Moments (Breath of Life Book 3) (3 page)

THREE

Duke stared at the cool stone. Ever since he met Jennah, Ella hadn't left his thoughts. Now sitting here in front of her, all he could think about was Paxton trying to be his friend the other night. No matter where he went, those two women were torturing him mentally. Duke didn't know how everything got so screwed up.

"Thought I would find you here," a voice came from behind him.

Duke didn't bother turning around. The person standing there was nobody to him. "What do you want Pax?"

"To talk."

"There's nothing to say. Go home."

"Duke-"

"Leave or I will."

"I'm not leaving you. I know you need someone."

"What we had is over. You didn't choose me. If I did need someone right now, it sure as hell isn't you," he raised his voice.

When she said nothing or made no move to leave,
Duke stood up and walked toward his car. He couldn't figure out what she was trying to accomplish by befriending him. Why couldn't she just leave him alone and move on with her own life? A life with Jack.

"This isn't fair Duke!"

Duke stopped and turned. She was jogging after him. "Life isn't fair! Nothing is ever fair!"

"Don't you tell me about life not being fair, I know it's not. Why are you only shutting me out and not Jack? He chose me as well."

"Because Jack didn't lie to me for years. Because Jack didn't keep me from mourning my family and because Jack didn't use the information to keep me at arm's length."

"I thought it was for the best. You weren't stuck in a place like you are now."

"Don't. Don't tell me how I would have reacted."

"Duke, please. You're my friend."

"Funny way of showing it. Jump from one bed to the next. Keeping information until it suits you."

Duke felt a sting on his cheek. He saw tears in Paxton's eyes as she rubbed the palm of her hand. She turned and walked away. He ran after her and grabbed her arm.

"I'm sorry. That was out of line," he apologized, regretting the words he said.

"You wouldn't have said it if you didn't think it was true. You've changed. You're not the same person I once knew, but it's because of me," she jerked her arm out of his grip. "I'm going."

The hurt in Paxton's voice and her words sunk in. Duke knew he was being unfair to her. He was still speaking to Jack somewhat and he went back to her. He watched her drive off.

He turned and looked back at Ella.
Paxton was right. He wasn't the same person. He was out drinking more, pushing his team harder, auto-piloting through his life, wishing he had the family he lost. He sighed knowing that he had to change. He couldn't spend his life thinking about the what-ifs. Climbing into the car, he knew he had to find himself again as he couldn't recognize who he had become.

He drove back to the house in silence. He didn't even turn on the radio. He sat there and thought about what he needed to do to get over this. If he wanted to keep Jack as a friend, he would need to let Paxton back into his life. No more attacking her. She wasn't a spiteful or hateful person. She had to have done it with good intentions, right? She loved Ella, they were practically sisters. Paxton was right though. Duke was able to start thinking about moving on when it was just Ella. He was happy before he found out about the baby. Maybe in time, he could be happy again, just maybe.

Pulling into the driveway, Duke knew he had some apologies to make to both Jack and Paxton, but mostly Paxton. He noticed Jack's car in the driveway.

The house was quiet when he walked in. He hoped Jack was there. Duke needed to make amends and Jack was the easiest to start with. After all, Jack had been tiptoeing around Duke ever since he made it known he wanted to get back together with Paxton. That was not fair to his friend. Duke knew he would hate if he had to do that with the person he loved.

"Jack?" Duke yelled out after not seeing him in the living room or kitchen.

No answer. He headed back towards Jack's bedroom. He knocked on the door, "Jack?"

Still no response. Jack must have gotten a ride somewhere as he apparently was nowhere in the house. That just meant he had time to think about what he was going to say. In the back of his mind, he knew this moment was a long time coming.

FOUR

Duke sat down at the booth he was led to in PJ's Bar & Grill. He blankly stared at his menu knowing
Aggieville didn't have the best food, but he needed something to eat. He decided to come out alone to clear his mind. He realized that if Ella saw him right now, acting the way he was, she would be rolling in her grave with disappointment. Over the last few months, he hadn't been the man that she fell in love with. He was angry and bitter, but he had every right to be, but for how long could he use the secret as an excuse? He knew hanging onto this wasn't healthy and it couldn't go on forever. He needed to try to move forward and be the bigger person. That would mean he would need to get along with both Jack and Paxton. The latter part would be harder, but he needed to work on it. He focused in on the menu, needing to decide what to eat.

