Missionary Position (27 page)

“Funny,” I whispered.

“I love you, Selah, my liefde.”

My audible gasp filled the space between us. I stared up into his eyes, seeing nothing but love and passion in them.

“I love you.”

I didn’t say “too” because I would love him even without knowing whether he reciprocated. I loved him without expectation. I loved him.

IN MY LIFE, there had been good sex and bad sex. Sex with mind-blowing orgasms and toe curling pleasure. Times where getting off trumped everything else. Moments when the day’s to-do list was written during the act.

Making love with Kai required its own separate category.

We’d had mind-blowing, toe curling, spine arching, put a porno to shame sex over the past three months. Looking back, we’d also made slow, easy love.

After saying “I love you” Kai scooped me off the sofa like I weighed nothing. Or was at least a much smaller woman. I protested, and he silenced me with a deep kiss. The man’s strength and multi-tasking abilities left nothing to be desired.

He dropped me on the bed and stood gazing down at me.

“What are we going to do with you?”

“Make love to me?”

“Of course, but I meant in general.”

He traced up my inner calves, parting my legs when he reached my knees, gently shoving the fabric of my skirt out of his way while his hands moved over my thighs.

I let my head fall back, reveling in his touch.

“I’ll miss this.” He kissed the soft skin of my inner thigh.

“It will miss you, too.”

“And this.” His fingers skimmed the lace edge of my underwear.

“So much.” I squirmed when he slipped a finger underneath.

Lifting his eyes, his gaze locked with mine for a few beats of my heart.

His hand snuck below my shirt, gliding across my belly until he reached my bra.

“I can’t bear to be apart from these.” He cupped a breast

“Their longing will be unbearable,” I moaned.

Without pretense or haste, he stripped me bare, and I did the same for him. My hands memorized his warm skin, marking each angle and dip of muscle and bone. I licked and tasted him, filing away every detail: his salty skin, his sweet, vaguely minty kiss. The skin behind his ear held his Kai pheromones—I could live inside that small patch of him for days. Other parts of him smelled musk, deep and pure man.

We lay together, tangled up in each other, our lust quiet for the moment, lost in our bubble. He buried his nose against the crook of my shoulder and placed a kiss there. I loved his lips. He reached out his arm and tore the condom foil with his teeth. I loved his teeth. I watched his nimble fingers ready himself. I loved his fingers. He rolled over me and aligned himself. I loved his weight on me. Silently, he entered me, inch by slow inch until his pelvis rested flush against my thighs. I loved the way he filled me.

I wrapped my legs around his hips and my arms around his ribs, wanting to consume him and never let him escape. The futility of desire washed over me while we moved together, rocking into one another with no space between where he ended and I began.

This wasn’t about seeking release or even pleasure. Each gesture held the weight of our love and the coming loss. Heavy, so heavy, our eyes held emotions our kisses tried to soothe away. My eyes closed, seeking to avoid revealing my fears.

His mouth sought mine, licking and nipping. I wove my fingers into his hair, pulling enough to flirt with pain. He responded by sliding his hand around the nape of my neck and grabbing my hair. The pain focused me on the moment, taking me out of my thoughts. I opened my eyes. He arched over me, towering above, pressing me down and claiming me. Over and over our eyes met, then closed with the knowledge time wasn’t in our favor.

On the fringes of perception, my orgasm began to escalate. I moved my hand between us, finding my clitoris and pressing down. Kai increased his thrusts while we sought simultaneous pleasure. He stilled and his release set off mine. I closed my eyes, relishing the pure contentment pulsing through me.

We had now. We loved. There was no promise of forever.

I wouldn’t say I saw God that night, but angels might have sung. Or wept.

WITH KAI CURLED around me, his hand splayed across my stomach, the drama of last night faded with the morning light.

I’d had lovers before him. Many lovers. With no regrets.

Okay, a few.

But I’d never had love.

Not the emotion which crashed over me, causing my heart to clench. I gave into the undertow and let it pull me away from safety into its depths.

He loved me.

I loved him.

Such simple concepts.

He stirred behind me. I rolled my head on the pillow to look at him.

“Morning.” He kissed my shoulder.

“When did you realize you loved me?”

He nipped my shoulder and rolled his hips against my butt. “Does it matter?”

“No, but I’m curious.”

His hand came up and cupped my breast while his scruff tickled the skin of my shoulders. “I followed you to Ghana. That’s everything you need to know.”

I rolled over to face him. “You didn’t love me in Amsterdam.”

“No, but you intrigued me as no other woman has.”

I smiled affectionately at him. “I do?”

