Mogul (21 page)

By the following week he had convinced her
that if they couldn’t get rid of Julian and Holly, it was best to
be able to control their access into their world. She hated every
aspect of it but she knew Vanni would never forsake his child. They
were stuck with them for the foreseeable future; she finally agreed
that it was best to let Julian shoulder as much responsibility as
possible. Keeping him busy with the band and Holly busy with a baby
sounded much safer than throwing them out to their own devices.
Neither Holly nor Julian seemed equipped to figure out a way to
make things work that didn’t involve extreme poverty or – if
history proved true – duplicitous, criminal behavior.

As long as Holly understood that she couldn’t
take Vanni away, which Andy was willing to prove by snatching every
last hair out of her head, then they’d all be fine.

By then Graham had calmed down as well. He’d
spent the weekend boozed up and hung over, and deeply regretted
hurting Andy like he had. He couldn’t keep punishing her for her
choices like a petty child. If he loved her, that meant he had to
champion her happiness. Much as it pained him, he knew that would
never be with him. He thought he had made peace with that months
before, but he realized he’d been in denial that she’d eventually
come running back like she always did.

That was why it was so hard to believe that
her baby was conceived by Vanni and not him. If that baby was
Vanni’s, he knew that their connection was unbreakable. She
belonged to him now, and would never be free to be Graham’s.

After a tough weekend he
finally realized the only way they could all move on was if he
truly let her go. As a peace offering he offered new, strict
contracts that gave Julian a job with very precise compensation.
Essentially he was a studio musician contracted by the label,
rather than a true member of the band. Vanni and Yael still ran the
show, and with Felix back in the group these core members were the
ones who got featured in all PR. Julian went to work the week after
that. With the help of another contracted musician, bassist Davy
Gray, they laid down new tracks with Yael and Felix while everyone
waited for Vanni’s commitment with
Fierce
to come to an end.

There would be a new album and ultimately a
tour, but Vanni didn’t really want Julian to go out on the road
with them and leave Holly and the baby at home by themselves. He
hadn’t brought it up yet, but figured there was still plenty of
time to work out the specifics.

Holly wasn’t due until September.

When she finally hit twenty weeks, Vanni
scheduled his day around her ultrasound. Julian was working 12-hour
days at the studio by then, so she would have taken a cab
otherwise. Vanni assured her that he wanted to be there, and it was
the truth. Now that he had gotten his head around the idea of
having two babies, he knew he could never love or want one more
than the other. They would both be born of his blood, and he would
move heaven and earth to ensure their happiness, their health and
their security.

This time he didn’t hide his intention from
Andy. She made it clear in her screaming fit after the Julian
debacle that no matter what the details, his lying by omission
cheated their relationship. She was either his partner or nothing
at all.

She wasn’t happy to hear he’d be holding
Holly’s hand through her ultrasound, but she said nothing against
his going.

Deep down she had hoped something in the test
would reveal that Holly had been lying all along – that she wasn’t
really pregnant with Vanni’s baby. Maybe Holly had gotten some
sperm at the fertility clinic, anything but the distasteful truth
that her fiancé had fathered two babies from two different women
within months of each other.

All they really needed to prove was that
conception occurred after December, when he and Holly had last been
together.

Every day Andy prayed for that miracle.

She kept it to herself, however. Though Vanni
never really spoke of his future plans with his other child around
her, they would discuss minor details like the baby having its own
room in their new house, or playing with their little Bean on the
weekends they would have visitation.

Andy thought that he was painting too idyllic
a picture for their future, that it would come with complications
like another mother who would do whatever she could to keep her
attachment with her baby’s father – even if that meant screwing
around with his visitation. If she dared breathe a word of her
concerns, Vanni would remind her that once the baby was born and
they knew it was his, there wasn’t really any legal recourse for
Holly, particularly if he financially supported the child.

The minute his name went on that birth
certificate, he felt he’d be protected.

