Mine (27 page)

Rachel sighed dramatically and stretched like a lazy cat in the sunshine. “Okay, she’s serious this time.”

“Afraid so.” Courtney stopped midmotion and her mouth watered at the sight of the lithe body on the bed. It took all her strength to keep from pouncing on her like a cobra on its prey. She glared in accusation. “And stop trying to tempt me.”

Rachel gave a smug smile. “Hmm. You’re reading me too well already. That’s not good.”

“You must be out of practice,” Courtney teased. “Maybe a little rusty? Hmm?”

Rachel slithered out of the bed and across the room in all her naked glory, and Courtney was unable to pull her eyes away. “Rusty?” She kissed Courtney fully, slowly and thoroughly, possessively. When she pulled away, she held Courtney’s bottom lip in her teeth, tugged, then let it go. “I don’t think so.”

“No,” Courtney whispered. “Me, neither. Jesus.”

They walked into the living room together—Courtney dressed, Rachel completely naked—holding hands.

“Will I see you again soon?” Rachel asked, sounding almost childlike.

“What?” Courtney blinked and shook her head as if pulled from a trance, then rolled her eyes playfully. “Seriously, how do you expect me to be able to concentrate on words when you’re walking around like that? Put something on, for Christ’s sake. Aren’t you cold?”

Rachel grinned. “I haven’t been cold since you walked in that door last night.”

Courtney felt her own blush and looked down at her feet. Rachel reached out and stroked her cheek, bringing her face back up.

“Call me later?” Courtney asked.

“Absolutely.”

They kissed softly and sweetly. Courtney pulled free before things could get heavier. “Okay. I’m going.” She snagged her jacket off the arm of the couch and slipped out the door with a quick wave. “Later, babe.”

“Count on it.”

When the door clicked shut, Courtney stood in the hallway and brought her fingers to her lips, certain she could still feel heat radiating from them, positive she could still smell Rachel’s tangy scent.
Unbelievable, this turn of events.
It was the only accurate description. Last night had been a whirlwind, and totally surprising; she’d never seen it coming. She certainly hadn’t shown up with the intention of spending the entire night making mad, passionate love with Rachel, but that’s exactly what had happened. And this morning? The surprising thing about this morning was that she actually felt all right about it. No, not all right. Good. She felt good. Happy, even.

Happy? Was that possible? Maybe it was… Of course, she also felt utterly dizzy, as if her life was suddenly tipped sideways and spun around in circles like a child’s toy top.

And most surprising of all was how much she was enjoying it.

Chapter Eighteen

“Hi there.”

“Hey.” Rachel took a seat on the stool at the corner of the mahogany bar and propped her feet up on the brass rail near the bottom. Her right knee immediately started bouncing and she resented it, resented any outward showing of being anxious.

“Getcha a drink?” Ted asked. He didn’t look as nervous as Rachel felt, but his eye contact was sporadic and darting.

“Just a Coke would be great.”

She studied him as he flagged down the bartender to get her soda. In all of the times she’d run into him—at Emily’s, in the hospital when Adrianna was born, or wherever—she’d avoided looking at him too carefully. Realizing recently that it had been a defense mechanism, at the time she didn’t want him to think she cared at all, not even enough to rest her eyes on him for longer than a second or two. Now she found herself looking carefully, unable to pull her gaze away. His hair had never been thick, but he was almost completely bald on top now. What remained of his light hair circled his head like a donut and he kept it trimmed neatly around his ears and along his neck. Age was catching up to him. The laugh lines around his mouth and the crow’s feet at the corners of his eyes had deepened tremendously since the last time she’d noticed them and despite all her anger, irritation, and pain over the last two decades, she still found herself experiencing a feeling of melancholy. Her father was getting old.

“Thanks for agreeing to meet with me,” he said as her Coke arrived.

She fondled the little mixing straw, absently poking at the ice cubes in the glass, and nodded.

“I know it was probably Courtney’s prodding that got you here.” His tone held enough mirth in it to take out anything that might be construed as accusatory, and she couldn’t help but smile.

“She had an opinion, yes.”

“I’ll bet.”

