Mixed Blessings (11 page)

M
arie's chair careened backward and crashed against the wall as she stood up. “Outside,” she gritted. Her eyes glowed with anger. “We need to talk right now, Peter.”

“Mommy?” Ricky whimpered.

“Sandy, please take Ricky to the other room.” Marie pressed a kiss on Ricky's forehead, set him into her sister's lap then marched to the French doors leading to the backyard and gave a doorknob a vicious twist.

Sandy's chair bumped a cabinet as she took Ricky from the room, and Kate reached for Luke. Luke wouldn't loose hold of him. “You're
my
daddy!”

Torn between the need to comfort Luke and the obligation to honor Marie's “request,” Peter hesitated a moment. He'd blown it. Royally. He dipped his head, pressed a swift, hard kiss on Luke's head and said, “Of course I'm your daddy. I'm going to go out on the patio and talk with Marie for a little while. You be a good boy for Aunt Kate.”

Those brief seconds comprised a delay he figured was essential to allow Marie to control her temper, but he
wouldn't blame her if she wanted to roast him alive. What a miserable mess. He felt like he was tiptoeing through a minefield. Any step he took held lethal potential. Peter carefully shut the door behind himself.

Marie stood at the far edge of the patio with her back to him. She didn't turn around to face him, underscoring the level of betrayal she must feel. The way her shoulders were hiked clear up to her ears warned him to brace for a hefty blast. “Marie?”

She didn't respond, so he walked around the pool, past the brick barbecue, and leaned against the sun-splashed tile nook. When they'd been out last time she and Ricky visited, normal sounds filled the backyard—bird chirps, the breeze rustling leaves on the avocado tree, cheerful voices. Now everything stayed completely, eerily silent.

Marie continued to face away from him. Her voice vibrated with fury. “How could you do that?”

“I didn't—”

Marie wheeled around. Her eyes shot fire as she interrupted, “We agreed not to tell the boys yet. You just took an impossible situation and made it worse! I didn't think this could be any more catastrophic than it was, but you managed to complicate it even more. Why didn't you wait? Why couldn't you just—just—” she shook her head in angry frustration “—keep this between the two of us for now?”

A soft answer turneth away wrath…
“For what it's worth, I'm sorry. It's important to be honest with the boys, and after Dad blurted out the truth, I figured it was more important to be forthright than to lie now and confuse the boys even more later. It's obvious he blundered, but we can't change it.”

In utter exasperation, Marie raked her fingers through her hair in one brutal sweep. She took a deep breath, let
it out slowly, and said in a voice she obviously strove to modulate, “I thought we'd ease into things more slowly.”

He waited silently, unsure if she'd finished.

“Kids this age pick up on things, but they are also blessedly oblivious. I wanted to spare them the truth as long as—” her voice broke “—we could.” She turned away and buried her face in her hands.

She needed to be held and comforted in the worst way. From the things she'd said, he knew her faith had sustained her thus far, but she still deserved consolation and someone to share the heavy burdens she carried.

Peter slowly pivoted her around and tugged down her hands.

Tears glazed her eyes. She tilted her head back a bit and blinked like crazy to keep them from falling. “I know we have to share the boys, but I wasn't ready…I hadn't thought—” Her words turned into an anguished cry. “
Jack
was Ricky's daddy.”

For an instant, Peter felt a flare of denial at her proclamation, but the Lord vanquished it. Peter folded her in his arms and held her as she wept. Unable to sleep last night, he'd had one thousand thoughts about this mix-up. One thing he decided after praying for wisdom was to do his best not to be defensive when Marie brought up Jack. It would be a foolish waste of energy. Now, as she cried, Peter realized her tears somehow vented the awful ache knotting his own heart. Marie and he had only God and each other to help them through this catastrophe. Peter held her tightly. Together, they made a little island of helpless misery, facing a tidal wave that washed over them with relentless cruelty.

Marie finally sucked in a string of choppy breaths. She tried to wiggle free and mumbled an apology. Self-
contained as she seemed, she probably didn't know how to behave after such a storm.

Peter didn't want her to be embarrassed. As he turned her loose, Peter murmured, “Earlier, I told you, you don't have to be all controlled and strong around me.”