"Hey there, Coach."

Duke froze at the sound of the hauntingly familiar voice. He looked up and saw Jennah standing their smiling. "Hey, how've you been?" He asked making polite conversation. He still felt like he was looking into the face of his dead wife. If he didn't bury her two years ago, he would have sworn it was Ella playing a prank on him.

"Good, how about yourself? Still celebrating the win from Friday?"

"No, just doing some thinking. I need to start preparing for Tuesday's game. Hopefully we will win that one as well."

Jennah seemed to ponder his answer before she continued on the light subject, "I think you guys will. Well, what can I get you to drink?"

"Water for now," he smiled.

"Alright I will be right back."

Duke watched Jennah walk off. When she was a safe distance away, he let out a heavy sigh. Seeing Jennah made his chest tighten, memories he didn't want to relive surface, and more than anything, he found himself wanting her to be Ella, but she couldn't be. His mind reminded him once again that he buried Ella two years ago. He glanced back down at the menu, trying to figure out what he was going to order.

"Here you go. Do you know what you want?"

He quickly glanced over the menu to see if something would jump out at him, he still hadn't decided and nothing had caught his attention. "I'll take a chicken Caesar wrap and side salad with Italian dressing please." He looked up to hand her the menu as her green eyes gazed at him. He smiled as she took the menu from him. Their hands briefly touched and he swear he felt electricity. The nerves in his hand fired off and left a tingling sensation behind. She seemed to have felt it too. Duke was sure of it.

"Sure thing. Let me know if you need anything else," she coyly tucking the menu under her arm.

"Thanks," Duke watched her walk away once more.

Looking down, he pulled out his phone. As much as he was trying to clear his mind, he couldn't. Jennah reminded him of Ella, of what he lost. What he lost reminded him that Paxton held that information from him. If he were going to take the high road, he would need to rewire his thinking so he could actually tolerate looking at Paxton or even being around her. Why did he have to pick the one restaurant that Jennah worked at? He could have gone somewhere else, but he didn't. His wandering led him here and here he would stay. He rubbed his hand where Jennah touched it. The tingling sensation was long gone now, but he wanted to feel it again. It was like a breath of fresh air.

"Duke?"

Duke looked up and saw Jack and Paxton standing at his table. The hostess was apparently leading them to their own table but they stopped following her. "Hey Jack."

"How's it going?"

"I've been better but you know that, don't you Paxton?"

They stood silently there. Duke took another look at the hostess and gestured for her to come over. "They can join me if they want," he told the hostess. He saw the quick, non-verbal discussion going on between Paxton and Jack. When they seemed to make up their mind, Jack smiled over at the hostess, "We'll join him."

Duke gestured to the other side of the empty table. He saw Paxton look over at Jack, probably thinking that it may not be a good idea but it was too late for them to change their minds. They took their seats across from him and the hostess waited for them to get settled before handing them their menus. "I will get your server over here to get you two drinks."

"I just ordered, but I'm sure they can hold my food until yours is ready," Duke filled the awkward silence.

Jennah showed up moments later to take their drink orders. Paxton and Jack already knew what they wanted as well so they put their food order in at the same time. Duke didn't look at Jennah but he saw the lingering looks from both Jack and Paxton. They must see the resemblance to Ella as well. When Jennah left, they both stared at him. They were probably wondering if Jennah was the reason he came here to eat, it wasn't, but they didn't know that. A million questions must be running through their heads, but both knew better than to ask him about it.

"So what's going on?" Paxton's voice was quiet, but to the point. She hid her hands below the table. Duke noticed she looked a little nervous about sitting there with him.

"Look," Duke started. "I know I haven't been the easiest person to get along with lately. I've been unfair to you both."

"Duke, an apology isn't necess-" Jack tried interrupting.

