Misfit (Death Dwellers MC #6) (77 page)

Stretch hobbled along the edges of the gate as his duty time slugged by. At close to nine in the morning, he’d already been on his detail for three hours. He’d take a piss break soon and sneak to Zoann’s house to talk to Fee. Outlaw’s rightful anger devastated her. Although they’d wanted to accompany her to her sister’s house last night, Val told them to stay away. Enough problems existed without their presence adding to it.

Fee’s phone was off, and Cash rode out with Outlaw a while ago, so that left Stretch to stew and ponder.

“Stretch!” Slipper called from behind him.

Wary, he turned, frowning at Slipper’s burp. He was so fucking gross. “What?”

“Prez around?”

He didn’t like that question. Slipper had Outlaw’s phone number just like the rest of them. “Call him and ask.” He’d been scared when Slipper had barged into the room, but Stretch decided he had to stand up for himself. If he was going to die, he’d die fighting as he’d decided when he fought for Hanson.

Hanson hadn’t survived, but Stretch had. As fucked up as the sentiment was, life went on. It didn’t mean he’d ever forget his friend. It meant he was ready to use the second chance he’d been given.

“I haven’t been calling him much lately. The way he shot Mink and Rock scared me a little. I don’t want him to turn on me if I say the wrong thing, brother.”

Brother? Was Slipper really accepting him that easily? All Stretch could do was trust the man’s words and stay vigilant.

“You know Outlaw, Slipper. He’s said his peace, meted out the punishments, and moved on. You need to do the same.”

The sight of Zoann’s car coming from the access road and heading in his direction made him tune Slipper’s response out. He had several things to ask her.

As she rolled up to the keypad to punch in her code, Stretch indicated she roll down her window.

“Hey,” she called. “Everything okay?”

The day of Fee’s release she’d looked the other way when Stretch gave Fee the rose. “Is it okay to visit Fee later?”

“Sure, baby. You can visit any time you like,” she said, then leaned over and punched in a number.

“You have a minute?” he said quickly, while he still had the courage. Zoann was as intimidating as Outlaw and Johnnie. “There’s something I’d like to ask you.”

She sat back and shielded her eyes from the sun. “How can I help you?”

“I’ve been scarred and crippled for months and in pain just as long,” he started. “O-Outlaw offered to pay for whatever surgery I wanted. I’m ready to undergo all necessary operations so I can walk without a cane. I, um, I need to be able to protect Fee.”

Her grin lit up her face. “Good for you, Stretch! I know several bone and joint surgeons.”

“I have one already. If you know a good plastic surgeon, I’d appreciate a name and number.”

“I’ll look through my contacts,” she promised, a curious light in her eyes. “This isn’t a snap decision because of Fee, is it? You have to do this for yourself as much as for my sister.”

Grinning, Stretch shook his head. “I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately. This isn’t a snap decision, but it
was
Fee who decided me.” No, it was Slipper, but he wouldn’t mention that since it didn’t seem any of the girls knew about the incident. “I want to be the best I can be for her.” Glancing over his shoulder, he stepped closer to the car. Slipper lagged in the background. “And for Cash,” he admitted on a whisper. “For me, too.”

“It’s okay, Stretch. I understand. You’re going to get the best of everything. I have an appointment to get to, but later on, I want the name of this orthopedic surgeon. If I don’t feel he’s good enough for you, you’re getting another one.”

He saluted her, laughing at her flip-off.

“Get used to it,” she ordered, finally punching in her code so the gate could slide open. “You’re part of
my
family now.”

As he watched her drive off, Stretch allowed those words to turn over in his head and stiffened his spine. Maybe, being amongst the living wouldn’t be so bad, after all.

Dragging herself from the bedroom, Kendall headed to the kitchen, waiting for the sounds of Rory and Johnnie. Knowing they wouldn’t come. By now, her household would be awake and she’d be heading to her home office, after going to Matilda’s nursery to change her from nightwear and into her morning robe and a clean diaper. Sometimes, she fed and bathed her daughter. Most times, she waited for Ella and sat in the rocking chair, reading to her. Bonding with her. Being the mother to her that her mother had never been. To her little girl. But her son?

Rory listened to Kendall out of fear and wanted to emulate Johnnie out of love. She wished she could change that, break the vicious cycle that began with her mother. Marie would leave Kendall alone in the dark for hours. Well before Carolyn’s birth, her mother berated her and…and
abused
her

Spinning around, she went to the living room and plopped onto the sofa, falling sideways onto the cushion and sobbing.