She wouldn't meet his eyes. “I haven't been. I need to go check on Sandy and Rick.”

Peter watched grimly as she walked away. A few minutes later, Kate came out. “Luke's stacking blocks with Mom in the playroom. I told him he and Ricky get to share both of you, and that seemed to satisfy him.”

“I don't think that'll satisfy Ricky or Marie.”

“I can't imagine how I'd react if I were in Marie's shoes.”

Peter nodded. “If it weren't for her faith, she'd shatter into half a million pieces.”

Kate was the listener in the family and had recently opened a Christian counseling center. Peter respected her input. “Where do we go from here?”

Her brow furrowed. “Sandy said something about Marie's husband's death, and Marie's clearly got more than enough to deal with getting Sandy through her recovery and being a mother. With the switch and Dad jumping the gun, she's completely overwhelmed.”

When Peter confirmed her assessment with a curt nod, she said, “We'll still have family time today. We can't very well cancel the pool party without making the boys think something's wrong.”

“True,” Peter agreed. “But only if Dad doesn't say anything more.”

“He's never been good at nuance. He knows he blew it. I don't think you need to worry about him opening his mouth again.”

By noontime, the boys seemed to accept the news. Luke
gladly jumped into Jill's arms in the shallow end of the pool. Ricky screeched and didn't even balk for a second when “Grandpa” or “Grandma” called to him. He trustingly leapt into their arms. Brianna splashed by on a raft and enticed him to go for a ride. Peter readjusted a movable portion of the patio awning so Marie was under complete shade and walked over to her. “I'm going to lower your lounger a bit, Marie.”

“Please, don't. I'll probably fall asleep!”

Squatting down, he murmured, “That was the general idea, Marie. You're exhausted. I know better than to ask if you'd go inside. Sandy's here to keep an eye on Ricky. I'll watch him like a hawk, too. Mom and Kate each claimed a boy to be sure he's never unattended. Dad's clear across the yard, getting ready to man the barbecue. Believe me, our sons are safe.”

His mother swam over to the edge of the pool. “Marie, do I need to put some sunblock on Ricky?”

“Thanks for asking, but I already slathered it on. What about Luke?”

Lauren laughed. “I got him, then Brianna swiped at him, too. He's slippery as a seal.”

Marie gave her a wobbly smile. “You make a terrific grandma.”

“Gramma!” Luke shouted.

“Coming!” Lauren swam off.

Peter gave Marie's hand a gentle squeeze. “That was so kind of you. It may not show, but she's nervous, too. Now you go ahead and rest.”

Though she clearly fought her weariness, Marie fell fast asleep all of fifteen minutes later. In spite of the kids' squeals and shouts, she slumbered on. An hour later, as the sun shifted, Peter moved the awning, but her slim feet and ankles still caught sun. He took a beach towel over
to cover her and went still. She turned onto her side and wrapped her arms about her torso in an unconscious move of self-comfort. Tears trailed down her face.

“Just cover her,” Jill whispered.

“I can't.” He knelt and quietly murmured, “Marie?”

“Hmm?” She turned her face into his cheek.

The temptation to kiss her almost killed him. As her eyes fluttered open, the unguarded look in them let him see how truly vulnerable she felt. He tenderly brushed away her tears. “The sun's about to fry you to a crisp. I'm taking you inside.”

She cringed as he slid hands under her knees and shoulders. “Peter—”

“Hush, Marie. I'm not about to let you drive home tomorrow if you're still this fatigued. Do you want to eat lunch then nap along with Ricky and Luke, or are you going in to lie down now, and I'll bring them to you after they've dried off and eaten?”

She shook her head, as if to clear a muddled brain, and blinked. “I can't think with you holding me.”

“Funny, I think much better when I'm close to you. Since I'm the clear-minded one of us, I'll decide. You're going to bed now.” He straightened up, smoothly hefted her fully against his chest and ignored her gasp. “Sandy, Marie's going to go lie down for a spell.”

