Mixed Bags (16 page)

“Oh, yeah, Harry said the other girls were invited too.”

“All of them?” asked DJ.

Eliza laughed. “Well, we can’t really exclude anyone, can we?”

“I guess not.”

“Besides, it might be a way to put some of the girls—particularly Taylor—in their places.”

DJ nodded like that was a good idea. But the truth was she wasn’t sure that it was even possible. And what about Casey? How would she possibly fit into this crowd? Or maybe that wasn’t DJ’s problem.

ALL THe Carrer HOuse GIrLS
decided to go to Harry’s beach-house party. DJ had hidden her surprise when Casey agreed to go. Hopefully, this would help Casey. Maybe she would realize that it was time to change her rebel-girl image. Because there were six of them and Eliza’s car was small, DJ talked her grandmother into letting her use her car as well. DJ would’ve preferred riding in Eliza’s Porsche, but at least she wasn’t stuck in the same vehicle as Taylor. Naturally, Taylor opted to ride with Eliza, taking the front seat as if she were privileged. Kriti rode in the back.

“So the royalty rides with Eliza,” observed Casey as DJ pulled out into the street. “And the less fortunate with you?”

“Are you complaining?” asked DJ with a little irritation.

“Just commenting.”

“I don’t feel unfortunate,” said Rhiannon from the backseat.

“That’s because you’re a freaking Pollyanna,” said Casey.

“Be nice,” warned DJ.

“I can’t believe I agreed to come,” said Casey when DJ pulled up into the crowded driveway. “This is probably a big fat mistake.”

“Just make the best of it,” said DJ as she turned off the ignition and grabbed her bag. DJ had dressed carefully tonight, and she’d made sure to get Eliza’s stamp of approval—doing this while Casey was taking a shower so she wouldn’t hear her and tease. But as DJ got out of the car, she felt confident. She could hold her own with the Crescent Cove girls.

Eliza was just getting out of her car, which was parked closer to the house. She waved at DJ and waited for her to join them. Loud music was coming from the house, and the whole place was lit up, making quite an impression against the dusky sky.

“Ready to partee?” asked Taylor, flashing an unexpected smile.

DJ just nodded. She still didn’t trust this girl. But, naturally, Taylor would be wearing her party face tonight. And, of course, she was dressed impeccably. And her hair and makeup were perfect. DJ hated to admit it, but Taylor was stunning. No wonder Grandmother catered to her so much. Of all the girls, Taylor had the kind of looks that could make it on a New York runway. Plus she had that dog-eat-dog personality to go with it. And it was obvious that Taylor cared about making a good first impression tonight. She would probably be on her best behavior. At least on the surface.

Harry welcomed the girls and introduced them around. And although DJ could sense some malicious stares, coming primarily from the same girls who had been mean to her last spring, she could tell that for the most part, she was being accepted. As were Eliza and Taylor and Kriti. She wasn’t too sure about Rhiannon, although when Bradford Wales showed up, that changed some.

Bradford was one of those guys who seemed to fit into all circles. He could mix with the art crowd, rub elbows with jocks, or hang with the academics. DJ’s theory was this was because first, his family was very wealthy, second, his mother was a renowned artist, and third, he was good-looking in a tall, dark, slightly gangly way. Plus, he had a pleasant personality. Also, DJ noticed, he seemed genuinely drawn to Rhiannon. They hadn’t exactly been dating last year, but DJ suspected that was about to change.

DJ still hadn’t spotted Conner yet, but she tried not to look overly concerned as she watched Harry and Eliza dancing and mixing easily with the crowd. Those two were like the king and queen of the party, and it was plain to see that Eliza would have no problem fitting in at Crescent Cove High. She certainly didn’t need DJ by her side. In fact, DJ had a strong suspicion that Eliza’s friendship was something she shouldn’t count on. That’s when DJ noticed Casey hanging on the sidelines and looking like her recently unhappy self. DJ knew she should try to help her old friend, but how? At the moment, it felt as if DJ was barely keeping her nose above water.

Meanwhile, Taylor was still talking and joking—or was it flirting?—with Bradford Wales. And yet Rhiannon seemed perfectly comfortable with this intrusion into her relationship. She smiled and nodded as if she thought Taylor wasn’t the slightest threat. Or maybe Rhiannon was that confident. But how? In many ways that girl was just a flat-out mystery to DJ.

“Want to check out the eats?” DJ suddenly asked Kriti. It was something to do and seemed preferable to standing around and waiting for Conner to show. Kriti agreed, and they headed over to where a granite-topped island was filled with the kinds of foods that were strictly forbidden in Carter House. DJ got a paper plate and began to fill it with carbs and calories.