It had only been a month since the day Rachel had run into her father and Courtney conversing on the street, but after their heart-to-heart in Rachel’s apartment, there had occurred an almost unspoken pact to reunite Rachel and Ted—or at least get them on speaking terms once again. Rachel suspected Courtney and Marie, Ted’s current girlfriend, of conniving to make things happen. She could pretend to be mad about that all she wanted, but the truth was, she found it somewhat heartwarming to know Courtney was taking care of her in this way. Even if it was kind of meddling.

“How about your mom? Does she know you’re here?”

A snort escaped Rachel’s nose before she could catch it and Ted smiled at the sound. “Uh, no.”

“Yeah, I didn’t think so.” He took a healthy slug from his bottle of Heineken.

The sportscaster calling the golf tournament in a stage whisper was the only sound in the bar for a long time. After all, it was late afternoon on a Thursday and there were only three other patrons this early. Rachel sipped from her Coke and heard Courtney’s voice in the back of her mind.

“Just be honest. Say what you feel, what’s in your heart. He’s going to be just as nervous as you are. Remember that. Just talk to him.”

“I’m sorry about Kathy.” She said it so quietly that for a moment, she was unsure if she’d actually spoken out loud or had just thought it.

Her father looked at her, his lips pressed together in a straight line. The pale blue of his eyes was identical to Rachel’s, and she felt like she saw them for the very first time. “Thank you.”

“I was really angry with you then.”

He nodded slowly, turning the beer bottle in his hands.

“But that’s no excuse. I should have at least paid my respects. I’m sorry I was selfish.”

“It’s okay. I understand.” He cleared his throat. “Thanks for that.”

“Sure.” She sipped again, feeling like she’d made progress, but uncertain which way to go next.

“I’m sorry, too.” Studying his beer, he didn’t meet her gaze.

“For?”

“For doing things the way I did. Back then. With your mother.”

There it was.
That didn’t take long
, she thought with surprise.
Marie must have prepped him as well as Courtney prepped me.
The lump that suddenly blocked her throat was completely unexpected, and Rachel swallowed several times in an attempt to keep control of things. “It was hard,” she managed to say.

“I know. And I was young and your mother was young and young people do stupid things. They don’t always handle things well.”

Rachel listened, feeling almost as if she was in some surreal moment. She’d been waiting for more than twenty years to hear her father apologize, and now that he was doing just that, she had no idea what to say.

“We had problems, me and your mom. Lots of problems. The marriage died because of both of us, not just because of me. It takes two to tango.” He swigged, his gaze on the television mounted high behind the bar. “But I didn’t handle things well.”

Rachel found her voice at the same time she felt her resentment building. Courtney had warned her that this would probably happen and that she should go with it, that it was the only way to clear the air. “I was a kid, Dad. You know that, right?”

“Yeah, I know that.”

“You and Mom were so wrapped up in your own shit that neither of you seemed to remember you had two children.”

Ted’s face reddened at that and Rachel wondered at his embarrassment, wondered if he sensed her anger and whether he thought he deserved it.

“Do you know who kept things together after you ran away like a coward?” she went on. “Who cooked? Who cleaned? Who bathed Emily? Who kept the household running? Me, that’s who. Me.”

Ted nodded, still unable to look her in the face.

Her voice dropped to a whisper. “I was a child.”

“I know. I’m sorry.” He did look at her then, and the unshed tears welling in his eyes matched hers. “I’m sorry, baby. I’m so very sorry.”

She took a deep breath and used the napkin from under her glass to wipe her nose, both relieved to have finally said the words that she’d kept locked up for so long and embarrassed that she’d shown any emotion at all. What was the matter with her, anyway? Courtney was turning her into a sap. She almost laughed when that thought crossed her mind and she realized that she didn’t mind sap status as much as she’d assumed she would.

Ted gestured to the bartender and ordered himself another beer.

“Can I get some rum added to this?” Rachel asked, pointing to her Coke as the bartender grinned at her.

They sat in more silence, sipping their drinks, like father, like daughter.

Ted finally spoke up. “Well, that was fun.”

“Loads.”

