Missed Connections (25 page)

It was a question that was never answered truthfully and now never would be.

She went out with a bang
, Theo decides privately, rubbing a hand under his aching eyes and straightening himself up. A whole half an hour and the mourners are already disbursing from the burial plot. The hole won't be fully covered until later.
Probably took three people with her.
Meredith had that effect on people. Never one to do things by halves, she could suck someone into her orbit and keep them there until they dried out like husks. Theo tries not to waver between bitterness and relief that he escaped young enough that he was able to scrape up a job and a life—no matter how wanting they left him.

As the last person climbs into an adjacent car and pulls away, Theo lurches out of his. The sun beats coolly down, unencumbered by clouds, and yet does nothing for the chill. Theo pulls a photo from his back pocket. It's creased in strange crisscrossing crescent shapes, faded from being left out in open air. It's Theo's favorite and only photo of his parents but he figures if he couldn't manage to attend the funeral it's only right to sacrifice it on the gravestone. It'll blow away and be ripped up by the winter wind—but that seems right, too.

*~*~*

Theo returns to his car and sits—just sits—for a long while. The sun is setting slowly over rows of gravestones and it would be an unsettling scene if not for the fact they are uniform. Each one is a grey square evenly spaced out. One after another after another. It reminds him more of prepackaged grocery items and the thought almost makes him heave as he puts his key in the ignition and throws the car in reverse. Dinner, a few stiff drinks—those are the things Theo wants out of the night before a cheap hotel room and an eight am wake up call.

Little Green Cemetery is a plot of land with two trees and no gate. There's no guard and only one simple chapel on the west side of the grass. Theo hasn't seen doors or Matthew in so long it's not even worth thinking about until there's a door in the middle of the road. It should be startling but Theo looks at it and says, "Fucking 'course."

Because of course he would see a door after his mother's death. They always did seem to turn up when he was thinking about her and now, gone, he had landed in the inability to think of anything
but
her. It's irritation and certainty that the door is nothing but a hallucination that makes his foot hit the gas pedal. The car lurches forward and hits the hatched wood and brass knob with a metal warping
clunk.

There's no portal behind it as it bunrsts forward and then scrapes across the concrete. There's no imaginary doorway that exists when the door is torn down the way Theo thought there must be as a child or the way he swore it had as a teenager. He had even drawn diagrams on cheap restaurant napkins for two years until he realized saying anything about his doors and theories made him sound crazy.

Ten feet past where the door was and Theo slams his foot onto the break and shuts his eyes tightly. One breath. Two. He doesn't dare let his foot off the break but when he opens up his eyes and sees that the door is
gone
the car lurches forward anyway.

The gasp is accidental, ripped out of him, and he hits the brakes again. His eyes water and Theo's not certain if he wants to cry or scream. He's been proven both right and wrong about those damn doors—
but he never wanted to be
. He puts his car in reverse and keeps going until he's back where he started. The door is gone.

A minute later, an hour later, Theo's still staring at the place where the door was. It's twilight which has always made the world seem less real—but his mother is dead and Theo believes that is what should make the difference. Death is final, what happened after the funeral can only be real. He ran over the door and the door is gone.

There's a tap on his window an indeterminate time later and Theo turns expecting to see a police officer. "Have you been waiting long?"

Matthew is older—there's a roughness to his face that childhood had lacked but his teeth are sharp and undeterred by his soft mouth. Theo stares like he's seen a ghost, watches the way Matthew's lips curve over his sentences. "Hey, Theo, did you hear me?" Meredith had those same teeth, he thinks, and he wonders if his mother dug into Dee the way Matthew has always turned up to briefly dig into him. It would make sense, after all, since Meredith only turned up when Dee brought her home—or so the story went.

Theo isn't sure if it's with hope or horror that he looks up and smiles, "Matthew." He rolls down the window halfway, feeling the chill in the air as much as seeing it hang on Matthew's breath. Matthew is wearing clothes fitted for summer—what looks like same thin white shirt and if Theo looks close enough he is almost certain he can see the tears in it from when Theo grabbed on years ago.