A few seconds later, Peter felt Marie's damp lashes sweep against his neck. From the moment she came awake and he'd brushed away her tears, she'd exerted her customary iron control and stopped crying. Damp lashes meant she'd begun to cry again. He could imagine several valid reasons for her to weep. There, in the middle of the hallway, he stopped and clutched Marie more tightly, as if the strength of his arms would be a barrier against the fears and troubles she bore. “What's wrong, honey?”

“Ricky,” she said in a tear-laden voice, “he's having s-such a good time.”

“Yeah, he is.”

“He…he—” she gulped “—he really likes your p-parents and your s-sisters.”

Peter detoured toward the front of the house where his study was located. She needed comforting, and he knew if he took her to the guest room, she'd never allow him to stay and simply hold her. He sat on the big leather couch and gently cradled her. He couldn't let go of her. “He's precious, Marie. They love him right back.”

“I d-don't know w-what to do.”

“We don't have to do anything right now, Marie.” Part of him wanted to press for her to move in with him. He certainly had an advantage at the moment, but Peter couldn't do that to her. He bit his tongue and settled her more securely against his chest. Slowly, tenderly, he coiled his fingers in her soft curls.

Silence swirled around them. She continued to take choppy breaths in an effort to keep from weeping. Courage was a fine quality—but not to this point, not when it robbed her of the release tears could bring. “I have sisters, Marie. I don't come unglued when a woman cries,” he invited.

She slumped more fully into his arms and confessed thickly, “I come unglued when I cry. I completely fall apart. It's stupid, and I don't want to do that.” A few seconds later, she shifted and started to pull away. “Really, I—I'm okay.”

“Sure, you are.” She was as far from fine as he ever imagined, but refuting her assertion seemed cruel. Dignity was all she had left. Even if she did come completely undone while weeping, he wouldn't think less of her; nonetheless, Peter admitted it wasn't what he thought of
her that counted at the moment. She desperately needed to control something, so if she wanted to clamp down on her emotions, the least he could do was support her and give her a safe escape. “You just need a bit of sleep to knit up that old raveled sleeve of care.”

“I just napped out by the pool.” She stood up and self-consciously straightened her sundress. Peter noted how she avoided meeting his gaze.

“You barely even closed your eyes. The guest room's window overlooks the pool, so it'll be pretty noisy. This room is much quieter.” He stood and gestured toward the couch. “Go ahead and lie down. I've been known to nap here a time or two, myself. It's almost as comfy as your sofa.”

Her gaze darted toward the door. “But—”

“The boys have half an army watching them, Marie.” He took her by the shoulders and guided her back to the couch. “No one could ever love them like you do, but we can keep them safe and show them a good time.”

She made a small, indeterminate sound, and the panicked look on her face spoke volumes.

“No one's going to say anything about relationships. I know it felt like a catastrophe earlier, and all of the adults are on edge, but the boys seem to be fine—and that's what counts most, isn't it?”

She nodded tightly.

The small nudge he gave made her sit on the edge of the cushion. He guided her stiff shoulders downward. Every last inch of her screamed of ambivalence. Clearly, she needed the rest, but her maternal instincts still demanded she mind the boys. Peter resorted to a truth he'd hoped to not have to speak, because he didn't want her to feel as if he were manipulating her. “Marie, if nothing else, take a nap for my peace of mind. I'm worried about
you driving home in this condition. You're teetering with exhaustion.”

“You promise no one will—”

“I'll be sure either Sandy or I are with Ricky all of the time. How's that?”

To his relief, she twisted and reached for a throw pillow. As she tucked it under her head, she mumbled, “Just for a little while.”

“For a while,” he echoed. In his heart, he wished she'd stay in his home forever.

S
unday, they went to Peter's church for the first time. They'd avoided attending because Kate was a member there. Had they gone, Peter couldn't keep the secret and shield Marie. Afraid to miss a single moment of time with Ricky, the rest of Peter's family attended services, too.

After the service, Peter deftly fielded a few introductions and questions. Jill and Brianna helped Sandy into Jill's car. Kate ran interference with a nosy older man while the pastor exchanged pleasantries with Marie, then Kate yanked her parents over to introduce them to the inquisitive pianist so Peter could sweep Marie and the kids in a perfectly orchestrated getaway.

