Mind Games (16 page)

‘I’ve got something. What next?’

‘It sounds like when you’ve been spinning before you’ve gathered power, then collapsed it. This is the opposite. Gather power and thrust it out to create.’

‘Yeah, sure. That’s helpful.’

She crosses her arms. ‘Just try it, you dys.’

I walk away from Crystal. Stand in the void, in the darkness, the comfort of little lights, whistling winds. I picture everything I can of my room from home, every detail, the battered shelves, the photo of Astra. Then raise my hands and spin.

Silver rushes to me from all directions. It clings to my skin, and my blood rushes to the surface in a wave of heat. The silver in me and around me longs to embrace; one calls for more and more of the other, in perfect harmony – a duet of growing power.

Vaguely I hear Crystal’s voice calling through the vortex that has started to swirl above me:
You need more control!
And I try to calm it, to steady the rush, but there is so much, too much.

Not just my room then, no. Our house, too. The garden. It spreads out around me and is more than it ever has been. Fragrant blossoms fill the air as if a mad hyperactive spring has taken over.

‘Rein it in,’ Crystal yells. ‘Or it’ll implode in on itself.’

I slow, calm, pull in the borders. Breathing deeply, but not air – silver. It is me, of me, around me. My hands: I stare at them. Beautiful silver.

‘Luna, Luna.’ A distant voice calls my name, but I ignore it now. Lie on the warm grass, a sunny day. As I calm, the silver breathes out until I’m more the
me
that I usually am. But the other is me, too? The orange and black of a butterfly flutters past, and I smile.

‘Luna, please!’

I frown. Is that Crystal?

I make a door in the edges of blue sky and open it. Outside in the blackness of the void is Crystal. She stares through the door, eyes wide. ‘That was a bit of a wow.’ She hesitates. ‘Can I come in?’

‘Of course.’

She walks in, looks around her in wonder. ‘Nice S’hack,’ she says, finally. ‘Show-off.’

‘You told me to make something I wanted, so I did.’

‘What is this place?’

‘Home,’ I say, simply.

‘It’s your S’hack now. No one but you can find it. No one but you can get in or out unless you let them.’

‘Did I do all right?’

She rolls her eyes. ‘You pass creation. Next lesson would be new worlds, but by the looks of this that won’t be too much for you. Only thing is you took in too much power. If you overwhelm what you are trying to create with more than it needs, it might get away from you, and tear you apart with it.’

‘Spinning power…it’s intoxicating. I wanted more and more.’

‘That’s the danger you must guard against.’ She shakes her head. ‘Most of us don’t have that problem; most of us struggle to make something small and plain.’ Envy is stark in her eyes.

‘Come on; let’s find Gecko.’

I make another door in the sky; we step through. As soon as we do the door vanishes. No sign my own S’hack is even there unless I think of it: then, much like with Gecko’s S’hack, a faint outline appears.

I hold Gecko in my mind, and we follow silver arrows until we get to his S’hack. I stop. ‘Here we are.’

‘Where?’ she says, looking around her.

‘You can’t see it?’

She frowns, shakes her head no.

I wish for a door, and as the silver spreads, she nods. ‘I can see the door.’

I open it, step through.

Crystal doesn’t follow.

‘Luna?’ Gecko is lying down on his bench. He sits up but doesn’t stand. There are stark black circles under his eyes, but he smiles to see me.

‘What’s wrong?’

A pained look crosses his face. ‘I don’t…I can’t…’

‘What is it?’ I stare at the struggle on his face; it’s like it was when he was trying to talk about what happened at the test centre. ‘Is your Implant stopping you from telling me something?’

He nods, then winces as if that simple movement caused a backlash inside.

‘Crystal is with me; she wants to see you. But she couldn’t seem to come in. Can you do anything? Like, give her permission or whatever?’

He nods. ‘Try again,’ he says.

I make a door, look through it. Crystal scowls on the other side.

‘What game you playing at?’ she snaps.

‘Nothing. You didn’t follow me.’

‘You just vanished. I couldn’t see where you went.’

‘All right. How about if I pull you through?’ I hold out a hand. She hesitates, comes up, takes my hand. Hers is so cold hairs rise on my arm. I start to pull her through the door but she lets go, cries out. I turn back, and she is cradling her hand against her.

‘Sorry. Looks like you can’t come in.’

Her eyes are filling with tears that spill and freeze to crystals on her cheeks. She blinks furiously.

‘Is there anything you want me to tell him?’

‘I don’t know. Just say…I miss him. And hope he’s all right.’

‘OK. Wait here.’

I go back through to Gecko. ‘She can’t come in.’ I relay her message, watching his face. Is she really his girlfriend?

