Mister Fixit (Love in New York #3) (19 page)

“Here,” Rob says, handing me a glass of something amber-colored.

“What’s this?” I ask, taking a sniff of it. “Phew, that’s strong.”

He takes a big gulp of his drink and points to the couch after. “Have a seat. And drink up. You’re going to want to be buzzed for this.”

My eyebrow goes up. “I’m going to want to be buzzed or
you’re
going to want me buzzed?”

“Both.” He takes me by the hand and pulls me over to the sitting area, dragging me down to the couch with him.

I take up a position two cushions away. I can’t trust that I’ll be smart about this conversation if he’s any closer. He looks positively edible in his starched shirt with cufflinks and slacks.

He drinks more and stares off into space, a brooding look taking over his features.

“So, you said you went on a date to the diner with someone else,” I say. “Who was it?”

He sighs and looks over at me. “You’re still on that?”

“I’m still on anything that remains a secret between us.”

“I’ve known you for over twenty years. That’s a lot of secrets.”

I shrug. “I’ve got time.”

“The question is whether you have the patience. And forgiveness.”

My eyes kind of bug out at that. “Forgiveness? Why? What have you done?”

He looks back at his glass, swirling the liquid around over the ice. “A few things I’m not exactly proud of. Things I wish I’d handled differently, I guess you could say.”

“Like what, for instance?”

He looks over at me, suddenly sad. “Do we have to do this now? Can’t we do it later? After?”

“After what?” I’m almost laughing, but I’m not happy.

I catch him glancing over toward a door across the room and realize he means after we go into his bedroom and have sex.

I put my drink on the table and look him right in the eye. “If you think I’m going to sleep with you when there are secrets between us, you’d better think again, Bud.”

He grins, but it’s not the happy kind. “Damn.”

“Yeah. Damn. I know exactly what you’re thinking now, so just get over yourself. I don’t care how good you are in bed, I’m not letting this go. You owe me the truth.”

He nods, staring into his drink again. “I suppose I do.”

I lean back into the corner of the couch, easing my heels off and wiggling my formerly cramped toes. “Go ahead. I’m ready.”

“Are you sure?” He’s still not looking at me.

“Absolutely. But you better hurry up and just say it. The longer you wait, the worse it’s getting in my head.”

A long stretch of silence grows between us, but I wait. I’m not going to harass him. Either this relationship is worth a little hard work or it isn’t. I’m done with hounding him and trying to force myself on him. If he wants me, he needs to come and get me.

“You asked me who I went to Stardust with before you.”

“Yes, I did.”

“I dated this woman twice. That’s it. She wasn’t anyone special to me.”

“And her name is…?” I wait for his answer, growing less patient by the second.

He sighs heavily. “Her name is Hilary.” He sneaks a glance at me, kind of ducking his shoulders.

“Hilary?”

He can’t possibly mean the Hilary I know.

“Hilary? As in James’s Hilary?” The woman he was with for a couple years and almost married? That can’t be right.

“Yes. That Hilary.”

I shake my head, confused. This isn’t possible. “What do you mean you went out with Hilary twice? When?”

“When they broke up.”

“Last year?”

He shakes his head. “No. A year before that.”

“They broke up before that?” Still confused over here. I have no idea what he’s talking about.

He takes another long drink from his glass, almost emptying it. Then he looks at me. “She called me up and told me all the terrible things James was doing. Working too late, not calling her. She thought he was having an affair, so she broke up with him.”

“James having an affair? He would never do that.”

“I know. I should have known. But I listened to her and I believed her.”

“But why would she say that?”

“I have no idea. Maybe she really believed it. There’s no way for me to know now. I haven’t spoken to her since she and James got back together.”

“Did you sleep with her?” I’m already mad, but not sure why. Am I jealous? Angry on my brother’s behalf?

“No. I got close, I’m not going to lie to you, but I didn’t go through with it.”

“Why not?” I’m keeping a handle on my emotions. I’m pretty proud of myself, actually.

“Does it matter?” He looks tortured, but I don’t care.

“To me it does.”

“I didn’t sleep with her because she was James’s ex-girlfriend.”

