Mixed Messages (A Malone Mystery) (34 page)

Sh
e had wanted to be like the other children
but
she
towered over e
veryone in her class and
felt clumsy and plain compared to the
short, petite girls
she envied
.
That was bad enough but s
he could still remember how she’d felt even more different
from the others
when, the day after Halloween, all the kids shared and traded their candy and other treats
.
When they asked her why she didn’t have any candy, she’d always told them lies
:
my mother gave my candy to the poor orphans, we were out of town and I left my candy at my Aunt Mildred’s, etcetera
.
After she told the lies, she’d always prayed to be forgiven
.
She was terrified that, as her father often warned, she would “burn in eternal Hell.”

When she got married,
sh
e had been eager to leave
behind t
he religion she’d grown up
with
and convert to her husband’s religion, Catholicism
.
She’d embraced the Catholic faith with all the enthusiasm of the newly converted
.
She went to church every single day, on the weekends and each day before work
.
She would go into the silent, empty sanctuary and light candles for those who were gone from her life and those who were still with her.

Looking back now after all these years,
she
still didn’t understand why her parents
had been so strict with their daughters. She didn’t see anything wrong with children or, if they wanted to,
adults
dressing up on Halloween
, or All Hallow’s Eve, as the Church referred
to
the holiday.
As a matter-of-fact,
as a devout Catholic,
she
fervently believed that the costumes were symbolic
.
T
hey were meant to scare away the evil spirits so that
the next day
, on All Saints Day,
the saints could celebrate without fear
and, the following day,
All Souls Day,
people could remember those who had died, especially in their immediate families, secure in the knowledge that they were at peace
.

She pulled the stopper on the drain and eased herself up and out of the bathtub.
Too much lollygagging, she silently
chided
herself
.
Time to get going
.
She
shivered as she stood up and reached for her towel
.
She felt an all too familiar tingle in her left leg and sighed
.
“Come on body, don’t fail me today
.
There’s a lot to do
.
I don’t have any time to waste.”

Chapter
3
3

ANN WOKE UP ABRUPTLY
to the loud, staccato buzzing of her alarm clock. Her eyes popped open and she sat straight up in bed
.
Being jarred from sleep like that had startled her
.
Her heart was fluttering like a hummingbird was trapped inside her chest, trying to escape.
How will I ever make it through this day on two or three hours of sleep? she wondered
.

Calm
down
, she told herself
.
Deep breath
.
But she was
physically and mentally
exhausted
.
More than anything in the world, she wanted to lie back down, close her eyes and drift off to a peaceful, carefree sleep
.
Instead, s
he forced herself to get out of bed, plodded down the hall and flipped on the overhead kitchen light.

She plugged in the coffeemaker and leaned back against the counter
.
Her whole body ached and she had a dull headache.
She felt as if the weight of the world rested on her shoulders
.
I have so much to do, she thought
.
I have to get the kids up, I have to get the kids up and ready for school, I have to get ready for work and I have to figure out what to do about David
.
I can’t face calling Louise right now
.
I’ll see her at the church and I’ll talk to her then, she decided.

The second that there was enough coffee brewed to fill her mug, she grabbed the handle of
the decanter and started pouring
.
As she picked up the decanter, coffee spewed out, making a hissing noise as it hit the base
.
“You’re not supposed to do that
!
You’re supposed to have the ‘Sneak a cup feature
,’”
she said aloud, grabbing a dishcloth and wiping up the mess
.

She
took her coffee to the kitchen table and
sat down
.
She felt like her world was falling apart before her eyes and she was powerless to do anything about it
.
Nothing was working the way it should
.
She glanced up at the calendar hanging by the phone
.
Today
was Halloween
.
She would have to take the kids trick-or-treating tonight
.

In the past, David had always gone with them and she’d stayed home to give out candy
.
But David was in jail
.
Even if Louise managed to get him out, she couldn’t count on the fact that he’d be home in time
;
she had to assume that he wouldn’t be.
She didn’t know what to do.
Then, s
he remembered her grandmother’s words, “Child, things will work out
.
God never gives us more than he knows we can handle.”
At times like this,
she
hoped that was true.