But Andy had been doing some research. She
knew they’d have to make everything neat and legal the minute they
confirmed it was his child. She wanted everything to be ironed out
in court, from how much money he paid to how much access they would
have to the child. Andy didn’t trust Holly as far as she could
throw her (and often fantasized about finding out just how far that
would be.) She knew that if they didn’t dot all the I’s and cross
all the T’s, Holly would find some other way to screw them.

But she said none of this as she watched
Vanni drive one direction that morning while she and Kelly made
their way to the studio.

Vanni arrived at Holly’s apartment a little
early. She opened up the door, wearing a yellow sundress that
draped around the growing baby bump. It was almost startling to
Vanni, who didn’t see Holly as much as he saw Andy. She looked
considerably more pregnant than the last time they had seen each
other. “It’s all the water I had to drink,” she teased as she
followed him out the door. “I feel like I’m going to explode.”

Their mood was light as they got to the
doctor’s office where the test was to be performed. They were
ushered back into a dark and private room, where Holly was
instructed to bare her stomach for the routine. She since was
wearing a dress, the assistant draped a white sheet across her legs
before she left them alone.

She cupped her tummy in both hands. “I look
so fat,” she said with a playful grimace.

“You look pregnant,” he corrected as he moved
closer to the table. She took his hand and placed it on her
abdomen. The warmth of his hand contrasted with the coolness of her
tummy, and with widened eyes he felt their little miracle slide
easily under her skin.

“I felt it,” he told her with a grin.

She nodded as she laughed. “I’ve been feeling
it move for about two weeks now. I wanted to call you but… I didn’t
know if you’d want to know.”

“Of course I want to know,” he chastised
gently. “I want to know everything.”

“Okay,” she said softly, and then she
squeezed his hand.

The technician entered the room before she
could say anything else. During the twenty minute procedure, they
were shown all the results on the screen. The baby’s gestational
age was about twenty weeks, as they thought, and its size was a bit
small but still within reasonable expectation. With each new
discovery Holly squeezed Vanni’s hand. There were tears in her eyes
as she watched their baby with awe.

“Care to know the sex?” the tech asked.

Her eyes met Vanni’s. “Do you want to
know?”

He gave her a smile. “I’d love to know.”

The tech pointed out on the screen, “There’s
his penis. It’s a boy.”

Holly burst out into happy tears. “A boy,”
she said as she turned back to Vanni. “Your son!”

There were tears in Vanni’s eyes, too. He had
never expected to have a boy, but there he was on the screen. He
squeezed her hand. “Our son,” he corrected.

After the test was over he took Holly out to
lunch to celebrate. She was beside herself as she tossed names
around, especially after he shook off any suggestion to name the
baby Giovanni, Jr. “One Giovanni Carnevale is enough,” he said with
a chuckle.

“We should make it Italian, though,” she said
as she caressed her tummy. “Like his daddy.”

After lunch he took her to a baby boutique so
they could start a registry for the things she would need. He
bought their baby his very first outfit, one she swore he’d wear as
they came home from the hospital.

It was much different than buying all the
pretty, frilly, pink things he had bought for his little Bean. But
he did insist on making his son a special keepsake bear, just like
he had made for his daughter. Holly was in tears as they went from
station to station, putting in all the special little touches that
made Angelo – as she insisted the bear be called – unique to their
son. They made their choices based on their upbringings, which they
shared through the process that spanned the entire afternoon.

By the end of it, Angelo had a microphone, a
skateboard, a hoodie, T-Shirt and sports cap, and sound chip that
said, “I love you,” so their baby would always know how much he was
loved.

Holly cradled it on the drive home, and
carried it lovingly back up to her darkened apartment. Julian
wasn’t home yet, so Vanni decided to make her a snack while she
rested on the sofa. He joined her and they watched the
spectacularly sunset outside her large window.

She turned to him. “Thank you for today.”

He smiled back. “My pleasure. We have a lot
to celebrate,” he said as he toasted her with sparkling juice.