“God bless your sisters,” Marie said under her breath in a heartfelt tone.

“Amen!” Peter drove off and took them to a nearby park. Everyone met up there for a picnic.

Lauren brought a picture-perfect red-and-white checkered picnic blanket and spread it out on the grass. Peter's father opened up a low-slung beach chair and Peter slipped Sandy down onto it so she'd be at everyone else's
level. In no time at all, a fried chicken, potato salad and lemonade lunch tumbled out of a large wicker basket.

Marie squinted at the ground. “This spread looks like it belongs on a magazine cover, but we're missing the ants.”

“We gots aunts,” Ricky disagreed. He pointed and said, “Aunt Sandy, Aunt Jill, Aunt Anna and Aunt Date.”

Brianna laughingly poked Kate in the side. “He got that right. You're always the one out on a date!”

Sandy and Kate compared dating notes while Jill and Brianna cleaned up after lunch. Peter's parents took the boys over to the toddler playground. Peter drew Marie off to a shady bench where they could still easily watch the boys. He confessed, “After Lisa got taken, we've always been on guard.”

“You haven't said much about her.”

He stared into the distance and said, “We were at school. Lisa was only two. Mom put her down for a nap. Someone jimmied the lock on the bedroom window. We got ransom notes, but no one ever picked up the money. Mom's never stopped blaming herself. We were all kind of relieved that I had a boy, because I think having a little girl would have been too hard for Mom to handle.”

“Peter, that's so sad. It's not your mom's fault, but if I were in her place, I'd never stop blaming myself, either.”

“Kate took me aside yesterday. She told me that from the moment Mom found out about Ricky, she's been terrified you wouldn't trust her, but when you told her she was a terrific grandma, you gave her hope.”

“Should I say something directly about it?”

Peter stared at his mother. She looked up and waved, then quickly turned back as Luke pulled at her. “Mom doesn't talk about it. She occasionally makes veiled ref
erences, so I'd suggest you wait until she opens the door. She picked up the pieces and went on with life for the rest of us, but I sometimes see that faraway look in her eyes and know she's still hurting.”

Marie watched Lauren catch Ricky as he came down the slide. She spun him around and hugged him close. The joy on her face was unmistakable. Marie's heart wrenched. Before she could help herself, her thoughts tumbled out of her mouth. “And I'm driving away with her grandson today.”

Peter turned and looked into her eyes. His gaze was steady, yet his face went grim. “Yes, you are. But, Marie, this is a different situation.”

She closed her eyes and moaned, “This just keeps getting worse.”

“Worse?” He laid his hand over hers. Warm fingers curled around hers. “Marie, we've each connected with our biological sons. We both now have a son of our heart and a son of our flesh. We're richer, not poorer.”

“For richer, for poorer.” She opened her eyes and looked at him sadly. “It sounds like a wedding ceremony.”

He sucked in a deep breath, then said, “My timing stinks. I was going to wait, but since we're on the subject…”

Marie's heart lurched.
Surely he wouldn't…he couldn't dare…
From the look in his eye, she knew he was going to, but Marie couldn't say anything to stop him from continuing on.

“I don't want to rush you, but I want you to think about something—”

No, Peter, no. Don't do this.

“—about us,”

Lord, please don't let him say it. Please, God—

“—getting married.” Peter's fingers tightened painfully around her icy hand. “From the very beginning, we agreed whatever we did, the kids would always come first. Often, in custody situations, adults use kids as pawns. We haven't done that, and we don't want to. Ever. We have to face the fact that, sooner or later, it will all boil down to one thing—either they are our pawns, or we are theirs. Either we continue to separate them and haul them back and forth, or we give up our independence for their sakes.”

“Oh, Peter,” she said in a strangled tone.

“I know I'm not being romantic in the least. I'm not good at this kind of thing. It's…not a marriage of two besotted hearts, Marie. It would be a marriage of two adults who willingly sacrificed for their sons.”