"So are you going to give me a ride or not?" The question is posed as nonchalant but Theo reads tension in it and can't help but respond, "You aren't going to leave, are you?"

"Well," Matthew draws the word out long enough that Theo feels the breath catch in his throat. "You did run over the door."

Theo can't tell if it's a promise or a threat but he unlocks the passenger door. "Get in, then, I guess."

He would think of Matthew as a guardian angel if he wasn't sure he knew better. Theo wants Matthew anyway, though, and there will be no more shutting doors.

Austin sat awkwardly on the park bench and took another drink from a thin plastic water bottle that was slowly becoming hotter and hotter in the summer sun. He could only take so much of the heat before he was sure he would turn into a melted puddle of sweat to nourish the yellowing grass around him. He wasn't one to usually be out on a hot July day but he was doing it now for the sake of the little girl who seemed resilient against the sun's rays.

Austin's sister had an important interview that she had been called to suddenly and the only person she could rely on to watch her daughter was Austin. Mostly because she lacked any other options and Austin was aware of that. Since his job was writing articles for the newspaper he usually had a free schedule. Though, free schedule wasn't really the way to phrase it. The better way would be to say he spent all of his daylight hours staring at T.V. then spent ridiculous hours of the night typing like an idiot. He still had a few scheduled work hours but for the most part his boss was lenient.

Allison was oblivious to her uncle's pain, however, and ran up the slide to slide back down it with a happy yell. Her hair was brown and curly and almost to her little chubby knees which could just barely be seen in between her not quite-knee-high socks and long dark blue dress. Her hair was a trait that Austin had as well but his had faded to a slightly lighter color trimmed to just under his ears. His dark blue eyes were currently squinting under the fierce light of sun.

He had originally came to the park with a thin gray jacket but that had been taken off almost immediately and now he was just in a white tank top and swim shorts. He wasn't planning on going swimming anytime soon but the outfit was the best thing he had to survive the heat so he didn't care. As he glanced at his chunky black and white watch he decided he was giving Allison another ten minutes and then they were getting the fuck out of there. He was sure that an offering of ice cream would make her agree quite eagerly. Children were suckers for sweets.

He leaned back on the bench and stared up at the bright blue sky for a moment. He had no idea what articles he was going to write about. There was the possibility he could stop by the police station later and ask around about the break-ins that had been happening recently. There might be an extra tidbit of information by this point. He groaned, he didn't want to write about any of that.

"Uncle Aussie!"

Austin was thrown out of his thoughts as he jerked his head forward to the sound of Allison yelling. She stood on top of the slide where a small boy was shoving her to the side, his small hands pushing at her little stomach. Austin stood up and looked around; when had another kid even shown up? Where was the parent? He spotted the only other adult out on such a horrible day and called out to him.

"Hey man! Your kid!" Maybe it wasn't the kindest way to get a stranger's attention but Austin wasn't exactly the kindest man, especially when some little brat was picking on his niece. The man looked a fair amount older than Austin and had been sitting underneath a tree with a tablet in his hand. His hair was a deep and dark red. Austin couldn't imagine it being a natural hair color. The man didn't move and Austin looked back at the little boy on top of the slide who had now punched Allison.

Austin growled under his breath and stomped his way over to the man. His head was down and he was still deeply focused on his tablet, not noticing Austin's presence at all. Austin snapped his fingers and stomped his foot, and finally the stranger looked up.

"Hey man, is that your kid?" Austin swung his thumb over to the direction of the slide.

"Jesus Christ, I'm so sorry." The man stumbled to his feet. "Josh! Josh! What the hell do you think you're doing?" He ran off clutching the tablet and Austin sighed, following after him. The man ran over to the playground equipment and snapped his fingers. "Josh, what do you think you're doing?" Josh froze and Allison stuck out her tongue.

"I wanna ride the slide!" he yelled, stomping his feet.

