoned and Sarah couldn’t stop thinking about unbuttoning the rest of his shirt and throwing it away, like a piece of cake. She looked beautiful as ever, as she wore a blue colored dress that perfectly brought out the blue color in her eyes.

She ordered a cup of hot chocolate and looked at the opposite street. It was drizzling and the sky was covered with clouds that looked like cotton candies. “You wanted to talk,” she said and reminded Ryan the reason for the meeting.

“Yes, I want to talk to you. Firstly, I wanted to apologize for my behavior. I didn’t mean to hurt you. I didn’t mean to leave you like that in the middle of the night, but I couldn’t stay with you. I saw the unadulterated look in your eyes and they reflected innocence in the purest way. I didn’t mean to hurt you. You are too precious to me, Sarah,” he said and held her hand. She couldn’t understand what Ryan meant to say. She was surprised how someone so flawless like Ryan could be in love with someone like Sarah who screamed imperfection out loud.

“I don’t understand Ryan. Please tell me everything from the start,” she insisted. She wanted to know everything about Ryan and wanted to do something in order to make him feel better.

“I don’t know from where I should start,”

“Start from the beginning then!” She suggested and looked into his turquoise eyes. They sparked and she could see a reflection of city lights in his beautiful eyes. “Tell me about the last time when you were happy!” She added.

“Honestly, I can’t remember the last time when I was happy or content. I can’t remember the last time when I had this feeling of being complete, of being whole. I always wanted to go home, but it took me a very long time to realize that my home was never a place but the road. The roads were my home. I was a part of a motorcycle gang, a bad one. We used to travel every day and the roads were my home. My home was not a single place, but it was where I used to sleep every night. People don’t understand this. They don’t understand the idea, the pleasure of living your life on the edge. I wanted to be something different. I wanted to break free. I wanted to run,” he said and looked at Sarah’s crystal blue eyes.

“And did you – did you find the freedom you wanted?” Sarah asked him. For a moment, she couldn’t realize that her professor was once a bad boy, a part of a motorcycle gang and used to wander the street for months. Suddenly, everything started to make sense – the tattoos and the piercing, the laidback attitude, and that carefree walk. Ryan had always been one of those boys who make storms look like a joke when they entered a room. They make no sound, but when they leave, they destroy the identity of everything.

“I think I did. I was limitless when I was with the gang. I used to feel strength and comfort in that lifestyle, both at the same time. I agree that often we used to do many things that were not legal, but there was a great thrill in breaking those laws. It used to make us feel that we were above the law and that we can do anything. We used to wander with no destination, no chains or boundaries. We used to ride for our love of the journey. But just like every other thing, it also came to an end. We started to argue over small irrelevant things that don’t even matter now. One of them planned of doing something illegal and the entire gang was split into two sections. The first section was with him, who wanted to do it, while the rest of the gang was with me, who was against it. The gang mostly had wild blood and we were outnumbered. We had to do it, and while doing the chase and plotting the scheme someone died,” he said and paused for a moment.

“Who?” Sarah asked out of curiosity.

“Her name was Agatha. She was my partner – curly hair, hazel eyes, tall and confident. She was my first lover. We planned on traveling the whole world, but the series of some unfortunate incidents tore us apart. I still remember the gunshots and the fire. Her screams still haunt me in the middle of the night. I wanted to save her, but I couldn’t. It is a bottomless pool of guilt which drowns me every night. I couldn’t save her and she died a lonely death. Deep within, I know that I was responsible for her death. I could have saved her, but I didn’t,” he stopped with those words. Ryan has a past that narrated its own story.

“I know it won’t make any sense now, but it was all meant to be. It came like a wake-up call, which made you leave the gang and you made a life for yourself,” Sarah suggested.

“Yes, it’s true. I said my goodbye to everyone and just left! I came here to the city of dreams and started living a new life. I have no regrets. But that day, when I was making love to you, I could see Agatha’s reflection in your eyes. You are very innocent and I believe that my company will destroy you. I want to preserve your innocence. I want you to be happy and there is a very strong part of me who believe that my presence can never give you happiness,” he said and regretted those words, as soon as they came out of his mouth.

“Do you really think so Ryan? Do you really think that you are not a part of my happiness? Look at me once! I feel so terrible after that night as if a part of my being has been robbed from me. I won’t tell you that you should stay with me because you are the only reason of my happiness. I want you to figure it out. I want you to figure out what you want in your life,” Sarah couldn’t stay there anymore, without breaking into tears. She couldn’t let Ryan watch her, being so vulnerable. She left the café and didn’t look back, even when every part of her being wanted to hug Ryan and kiss his red lips. Maybe, that was their last kiss.

***

Days passed by and Sarah couldn’t step out of her room. Her grandparents were worried about her well-being and tried to talk her out of it, but weren’t successful as nothing made her feel better. Her grandmother knew that it was a matter of love and that it was related to Ryan, so when she Ryan stood in front of their house four days after the incident, her face lit up!

“Someone is here to meet you, darling,” Sarah’s grandmother said and left, letting Ryan talk Sarah out of her remorse.

She looked at him and her heart melted with this vision. He looked perfect like always and she couldn’t stop thinking about his lips. “What are you doing here?” she asked and resisted in making the move.

“I wanted to talk to you,” Ryan looked at her and expressed his concern. When he didn’t see Sarah in the college, he sensed that something was wrong with her. He didn’t want to be the reason for her sadness. He wanted to keep her happy.

“Okay!” She said and demanded an explanation.

“I wanted to apologize. I wanted to make you feel better. The last couple of days were the worst in my life. I wanted to see you, talk to you, but your absence made a void in my heart. But they also made me realize your worth. I love you. I love you so much Sarah. You make me a better man. I want us to be together, Sarah.”

“You are my happiness. Please allow me to be a part of your happiness too.” He added and walked a couple of steps. He stood in front of Sarah and was mesmerized by her lovely blue eyes. They were both living in the present and were unafraid about their future. They were no longer haunted by their past.

He gave her a beautiful kiss on her lips and took control. Their bodies were ignited with a passionate fire and they found their oasis in each other’s hearts. Ryan undressed Sarah the next moment and she didn’t even realize how magically Ryan did his magic, tossing his shirt apart. He pressed Sarah’s bosom and she moaned with pleasure. He licked the top of her breasts and untangled her hair.

Ryan knew how to seduce a girl and Sarah was no exception. This time, they weren’t in each other’s arms out of lust, but out of love. Their lovemaking was at its peak when Ryan circled his tongues around Sarah’s delicate skin and kept on making invisible circles around it. Sarah demanded more and he fulfilled his wish as he penetrated inside her – gradually in the beginning and harder each time. He delivered his masculinity to Sarah and pushed her hard while he pressed her bosom and bit her ears. They both came together and danced on the highest peak of their passion.