Mind of My Mind (39 page)

who had been too warped by their latent years to turn human again. We still got those

kind, but they didn't become heads of houses any more. If we couldn't straighten them

out, or heal them—if healing was what they needed—we killed them. We had no prison,

needed none. A rogue Patternist was too dangerous to be left alive.

That was probably the way Doro felt about me. It went with what he had told Karl. "I

can't afford her unless she can obey me." We were too much alike, Doro and I. What ever

gave him the idea that someone bred to be so similar to him would consent—could

consent—to being controlled by him all her life?

I passed my two new heads of houses, but I told them not to do anything toward

beginning their houses for a week. They didn't like that much, but they were so happy to

be passed that they didn't argue. They were bright and capable. If, by some miracle, the

Pattern still existed in a week, they would be a credit to it in their new positions.

I went with Jesse to see the houses he was opening up in Santa Elena. He asked me to

go. I didn't have to see them. I only checked on the family now and then. And when I did,

I could never find much to complain about. They cared about what we were building.

They always did a good job.

In the car Jesse said, "Listen, you know we're all with you, don't you?"

I looked at him, not really surprised. Karl had told him. No one else could have.

"I just wish we could take him on for you," said Jesse.

"Thanks, Jess."

He glanced at me, then shook his head. "You don't look any more nervous over facing

him than you did over facing me a couple of years ago."

I shrugged. "I don't think I can afford to broadcast my feelings."

"With all of us behind you, I think you can beat him."

"I intend to."

Big talk. I wondered why I bothered.

There were a few other routine duties. I welcomed them, because they kept my mind

off how bad I felt. That night, I didn't feel like eating. I went to my room while everyone

else was at dinner. Let them eat. It might be their last meal.

Karl came up about two hours later and found me looking out my window at nothing,

waiting for him.

"I've got to talk to you," he said—just before I could say it to him.

"Okay." I sat down in the chair by the window. He sprawled on my bed.

"We had a meeting today—just the family. I told them what kind of trouble you were

in, told them that you were going to fight. And I told them they could run if they wanted

to."

"They won't run."

"I know that. I just wanted them to put it into words. I wanted them to hear

themselves say it and know that they were committed."

"Everybody's committed. Every Patternist in the section. And all those who don't

know it are about to find out."

He sat up straight. "What are you going to do?"

"First I'm going to clear the section."

"Clear it? Send everybody away?"

"Yes. Including the family, if they'll go. They won't be deserting me. I can use them

just as effectively if they're a couple of states away."

"They won't go."

I shrugged. "I hope they don't wind up regretting that."

"I assume you're going after Doro in the morning."

"After everybody has had time to get out, yes. I want them to spread out, scatter as

widely as possible, just in case."

"I know. I just hope Doro gives them time to go. If he notices that people are

leaving—if he thinks of someone and that tracking sense of his tells him that that person

is headed for Oregon, he's going to start checking around. He'll think you're sending out

searchers again. Then, when he realizes everybody's going, he'll get the idea pretty

quickly."

"We could see that he's distracted for the night."

He looked at me. I didn't say anything. Obviously this was no night to distract Doro

with a Patternist. Karl gazed down at his hands for a moment, then looked up. "All right;

it's done. Vivian will distract him. And she'll think it's her own idea."

We waited, our perception focused on Doro's room. Vivian knocked at his door, then

went in. Her mind gave us Doro's words, and we knew we were safe. He was glad to see

her. They hadn't been together for a long time.

"Now," said Karl.

"Now," I agreed. I went to the bed and lay down. It was best for me to be completely

relaxed when I used the Pattern this way. I closed my eyes and brought it into focus. Now

I was aware of the contented hum of my people. They were ending their day, resting or

preparing to rest, and unconsciously giving each other calm.

I jerked the Pattern sharply, shattering their calm. It didn't hurt them, or me, but it

startled them to attention. I felt Karl jump beside me, and he had been expecting it.

