Mind Games (28 page)

47

I run and run.

I’m fractured. Parts of me are running; parts of me are crying. Some in the void, some in my hallway, some in every world I’ve ever visited.

Focus
: what was I going to do? My memories are fuzzy, damaged: there are beads to fix that. Memory beads?

No:
Jason first. Find Jason.

I concentrate on his smile, his laugh. To start with, there are silver arrows everywhere, pointing in all directions. The void is fractured, like me; but when I follow first one arrow and then another, they are pointing at beads. I ignore them, concentrating hard on Jason, on holding him first in my thoughts. And after a while it settles, and there are fewer, and finally just one arrow leading the way.

‘Luna?’ I hear his voice again. This time he is close. I can see him!

‘Jason?’

But when he turns and sees me, he runs. In the other direction.

‘Jason!’ I call his name again. ‘It’s me, it’s Luna.’

He pauses, looks back. He’s crying. ‘It looks like you, but not you.’

I look at myself, and frown: I’m beautiful silver, and I love it. But I will it to go. It starts to bleed off, bit by bit. First my lungs are clear; then deeper tissues; skin. But it stays in my blood, my eyes. I’m finally starting to accept that it is part of me, and always has been.

‘Better?’ I say, and hold out a hand. He hesitates, finally walks towards me.

‘Is it really you?’ he says.

‘Yes, monkey. It’s really me.’ He launches himself, holds me tight. ‘Come on. I’m going to take you somewhere safe.’

I take him to my S’hack for now. It is safer than anywhere else I can think of – I’m the only one who can get in there – but once again, the silver arrows are confusing, pointing in all directions. I have to focus hard on the S’hack to get there.

It hasn’t escaped the spinning – the garden is jumbled and the house a bit sideways, but it is intact.

‘Wait for me here. I’ve got to sort some things out.’

‘You’ll come back? You promise?’

‘Of course.’

I kiss him and he doesn’t fend me off like he usually would. I look back and wave from the silver door, and step back into the void.

What now?

Again there are arrows, multiple sets of them, and I can’t ignore them any longer. One by one they take me to beads. I collect them in my hand. Seven in total: two are carved with my S’hacker marks, the other five with Astra’s. Memory beads?

These ones weren’t on the necklace, but they look just the same as the ones that were. I thought Tempo had sent phantom beads to remind me about the necklace; I thought they weren’t real.

Yet here they are – seven beads in my hand. What do they mean?

Seven is the seeker of truth
. I must do this: I have to know what they hide.

The silver comes to me easily now.

The memories are harder to bear.

I lie in the void. It is a while before I can make myself focus on what it all means, along with all I’ve learned since then. Silver is swirling into a message above me, but I ignore it, and look within.

In my beads were my realisations – too late – that Tempo manipulated Gecko; she manipulated me. Though I can’t regret meeting Gecko, I’d never have known about ANDs and plugged in with them if it wasn’t for her setting him up.

If Rafferty told the truth when he said they’d have left me alone if I’d stayed a Refuser, then Nanna was right, all along. She was the only one who always had my interests at heart. Even Astra made me for a reason, had plans for what I could do. Nanna was the only one who didn’t want to use me for something.

And Tempo killed her.

And in Astra’s beads?

Astra had been investigating Tempo. She’d found out that Tempo had betrayed S’hackers who stood against her in COS to PareCo, and worse: gave PareCo the means to trap them. Silver was extracted from inside the S’hackers when their brains were removed, and used as part of their virtual prison. One that could not be escaped. Like Gecko’s.

The memories stop abruptly, but one thing is certain: whatever happened to Astra, Tempo must have been behind it.

The one person I thought could help me was the most dangerous. How could I have been so wrong?

I don’t know how long I lie there, lost in the things I’ve learned. There is some fluttery movement out of the corner of my eye; I ignore it. It becomes more insistent. Finally I look up.

Silver coalesces to form letters and words that appear, vanish and reappear:
Go to your hallway.

When it happened before, I thought they were from Tempo. But that can’t be right, can it? They’ve helped me, whereas Tempo has done nothing but hurt and deceive Gecko, Crystal, me, Astra. Tempo, despite the double game she plays, wants PareCo destroyed so she can sweep in and take over – what happens to any of us is nothing to her.

So I go to my hallway. Take the last AND in my pocket, then drop down through a hatch.

I look around, and sigh. There’s nothing out of the ordinary here, just the usual doors, the usual fan club invites. It’s a dead end.

Would a message do any good? To Melrose. Just old-fashioned words, not in person – if she can see me it’ll be hard to get away. But as soon as I send it PareCo will know I’m here, will come for me. I’ll have to be quick.

I concentrate, but seem to be incapable of making sense.

M – please tell your dad. General weirdness on Inac. Bio body transports and brain Think Tanks. Pls send help. A helicopter would be nice. Love, L. Not Crazy.

That will have to do. I hit
send
, and run for the hatch out of my hallway, past a fan club invite.

Did it just pulse?

I pause, glance back. It’s just the usual thing:
Astra Remembered
.

I look closer. No; wait. It’s different.

The spine spiders are back. I blink, and look again.

