Moments in Time (9 page)

“Thanks.” He made eye contact just long enough for me to know what he was thinking.

“It made you miss Dad?”

Sean nodded and looked down. Even though he was only slightly older than me, he had more memories of our father. As happy as he’d been after each of his kids had been born, I remembered him telling me every time that it made him sad that Dad wasn’t around. It always made me wonder if I’d feel that way if I had big news to share some day. Would I miss him more then too?

“I’m sorry.”

Sean shrugged. “It’s okay. I’m just glad the baby didn’t cry the whole time. He’s teething.”

I’d babysat the older two when they were teething. That was the opposite of fun. “That sucks.”

“It’s all right. Besides, sometimes it’s easier to deal with Mom when you’re delirious from lack of sleep.” He gave me a playful elbow in the ribs.

I knew exactly what he meant. “How’s she been doing lately? Anything nutty?”

“Nothing out of the ordinary. She leaving you alone?”

“Yeah. Just phone calls telling me I should go to Mass.”

Sean chuckled. “You’re in college. You must have some awesome sins to confess.”

My face burned, and I tried to shove the biggest possible bite of cake in my mouth to make it look like maybe I was just having a sugar rush.

Sean’s eyes widened. “Well, look at you. You do have something to confess. Good for you. At least one of us does.”

Would he be so happy if he knew what I’d been doing? Sean wasn’t fanatical like Quinn and my mom, but still… how would he feel about a brother with… and there it was again. That missing word.

Sean cleared his throat. “You’re not gonna tell me, are you?”

I shook my head. “Not yet.”

“Well, when you’re ready, I’m all ears.”

When I’m ready
. I didn’t have a clue when that might be.

I
HADN
’
T
seen Tanner in at least a half hour, so I went in search of him. I found him in the kitchen, chatting with my mom.
Oh God
.

Mom’s eyes were round as she listened to whatever Tanner was telling her. Panic stirred in my chest, making me wonder if I could make it across the room to them without keeling over. Or if I even wanted to.
Please don’t let him be talking to her about sex. Or politics. Or religion….

“Yeah, I never went to church growing up. My dad’s half-Jewish and wasn’t really raised religious at all, and my mom’s sort of a free spirit….”

“Oh.” Mom nodded, but I could tell she didn’t approve. “So where were your parents married?”

Tanner chuckled. “They got married on Broadway, on stage.”

Her jaw dropped. “Really?”

“They met doing a play. My dad was the director, and my mom was one of the makeup artists. One of their friends from the production had gotten ordained to do weddings on things like cruise ships and stuff, and the night the show closed, they decided to turn the wrap party into their wedding celebration.”

“That’s certainly an interesting wedding story.”

“It’s pretty romantic, I guess. Would be a better story if they’d actually stayed together, but they’re both happy, so it all worked out.”

“I’m sorry. Collin’s told me you’re from New York, and I just assumed with a last name like D’Amico that you’d be Catholic and you’d be from some big Italian family.”

Tanner gave her his trademark grin. “No, ma’am. No big family here. Just my mom and dad and me. The D’Amico comes from the Italian side of my dad’s family, but the other half is Jewish. I know bits and pieces of all the different traditions. I just wasn’t raised in any of them formally. I really enjoyed the service this morning, though.”

Her eyes brightened. “Did you?”

“Yeah. The formal ceremony was cool, and it’s great to celebrate stuff as a family. My family’s nice and all, but we don’t do a ton of stuff together anymore.”

She smiled. “Well, I’m glad you could join us. I’m sure Collin could bring you with him to Mass at school.”

Oh, that would be priceless. Yeah, I’ll get right on that.
“Tanner’s usually working when I go to Mass.”

“There you are,” she said. “I’m packing up leftovers for you two to take with you.”

“Your mom’s awesome.” Tanner gave me a small wink as he shoved another bite of cake into his mouth. “And this cake is insane.”

Mom beamed. “That cake is a family tradition. We’ve had the same one at every baptism and Communion in our family for decades.”

Tanner’s tongue flicked a bit of frosting off the corner of his lip. Watching that with my mom in the room nearly made my brain shatter.

“Don’t worry, Mom. Whatever you pack for us, we’ll eat. Thanks.”