"Jack, I need to apologize. I've been a douche over the last couple of months and I said some harsh things to Paxton yesterday. She was there at the cemetery when I was there, we got into it." Duke saw Jack look over at Paxton to see if this was true. "Paxton, nothing I said to you yesterday was fair. It was cruel and I lashed out at you. It was unfair and I'm sorry. It shouldn't have been said."

"You have every right to be mad at me," Paxton held her hand up to Duke as he tried to interrupt her this time. "I understand that you feel I betrayed you. I get it. You were only reacting to the situation that I put you in. I'm sorry, but you don't need to apologize to us. We forgave you for anything you have done since the day I told you the secret. Grief and pain makes us lose who we are. Trust me, I know," she gave a slight smile.

Duke couldn't look at her in the eyes. It wasn't supposed to go like this. He expected them to be angry with him, dish out the anger they felt. Instead they were understanding and didn't hold it against him.

"Yeah man, you're my best friend. You've been there for me since college. We can get through this. I'm sure I would have reacted the same way you did if the situation was reversed. I can't imagine what you have gone through. I just can't man."

"You guys aren't supposed to make this easy. I'm really sorry you guys. Ella would be appalled at my behavior."

"I'm sure she would even understand," Paxton reached out and grabbed Duke by the forearm.

Duke didn't feel the same electricity between himself and Paxton as he did with Jennah earlier. He looked down at her hand resting on his arm, he knew that he really wasn't in love with Paxton. What he thought was going on between them was nothing compared to Jennah's light touch from earlier. Duke craved for Jennah to touch him again. He wanted the electric spark between them to bring him back to life. Jennah chose that moment to make her appearance with their food. Duke looked up at her as she set down Jack and Paxton's food. He couldn't help but stare at her.

"Anything else I can get y'all?" she asked. Everyone looked at each other and then they shook their heads.

"No, I think we are fine. Thanks, Jennah," Duke smiled. She returned it before she walked away, checking on her other tables.

"Duke?" Paxton's voice caught his attention. "Do you come here often?"

"No, why?"

"She looks an awful lot like Ella. Her voice, it's so similar. I swear it would be Ella if I didn't know any better."

"Pax, come on. Let's not do this here."

"No, it's fine Jack. I know she isn't Ella. I didn't even know that Jennah worked here."

"You are on a first name basis. This isn't good for you."

"I only know her first name because she is the aunt to one of my players. We just met at Friday's game. I haven't had more than five minutes of time speaking to her."

"I just worry that you are going to become attached."

"Pax, he knows it's not Ella. We were all there at the funeral. He's fine. Quit mothering him," Jack warned.

"I'm sorry it's just that," she sighed. She swept her hair back behind her left ear. Duke noticed the sparkle that caught his eye. He caught glimpse of the shiny ring on her finger. As he stared at it for a split second longer, then he recognized what it was. It was her wedding ring.

"Something you two want to tell me?" Duke asked. His voice was firmer and not as friendly.

Paxton realized what he saw and hid her hands below the table. She quickly looked at Jack for help. Duke turned his attention to Jack. He put his head in his hand. Obviously there was something more going on between Jack and Paxton and they weren't going to let Duke in on it.

"Seriously?" Duke sneered. He threw his napkin on the table over his uneaten food. He stood up and walked out after throwing more than enough money on the table to cover his meal and Jennah's tip.

"Duke wait!" Paxton called out but Duke heard Jack hush her. Duke knew he was making a scene at the moment but he didn't care.

Walking out the door, he couldn't believe that Paxton and Jack were taking things a lot faster than he thought. How could she say that she loved him and cared for him then go jumping right back into Jack's arms after everything that Jack has done? After all the nights she spent in Duke's bed? Duke knew that he needed space. Yes, he wanted them to move forward but they were getting their lives back, he couldn't do that. Ella was gone but Jack and Paxton were moving on like nothing happened. He knew eventually that Jack and Paxton might have gotten back to a good place, but not this soon. It was like Paxton slapped him again, only this time it was like saying that the time they spent together, the times they were together, meant nothing to her. He climbed into his truck and raced off. He just needed to get out of there.