As if he reads my thoughts he shakes her head. ‘We used to be together. Not for a while. It didn’t work out.’

‘Oh. Does she know that?’

‘She should. She’s not always good at processing stuff she doesn’t like, though.’ He hesitates. ‘We’ve been friends for years. I know she’s difficult, but she’s had a tough time. Her mum was an Implant Addict; Crystal had been selling her S’hacking abilities to dodgy customers to feed them since she could walk.’

I stare at him, horrified.

‘But she is a friend, nothing more. And it’s good to see you. What’s happening out there?’

I relay a summary of Crystal and me in the void; Tempo’s words last night.

‘Don’t listen to Tempo; don’t let them use you like they’ve used me.’

‘What do you mean?’

He shakes his head. ‘Just suspicions. But keep away from PareCo.’

‘I can’t. I have to make PareCo pay for what they’ve done to my family.’ I spit the words out. The words I’d been holding back from Tempo, wanting to think things through before I give her what she wants to hear. But no matter what her reasons are, our ultimate goal is the same.

‘Don’t let them get you, too, Luna.’ A note of fear, of warning.

‘What has happened to you? What’s wrong?’

He visibly struggles. ‘You don’t want to be where I am,’ he finally manages to get out. Then breathes heavily, as if he fought hard just to say that.

‘Are you still at Inaccessible Island?’

He nods. So his physical location isn’t blocked; something else is.

‘I need to go there.’

‘No, Luna. Don’t do it.’

‘You think I can’t do anything useful!’

‘No, that’s not it. It’s too dangerous. Do you want to be trapped like me?’

‘Listen to me, Gecko. They can’t trap
me
in the void, can they? I can always just unplug at will, even if I’m in the void. So that can’t happen to me. I’ll go to Inaccessible Island. I’ll find out what they’re up to, and I’ll find you. Do an emergency unplug on your body, and set you free.’

‘No, Luna. Don’t go there. It’s too dangerous. Nothing can happen to you; it’s too important.
You’re
too important.’

I stare back into his dark eyes. ‘Why?’

‘Isn’t it obvious?’ He smiles and a trace of his swagger comes back. ‘You haven’t completely fallen under my spell yet. It’s ruining my track record.’

I smile, but shake my head. ‘You can’t stop me. Gecko, I’ll find you, wherever you are.’

He wraps his arms around me, and I can feel him shaking. He’s still fighting the Implant, fighting to find a way to tell me what has happened. He finally sags and shakes his head. Murmurs into my hair. ‘I can’t help you. You’d be on your own.’

‘I know. It’s OK; I’m used to it.’

After unplugging, Crystal and I head up the dark hallway, and through the door at the end. Then the lights suddenly go on. Tempo and Heywood stare back at us.

‘What have you done?’ Tempo demands, staring at Crystal.

She straightens her shoulders. ‘What you should have done in the first place. Start teaching her, so she isn’t a danger to others.’

‘Or herself,’ Heywood adds mildly.

Tempo turns her glare on Heywood. ‘You knew about this?’

‘No. But it was a good idea. The right thing to do.’

They all start winding up for an argument, ignoring the one they’re arguing about. I sit on the sofa for the show, but then suddenly feel tired of it all.

‘Listen up,’ I yell out when there is a pause. ‘Remember me? I’ve decided where I stand. What I’m doing. That’s what you wanted, isn’t it?’

Silence falls. Three sets of eyes swivel towards me.

‘I’m going to Inaccessible Island.’

Later that night I lie in bed, unable to sleep.

Heywood and Tempo argue outside my door. He thinks I need more training. That I’m dangerous. Tempo’s voice is cold, condescending; how could
he
possibly know anything about it when he’s not a S’hacker, or even a Hacker? That every virtual means to find out what is happening at Inaccessible Island has failed: the only way forward is for someone to go there in person. That from what Crystal told her I did in the void tonight, I’m more than ready. And she says that is exactly why I should go there, and go there now: that I’m dangerous, unpredictable. PareCo won’t know what I’m going to do.

They’re not the only ones.

And me:
dangerous
? If only they could see me now. I hug Mr Dog close, curled into a ball, with pillows either side of me at the edges of the bed like I used to do when I was a child – convinced it’d stop the scary creatures under the bed from climbing up and getting me.

But this time I’m going under the bed.

28

Tempo takes me to her office the next morning. She shuts the door; we are alone. ‘Tell me what you want to do,’ she says.

‘I’ll go to Inaccessible Island. I’ll find out what PareCo is up to there. And I’ll find Gecko.’ I say the words like all that will be easy to accomplish, but inside, I’m scared.