“That whole stack there is yours.” She pointed to a pile of Tupperware containers. “Put them in a grocery bag so they’re easier to carry.”

I bent and searched under the sink for a paper bag, then started loading the plastic tubs into it.

Mom snapped another lid closed and handed it to me. “Quinn said to tell you he was sorry he missed you. He had some emergency he had to attend to. They’ve got him on call at the hospital for some sort of spiritual crisis counseling.”

“That sounds intense.”

“I guess we have to get used to him having bigger responsibilities than us.” She sounded wistful, but I knew she was proud. Her son, the almost priest. For her that was way more meaningful and impressive than “my son the lawyer” or “my son the doctor.” I wondered if she’d ever even mention me. Somehow “my son the gay social worker” didn’t seem to have quite the ring I thought she was hoping for.

“Tanner tells me he won an award from the university.” Mom gave me her infamous “when am I going to get news like this out of you” look.

I nodded. “It was a great project. His team came up with an awesome charity campaign.”

Tanner shoved his hands in his pockets. He didn’t like when people made a fuss over him. “It was a group effort. I’m just glad we raised money for the clean water fund. That was the cool part.”

My mom tsk-tsked at him. “I don’t know. The grant money sure sounds nice to me. Not to mention that’s a wonderful thing for a resume. I’m still not sure how my son intends to support himself with a social work degree.”

Before I could get a word in, Tanner answered. “There’s always a need for social workers. Not to mention that Collin’s professors all gush over him. I’m just another business major. For all I know, I’ll wind up managing a Starbucks or something.”

I bit my tongue to keep from laughing. Tanner hated Starbucks, and every one of his professors adored him. But I appreciated him standing up for me. “I’m sure we’ll both be just fine, Mom.”

She handed me the last container. “I hope so. I just worry. Do you have a summer internship lined up, Tanner? I know Collin didn’t get one.”

“I didn’t apply. I’ll be heading down to Fire Island like I did last year. There’s good money working the upscale restaurants out there.”

My mother’s eyes grew wide as saucers. “Aren’t all the people on Fire Island, you know…”

Tanner gave her the blankest stare ever. “All what?”

“You know.” She dropped her voice to a whisper. “Isn’t the whole island
gay
?”

She breathed out the last word so softly you’d think she was saying “cancer” or “prison.”

“No, ma’am.” Tanner managed to keep a straight face. “Only two of the towns on the island are known for being predominantly gay. The other dozen or so cater to the NY elite—some celebrities, wealthy couples, families with young kids who’ve been going to the family beach houses for generations. I live with a bunch of people my dad knows from the theater set. Musicians, dancers—it’s a fun bunch. And we earn a ton at the restaurant.”

“Sounds like a nice way to spend the summer.”

“It is. I’m trying to convince Collin to join me. Way better money than at Gino’s. Besides, it’s dead in the summertime with so many less people on campus.” He gave me his cheekiest grin. “You should come.”

Maybe I will. But I’m not going to decide with my mom giving me the stink eye about any choice I make. I’ll decide later. Right now I just want to leave.

The bag crinkled as Tanner lifted it off the floor and passed it to me. “You carry the leftover cake, so I don’t eat it before we get to the car.”

My mom reached up and hugged me and gave me a kiss on the cheek. “Be careful going home.”

“I will. Don’t worry.”

“Thanks again for having me, Mrs. Fitz.”

“Anytime, Tanner. You be sure to tell that pretty girlfriend of yours I said hello.”

I shook my head as I followed Tanner out into the cool night air, feeling for the first time all day as if I could finally breathe.

W
ITH
THE
big family gathering out of the way, it seemed like smooth sailing. Tanner and I went about our daily routines, and at night we had each other. I lived for the nights. And the mornings. Waking up with him pressed against me made every day the best fucking day I could imagine. All day long I’d count the minutes, savor every cryptic text, and try to control the raging hard-ons that plagued me anytime he crossed my mind. All of it was one big delicious secret we shared.

Then worlds collided.

I took an extra shift at Gino’s. More money was always a good thing, plus Gino had always been more than fair to me, so I wanted to help him out whenever he needed. I’d just cleaned up from the lunch rush and was about to take a quick break when Tanner strolled in.