“Look at that,” said Kriti, nudging DJ with her elbow as she pointed to the kitchen where a stainless-steel keg was sitting on the counter by the fridge. “I should’ve known there’d be beer tonight.”

DJ sighed. Yes, perhaps she should’ve known this too. Somehow, she hadn’t really considered the possibility. “I’m sorry, Kriti,” she said. “I didn’t know.”

“Well, at least
you
won’t be drinking, right?” Kriti asked.

“Of course not.” Even so, it made her uncomfortable that others would be. She remembered being stopped by the police the other day. What if that happened again tonight? Or worse, what if there was a wreck? Yet, at the same time, she felt aggravated that this whole thing worried her. She wished she could be like the others and just not care. Why was she always so torn about everything?

“I wonder how Rhiannon feels about it?” asked Kriti.

“That’s a good question,” admitted DJ.

“Where’s Conner tonight?” asked Kriti after they took their plates and sodas over to a quiet corner and sat down.

“I don’t know.” DJ looked around the room again. “I thought he’d be here.”

Before long a couple of guys came over and reintroduced themselves. Then they invited Kriti and DJ to dance. Kriti happily agreed, but DJ felt unsure. What about Conner?

“Come on,” said Garrison as he reached for her hand. “I don’t bite.”

So, feeling somewhat dejected that Conner wasn’t there, DJ went with him. She wasn’t the greatest dancer, but thankfully the lights were low and the music was loud and lively, and she decided to just have fun with it. It made no sense to be uncertain about everything. Good grief, it was like she didn’t even know her own mind.

But midway through the dance, she saw Conner arrive and her heart leaped. He seemed to spot her too, but when she waved at him, he just turned away and started talking to another guy. Well, this irked her, and when Garrison asked her to dance the next one, she decided to just go with the flow. Maybe it would give Conner something to consider. Maybe it would teach him for coming late…for not calling her once after their date.

But she felt a little concerned when the song turned out to be a slow one and she found herself dancing very close to Garrison. But the next thing she knew Conner was dancing with, of all people, Taylor! And that just made DJ plain mad. Still, she tried not to show it, and when the song ended, she thanked Garrison and went over to where Conner was now standing with Taylor.

“Hey,” she said in an even voice. “You made it.”

He nodded. “Yeah, I got waylaid on the home front.”

“Oh…” She didn’t know what to say now, and she could feel Taylor’s eyes on her, as if she was waiting for DJ to make a scene. Perhaps a scene that would humiliate DJ in front of everyone.

“Looks like you met Garrison,” said Conner.

“Yeah. I was getting kind of bored. It was nice of someone to dance with me.”

“Yeah, nice.”

DJ wanted Conner to ask her to dance now. She was even tempted to ask him, but for some reason, maybe it was pride, she could not. Still, she wanted him to do something to make it perfectly clear to Taylor that he really did like DJ, and that they were really a couple. But he didn’t. And he didn’t say anything either. They just stood there. Finally Taylor began making small talk and he responded. And that aggravated DJ even more. What was wrong with him anyway? How could he passionately kiss her one night and two nights later act as if he barely knew her?

Suddenly, she felt seriously worried. Maybe he didn’t really like her. Maybe she had only imagined that he liked her. Or maybe their make-out session in Eliza’s backseat had been disappointing. Maybe he’d decided he just wasn’t into her after that. Or maybe he realized she wasn’t his type. Maybe he thought she was cheap and easy—sort of like what her grandmother had insinuated yesterday. And just like that, all her confidence seemed to evaporate. She felt more like a loser than ever. Not only that, but she felt lost. Dressed up like a Barbie doll, she had shoved her old image of being the athlete aside, and she had pushed her hurting friend away just because she didn’t fit in. And now, she realized that she didn’t fit in either. DJ felt cut off, alone, and totally rejected.

“Excuse me,” she said, turning and walking away. She pressed her way through the crowd and went outside and stood on the deck that overlooked the ocean—the same ocean where they had experienced their first kiss. She took in several deep breaths and tried to reassure herself that everything was just fine. Perfectly fine. She told herself that at any moment, Conner would come out and join her. He would apologize and tell her that everything was okay. But he didn’t. Quite some time passed, and he never came out. Finally, DJ looked back into the house to see that the party was even livelier than before, and there in the middle of the room, Conner and Taylor were dancing again. She couldn’t see Conner’s face just now, but Taylor looked happy. She was laughing and smiling and totally victorious.