“Mmm hmm.” He bowed down to kiss the swell of my breast. “You’re both the most fascinating and frustrating woman I’ve ever met.”

I moaned when he nipped the skin near my nipple. “I’ll take that as a compliment.”

“You should.” He brushed his whiskers across my chest, making me squirm. His hands held me so tight I couldn’t escape his slow torture. “And you?”

“Me what?”

“When did you stop resisting my charms and fall in love with me?”

“My birthday.”

He paused and chuckled. “All it took was dressing up as a pirate?”

I laughed. “Not the dressing up as much as the willingness to do it. I accepted I loved you when you almost got killed on the road to Kumasi. I prayed for you.”

He lifted his eyes to mine. “You prayed?”

I slowly nodded. “To God and Buddha and a couple others. I figured I’d cover every base with Team Divinity.”

“What am I going to do with you?”

I gave him the same answer from yesterday. “Make love to me.”

THE THING ABOUT amazing sex was it could make you forget your name and lower your IQ temporarily, even make you forget, momentarily, about impending doom. If the zombie apocalypse ever happened, I would be the one having sex to distract me from reanimated corpses, not running through dangerous woods or venturing out of my bunker.

Sadly, after our morning in bed, in the shower, and again in the kitchen, we had to address the elephant in the room. The imaginary elephant. We didn’t bring one with us from Mole. Sadly.

Standing at his kitchen island, making lunch with CNN on in the background, he brought up the inevitable.

“As you know, I’m leaving on Thursday for Kenya.”

“Shh. Don’t remind me.”

He bumped my hip with his. Or given our height difference, he bumped my waist.

“I’m leaving, Selah. That hasn’t changed.”

Sighing, I jumped up to sit on the counter. “Okay, if you insist. Kenya. Thursday.”

“Yes, and after there, I need to fly to Chicago for Thanksgiving with Cibele. Anita goes overboard with the meal. It’s her favorite holiday, surprisingly.”

“Should I be jealous you’re spending the holiday with your ex-wife?”

He shot me a dirty look. “No. If it weren’t for my ex-wife, we wouldn’t be together.”

“True.” I stole a piece of chopped pepper from his pile. “I should send her a card. Or a basket of cookies as a thank you.”

“I’ll let her know.”

“Why do you think she told me to call you? I mean, other than I’m super-hot and smart, and had location desirability.”

He slapped my hand away from another pepper piece. I dodged him and tossed it in my mouth.

“She hated to see me alone.”

“You had women fawning over you at the auction reception. How alone could you have been?”

“I didn’t lack for company, but I was lonely.” He held a pepper up for me to bite.

I frowned, imagining him always traveling alone. “It’s weird she wanted to play matchmaker, though.”

“Are you complaining?”

“No.” I swiped another pepper.

“If you don’t stop stealing food, there’ll be nothing to eat for lunch.”

“Fine.” I grinned at him.

He rolled his eyes. “You’re focused on the past again.”

“I am?”

“Yes, trying to figure out the whys and hows of us together instead of facing the future.”

“Okay, true. Thanksgiving brings us to three weeks. Then what?”

“That’s up to you. When are you scheduled to fly home?”

“Second week of December.”

“You could change your flight and come to Amsterdam.”

“I promised my family I’d be in California for Christmas. They’ve been giving me grief over email about my sabbatical and being away for six months, especially my brothers and their spawn.”

“Hmmm,” he said.

“Hmmm?”

“I promised Cibele Christmas in Amsterdam this year.”

“You want me to meet your daughter?”

“Of course. She’d love you. And you both love Robert Smith.” He winked at me.

I blushed over my stupid Robert Smith lookalike story. “Why did I tell you such a ridiculous sad sack story?”

“You were emotionally open and vulnerable.” He kissed the tip of my nose.

“Right. Remind me not to do that again.”

“Never. I love your soft side.” His hand moved near my middle.

“Do not poke the belly!” I squirmed away from him.

Laughing, he held up his hands in surrender. “So ticklish.”

“I’m thinking Christmas sounds complicated. Where will you be in January?”

He wrinkled his forehead. “I’m not sure.”

“You don’t know where you’ll be in two months?”

He shook his head. “Nature of my business. It’s flexible, but difficult to make plans.”

“I’ll return to teaching in January. In Portland. The one in Oregon,” I clarified.

“I’ll come to you, then. I’ve never been there. You can show me the best places. Introduce me to the local customs.”

“Or tie you to my bed and never let you leave the house.”

His laughter made me laugh. “That works, too.”

I reached up and tugged him down to me by his neck. “I’m not kidding.”

His kiss told me he wasn’t either.