She’s pleased, though she doesn’t say. There is a gleam of triumph in her eyes. Am I doing exactly what she wants? That grates for some reason, but I shrug it away.
It’s what I want, too
. It’s what I must do.

‘There is a catch. You can’t just walk out of here as if nothing ever happened. How do you explain where you’ve been? Even if you can come up with a good story, they’ll never believe it. A few truth drugs and they’ll know everything.’

‘So what can I do?’

‘Memory beads, like your mother’s. We’ll put your memories of here in beads. I can take time back to the last time you were in the void before you came here.’

Shivers go up my spine. Take my memories, and hide them away in beads? Like Astra did. Shock hits me hard when I see the implications: memories aren’t just copied, they are taken. And they are taken out of time: only Tempo could do this.

‘You did that for Astra, too, didn’t you? You made this necklace.’ I touch it where it hangs around my neck.

‘Yes,’ she admits.

That isn’t quite what she told me before, but I push that thought away as tears prickle in my eyes. ‘So when Astra put memories in these beads – of when I was born, my first steps – she didn’t remember those moments herself any more.’

‘It’s the only way it can be done.’

‘So she took early memories of me as a baby, and put them in beads?’ I shake my head. ‘How could she do that, strip her own memories for me? And
why
? Did I really need them more than she did?’ It hurts to think she could just walk away from them like that.

‘If she’d survived she could have restored them to herself, just like you will do later on – restore the memories we place in the beads.’

‘But how will I know to access them later if I can’t remember anything?’

‘When the time is right, you’ll know.’

That isn’t good enough for me. Later when we plug in to go to the void for memory shenanigans, I race to my S’hack first, write myself a note, and pin it to the front door of the house. I won’t remember my S’hack, or making it. But won’t I be drawn to it? It’s my home away from home, the one place I’d want to run to in the void. I hope so; it’s all I can come up with now.

I try to hurry to meet Tempo, picturing her face: forcing the silver arrows to show me the way. It’s even harder than that last time with Crystal. I
really
don’t want to find Tempo, do I?

But I must.

It’s fear, that’s all it is: fear of having my memories mucked with. But it has to be done; it’s the only way. I push it away, focus.

When at last the arrows take me to her she is facing the other way, and I pause, study her. There is something about her that is calm and almost regal, while everything in and outside of me is a swirling storm. Even her hair flutters gently about her face, hanging in the void. Mine whips against the constraints of its ponytail, fighting to be free.

Then she turns, smiles to see me. ‘There you are. Did you have trouble finding me?’

‘A bit. It took a while to make myself do it this time.’

She inclines her head. ‘Taming your will in the void is one of the first challenges a S’hacker must face.’

Now that her eyes are on me here I feel her power like a physical thing, one that makes me aware of all that I lack. ‘I don’t understand why you’re not training me.’

‘Luna, you are of the elements. Training wouldn’t enhance your skills, it would curtail them.’

‘Heywood doesn’t agree with you.’

She raises an eyebrow. ‘His opinion is of no consequence. He’s not one of us.’ Her shoulders rise in a shrug, dismissive, and it needles: he’s not a S’hacker and so can’t manipulate the void, but so what? It makes me remember all the slights from my classmates because I didn’t plug in at school. I’m still the same person I was then.

‘Isn’t he part of your organisation?’

‘He is useful; he will continue to be useful. He will never be in charge.’ She smiles. ‘But this is a diversion from what we are here for. Are you ready?’ she asks.

‘No. But do it anyway.’

‘It won’t hurt. I promise.’

As before when she timed Gecko’s S’hack, power swirls about her in a vortex. But this time there is more power, so much more, and I’m inside the vortex with her. We’re spinning in a swirl of silver so fast that everything about me is a blur, and I have to fight myself to not pull away, to not resist.

And then, all at once, we are
back
. Back in time to when I last plugged into the void before I left home for the transport to Inaccessible Island. To when I threw a star into the void for Nanna, and watched it fall. To when I ran out on Gecko for telling me his crazy theories about PareCo. Not so crazy, after all.

Tempo winds time forwards from then to now, more slowly, and the memories unwind with time. She is spinning them away – wisps of thought, feeling and sensation that are part of me now become part of the vortex swirling around us. As she does so, everything is relived in a strange fast-forward:

The note on the flowers sent by Dr Rafferty: my transfer cancelled.

Saying goodbye to my family; Dad giving me Astra’s silver necklace, on which so much depended.

The transport. Hex. Gecko appearing; his strange words.

The crash, coming to this place, the fear.

The void; collapsing it, and Gecko’s pain.