She
got up and dumped the rest of her coffee in the sink
.
She didn’t feel well; her stomach was kind of queasy
.
I’ll just have to do what I can, she decided
.
I’ll figure something out
.
Right now, it’s business as usual
.
She went into each of her children’s rooms and opened the blinds
.
“Rise and shine,” she called as cheerfully as she could
.
“Time to get up!”

The next hour flew by for
her
.
She fixed instant oatmeal for Danielle and Davey but somehow couldn’t force herself to eat a bite
.
She packed their lunches and
supervised,
as they got dressed and ready for school.

“Mom, don’t forget we have to take our costumes to school for the party and parade,” Danielle reminded her.

Ann sighed
.
“Thanks, sweetie
.
What would I do without you?” She grabbed two
plastic
Wal-Mart
bags from the kitchen pantry and used a black marker to write “Danielle K.” on one and “Davey K.” on the other
.
As she stuffed the
costumes into the
bags, she was careful not to wrinkle
them
, especially Danielle’s fancy witch hat.

“You two have fun at school today,” she said, giving them each a hug
.
As she opened the door, a blast of cold, damp air hit her
.
She looked out but everything was a misty blur
.
She couldn’t even see to the end of the driveway but she could hear children’s voices
,
which
sounded as if they were not far away
.
“Nancy?” she called out but there was no answer.

“
Dani
, I think I should walk you to school today
.
It’s awfully foggy out.”

“Don’t worry, Mom,” Danielle assured her, “I hear some of the other big kids
.
Nancy’s probably with them.
We’ll catch up with them
.
Anyway, I’ll watch the little monster,” she said, glancing down at her brother and nudging him out the door.

“Promise you’ll be careful?”

“Mom!” Danielle said, rolling her eyes
.
“I’m always careful.”

I’m sure they’ll be fine, Ann thought, shivering as she closed the door behind
them
.
I hope it’s not this cold tonight
.
They’d hate to have to wear coats over their costumes
.
I know I hated that when I was a little girl
.
She stepped back from the door and breathed a sigh of relief
.
“
One
thing down,” she said aloud
.
“Fifty more to go.”

She hurried down the hallway, undressed quickly and got into the shower
.
She tilted her head back and let the warm, pulsing water hit her full force
.
Relax, she told herself
,
and she could actually feel some of her tension slipping away
.
Olivia! she suddenly thought
.
That’s it!

I’ll ask Olivia to give out
the
candy tonight
.
Why didn’t I think of that before
?
She turned off the
water and grabbed her towel.

A few minutes later,
she
was dressed and ready to leave
.
As she closed the apartment door behind her and
stepped
out into the
foyer
, she heard the phone ringing
.
She hesitated, thinking it might be David calling
.
She considered going back in but immediately dismissed the idea
.
I’m not ready to talk to him yet and anyway it’s probably just
another candidate for some office
trying to solicit
my vote,
she thought, as she turned to go up the stairs to the Berger
s’
apartment.

She
could hear the strains of classical music coming from inside as she knocked lightly on the door
.
“Coming,” she heard Lawrence call out and, in a few seconds, he opened the door
.
She noticed that he was wiping his hands on a dishtowel.

“Is Olivia
up
?”
she
asked.

“
She
’s taking a bath,”
he
replied, looking down at the floor, blushing.

“Oh, I’m sorry
.
It’s a bad time, I guess
.
I’ll stop back after work to see her.”

“No
.
That’s okay,”
h
e said
.
“What did you need
?
Is there something I can do?”

“Well, I was wondering if Olivia would give out the candy tonight
.
I have to take the kids trick
-
or
-
treating and… David, um, David won’t be able to be here.”

He
glanced up
.
“No problem
.
I can go ask her
.
I’ll
only
be a minute
.”
He turned and walked out of the room.

As Ann stood there, she heard him talking loudly, presumably so that Olivia could hear him through the bathroom door
.
What a life this is for him, she thought
.
He waits on his mother hand and foot
, catering to her every need.
He’s spent his whole life taking care of Olivia, cleaning the apartment, shopping and running errands, cooking, doing the dishes
.
He’s never really had a life of his own
.
I doubt that he has many, if any, friends; I never see anyone come over to visit
him
or pick him up to go out.
How sad, how horribly sad it is
.
Well, I hope he gets his reward in Heaven
.
He’s sure earned it.