misunderstoodebook (13 page)

They made her want
Kendall
back. Without Kendall, she couldn’t save Caroline.

The sad woman with the dull eyes staring back at her didn’t have the capacity to be responsible for anything or anyone. Not even herself.

Now, she wanted…she wanted…the impossible. Spoon would never relinquish the upper hand to her. Just as bad was Logan Donovan. Her biker’s grandfather.

If Kendall knew nothing else, she knew something had been broken in Johnnie a long time ago. Because of Logan. She didn’t know how she knew, but she did. He was broken like she was, a kindred soul. And she trusted his words. He’d backed them up with actions the night he’d made love to her. All the Death Dwellers had shown her more respect in the short time she’d known them, then Spoon had ever given to her.

The way all those big bikers catered to that baby made her giggle. And she didn’t even know how to laugh anymore. Yet,
that
made her smile and chuckle.

She’d always tried to please others. Even at her most self-destructive, it had been to please other people. Now, she had a simple desire to save herself. In life, when it came to motivation, people did things to please themselves or to please others.

Kendall gazed at herself in the mirror, feeling as sick and as panicked as she looked. Unable to fathom her predicament, she glanced around, searching for an escape. The leaded glass windows were high up and sealed tight, more for show than anything else. There wasn’t enough going on out there for her to sneak away. For the first time in a long time, she wanted to talk to Spoon. She had to tell him Logan Donovan was
in town
. Most of all, she had to tell him the reason why the man was so obsessed with the two highest ranking officers in the Death Dwellers.

They were his grandsons.

Johnnie, her beautiful blond biker, was related to that monster. How was it even possible?

She pressed a hand against her belly. When she left and got far enough away from the club, she’d pull over to talk to the guys Spoon had following her. For some reason, the stupid pig didn’t trust her not to run or go to the police. He called her a bad sister, since she’d gotten Caroline into this situation.

He refused to believe Kendall wouldn’t put her sister’s life in any more danger than it already was. He couldn’t see he’d broken her and she doubted she’d ever be repaired again. And, now, the one sweet memory she had, the one person she’d built a fantasy around, was destroyed, leaving behind nothing but ashes in the wind.

Kendall couldn’t even cry. She’d known all along the man she’d built Johnnie up to be existed only in her tortured mind.

Swallowing, she reached for her phone, frowning when she didn’t find it. She didn’t have it on her. It was in her purse because she wore clothes without pockets.

She didn’t even have her watch on, so she had no idea how long she’d been in the bathroom. Nausea twisted in her and she glanced around, surprised to find it so clean. The Ladies’ Bathroom at the Torpedoes’ clubhouse just passed the hygiene test.

Vomit bubbled up and she bent, releasing it into the bathroom sink. Afterwards, she ran the cold water and splashed it on her face.

Visions of herself waddling around, fat and gross, danced in her head. She’d conquered her weight issues—those that were real and those she’d blown out of proportion—and it frightened her to think she’d lose control of her body all over again.

Dizziness swayed her and she gripped the counter, praying she didn’t faint. Hunger and nausea competed for her attention, both vying for first place in misery. Her baby wasn’t at fault for getting inside of her, but the little thing was at fault for her nausea.

Uh-uh, it wasn’t at fault for that, either. This was Johnnie’s fault because he’d put the baby there.

Condom.

Not my baby.

Immaculate Conception.

The words floated in Kendall’s head and she groaned. Pressing her nose against the glass, she widened her eyes, giggling at her distorted face.

She wondered how Baby Biker would look. Her smile faded. It didn’t matter. She couldn’t keep it.

Without warning, the door opened and Kendall jumped back. There, Johnnie stood, full of arrogant assurance.

Her gaze dropped, an automatic reflex nowadays. Then she reminded herself he’d said she was safe there. She could find Kendall again.
Be
Kendall once more. She searched for the right words. Words were her specialty. She’d been paid to use words and argue on people’s behalf.

She straightened and glanced at him. He was dressed, his magnificent chest and back and arm tattoos covered from her hungry eyes.

“You shouldn’t be in here.” Yes, words. The ones she’d managed came out slow and hesitant, but
right
. He shouldn’t be in there and she could tell him.

