Mistletoe & Kisses (50 page)

Chapter Twenty-three

TAYLOR’S UNDIVIDED ATTENTION is all Isabella ever wanted in high school, but now that she finally has it, she’s not sure she can handle it.               She’s so nervous. She’s ready to live, but her heart needs to be guarded.  After all, she’s zero for two in her attempts at love.  Taylor first, then Eric, both epic failures.  However, only Taylor caused true heartache. With Eric, it’s only been anger with herself for allowing it to happen and then for staying so long. 

As she sits there, staring at him, seeing that he’s anxious for her to speak, she finally realizes that this might be another step in her healing and finding herself again.  It seems that his rejection all those years ago sent her spiraling downward, and she just hit the bottom.  Maybe helping him see that will help her climb back up and eventually find true happiness.  

With a deep breath, she says, “You’ve already broken my heart once.  I can’t go through it again.”

The disappointment on Taylor’s face makes Isabella want to take those words back, but he speaks before she can.  “I didn’t want to break your heart.  In fact, I really didn’t know I did.”  When he breaks eye contact and rubs his face a few times, as if to rub away the pain and frustration, it hits Isabella in the gut, hard.  Maybe he’s being honest, and didn’t know how much she liked him back then.  “Can we talk about what happened?  I need you to know some things before you write me off.”

“Taylor, it’s really not important.  We can’t start something. I’m not divorced and, if Eric found out, he’d use it against me in the divorce.”

“It might not change anything, but you need to know.  I didn’t mean to hurt you.  It’s not what I wanted to do then, and it’s not my intention now.”

“Okay.  But this doesn’t mean I think we are a good idea right now.”  While she speaks the words, her heart beats wildly, knowing she may be pushing the only chance she’ll ever get with him away.  She knows that she won’t survive another heartbreak from him, after all, it’s clear she’s not any good at being in a relationship. 

“Isabella, everyone in high school thought Daniel was in love with you.  You two were always together, and he was super protective.  We were all afraid he’d kick our asses if we hit on you.  It didn’t help that the two of you never seemed to actually date anyone.  I mean, sure, he was always hitting on other girls, but they never stuck around.”

“Daniel?  He’s my cousin!  You guys were sickos!”  

“None of us believed that you were cousins.  I don’t really remember why we thought that, but we did.  Not one of us was willing to suffer the wrath of Daniel and take you out.”  Taylor drops his head into his hands and mumbles, “I’m so sorry.”

Isabella is shocked . . . speechless almost.  While Taylor is looking down, she takes advantage of just looking at him.  His shoulders are slouched over, his hands are tense, and so is his jaw.  “When I asked you to the dance?”  Her voice cuts off when he looks up with weary eyes. 

“I wanted to take you to that dance . . . more than you know.” 

That revelation practically knocks the wind out of Isabella.  “Whaatt?”

“I’m so sorry.  I had no idea it upset you.”

“I can’t believe I didn’t get to date in high school because you all thought Daniel and I were an item.  G-R-O-S-S!”

“It was just weird how he got when guys asked about you.  Eventually, we all stopped asking.  Nobody dared ask Daniel about you and him though, and I have no idea why.”

“So, I felt like I was a weirdo when I couldn’t get any guy in school to like me, and it was all because of Daniel?” 

“I wish I would have told you or him back then.  I was heartbroken when I heard you were getting married, but I feel worse now, knowing how bad it was for you.   I wish I would’ve said something, but once you went to college and met Eric, I thought it was done.  Now, I feel like I have another chance.  I don’t want to waste it.”

“Taylor”—her chest heaves up and down, overwhelmed by emotion—“I can’t believe this.  I went away to school in hopes of people seeing me.  I felt invisible at home.  I wanted more.”

“So, when Eric showed up and made you feel special, it was wonderful, huh? A dream come true?”

“Pretty much.  Unfortunately, it didn’t stay that way . . . as you know.”