She shook her head in mortified disbelief. “People marry because they want to be together forever. They become one in the eyes of God. I've had that kind of love—”

“And you were incredibly blessed, Marie. I know you and Jack had a fairy-tale life. You've already said you'll never love like that again. Very few people know the truth about my marriage. Darlene wasn't happy. No matter what I did, it was never good enough.” He paused and admitted in a tone that resonated with distress, “She'd left me the day she got into the accident and had Luke. I don't plan to ever love and experience rejection like that again.”

Each heartbeat thudded painfully. Breathing hurt. Marie stared at him in mute anguish.

“Marie, we could make it work. For the boys.”

“Marriage is sacred.”

“So is family, Marie. This is a way we can all be a family—both boys, you and me—all together.”

She shook her head. “Marriage is for life. What happens if you meet a woman—”

He threw back his head and snorted. “Don't even bother going there.”

“What about fifteen years from now when the boys go away to college?” Marie stood and yanked free of his grasp. “No. Absolutely not. This is wrong. I can't.”

His shoulders lifted and fell with a deep sigh. “Marie, if it's because of the intimacy issue, I won't push you. We could have separate bedrooms.”

Shocked, Marie babbled, “It's time for me to go. I have a long drive—”

“Marie—”

“I don't—”

He stood and rasped, “Stop it. I knew my timing stunk. I know you're upset, and I'd give anything to miraculously solve this whole thing. I don't expect you to answer me today.”

“I've already answered you! No. Do you hear me? No!”

“I heard you,” he said in a flat tone. “But it's the only workable solution to an otherwise insurmountable problem, and I want you to think about it.”

She couldn't help herself. Marie turned to the side to keep from looking at him any longer. It was a belated and futile attempt to block out what he'd said. Desolation swept through her. Jack had courted her, gently taken her beyond her doubts after having suffered a childhood of bitterly divorced parents and made her feel safe about placing her heart into his care. Their marriage was a slice of heaven on earth, and his death had been a descent into emotional purgatory. She'd never give her heart to a man again…yet, the idea of a loveless marriage was a travesty.

“If you're afraid you might meet a man in a few years,” Peter began.

She wheeled back toward him. “No!” Her voice went hoarse with emotion. “When Jack died, he took my heart with him. I'll never fall in love again!”

“Okay. It's an open invitation, Marie. Think about it. You refuse to move in without being married. I gave you the only other option. There's nothing else I can do, because we can't go on like this.”

They returned to his house in utter silence. Peter picked up the suitcase Marie slid out into the hall. He carried it to her car and hastened back into the house. He hoped maybe he could have a few more words with her—reassure her, reinforce that he wasn't pressing for an immediate decision, help her calm down a bit. She looked thoroughly rattled. The minute he spied her, Peter knew Marie wasn't going to give him that opportunity. She walked directly ahead of Sandy. By now, Marie knew him well enough to predict he'd exercise discretion and refrain from saying anything in front of an audience. She held Ricky tightly, and his sleepy head drooped onto her shoulder. He was ready for his nap.

Peter didn't want to embarrass her, but her shocked pallor alarmed him. He chose his words carefully, then said in a subdued tone, “Marie, I know this weekend has been pretty overwhelming. Don't you think it would be best for you to have a little time alone before you got on the road?”

She shook her head and managed to avoid his eyes.

He let out a long, slow breath and mentioned in what he thought sounded like a mellow and calm tone, “Luke and I will be down Friday night.”

Her head shot up as she croaked, “No!”

Peter's guts knotted. In his haste, had he shattered the
fragile bridge they'd started to build between their families? From behind her, Sandy motioned wildly. It wasn't until Marie was occupied clipping Ricky into his car seat that Sandy whispered urgently, “Marie will be at the cemetery or church all day. Remember? It'll be exactly two years since Jack died.”

“Ahhh,” he whispered quietly. Though sadness for Marie's loss tugged at him, relief also coursed through his veins. His proposal wasn't solely responsible for her vehement reaction. “Thanks.”

Marie said nothing to him as she slid into her seat. Peter caught the door and leaned in. “Will you please call me when you get home? Just to let me know you've made it?”

He had to be satisfied with a nod, just as he had to settle for Sandy's phone call. “Marie is busy with Ricky. We made it home just fine.”