That’s when something inside DJ just cracked. Like she could almost hear it breaking. And she felt the tears coming now, but she didn’t want anyone to see her like this. She knew she had to get away. And so she decided to go out to the beach. She took off her sandals and walked through the damp sand until she found a piece of driftwood. And there she sat and sobbed. As she sobbed, she was plagued with questions. Questions that had no answers and only seemed designed to torment her more.

Why was Conner treating her like this? When had everything changed between them? Or had she just been deluded that there ever was anything in the first place? What was wrong with her? Was she the hypocrite that Casey accused her of being? Had she sold out to fit in? Would she ever fit in? Would she ever be happy? And if she would never be happy, what was the point of trying? Maybe she should just walk into the ocean, swim out as far as she could possibly swim…and just let go. End this thing. She was almost ready to stand up when she heard a girl’s voice call, “Hey, you.”

DJ turned around to see Rhiannon walking toward her. DJ quickly wiped the tears with her hands, trying to act normal, which seemed rather pointless. Who was she fooling anyway?

“What’s wrong?” Rhiannon sat on the log next to her.

“Nothing.”

“Come on, DJ, you can talk to me.”

DJ wanted her to leave. “Why aren’t you with Bradford?”

“He had to go home. You know it’s a school night.”

“Yeah, right.”

“Kriti said you just disappeared. She thought it might have something to do with Taylor dancing with Conner. Want to talk about it?”

DJ figured if there was anyone she could trust, it was probably Rhiannon. Besides it didn’t look like she was going away. And so she just dumped out the whole story. “I just don’t get it,” she said finally. “I thought he liked me.”

“Would that make you happy?” asked Rhiannon.

“Sure. Why wouldn’t it?”

“I mean really, truly happy,” said Rhiannon. “Deep down happy.”

“I don’t think that’s even possible.”

“It is,” said Rhiannon.

“Maybe for you.”

“For
everyone
, DJ.”

“Yeah, right.”

“Here’s the deal,” persisted Rhiannon. “God made us with this empty space inside. We try to fill that space with all kinds of things that we think will make us happy. Like boyfriends or fancy clothes or doing exciting things. But in the end, none of that makes us happy. Sometimes those things will even make us more miserable.”

“I do feel pretty miserable.”

“I know. It’s because you’ve been trying to fill that space with the wrong things.”

“So, what am I supposed to fill that space with, Rhiannon?” DJ turned and looked at her face, now illuminated by the moonlight.

Rhiannon smiled, and DJ hated to admit it, but her face looked literally radiant, and
happy
. “Jesus,” she said simply. “You’re supposed to fill that space with the one who made you, DJ. Jesus wants to be your best friend. He wants to help you through the hard times. And he knows what you need to live your best possible life. And you’ll never get there without him.”

DJ actually considered this for a long moment. Still she wasn’t buying. “It sounds too good to be true.”

“That’s exactly what I thought at first too. But I’m living proof that it is true.”

“I’ll admit that you do seem happy, Rhiannon, and it seems to work for you, but I don’t think it’d be the same for me.”

“You’ll never know, DJ…unless you give Jesus a try.”

“I wouldn’t even know how to do that.”

“It’s simple. You just invite him into your heart.”

For no explainable reason, DJ was crying again. And this time the sobs seemed to emerge from a place that was dark and deep within her. There was an ache that was more painful than just feeling rejected by Conner. It was even more painful than feeling rejected by her father…or losing her mother. It was a deep, lonely sadness that she felt would belong to her forever. And yet she knew she couldn’t endure it. She knew it would eventually devour her.

Rhiannon put an arm around DJ’s shoulders now. “Want me to pray with you?”

DJ just kept sobbing, but finally she nodded. “Yes,” she gasped. “I—I think I do.”

“Okay,” said Rhiannon calmly. “If you want to invite Jesus into your heart, you just repeat what I say, or say it in your own words if you like. It doesn’t really matter
how
you say it, just as long as you
mean
it.”

Then Rhiannon prayed a simple prayer. And DJ echoed the words after her. First she told God that she’d blown it and that she needed him to forgive her. Then she asked Jesus to come into her heart and to make her a new person. But, even as DJ repeated these things, she wasn’t entirely sure that this would work, or that it was even real. Still, she
hoped
that it was. She truly hoped that it was not just another dead end. She knew she needed something or someone to hold onto. She desperately wanted someone who was bigger and smarter—she wanted someone who really cared about her, really loved her, someone who could change things. Maybe it was God.