It says
Astra Remembers
.

It feels like my heart
stops
. Just stops beating. Everything inside me is frozen. Remembers…? Present tense?

No.

It can’t be.

Can it?

There is a faint
whoosh
behind me, then another. One by one the doors to my hall are disappearing: access withdrawn. PareCo knows I’m here. They’re coming.

I hit
join
, and push the door open.

She’s not as tall as I remember; barely taller than me. Of course I was much shorter the last time I saw her. But her dancing eyes and dark hair are just the same. She hasn’t aged.

We stare at each other. We’re in a clear dome, stars all around. Silver winds around her eye – even more than in my memory.

She holds out a hand, trembling.

‘Luna? Oh, my darling girl. You’re beautiful.’

I hesitate.

I want to demand to know
everything
: how she could deceive Dad, how she could engineer a daughter – me – to be some sort of weapon against PareCo. What am I, even? Part girl – part void? How she could let herself be trapped by Tempo. How she could leave us alone all these years.

But that can wait. I step forward. It feels good to hold each other, just the same.

We’re in a space station in the midst of a galaxy-wide war. No real surprise that once Tempo gifted a captive Astra to PareCo, the world they would choose to incarcerate her in would be a space game.

She’s like Hex, and Gecko. She exists only in virtual; a permanent prisoner of a Think Tank in reality.

Little did they know she’s been working on manipulating wormholes all this time. It took her nine years to start spying on the world outside from here, and another four after that to work out how to get silver messages out to the void. She saw how Gecko manipulated a group invitation to trace me a while back, and only just worked out how to use one to provide a portal to her.

She never gave up trying to reach me. Not once.

48

Ping
. What is that? Oh. The security pingback I set: I scan the logs. They’ve begun a PIP-by-PIP check of the entire Centre.

‘I’m sorry, can we work a little faster?’ I say.

Astra looks up, smiles. ‘Just as patient as when you were three.’ We’ve been S’hacking wormholes, trying to see if together we can find a way Astra can get out.

But nothing has worked so far.

‘I should go soon. They’ve started checking all the PIPs to try to find me. And I’ve got to go to Gecko before I unplug.’

‘Why didn’t you say? Go, go!’ She’s distressed. Hugs me again, and despite everything, it is hard to let go.

I promise I’ll be back, and wish for a door. It’s not fair. Everyone else can go in and out at will, but those trapped by PareCo in a VeeDub – like Gecko, like Astra – no way. I told her everything that was in her missing memory beads, including that she, herself, is part of the fabric of this world. If it’s part of her, how can she leave it? She said we had to try.

I start to step through the door, then turn back. ‘Wait a minute. Crystal opened multiple windows to the void, so we could get many flights of silver into the Gateway for more power. Would that work here?’

‘It might. But you need to go.’

I pause, and check the security logs again. ‘They’re nowhere near me. I’ve got some time. Don’t waste it arguing!’

‘All right.’ She grins. ‘But make it fast.’

I open dozens of windows, and we spin together. I draw silver in from the void – more and more flies in, more than I could command – and funnel it to Astra. She has more control than I do. She shapes and contains it, a massive ball of silver power – then flings it out to explode against the world’s barrier.

It’s like a million silver fireworks set off at once; for a moment I can’t see, not anything.

When my vision clears, the world is gone. We’re in the void.

She’s pale, but all smiles. ‘Are you all right?’ I ask.

‘Wonderful, lovely clever girl! Get back to your boy, and look after your body.’

‘What are you going to do now? Go to COS?’

‘No. Tempo would know; there’s a risk she’d twist things and talk the Council around. I’m going straight to NUN.’

I check the Centre’s security logs. They’re concentrating the searches on intern PIPs and areas we frequented.

‘I’m OK for a bit longer; I’m monitoring the situation. I’m coming with you.’

When we get to NUN’s virtual towers, I find out that Astra is good at breaking into places. Even places that are supposed to be impossible to break into.

It’s in full virtual session: there was an emergency meeting called in response to widespread void chaos – caused by
moi
. I scan the room; Melrose’s dad is absent. My eyes stop on one of the representatives. That’s why I thought Media looked familiar: she’s in NUN?

The house falls silent when we appear in the midst of the floor. Astra has presence – or maybe it’s the way we climbed from nothing through a silver door.

She addresses the Speaker.

‘I’m Astra. I died thirteen years ago.’

He snorts. ‘You’re looking well for a dead person.’ He motions for guards to remove us. She speaks fast while I try to erect a silver barrier between us and them, wondering why she’s not helping. There is so little silver in this place that my efforts falter, but then, with a small gesture, Media bolsters the barrier. It strengthens and holds.

‘PareCo faked my death, and extracted my brain from my body. My body is missing, presumed dead. My brain has been tanked and linked to a game world, where I’ve been incarcerated all these years, until my daughter helped me break out. Likewise, the PareCo interns on Inac are being brained – brains extracted and linked through bio tanks to run game worlds. Their bodies are stored in bio tanks until they’re shipped out, presumably to be sold for organs and other parts on the black market. The NUN tests have been manipulated by PareCo to get the best brains for their so-called Think Tanks, providing games that keep the populations of the world sedated and compliant. NUN avoids acknowledging what is being done in their name! Perhaps if you weren’t so worried about being considered rational all the time you might have noticed what is going on under your noses.’