“Not because you didn’t want to sleep with her,” I clarify. “Not because she’s an evil bitch or anything like that.”

He shakes his head. “Men don’t think about women like that.”

“You’re trying to tell me you can’t identify an evil bitch when you see one in action? Because holy hell, I know you saw Hilary do her thing more than once. We all did.” That woman … she was something else. I’m surprised she didn’t run James over with her car when he finally ended things between them. She’s that horrible.

“No, I’m saying that even when a woman like Hilary… does the things that Hilary does, it doesn’t necessarily make her not attractive in certain ways.”

I shake my head, disgusted with what I’m hearing. “I can’t believe you. You’re basically saying you would have slept with her, even though she’s a horrible person.”

“No, what I’m saying is that I went out with her a couple times, at her request, ostensibly to talk about James but also with the thought in the back of my mind that I might sleep with her. But when I realized she and James weren’t really over, I backed off. I shouldn’t have gone out with her in the first place, even if she and James were done for good. I know that. I
knew
that. I should have told her no. I knew better, but I did it anyway, and for that, I’m ashamed.”

I mull over what he’s said for a while.
Judge not, lest I be judged,
keeps running through my head like it’s on a loop. As a result, I try to open my mind and my heart and see Rob for who he is: a man with urges like any other guy out there. Can I hate him for being that person? Do I want to be with a guy who never makes mistakes? Does such a man even exist? I know the answer already. I’m just going through the process I need to in order to forgive the idea of him with Hilary. She really is so, so awful.

“I don’t understand how a guy who would go out with Hilary and think of sleeping with her would want to be with me.” There, I said it. I not only compared myself to another of his potential girlfriends, I basically begged for some compliments. Well done, Stupid Self. Why don’t you offer him a blowjob on the first date while you’re at it?

“Maybe I’m not the guy you think I am,” he says ominously.

So much for digging for compliments. I’m going to have to train him to recognize my methods a little better than that if this is going to work, obviously.

“I think I know you pretty well,” I say with a confidence I don’t really feel.
 
His latest confession has me wondering. “I’ve known you since I was a kid.”

“But you know the man you imagined me to be, not who I really am.”

The knowledge that he might be right makes me profoundly sad. Did I fall in love with an ideal and not a real person? That would be a tragedy of epic proportions, to imagine that my entire life has been wasted pining away for someone who doesn’t even exist.

“I hope not,” I finally say, meaning those few simple words with all my heart.

“There’s something else I have to tell you. Before you decide whether you want to have another date with me.”

“What’s that?” I take my drink and down most of it, burning my throat in the process. He was right. I think I need to be drunk for the rest of this. If the look on his face is any indication, his next confession will be even bigger than the first. I’m sipping the last bits of whiskey off my ice cubes when he finally answers my question.

“I have a son.”

I choke on the ice cube that slides into my throat and end up doubled over, trying to breathe as he whacks me on the back.

Chapter Thirty-Two

“A SON?” I FINALLY SAY when I have my breath back. I’m so happy I didn’t vomit my chicken wrap on his coffee table; it was close for a few seconds there. “You have a son?” I can’t compute this information. It just won’t sink in. “Who? When? With whom? When? Who is he? How old is he? When? What’s his name?”

Rob puts his hand on my arm gently. “Just relax. I’ll give you all the details you want. Just don’t… hate me until I’m done.”

I pull away from him and squeeze myself as far into the corner of the couch as I can. “Fine.” I’m glaring at him, but I can’t help it. How can he possibly have a son without me knowing about it? Is he not like another brother to me? A
de facto
member of our family? Does he have a wife too? Holy shit, I need more whiskey.

I look around, trying to locate the bottle, but Rob is oblivious. He’s staring at his clasped hands that rest between his knees as he sits forward on the edge of the couch. And so, his confession begins…

“When I was in law school, I had this girlfriend. Val.” He glances at me. “Do you remember her?”

I shake my head numbly. Whenever I heard from James that Rob had a girlfriend — and now that I think about it, James was always especially happy to spread that news — I ignored the whole thing. I convinced myself that any girl he was with was a big mistake that he’d figure out eventually. And I’d be there waiting for him when he finally realized I was the girl for him, of course. Stupid, stupid me.

