Mind-Body Workbook for PTSD (10 page)

Review your log and put a check mark next to fixers that come with strong mental pressure or urgency. See if you can find the different characteristics of body tension (location, type, or both) that come with the fixer.

The fixer may also be involved when you can’t seem to resolve an issue. Maybe at night when you’re trying to sleep, a situation plays over and over in your mind. Your I-System’s fixer is in full gear, trying to figure out how to fix everything, yet interfering with your sleep. Remember to use bridging awareness practices for a good night’s sleep.

2. Do a Fixer map. Around the oval, jot the thoughts that come up about “How I Am Going to Improve My Life.” Work quickly for three to four minutes, without editing your thoughts.

1. When you look at your overall map, how do you feel?
   

   Calm ____ Tense ____ Overwhelmed ____
   

   The statements on your map may be either fixers or healthy thoughts (from natural functioning) about taking care of yourself and your responsibilities. For all your efforts and good intentions to succeed, it’s important to know which of your daily activities the fixer is impairing. One way to do this is to consider each item on your map and figure how much body tension you have when you think about going for this self-improvement goal.
   

2. Next to each item on your map, note your level of body tension using one of these symbols: Ø for no body tension, + for mild, ++ for moderate, or +++ for severe. It may help to see the sample Fixer map at the end of today’s assignments. The thoughts that come with body tension are your fixers, and the thoughts with no body tension are from natural functioning. The challenge is telling the difference between the two. Body tension that comes with thoughts means your fixer is active. The fixer also brings a mental urgency, creating extra pressure for you to act. Remember, natural functioning is how you think, feel, see the world, and act when your I-System is calm. When you are functioning naturally, and don’t reach a goal, you’re naturally disappointed. But when you don’t reach a fixer goal, you feel terrible.
   
3. List your fixers from the previous map:
   

   ______________________________
   

   ______________________________
   

   ______________________________
   

4. List thoughts on the previous map that are from natural functioning:
   

   ______________________________
   

   ______________________________
   

   ______________________________
   

5. It will help to compare the Depressor map in chapter 3, Day One, to this Fixer map:
   

1. Which map has the higher overall energy levels (makes you feel better)? Depressor map Fixer map
   

   Elevated energy levels that come with the fixer—which make you feel better—aren’t unusual. This higher endorphin level may keep you from recognizing the fixer, because you feel good about the thoughts. This makes you prone to addictions, risk-taking activities, and overworking when the thoughts are
   Drink more alcohol
   ,
   Drive faster than anyone else
   , and
   Work more
   . When active, the fixer impairs your judgment about the effects of your actions.
   

2. Make connections between the items on the Depressor map and the Fixer map:
   

   _______________
   

   _______________
   

3. Note the differences in location, quality, and intensity of the body tension that comes with the thoughts on the two maps; for example,
   My body tension on the Depressor map was located around my gut, and my body felt heavy and unresponsive. On my Fixer map, my body tension is around my chest and head, and there’s a jittery feeling
   .
   

   _______________
   

   _______________
   

   The intensity of your body tension and the driving pressure of your storylines are important signs that your fixer is active. Storylines are a sign that your fixer is limiting your ability to deal well with your current activity.
   

Sample Fixer Map

Note the fixers that come with a body tension level of
++
or
+++
when you think about trying to reach self-improvement goals; for example,
Be independent
,
Don’t depend on anybody
,
Work harder at feeling better
,
Be a better parent
,
Be more in control
,
Be stronger
,
Think positively
, and
Drive safely
.

Also note any thoughts from natural functioning (without body tension, Ø) when you go for a self-improvement goal; for example,
Read more books on PTSD
or
Eat better
.

Day Two     Date:____________

The fixer’s activity takes many forms. For instance, George mows his lawn two to three times a week. He always tried to make it perfect because it is “never good enough.” Mary was on an endless merry-go-round, left exhausted from so busily meeting her children’s needs. Mike drove himself so hard at work that he needed medicine to lower his blood pressure. Ray tried so hard to be a “good husband” that his wife almost left him. Larry’s trauma symptoms so overwhelmed him that he tried to “fix” himself with a bottle of whiskey a day. Tom found driving fast so exciting that it was the thing that made him feel alive. And Ted was always angry.

We have all read about or had firsthand experience of the extraordinary power of the fixer. In his book
Man Against Himself
(1938, 23), Karl Menninger (one of the leading experts on the effects of trauma on World War II troops) writes that suicide “is a murder of the self by the self.” Suicide is the fixer’s way of trying to fix the distressed mind-body by killing off the individual. It’s the fixer at the height of its power.

1. Whenever your fixer is active during the day, notice your body tension, storylines, mental pressure, and behaviors. Note how the fixer creates mental pressure urging you to act. It can either drive your actions or leave you feeling overwhelmed and paralyzed. Be aware of the way your fixer frames the demand. The fixer traps you into thinking,
I need to
,
I have to
,
I must
, or
I should
. Do you recognize signs of your depressor when your fixer is in action? What do you notice?

• Write your observations:
  

  ______________________________
  

  ______________________________
  

  ______________________________
  

  The real effect of the fixer is to keep the I-System going. In doing so, the fixer strengthens the damaged self. At times, the fixer uses positive thoughts like
  Exercise more
  ,
  Eat better
  ,
  Sleep better
  ,
  Work harder
  ,
  Enjoy life
  ,or
  Be a better parent
  , hiding its underlying motive. However, when the fixer uses thoughts like
  Pass everyone on the road
  ,
  Punch out that son of a bitch
  ,
  Snort more cocaine
  ,and
  Get away from this turmoil
  , its motives are clearer. Never underestimate the huge pressure the fixer creates when trying to fix the damaged self. You can’t fight the fixer. For example, the urge to drink and take drugs may be from the fixer, but having another fixer that urges you to stop drinking and taking drugs just pours more fuel on the fire, creating a yo-yo effect. By actively becoming aware that the fixer is driving a particular activity, you decrease the fixer’s power over you.
  

• Make a special note of any of your activities that have to do with addiction, risk taking, overworking, anger, and irritability. Do you recognize the mental and physical pressure the fixer exerts? Can you find the embedded depressor? Note the level of mental pressure with 0 for none, + for mild, ++ for moderate, or +++ for severe.
  

  

  When active, does the fixer impair your judgment? Yes ____ No ____
  

  Can you ever do enough to satisfy the fixer? Yes ____ No ____
  

  Recognizing and befriending the embedded depressor is essential to reducing the excess mental and physical pressure the fixer causes. The fixer is powerless without the depressor.
  

2. Do a Fixer map. For several minutes, jot around the following oval any thoughts that come up about “How I Am Going to Improve My Life.”

1. For each thought on your map, write in the table below the type and location of any body tension and amount of mental pressure you feel when you think about trying to reach your goal.
   
2. For each thought, try to notice its embedded depressors and requirements.
   

   

   It’s important to recognize that your fixer items are generated by your fixer in response to your depressor to get you to meet your I-System requirements. When the I-System and its requirements are resting, so are the fixers or depressors. However, once an event or condition triggers the I-System by violating one of your requirements, the fixer, the depressor, and the storylines create the energy (commotion) that keeps the I-System going.
   

3. Do the map again, this time using your bridging awareness practices. Before you start writing, listen to background sounds, feel your body’s pressure on your seat, sense your feet on the floor, and feel the pen in your hand. Once you’re settled, keep feeling the pen in your hand, and start writing. Scatter your thoughts around the oval. Watch the ink go onto the paper, and listen to background sounds.