His laughter vibrated through her belly. “This is my club. I can go anywhere I want to.”

Oh. Yes. Right. She blinked and licked her lips, unable to refute that. Unable to do anything because she was a pathetic excuse for a sister and a woman.
Real
women talked and stood up for themselves. Monsters didn’t control real women.
Real
women didn’t need someone else to act as a conduit to step out of the dark. They wore their big girl panties and did it themselves.

Johnnie stepped closer and her brave thoughts nosedived at terminal velocity. He cornered her, the abruptness sending her into freefall.

Cool unfriendliness shadowed his eyes. “You’ve been hiding in here for a while.”

“I’m not hiding,” she blurted, surprising herself and raising her chin. “Especially from you.”

A slow smile drew her attention to his full lips.

She’d wanted to taste his lips the first night with him and she still wanted to taste them. Noticing where her gaze rested, the sensuality in his smile crept into his eyes. Flames of desire licked at her, aided by her memories.

He scraped his fingers though her hair. “You want another kiss?”

Yes, she wanted a…it hit her where he wanted to kiss her. Not on the mouth. Liquid heat rushed to her pussy and her nipples hardened. She opened her mouth to tell him
no.
He’d expect her to suck his cock and…no. Just no.

His hand slipped into her yoga pants. Her lack of panties gave him easy access and he took full advantage, teasing her clit, once, twice, three times.

Her breath hitched in the back of her throat and her belly clenched.

He nuzzled her neck, one hand tweaking her nipple and the other still caressing her pussy. A whimper escaped her, pleasure bursting through her being.

He slipped one finger, two fingers, into her and she tenses, waiting for the third, expecting the pain and afraid of it. Lifting her up, he settled her onto the counter and hooked his fingers into the waistband of her pants.

“Raise up.”

Though her body screamed for his touch, her mind rebelled. “Stop. I can’t. I can’t return oral sex.” Her hand rubbed her throat. “So, no. You can’t kiss my pussy. You can kiss my mouth, though.”

He paused, the touch of his fingertips following the perusal of his eyes. Wherever he focused, he caressed until he had her face cradled between his hands.

“Did Spoon hurt you?”

More than she could ever express. Unable to look him in the eye and lie, she turned her head away. “No.”

Johnnie’s erection throbbed against Kendall’s thigh and another burst of desire shot through her.

“Did Logan?”

Yes.
“No.”

He tugged at her ear. “I don’t recall asking you to suck my dick, Kendall,” he whispered. “If you decided to do it that would be a non-refundable bonus.” He nipped her neck, traveled down to her breast and pushed aside her bra, covering the hard, hurting tip with his mouth and tugging.

Kendall slipped her fingers through the silk of his hair. “Johnnie,” she gasped.

He moved up, gliding his tongue over the sensitive skin of her throat and slipping his hands into the waistband of her pants. “Lift. Up.”

A plethora of emotions curled through her, but she did as he ordered. Not because she had to but because she wanted to. Cool air hit her overheated skin as he pulled her shoes and socks off then removed her pants. He dropped to his knees and shouldered her legs apart, leaving her exposed and bare.

His mouth covered her core, opening her pussy lips and tonguing her clit in a circle pattern. Spoon had managed to make this dirty and humiliating, using it to exert control and power.

Not the case now. The pure pleasure Johnnie gave to her made it hard to dwell upon Spoon’s degradation. The thought flitted through her head then exploded into exquisite sensation.

Leaning back, Kendall rested against the mirror, her feet dangling halfway from the edge of the counter. She rocked against his mouth, clutching his hair, grinding against the soft pad of his tongue until he brought her over the edge and her orgasm crashed through her. She shuddered and screamed, groaning at the feel of his lips kissing the inside of her thigh.

When her trembles ceased, he stood to his full height and deftly avoided her mouth by dropping his head to her shoulder and drawing in a deep breath. He wrapped his arm around her waist and held her a moment before pulling away. His erection pressed against his zipper, but instead of forcing himself inside of her, he bent and picked up her yoga pants. He held them out to her, his eyes dark with need. A need he intended to ignore…?