My heart leapt into my throat with excitement, but my stomach churned too. My response to him was so strong it always felt like a goddamned neon sign flashing over my head, like everyone who even glanced at me could tell instantly—gay. And I wasn’t ready for that. Sometimes I wondered if I’d ever be ready. Certainly not yet.

Tanner threw me his lopsided grin, and my body warred with itself. Half of me melted, and the other half went rigid—and not the good kind. Fear prickled through me.

Gino saw him right away. Tanner was one of his favorite customers, and I knew Gino wanted to entice him to work at the shop next year. “Hey, it’s Bottomless Pit Roommate. Long time no see.”

“They’ve been keeping me busy with extra shifts at the bookstore.” Tanner scanned the pans of pizza behind the glass enclosure, then made eye contact with me in a way I felt down to my fucking toes. Hunger burned bright in him, and not just for food.

I swallowed hard.

Gino swished his hand over the food. “What can I get you? Or you want me to try out one of my new specials on you?”

Tanner grinned. “I’ll try anything you want. I’m starving.”

“That’s what I like to hear. You come work for me someday, kid. I may lose a little money on what you eat, but I’ll make it back with you smiling at the ladies.”

“Sounds good to me.” Tanner hadn’t taken his eyes off me, and I shifted, throwing a look over my shoulder to make sure Gino was back in the kitchen before I moved closer.

“You want a Coke?”

“Sure.” Tanner headed over to one of the low booths on the side of the room.

The soda fountain bubbled and spurted as I filled two cups.

I set the drinks on the table and slid into the booth across from him. “I just went on break. I’ve only got about ten minutes.”

Tanner took a deep pull from his straw, and my cock responded by stiffening and snaking up my belly under my cargo shorts. Thank God for aprons.

“What time do you get off tonight?” he asked, a smile playing at that perfect mouth.

My cheeks heated. “Ten, I think. Someone else is supposed to come in to close.”

“Long day.”

“Yeah, but it’s good money. What are you up to?”

“I’ll probably hit the library. I can get a paper out of the way, then I’ll have the weekend free.”

Gino yelled from the kitchen. “Order up!”

“Be right back.”

I slid the tray from the window, grabbed silverware from under the counter, and brought the food over to Tanner. “Sheesh. He must really like you. I haven’t even seen this yet.”

Tanner inhaled and groaned. The sound shivered through me, and I quickly sat down and took a gulp of soda. “This looks fucking amazing. Want some?”

“No, thanks.” It did look good, though. A sub roll, split open, layered with chicken tenders, mushrooms, peppers, tomato sauce, cheese, pepperoni, and topped off with mixed greens tossed in balsamic dressing with fresh parmesan curls.

Tanner made happy noises as he chewed, and I tried not to picture him naked and on top of me. It didn’t work. “Fuck, that’s good,” he said, then turned and yelled. “Gino, you’re a genius.”

“That’s what I keep telling everyone,” Gino called from the kitchen with a laugh.

“Don’t tell him I said this, but he most definitely would lose money on me if I worked here. Which I’m thinking I’d fucking love to do. Jesus. How do you not eat stuff constantly?”

I shrugged. “I eat plenty. Just not as much as you.”

Tanner twirled his tongue to get an errant string of cheese off his fork, and my cock strained against my waistband.
Christ.
If he worked there, would I feel like this all the time? I’d never survive. I was about to say something, but every thought slid right out of my head as the door jingled and Angela DeMoula headed straight for Tanner.

She swung into the booth right beside him, draped her long-nailed, thin fingers over his shoulder, and purred like a sex-starved cat, “Oooh, I thought I saw something delicious when I walked by.”

My eyes rolled before I could stop them, and I knew Tanner noticed.

“Hey, Ange. What’s up?”

“Nothing.” If she shifted any closer to him, she’d be on his fucking lap. “I just haven’t seen you in a while. You never hang out in the lounge anymore. Where’ve you been at night?”

The pouty look on her face made me feel like retching. So did the answer. He’d been with me. Would he say that? A part of me wanted him to, which shocked the hell out of me. Possessiveness washed over me as I watched her hand on his arm, saw the way she eyed him, and waited to see what he’d tell her.