And Astra’s memories. If I don’t manage to restore my own memories, these will be lost forever. It hurts to relive the joy she felt when I was born, knowing as I do now that she gave up the memories she stored for me. That Tempo did this to her all those years ago like she is doing to me now.

And Astra’s words to me as she stared in the mirror. Listening to them a second time I’m struck again by all she doesn’t say. And by
trust no one; trust only yourself
. Repeated twice with more emphasis on the words than I noticed the first time.

All she doesn’t say?

The first time I experienced her memories, I thought she was afraid of someone listening in. Tempo was listening! She was there to unwind Astra’s memories, to store them away. She was there the whole time.

My memories are swirling up in silver, and I struggle to focus my thoughts, to pull them back.

Tempo had said bringing me to Heywood’s house was the only way she could reach me. That they needed me to be safe until my time came: that she trusts me to do what is right when I know the truth.

But what is the truth?

Part of Tempo’s truth is that she wants power, to take over from PareCo. For some reason I don’t understand, she thinks she needs me to do that.

Horror is dawning inside. I should have listened to Gecko. He said
don’t let them use you like they’ve used me
. I’d thought he was in on things with Tempo, but was he? He’d said his S’hacker status had been betrayed by someone – that he’d been forced to go to the test centre by PareCo. The same test centre as me. Who betrayed him? Then later he was in hiding, but somehow PareCo found him again, and threw him on that transport. The same transport as me. But
how
did they find him? Did Tempo betray him in both instances, so he could first check me out for her, then later rescue me?

But more: how did
I
get on that transport? Nanna’s death. But PareCo did that, didn’t they?

But something about that isn’t right, doesn’t
feel
right, and I struggle to focus on what. When it hits me, I gasp: Crystal said
if PareCo did it, they’ve probably faked the records
.
But they weren’t faked.

According to official PareCo records, Nanna died of Implant acceleration. Would they have had it there, bold, in print on an official report, if they’d done it themselves?

I feel cold, sick, inside. Tempo must have hacked PareCo records and found out I got a university transfer because of Nanna being ill, and the fine print – that a change of circumstances with Nanna would have me going to Inaccessible Island, instead. Crystal told me S’hackers could hack old-style Implants like Nanna would’ve had. And Tempo said she wasn’t going to tell me how Nanna died; not until she knew from Crystal that I suspected it wasn’t natural causes.

Not until she realised she could blame PareCo, and give me another reason to hate them.

But this can’t be true. Why go to all that trouble to have me put on the transport and rescued from it? It would have been much easier to snatch me on the way home from school.

Because she still needs me to go to Inaccessible Island
. Only PareCo can get me there. By deciding to leave this place so they’ll take me there, I’ve done exactly what she wanted.

‘Stop!’ I scream, and struggle to pull my memories back from the vortex. ‘It was you Astra was afraid of; it’s you she tried to warn me not to trust.’ Rage fills me, and I fight to pull the memories back to myself, to stop time as it swirls between us.

Tempo turns and smiles, ghostly in the swirl of power that surrounds her. ‘Yes, I suppose that’s true. Your mother was misguided. She thought it wasn’t enough to topple PareCo and for S’hackers to silently take over. But she soon forgot she wanted proper democracy to decide what happens next. As if
that
could ever do anything but go wrong.’

‘And Nanna? Gecko, too?’ I gasp to even say their names, full of pain at what happened to both of them, and with struggling to hold onto the memory of it.

Memories are drifting into silver beads.

Why did I say their names?

She smiles, and I fight to pull my memories back to myself, unsure even why, but I’m desperate to get them back, to hold onto them. But Tempo is too strong. Another memory whips away in the air, drifts into a bead.

‘But don’t let that trouble you, dear Luna.’ She holds my necklace in her hands. It’s longer now, with eight shiny new memory beads, my S’hacker marks on each one. Then she smiles and pinches the last two off the necklace: the ones with my last memories. The ones of me realising what she’s done.

They float away, to be lost in the void forever.

I fight to hold these last thoughts, to keep them. And she said
Astra forgot
? No! Some of her memories must have been stolen: Tempo didn’t keep them all on the necklace with the others. Some were pinched off and lost in the void, like mine.

Could I call a silver arrow to find the missing memory beads?

But how would I know to do so?

I
focus
as much, and as hard, as I can: on silver beads. Floating in the void. Imprinting – engraving – the image in my mind.

Silver beads. With my S’hacker marks; every swirl, every detail. Floating in the void.

Trust your intuition
, Astra said. Every fibre of my being said to stay away from Tempo today, but I didn’t.

I’m filled with sadness.
I’m sorry, Mum. I didn’t do what you asked.

Silver beads in the void.
Fight
.

Beads. In…in…the void?
See them
.

The void?

Nothing.