His face turning serious again, he said, “Look, Rachel, I don’t expect everything to be all fine and dandy now. I’m not that stupid. I’m not naïve. But…I’m an old man.” He punctuated that line with a sort of guffaw, like it would be a ridiculous statement to make if it wasn’t true. “I’m at that age where you start looking back at your life and at the things you did perfectly as well as the things you screwed up. More than anything, you want to fix those things, make them right somehow. I don’t know that I can ever expect you to forgive me for being such a shitty father when you were a kid, but…” His voice trailed off. Wiping the sweat from his fresh bottle, he plunged ahead. “I’m glad we talked, no matter what happens. Even if we leave here and go back to the way we’ve been—hardly ever seeing each other and barely speaking—I’m still glad we had this conversation.”

Rachel soaked in his words, soaked in the fact that she was actually spending uninterrupted time with her father for the first time since before high school, and felt her anger with him simply dissipate, melting away like a pat of butter on a steaming-hot roll. The lump returned, much to her chagrin, but she held it in check long enough to utter two words very clearly.

“Me, too.”

Chapter Nineteen

Rachel knew that April was a hit-or-miss month in upstate New York. You never knew what you were going to get from one day to the next. You could be plunged headlong into spring without an iota of looking back. Or you might be lassoed around the neck on your way to spring and be yanked roughly backward, back into the dark and icy cold of winter for several more weeks, Mother Nature’s last laugh of the season, big tease that she is. Many a blizzard or ice storm has been written into the weather history books in the month of April. It was a crapshoot.

This particular early-April morning was gorgeous—unusually so—and Rachel took a giant breath of the crisp, fragrant air, filling her lungs with the promise of spring and flowers that were soon to bloom. It was a little bit too soon for the smell of fresh-cut grass, but the anticipation of it was enough to bring a smile to Rachel’s face.

She folded her arms and leaned against the car, soaking in the silence as she watched Courtney from several yards away. The pleasantness of the air and the chirping of the birds helped to alleviate any discomfort Rachel was experiencing. Cemetaries were not among her top five places to visit on a Sunday morning, but as long as she didn’t concentrate too closely on the scattered headstones, she could almost pretend she was in a park.

Courtney crouched down and Rachel watched as she patted the grass, obviously testing for wetness. She shed her nylon windbreaker and laid it down, then took a seat. Though curious about what was being said or thought about, Rachel respected Courtney’s need to be alone, especially today.

April seventh.

Theresa’s birthday.

So much had transpired in the past several months…so much and hardly anything. They’d fallen in love, that was certain. Rachel had fallen harder and faster than she ever thought possible and it took her a while to simply accept it as fact. Jeff had to beat her over the head on several occasions, but she finally learned to listen to him and to relax a little bit.

“Even control freaks need a break every now and then,”
he’d said, tossing a teasing wink her way.

“I’m not a control freak.”
She sounded completely unconvincing and she knew it.

“Yeah. Okay. Whatever you say.”

Smiling now as she recalled the frequent conversation, she sent up a prayer of thanks for the people who loved her and looked out for her. Emily, Jeff, and now Courtney. Bless her heart, she’d never pushed, never demanded. Frankly, Courtney had issues of her own, and she told Rachel one night after they’d tiffed over Rachel’s propensity to shut down that she never wanted to be the pot calling the kettle black…that the best they could do was talk to one another and try their best to understand the other side. It wasn’t always easy, but they were managing.

The crunching of gravel under tires pulled Rachel from her ruminations and she watched as the dark Jeep coasted to a stop. Two familiar figures hopped out.

“Hey, Raich.” Mark waved in her direction, a modest boquet of flowers clutched in his other hand, and headed off toward Courtney.

Lisa crossed the distance between the cars and leaned up against the BMW next to Rachel, folding her arms and mimicking her stance. “Hi.”

“Hi.”

“You okay?”

“Yep.”

“It’s kind of tough, huh?”

Rachel chewed on the inside of her cheek for several seconds, absorbing the words before giving an affirming nod. “A little.” She felt Lisa’s eyes on her, but didn’t turn to meet her gaze. Across the grass, Courtney stood and Mark wrapped her in his arms.