“Oh, Isabella.  I wish we could go back and change all that.  But at least you’re getting a new chance at happiness.”

“I know, and I want to do it right.  I’m not ready to be half of someone else again.  I need to find the whole me first.”

“I understand.  I respect that.  Let’s not let this ruin our weekend.”  Although Taylor said the words, his heart ached, wanting her.  He vowed in his head to help her find herself, and just hoped that when she did, she’d still be close enough to him to allow him to take a chance on them.  

They don’t let it ruin their weekend.  Taylor downplays his plans, but hopes she sees how special she is to him.  He barbecue’s dinner on the back porch and they enjoy it together before settling in for a movie night by the fire.  The only part of his plan that he skipped was the cuddling on the couch while they watched.  He knows he needs to tread carefully and wait until she’s ready for more. 

By the time they retreat to their rooms for the night, Isabella is emotionally exhausted and confused.  Taylor, on the other hand, is ready to come up with a new plan; hopefully one with a better outcome.  And maybe he’ll have to get Daniel’s help.

Chapter Twenty-four

TAYLOR AND ISABELLA spend the rest of the weekend enjoying the outdoors together, hiking and just walking around by the lake and the little shops.  When Taylor studies, Isabella sits on the back deck, enjoying the beauty around her while she reads.  For a few hours they do their own thing, and Isabella finds that she actually misses him.  She can’t decide if that’s a good thing or a bad thing.

Sunday after lunch, they pack up and head home.  The awkwardness of the other night is gone, and both are still very much aware of every move the other makes, yet making every effort to keep things on a “friend only” level.   Taylor can see Isabella struggle every once in a while with his attention, so he backs off.  He hopes that once they are home and back on a regular schedule, it’ll help her relax a bit more. 

Settling in back home is easy.  They pick up some Chinese food in the neighborhood and eat together before Taylor has to get ready for work.  He’s a little nervous about the upcoming week, having to take his BAR exam Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday.  He knows he’s ready, but it’s still nerve wracking to think about a test that lasts three days and will decide his future.  But he’s trying not to work himself up and make it harder than it already is. 

Isabella has interviews on Tuesday and Wednesday to volunteer at the library and at the hospital.  She knows that neither is her calling, but she’s trying to find a way to keep busy during the day while she figures out what to do next. 

Taylor has wanted to suggest going back to school, but is afraid to overstep his boundaries at this point. 

With Christmas only a few weeks away, he has a little time before setting his new plan in motion.  He called Daniel late Saturday night and discussed his intentions for Christmas.  Thankfully, Daniel was supportive and agreed to do his best to keep Isabella in California for the holidays.  Now, all Taylor has to do is get her back to the mountains.  His co-worker already agreed to lend him the cabin again, since he’d be home with family. 

Taylor puts his studying aside when his eyes won’t stay open any longer.  Before he climbs into bed, he ventures to the kitchen for a bottle of water.  He’s surprised to see Isabella sitting at the table in just a long T-shirt, gazing out the window with a blank look. 

“Isabella, are you okay?” 

“Huh?”  She turns to him, looking a little out of sorts.  When she moves, the T-shirt rides even higher up her thighs, causing his brain to sputter a little. 

“I, um”—he shakes his head a little to clear the fog that all that visible skin is causing—“it’s late, I thought you were in bed.  Not that you can’t come out here, you just surprised me is all.”

“I thought you were in bed too, or I wouldn’t have come out here dressed like this.  Sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry.  You’re dressed just, um, fine.”  He can’t keep looking at her or he’ll want to touch her, so he passes her and heads into the kitchen.  “I just needed some water before bed.”  After grabbing the bottle of water from the fridge, he turns and sees her staring out into the darkness again.  “Are you okay?”

“As okay as I’m capable of at the moment.”  She sits at the table to talk to him.  She sits to hide her bare legs, feeling a bit naked in just her T-shirt.  “I feel lost.  I just don’t know where to start.” 