She giggled, but then grew quiet. “I honestly
hadn’t let myself believe I was truly going to have a baby until I
saw that ultrasound,” she confessed. “I’d been disappointed so many
times before.”

“How many times have you been pregnant?”

“Three,” she said. “All miscarriages.”

“What happened?”

She took a deep breath. “The first happened
when I was fourteen. I was really sick, like I was when you first
found me. Only I didn’t get any medical care.”

He nodded.

“The second time I got pregnant, my dad…” She
paused and then winced at the memory. “It was a bad fight. He lost
his temper in a drunken rage and pushed me down a flight of stairs.
It was why I left home.”

She had told him about her abusive father
before. As much as Andy wanted to believe Holly lied about
everything, Vanni always sensed these stories were true. Her pain
was just too palpable to be an act. He said nothing as he
waited.

“The third time was only a few years ago. I
found a boyfriend just like my dad. I dunno, I guess I thought I
deserved it. I got pregnant by accident, which freaked him out. We
were broke and living on the road and had nothing whatsoever to
offer a baby. But I wanted it so much, Vanni,” she told him with a
catch in her voice. “I just wanted someone I knew would love me and
never leave me, whose love didn’t have to hurt.”

He squeezed her hand.

“So I did whatever I could to protect it. I
watched what I ate; I stayed away from the drug scene my ex was so
involved in. And when he’d try to have his way with me, I’d always
shut him down. But one day he was really messed up and he didn’t
stop when I said no.” A tear ran down her cheek. “He kept pounding
and pounding at me until I started to bleed. I miscarried in a
motel tub while he slept off his bender in the other room.”

“Oh, Holly,” Vanni said softly. She sobbed in
his arms as she clutched Angelo to her full stomach.

“That’s why I wanted so badly to believe I
was pregnant with your child,” she said. “No one has ever been as
good to me as you,” she said as she looked up at him, her eyes
rimmed red with her tears. “I wanted to give you a baby. I wanted
us to be a family, one like neither of us ever had before.”

“Holly…”

“I know I don’t deserve it,” she said
quietly. “But I don’t want to be punished again by losing another
baby. I couldn’t handle it, Vanni. I think I might go insane.”

“You don’t have to worry about any of that,”
he assured. “He’s healthy and strong, you heard what the doctor
said.” She nodded. He brushed her hair from her face. “And I’m
here. I’m not going anywhere. I’ll protect both of you. I
promise.”

She touched his face with her hand. “Oh,
Vanni,” she sighed, before she reached up to kiss him unexpectedly
on the lips.

Vanni immediately pulled back. “Holly,
no.”

“But why?” she asked as she abandoned the
bear and turned fully toward him to take him into her arms. “We
were so good together. Remember?”

He grabbed both her arms and pushed her away
gently. “Holly, no,” he repeated in a firmer tone of voice. “I am
marrying Andy. I can be here for you and I will be here for our
son. But my heart – and my body – belong to someone else.”

She nodded as more tears spilled from her
face. “I understand,” she said as she reached again for the bear.
“It was my stupid mistake to believe someone like you could ever
love someone like me.”

“Holly,” he called for her as she disappeared
behind the bedroom door. He waited for long minutes afterwards but
she never came back out. With a sigh he left the apartment and
headed back home to his fiancé.

Holly was in her nightgown, curled up with
Angelo and watching a movie in bed, when Julian returned to the
apartment that night. Though it had separate bedrooms, they had
always shared the one. He kicked off his shoes when he entered the
room. “Where’s dinner?” he asked.

“I wasn’t hungry,” she said in a small, sad
voice.

“What’s wrong with you?” he wanted to know.
“Wasn’t your sonogram today? I figured you’d be jumping with joy
over your little miracle. So what are you having, anyway?”

She dragged herself up into a sitting
position. “A boy,” she answered flatly.

“Cool,” he said as he stripped out of his
shirt, and then landed on the bed beside her with a flop. “Name him
Julian,” he said with a crooked smile as he reached to toy with her
tummy.