I could feel their attention on me as though I had walked onto the stage of a crowded

auditorium. It was as easy to reach all 1,538 of them as it had been to reach just the

family two years before. And there was no need for me to identify myself. Nobody else

could have reached them through the Pattern as I did.

The Pattern is in danger, I sent bluntly. It may be destroyed.

I could feel their alarm at that. In the two short years of its existence the Pattern had

given these people a new way of life. A way of life that they valued.

The Pattern may be destroyed, I repeated. If it is, and if you're together when it

happens, you will be in danger. I gave them a short history lesson. A lesson they had

already been exposed to once in orientation classes or through learning blocks. That,

before the Pattern, active telepaths had not been able to survive together in groups. That

they could not tolerate each other, could not accept the mental blending that occurred

automatically without the control of the Pattern.

It might not be true any longer, I told them. But it has been true for thousands of

years. For safety's sake, we have to assume that it's still true. So you are all to get up

tonight, now, and leave the section. Separate. Scatter.

Their dismay was almost a physical force—that many people frightened, agreeing

with each other and disagreeing with me. I put force of my own into my next thought,

amplified it to a mental shout.

Be still!

A lot of them winced as though I had hit them.

I'm sending you away to save your lives, and you will go.

Some of them were upset enough to try to shut me out. But of course they couldn't.

Not as long as I spoke through the Pattern.

You are all powerful people, I sent. You will have no trouble making your ways alone.

And if the Pattern survives, you know that I'll call you all back. 1 want you here as much

as you want to be here. We're one people. But now, for your own sake, you must go.

Leave tonight so that 1 can be sure you're safe.

I let them feel the emotion I felt. Now was the time. I wanted them to see how

important their safety was to me. I wanted them to know that I meant every word I gave

them. But the words that I didn't give them were the ones they were concerned with.

Most of the questions they threw at me were drowned in the confusion of their mental

voices. I could have sorted them out and made sense of them, but I didn't bother. The one

that I didn't have to sort out, though, was the one that was on everyone's mind. What is

the danger? I couldn't miss reading it, but I could ignore it. My people knew Doro from

classes and blocks. Most of them had had no personal contact with him at all. They were

capable of shrugging off what they had learned—all their theoretical knowledge—and

going after him for me. And getting themselves slaughtered. What they didn't know, in

this case, could save them from committing suicide. I addressed them again.

You who are heads of houses—you know your responsibilities to your families. See

that all the members of your families get out, and get out tonight. Help them get out. Take

care of them.

There. I broke contact. Now the strongest people in the section, the most responsible

people, had been charged with seeing that my commands were obeyed. I had faith in my

heads of houses.

I opened my eyes—and knew at once that something was wrong. I turned my head

and save Karl standing beside the bed, his back to me, his body tense. Beyond him, at the

door, stood Doro. It was Doro's expression that made me instantly reestablish contact

with my Patternists. I jerked the Pattern again to get their attention. I felt their confusion,

their fear. Then their surprise as they felt me with them again. I gave them my thoughts

very clearly, but quickly.

Everybody, stop what you're doing. Be still.

They could see what I saw. My eyes were open now, and my mind was open to them.

They could see Doro watching me past Karl. They could know that Doro was the danger.

It was too late for them to make suicidal mistakes.

You won't have time to leave. You'll have to help me fight. Obey me, and we can kill

him.

That thought cut through their confusion, as I had hoped it would. Here was a way to

destroy what threatened them. Here was Doro, whom they had been warned against, but

whom most of them did not really fear.

Sit down, or lie down. Wait. Do nothing. l'm going to need you.

Doro started toward Karl. I sat up, scrambled over close to Karl, and laid a hand on

his shoulder. He glanced at me.

"It's okay," I said. "It's as okay as it's ever going to be. Get out of here."

He relaxed a little, but, instead of going, he sat down on the end of the bed. I didn't

have time to argue with him. I began absorbing strength from my people. Not Karl. He

would have collapsed and given me away. But the others. I had to collect from as many

of them as I could before Doro attacked. Because I had no doubt that he was going to