Taylor’s heart hurts a little watching her struggle, but he knows she’s making progress, even if she doesn’t know it yet.  “The interviews you have this week are a start.”  He sits down at the table across from her while he talks, in order to block the view of her smooth, naked legs.

“I hope so.”  Her smile is meek and so full of doubt. 

She slowly stands and turns to walk to her room.  When Taylor gets a glimpse of her ass where her T-shirt stops, his body comes to life.  He knows he shouldn’t, but he stands and hurries to catch her before she gets in her room. 

“Isabella.” The rasp in his voice can’t hide what he’s feeling.  When she turns to look at him, her T-shirt exposes even more of her, allowing him a peek at her barely-there hot pink panties, and making him bite down a little groan that threatens to escape. “I, um . . . ” He moves a little closer to her, placing his hand on the wall at her side and leaning closer to whisper in her ear, “I can’t help but want you.”

“Taylor,” her barely-there voice whispering his name tells him she’s just as affected as he is.  She doesn’t move, except to close her eyes, so he takes the opportunity to press his lips to her cheek.  Her sharp intake of breath coaxes him along, and he trails kisses slowly toward her lips, stopping at the corner.  Instead of pulling away, Taylor is surprised when she turns into him and kisses him with all she has.

Both lost in the sensation of a kiss that’s been years in the making, their hands start exploring.  They’re timid at first, softly moving their hands over each other’s arms, but quickly the kissing deepens, and the exploring becomes frantic.  Taylor pulls away and stares into Isabella’s eyes, making sure she feels the same desire he is.  When he sees she’s just as turned on as him, he moves to kiss down her neck, while her hands are on his head, holding him to her.

Taylor takes this as a good sign and scoops her up, wrapping her legs around his waist.  When she responds by grinding herself against his hardness, he moves quickly to get her into his room.  Before he goes inside, he places her on the floor, breaking the kiss.  Leaning down, he whispers, “I’m so sorry, Isabella.  I couldn’t help myself.  I want you.  But I don’t want to push you or compromise what we could have.  And I know we can have something special.”

Understanding washes across Isabella’s face and she nods.  No words, just a nod, as she walks out of Taylor’s arms and into her room.  As disappointed as he is, seeing her hand on her lips as she walks out gives him hope that she is just as affected as he is. 

Climbing into bed alone is the hardest thing either of them has ever done.  Neither of them are able to find sleep easy while their minds race. 

Chapter Twenty-five

THE WEEK IS so different for Taylor and Isabella.  Since Isabella moved in, they’d spent every night having dinner together and enjoying a movie or some television show before bed.  But having Taylor out of town for three days for his test is difficult.  And despite having an interview two of the days, Isabella is lonely.   Very lonely.  The apartment she shared with Taylor was much smaller than the house she shared with Eric, but somehow it feels so large and empty while he’s gone.

Isabella tries everything she can to keep herself occupied during the day, even going to the beach to read and enjoy the view.  But instead of enjoying the solitude like she used to, it’s a painful reminder that she is alone. 

The realization of how these last few months have changed her hits her hard.  Taylor makes her feel special while letting her be her, and Eric never made her feel special.  What a difference it is to be appreciated for just being her.  As she sits and thinks about where her life has taken her, she decides that it’s time to take a risk and stop pushing Taylor away.  It just may be worth the possible heartbreak if it doesn’t work out.  At least she’ll learn what a real relationship is like, one where both people are interested in being a part of each other’s lives. 

The night Taylor is to come home, Isabella finds herself restless before bed.  Hoping to still be awake when he gets home, she opens a bottle of wine and relaxes with a movie.  She’s not really interested in it, but she doesn’t know what else to do with herself.  At some point she falls asleep and, the next thing she knows, she’s being lifted off the couch. 

“Taylor?”  She’s so tired she can barely open her eyes. 