Though she didn’t want her own son to be afraid of her, that was the only way she knew how to control him. She’d lost control of Johnnie and she’d never been able to control Christopher. She refused to have Rory turn into
him
…
them
, she meant. A biker.
CJ.

Christopher
. Homicidal maniacal fucker.

More tears slid down her cheeks and she covered her ears, the sounds of silence maddening to her. She wanted her family. Her children. Her husband. Her big house.

Cash had brought her to the middle of nowhere, claiming this was the only safe house suitable for a woman like her. The way he’d sneered those words let Kendall know he didn’t care one way or the other about her comfort. Instead of bringing her there, he could’ve put her on a flight to Bermuda. But, no, he’d sent her to a small house that could fit inside the first floor of her mansion two times over.

Kendall raised her head and swiped at her cheeks, taking in everything and ignoring the rumbles of her stomach. The fine décor surprised her, although the bat leaning against the wall annoyed her. Cash had said it was for protection. Jackass. If someone with a gun came after her, a bat would do no good. Unless this was a setup and Cash had led her here so Christopher could find her.

Real fear hit her and she jumped up, rushing to her phone where it lay on the nightstand in the bedroom. That had to be it! After all she’d done, especially to Fee, Cash wouldn’t want to help her. She had to call Johnnie and tell him…God!

Johnnie had insisted she go, not caring that
Cash
could’ve been sent to kill her on Outlaw’s orders. Not caring that Kendall didn’t want to leave or that she was pregnant for him. He’d taken her kids away, her maid away, her house away. He’d taken
himself
away.

Stumbling to the edge of the bed, Kendall digested that. Roxy had pretended to care about her, but left without a trace. She’d talked to Meggie but couldn’t take the time for Kendall. That hurt more than Kendall wanted to admit. She’d adored Roxy, believed in her, then she’d just deserted her. Like Meggie. And Johnnie.

The only person she’d truly wronged was Fee, who’d tried to be her friend. Time and again, she’d trampled on Fee’s trust, committing the ultimate betrayal and revealing to Outlaw just what Fee knew of her intentions.

In the cold light of day, with not a soul around, Kendall’s rash decision stunned her. She jumped up again and went to the bag she’d packed her personal items in, finding her bottles of anti-depressants and sleeping pills.

She took
three
different medicines just to be normal. No one knew that. Not even Johnnie. It shamed her to admit that she was so…so crazy. But she’d hurt Fee because she’d been hurt. She hurt Rory because she hated CJ.

What kind of mother did that to her own son? What adult despised a small boy? She resented CJ so much. Everyone adored him. No one bothered to correct his speech or tell him that he sounded like a little idiot. His younger brother and sister spoke better than he did. Yet, they let it slide, while scrutinizing and criticizing
her
every move.

Untwisting each bottle cap, she poured the pills on the bed. The world would be so much better without her. All she’d ever done was hurt the ones she loved because they refused to understand her. It wasn’t their place to understand her. It was her place to
get
them to.

She made Johnnie miserable. Her death would free him to find love and happiness. He’d already thrown her away. Without Johnnie, she was lost and alone, without an anchor. Johnnie’s support and love gave her the freedom to be herself. He’d protect her, no matter what web she weaved. When had she ever reciprocated? Let him just be the man she’d met so long ago.

Kendall’s stomach growled. She and the baby were hungry, and they had no one there to prepare her food. She was all alone.

Kill yourself.

Another sob escaped the back of her throat.

Her mom and her little sister had committed suicide. They’d left her. Not wanting her. Not believing in her.

Johnnie just wanted her back on her anti-depressants. He wanted her normal. At any cost. Their marriage. Their new baby.

She touched her belly, so sorry she’d gotten pregnant. At this point, she couldn’t remember why she’d done it. Yes, she wanted more children, but this baby had been to spite Meggie. Kendall had intended to have Johnnie deliver her baby as he’d delivered Meggie’s. She would’ve been back at the law firm because Christopher would see her as an invaluable asset to the club. Brooks would’ve offered her full partnership and Charlotte would’ve opened social doors for her that had always been locked to someone with Kendall’s background.

Do you want to die or not
?

The question taunted her. She didn’t want to die. She wanted Johnnie. She loved him, but she didn’t know how to show it. He always ruined his lessons on love by cutting betrayal. Staying friends with Meggie, when a part of him would never stop loving her. Sending Kendall away, when things got too rough.

Wiping her nose on her forearm, Kendall stared at the pills. Instead of killing
herself
, she needed to get rid of this unwanted baby. Johnnie told her, more than once, to abort it. Aborting it would be too easy. He wouldn’t care. He wouldn’t love her again.