“We dated almost the entire three years we were there. Anyway, in our last year, she got pregnant.”

“How?”

His smile isn’t happy. “The way most people manage it. We used protection, but I guess it failed.”

“Or she made it fail,” I say bitterly. I know plenty of women like that, who see a great guy and think trapping him with a baby is a great way to tie him up for life. I hate to think that Rob fell for something like that.

He shrugs. “Doesn’t matter. She had the baby, and I took responsibility.”

“Except that no one in the world but her actually
knows
you have a son, so I’m not sure how that’s taking responsibility.” Rob has fallen a couple notches in my view. I never imagined him doing something like this, having a child and hiding him.

He sighs again, his shoulders sagging. “It’s not that simple.”

“So explain it to me,” I say, sounding bitchy. “So I can understand. In real simple terms.”

He looks up at me, his expression tortured. “Please don’t say it like that.”

I feel guilty and have to look away. “Whatever. Sorry.”

“Don’t apologize. I know you’re angry. You should be. I’m angry at myself. I should have handled it differently. I should have handled everything differently. I’ve made a ton of mistakes, but the two biggest ones are how I dealt with the situation with Brian and how I handled it with you.”

“Brian?”

He smiles sadly. “My son. That’s his name.”

I’m picturing a little toddler running around, but that can’t be right. “How old is he?”

“He’s thirteen.”

“And how often do you see him?”

“Almost every weekend and some nights during the week.”

I look around the room and see no evidence of a teenager here. There’s not one single photo in sight. And I know for a fact that this place only has one bedroom.

“Does he stay over?” I ask.

“No. He can’t.”

I’m afraid what that says about Rob. Is he that cruel that he’d keep his teenage son from his life like that?

“Why not?” I’m trying not to cry. I really am. But I can’t believe that the man I so admired has turned out to be so cold. My eyes are burning with tears I won’t let fall.

“Because he’s handicapped, and I don’t have the facilities here to care for him.”

A loud ringing starts in my ears and won’t stop.

“What did you say?” I whisper. I’m sure I didn’t hear that right.

“I said that he’s handicapped. Severely. Taking him out of his home is very complicated and somewhat dangerous, so I visit him where he lives.”

Tears overflow and start to slide down my cheeks. “What happened to him?”

Rob shrugs slightly. “Nothing happened, per se. He was born with cerebral palsy and there’s no way to know how it happened. The doctors believe he was exposed to some virus or suffered some sort of brain damage during gestation. There’s just no way to know for sure.”

I reach out and put my hand on his arm. “I’m sorry.” I’m apologizing for everything — for judging him, for the sadness I know he feels over his son, for whatever made him think he had to hide it from us. Are we that judgmental? Did he fear what we’d think if he told us the truth?

“Does James know?”

“Yes. He knows. He’s the only one outside of our families who knows.”

I’m hurt that James had that privilege before me, but I understand. Kind of.

“Whose idea was it to keep it a secret?” I can’t imagine what a parent of a handicapped child goes through, but I want to believe I wouldn’t be ashamed of my child. Is Rob ashamed or is it something else? Is Val?

“It was his mother’s idea. I defer to her on everything. She’s been through a lot.”

“I can imagine.” I scoot closer to Rob on the couch. “Is she okay? I mean, she must be, he’s her son and she loves him, but… I mean…” The words won’t come. I want to know everything about her and Brian too, but I don’t want to push.

“She’s fine. As fine as a mother can be seeing her child suffer.”

“He’s suffering?” The tears come more readily.

Rob turns his head to glance at me. “He’s severely handicapped. He can’t walk, he can’t talk, he can’t hear very well if at all. It’s hard for us to know for sure if he can even process what he does hear. He’s thirteen years old, but he only weighs sixty pounds. He gets bed sores very easily, every time he gets a chest cold we wonder if it will kill him.” Rob shakes his head and rubs his hand through his hair distractedly. “It’s not easy for either of us, but for her, it’s worse. She blames herself.”