"Well you don't have to be rude about it!" the man shouted. "Now apologize to that young girl and start behaving yourself." He looked back at Austin. "I'm so sorry sir, I'm awful at watching kids."

"Not yours?" Austin asked.

"No, a friend's," he said with a sigh. He pinched his nose and mumbled something. "I told him not to leave me with something like this."

"Something like a child?"

"Exactly." The man laughed a little at his own response. Without the glare of the sun in his glasses Austin could see the man's eyes. They were a bright and vivid blue. It was a bit shocking and Austin felt himself staring intently. They made Austin feel upset about his darker shade of blue; they were so much more fascinating than his own. The man's eyes were so… familiar. Where had he seen eyes like those before?

"Well, to be fair. Allison's not mine either. She's my sister's but I do love her dearly. I'm not sure if you feel the same way about Josh," Austin said, aware that he might be stepping on toes. But luckily, the spectacled man just laughed and shrugged. His laugh was deep, deeper than his voice and a little unexpected.

"Hey! I like Josh fair enough… please don't tell his father that. I don't have many friends left." He smiled politely and held out a hand. "Secret? He should be coming back soon, he just ran off to the bathroom."

Austin shook it and continued looking into the other man's eyes. That blue, it was so unique. "Y-yeah. Sure man." It was beginning to drive Austin crazy. Where had he seen him? It was somewhere in the back of his head. The guy was older… maybe ten years? So he couldn't have been a classmate or anything with that age difference. Austin couldn't imagine forgetting someone with his appearance unless it had been a long time ago, so it had to be high school when he'd met the man.
Maybe
college, there was always a bit of variety in ages when it came to college. But as he scanned over the man, Austin was sure that if he had been in any of his classes he would have made a move.

"I'm Austin by the way. Austin Vale." Austin had no idea why he introduced himself and he sort of immediately regretted it but he kept on smiling as the handshake ended. He glanced back over to Allison who was now watching Josh carefully as she made her way down the stairs. Austin couldn't blame her.

"I'm Oliver."

Austin figured it out. His face flushed and his knees got wobbly. Which immediately made him feel even more idiotic because he was a grown man for the love of God. The burning summer sky became a million times hotter and he let out a nervous high-pitched laugh that he was pretty sure he had never made before. Oliver quirked an eyebrow but didn't say anything.

Oliver. Jesus, Austin didn't know a lot of Olivers in his life but he definitely knew this Oliver. Fuck, how could he have forgotten? It was those damn eyes, so hypnotizing and so perfect. They didn't belong on a human. It had to have at least been nine years since Austin last saw Oliver, so of course he'd forget a little bit. He bet Oliver didn't recognize him at all. Who could blame the guy? Oliver had only been there for a week. But it had been a very important week for Austin, definitely one of the most important weeks in his life.

Oliver, or, as Austin knew him, Mr. Halper, had been a pivot point in his life about his sexuality. For a long time Oliver had pushed his sexuality aside, ignored it, and acted like all his thoughts could easily have been confusion and misunderstanding. As a freshman in high school, coming out gay wasn't the best thing he could do at the time. So Austin had been living pretty much a lie and drowning himself in deep denial.

But during a teacher's weeklong absence the class had been delivered a substitute. A substitute who had practically been fresh out of college and had perfect bright blue eyes. His hair had been kind of messy and he still had a youthful and positive grin that said he hadn't been broken by the world or awful teenagers yet. It had been such a cocky grin. He had worn a collared shirt and jeans that fit him snug and as he sat behind the desk and waved a casual hello to the class Austin had felt something in him turn.

Because goddamn teacher was hot.

Austin didn't know teachers were allowed to look like that. Up until that point all of them had been balding men with scruffy facial hair or ladies with hair pinned back. Every now and then one would be sort of attractive but nothing could have compared to that glorious moment when Mr. Halper smiled. Some of the girls had immediately started talking and Austin felt his face get hot and his stomach make turns.

"I'm Oliver Halper or Mr. Halper," he had said, leaning back in the chair. "Let's get to work okay class?"