“Shh . . . I’m taking you to bed.  It’s late.”  She feels good in his arms and he kind of wishes the hall was longer so he could spend more time carrying her.  He takes advantage of being able to be this close, inhaling deeply, committing her fresh lavender scent to memory, in case he doesn’t have the opportunity to enjoy it this close again.  When he gets to her bed, he holds her a little bit longer before moving to set her down.

“Stay with me,” Isabella whispers as he’s laying her in bed.

“Isabella, I don’t want to take advantage.  I saw you had an entire bottle of wine.”

“Please.  I just want you to hold me.”

Taylor fights with himself, then says, “How about I lay with you for a little bit, but I’ll go to my bed after you’re back asleep?”

“I’ll take what I can get.”  She scoots herself over, making room for him to climb in. 

He does, fully dressed, proving he’s not planning to stay.

When Isabella wakes in the morning, she can’t believe she’s as warm as she is, but as she rolls to see the time, she quickly sees why.  Taylor.  He’s no longer wrapped around her, but he’s still in her bed, and it shocks her to know that she’s happy about that. 

Her movement must’ve disturbed him, because he rolls toward her and opens his eyes, making her feel like he’s staring straight into her soul.  Her breath catches and her heartbeat increases, leaving her unable to speak, so when he says, “Hi,” all she can do is smile . . . and blush. 

After a few moments of staring at each other, she looks away.  “You’re still dressed.”

He laughs.  “I guess I fell asleep.   I didn’t plan to stay, but apparently I was too comfortable.  I haven’t slept that well in a long time.”

“Me either,” she says, and happiness spreads across his face.  “I haven’t been sleeping well lately.”

Before replying, he rolls closer to her and pulls her into a hug.  When she softens in his arms, he kisses the top of her head, hoping that this is the beginning of something for them.  Afraid to speak and ruin the moment, he just holds her tight, enjoying the way she feels pressed up against him. 

It’s not long before she squirms.  “I have to pee.” She giggles. 

“I’m enjoying having you in my arms.”

“I’m enjoying being here, but I really have to use the bathroom.”  She wiggles over the top of him, and into the bathroom.  Taylor just groans when she presses up against him, and takes a moment to calm himself down while she’s gone.  He needs to use the restroom too, but doesn’t want her to be upset if he just disappears.

When she comes back into the room, she looks nervous. 

“I won’t bite.” 

When she laughs, he knows he broke the tension.  “I need to use the restroom too, and we should probably eat.  Get dressed and I’ll make breakfast.”

“Don’t you have to work?”  Seeing her worry about him gives him even more hope about them. 

“Nope, they gave me the day off to relax after taking the exam.  They all understand the stress it causes.”  He gets up and heads for the door, but before leaving, he turns to her. “Now get dressed so we can eat.”  And he walks out.

It doesn’t take Taylor long to get dressed and get started on breakfast, but Isabella takes her time, trying to decide how to handle herself.  She always hated watching the girls throw themselves at their boyfriends when she was in college, but she wants Taylor to know she’s open to giving them a shot, slowly. 

The rich smell of waffles permeates the kitchen and makes her mouth water.  “You really love waffles, don’t you?”

He replies, “What makes you think that?”

“It’s just that I haven’t had waffles since I was a kid, and now I’m having them for the second time.  I guess they must be your favorite.” 

“Hmm, I never noticed.  I like them more than pancakes.  I guess I consider them a special breakfast, something we don’t get every day.”

“I definitely think they’re special.  Thank you.”

“So, after this special breakfast, what should we do with our day?  Our weekend even.  It feels amazing to be done with the test.”

“When do you get your results?”

“It takes about four months.”

“That long, huh?  So what do you do while you wait?   How do you not freak out for four whole months?”

“I have to work as an intern until I get my results.  I’lll get a few weeks off, and a little break from the studying will be nice.  Hopefully the time off will be relaxing, and that should make it easier to wait.  If I pass, they hire me.  If I don’t, I’ll work as a clerk in their office until I pass.” 

“I know you’ll pass.” 

“Thank you.  I hope you’re right.”