She took her pants and hopped to her feet. “That’s it?” she asked with trepidation, not sure why she concerned herself with his erection. She should be relieved he’d do something else with it. She wasn’t. “That’s all?”

Amusement gleamed in his eyes and heat rushed to her face. “You came, didn’t you?”

She nodded.

“Then, yes, gorgeous. That’s it.”

“You’re still hard.”

His lips split into a wide grin. “You don’t say.”

The crickets returned to her head. No response came to her, so she dressed in silence, aware of his scrutiny, her flush deepening. He wouldn’t look away. He stood there as if he owned the world. Owned her.

Once she’d put herself back together, he sauntered to the door and pulled it open, leaning against it. “After you, Kendall.”

She refused to challenge him with a gaze but she didn’t want to go. He’d pleasured her, ignored his own needs, and swore she could trust him. “Who said I was ready to leave?”

“Me,” he answered calmly. “Now, come with me. I need to discuss something with you.”

Losing her defiant pose, she licked her lips. “Wh-what?”

Instead of answering, he indicated the main room with a nod of his head, silently directing her to move.

For some reason the thought of Spoon—or maybe the word spoon—brought to mind ice cream. Butter Pecan or Birthday Cake or Phish Food by Ben and Jerry’s. Instead of voicing her craving, she marched passed Johnnie and headed for a bar stool.

Her driver’s license laid out on the bar caught her attention. “What…you went through my things?”

“If you had nothing to hide, you wouldn’t care.”

Irritation slipped past her apathy and fear. “That’s not true!” she flared. “A woman’s purse is off limits! It’s completely personal.” She stood up to head for the door and her car, but he stepped in front of her and boxed her in.

“Sorry, gorgeous. I’m afraid you and I will be going for a ride, so you can tell me all about what the fuck Spoon has you doing here.”

Kendall’s heart raced at Johnnie’s hard comment. “What—“

“Don’t,” he warned through clenched teeth, a muscle pulsing. “Do you think we would take you on with just a letter of recommendation? You could’ve had that printed in somebody’s garage.”

“Of course not!” she cried. “I thought you’d call up and check my references. That’s very easy to do.”

“So’s running background checks,” Mortician called. “We find out all kinds of shit that way.”

“We have less than a week before Outlaw returns,” Johnnie started. “I refuse to have him walking in on bullshit, so you’re going to tell me what the fuck’s going on or suffer the consequences.”

Other people might consider the matters in her life trivial. But the problems one faced was relative to the life they lived. Her troubles might’ve been insignificant in the great scheme of things, but to
her
and
her
life, it was huge. He had to believe that she was on top of the world. Not scared shitless of him, his grandfather, Spoon…
men
. “Nothing’s going on,” Kendall insisted. “Please believe me.”

He closed the distance between them and leaned down, startling her when his lips brushed her hairline.

No, she was responding and cringed at the thought that she
wanted
to respond. Just because. It was so hard to reconcile this man with the man in her head. That was the man she was responding to.

“What are you doing here, Kendall?” he murmured, his voice the sexiest she’d ever heard. “How do you know my grandfather?”

“He’s already told you.”

Suspicion clear on his face, he narrowed his eyes and shrugged. “Too fucking bad I don’t believe him.”

She swiveled her stool and got to her feet, snatching her purse without thinking and then sweeping everything into it. “As if what you believe matters to me,” she retorted. “You’re his grandson. No doubt you’re just like him. You know him better than anyone, so what do you have to say about that?”

“Not a fucking thing,” he snarled. “Logan’s a grown fucking man. No one can change him. Least of all
me.”

“Because you don’t want to! Your loyalty is to him, so damn everyone else.”

He snatched her arm and jerked her around to face him. Kendall’s heart dropped and she released her purse to shield her face with her hands. It took her a moment to realize Johnnie was staring at her with barely leashed anger. Behind the bar, Mortician dried glasses and lined them on the bar, his attention divided between her and his task.

She waited for Johnnie to harm her.

He reached for her and pulled her into his arms, shocking her. She buried her nose against his neck and shuddered, almost sagging against him. But she couldn’t do it because she couldn’t trust him. Instead, she stood ramrod straight in his embrace.