Cries of
irrational
,
preposterous
and other ruder things are called out around the house.

‘There was a scientific resistance group I was part of – the Council of Scientists. Some of you will know about that.’ Glances are exchanged here and there. ‘But in my absence, it’s been warped by one who is hungry for power – she was using my daughter to try to destroy the void.’

I wave. ‘Yep, that was me. Sorry about that.’

Arguments break out, and I start backing towards the silver door before they decide to arrest me.

That’s when it happens.

I don’t see her come in. She’s just suddenly there – in the midst of it all. Standing and spinning: Tempo.

I try to call out, to warn everyone. A few words escape, then are pushed back down my throat. She’s spinning time.

Media spots the danger. She tries to stop her, but I don’t see what happens next.

Time is jumbled, and swirling
back, back, back
…

Silver. I’m caught in silver, beautiful silver. Spinning faster and faster. The void with me, like the moon pulling the oceans. Soon it will be destroyed, all of it. And I’ll fall.

But Tempo was wrong to think we could do this and just start over. I see that now. Our world is linked to the void, isn’t it? Just like I exist both here and there at the same time; like how my real body bled when I was injured in a game world. How can one continue without the other?

I’m sad, but I can’t stop.

Faster, faster…

‘Luna?’

I frown. Who is that?

‘Luna, come back!’

Jason. He’s in my S’hack.

My thoughts are muddy, confused. How is he in my S’hack? I concentrate, try to work out what is happening.

Tempo? She’s taken me back in time. To when I was spinning. Why do I remember Jason being there if that is true? That came after.

It’s the silver. That’s how I know. She can’t hide: the time vortex is part of the void’s silver, part of me.

I have to stop. I have to make her take time forward to where it should be.

I cry. Silver tears. I can’t stop; I can’t…

So much beautiful power. It needs a place to go, or I’ll implode and fall, taking the void and all its worlds with me.

I
must
stop, but how?

I concentrate, hard, on the cause of it all: on Tempo, and the time vortex she spins. I focus: and then, like she feels the scrutiny, she’s in my mind.

Luna, don’t fight me. This is your destiny.

Destroying everyone and everything?

Your S’hacker name
IS
Anarchy! This is what you’ve been searching for. Destroy, and then we can start again. Our way. The S’hacker way.

No!
I say, but even as I protest, I spin faster, overwhelmed with more and more power. It won’t be long now.

You cannot deny it. You were made for this.

Luna, don’t listen to her.
Astra’s voice?
Tempo is wrong. I was wrong. Join with me, Luna. Let me help you.

She wants to link grids, and I’m scared. She made me to be this weapon. What will she do? Will she take control? She spent so many years, so much effort, to reach out to me from her prison. But was that for
me
, or the weapon she could use?

I struggle inside to find the answer to all my doubts; a reason to
trust
with all the reasons not to.

I’ve been in her memories. I know what she’s done, but I also know
how she
feels
. I don’t know what she will do, and I’m terrified of that. But I can’t stop on my own; I need help.

Please, Luna; let me help you. I love you.

Is that enough?

Her silver grid is there, next to mine.

A shift, inside me: to forgiveness. And a leap of faith.

We join.

Together, Tempo cannot resist us
, Astra whispers. She lends me her strength to help dissipate the silver: it flies off me in sweeping arcs as my spinning slows. Tempo’s dim protests are ignored. Most of the silver goes back to the void, where it belongs: some we hold between us. Astra uses more and more of her strength to do these things, even as I see that hers is failing.

She’s sad – a three-letter word that doesn’t begin to cover this agony of feeling as it washes through us both.
I’m sorry to leave you so soon, Luna. But I’m not really alive, am I? That prison I’ve been in all these years was made of me. Shattering it began this ending; my virtual self can’t survive outside it, and I have no body to return to. Be strong.

My pain turns to anger that wants to lash out, to destroy Tempo with the silver we’ve harnessed. But Astra has another idea, a better one. We make Tempo a S’hack, a small one. One made of Tempo’s own silver essence so she’ll never be able to escape. We extract it from her without needing PareCo surgery, using silver from the void. And we imprison her inside it.

As soon as Tempo is locked away, screaming, time unravels like a snapped elastic. Back to the way things were before.

With one difference. Astra is fading. She is pale, then translucent. Silver shines through her hair and eyes.

I give her what she wants, whispered inside with the name she most wants to hear.
I love you too, Mum.

Was that what she was waiting for? She’s gone.

Now NUN appear to be taking heed of all she said. Media takes over where Astra –
Mum
– left off. Is it what PareCo has done with the interns on Inac that has shocked them into opening their eyes and ears, or that PareCo had teamed up with that madwoman, Tempo, who nearly made me destroy us all?

Either way, I’m not sure how much good it will do. Does the world prefer fantasy to reality?

I leave them to it. First I deliver Jason, whole and well, to Dad.

Then I go to Gecko.