Monster (Impossible #1) (11 page)

He shifted his grip on me, his fingers reaching to entwine with mine.  But when he pressed his palms to mine, I couldn’t hold back a small cry as pain seared across them.

Sean drew back from me immediately, breaking the connection between us.  He grasped my hands gently this time, holding them carefully as he inspected the scrapes on my palms where I had torn them against the brick wall in that alley…

The flames within me were doused instantly as reality hit me like the shock of ice cold water to the face.  How could I have possibly enjoyed what Sean was doing to me after almost being raped minutes earlier?  How could I possibly want any man to touch me after that?  This was so fucked up. 
I
was so fucked up.  And it was all Sean’s fault.

I quickly extricated my hands from his grip, and I was disgusted to realize that a part of me was reluctant to do so.

Unable to meet his eye, my gaze fell on the red stain that marred his t-shirt.  “I should check your stitches,” I said, forcing myself to sound clinical.

He ran a hand through his hair, mussing it in that sexy way.  “Shit,” he said under his breath.  “Claudia, I-”

I shot him a frosty look, a silent warning.

He dropped his hand, his shoulders slumping slightly.  “Alright,” he said.  There was a flicker of distress in his eyes, but his face was quickly schooled to an unconcerned mask.  He stripped his shirt off compliantly, and I forced myself not to admire his perfect body.

I was hesitant to touch him, worried that I would be caught up in his power again.  “You should go to the bedroom,” I said, my tone detached.  “I’ll have to clean out the cuts in my hands and then I’ll come patch you up.”

He reached out for me.  “Do you want me to help-?”  He began kindly.

I jerked my hands away as though his touch would scald me.  “Just go,” I said coldly, lifting my chin to stare at him defiantly.

His brows drew together, and the hand that he had extended turned to a fist.  He held my gaze for a long moment, challenging me.  But I wasn’t backing down, wasn’t going to turn to putty in his hands again.  Seeming to recognize that I wasn’t going to yield, he turned and walked away stiffly, his muscles once again taut with repressed anger.

I didn’t allow myself to breathe out a sigh of relief until I had locked the bathroom door behind him.  I wanted to fall to pieces, to slide down onto the cold tile floor and cry until all of my tears were dried up.  I couldn’t understand what was wrong with me.  Sure, Sean had shown me some compassion, and it was possible that I had allowed myself to be charmed by his cocky, self-assured side.  I had certainly allowed myself to be pulled in by his physical beauty.  But there had to be more to it than that.

He saved you,
a voice whispered inside of me. 
So many times.

Was that it?  Was I coming to view him as my savior rather than my captor?  Was that how I had been able to fool myself into thinking that I wanted him even after he had returned me to my prison?  I had been so close to freedom…

And what kind of freedom would that have been? 
I went cold at the thought of the pale-eyed man who had attacked me. 
How long do you think that man would have allowed you to live when he was finished with you?

I shuddered, forcing my thoughts away from him.  So my first escape attempt had failed.  I was alive to keep fighting, and that was what mattered; I wasn’t about to give up.  I hadn’t been
lying to Sean: I refused to remain here as his pet doctor for the rest of my life, my existence reliant on the whims of the men who held me captive.

I wasn’t going to allow
myself to fall apart.  So I squared my shoulders and turned on the sink faucet, adjusting the water so that it was lukewarm.  With a hiss of pain, I forced myself to gently work soap into the long, thin abrasions that marred my palms.  They weren’t too deep, but cleaning them stung like a bitch.  When I was finished, I inspected myself carefully.  I didn’t think I would even need Band-Aids.

I couldn’t help but linger in the bathroom.  I wanted to stay in there, to savor my privacy.  But Sean was bleeding in the next room, and despite my anger with him, I couldn’t bear the thought of him in pain.  Taking a deep breath, I unlocked the door and navigated through the darkened living room until I reached the warm glow of Sean’s bedroom.  Tentatively, I stepped inside, calling myself a coward for not meeting his eyes as I approached the bed.

As I unwound the gauze from around his chest, I was grateful for the thin barrier that the medical gloves provided, lessening the electric effect of the feeling of Sean’s skin touching mine.  I worked quickly and quietly, making four new sutures to replace the ones that he had broken open while saving my life.  He endured silently, not even tensing as the needle pierced his skin.  The air around us was heavy with suppressed emotion, suffocating me as it pressed tightly against my lungs.  It was a relief when I finally finished bandaging the wound; I could finally put some much-needed distance between us again.

“I’m going to take a shower,” I said quietly, still not looking at him.  I didn’t wait for any kind of acknowledgement or permission.  Now that I thought about it, I felt horribly dirty, as though trails of grime were encrusted on my skin where the pale-eyed man had touched me.  My
hands, so steady moments before as I had stitched up Sean’s wound, were now trembling as I fumbled to turn on the shower.  I turned the temperature as hot as it would go before stripping off my slutty dress and stepping under the scalding spray, letting the uncomfortable heat of it scour the filth from my skin.  I longed for a loofa to scrub it away, but as it was, my fingernails would have to do.  After a few minutes, the rational part of my mind realized that I was causing myself too much pain; I was rubbing my skin raw.

I forced myself to draw in a deep breath. 
Calm down,
I ordered myself. 
Think of something else.

My mind turned to Sean of its own accord, the memory of his furious roar, the strength of his arms as he held me, carrying me away from my assailant.

“You’re safe now.”

And it had been true.  Despite everything, I knew deep down that all he wanted was for me to be safe, whether that meant standing up to his best friend or fighting off a rapist in the street.  He had put himself in danger for my sake tonight when he could have easily solved all of his problems by letting me die.

But what about protecting you from himself?

It was clear that Sean wanted me.  And – I forced myself to admit – I wanted him too.  Why couldn’t he respect my wishes and keep his distance?  Was it possible that he found himself just as drawn to me as I did to him?  Did he also feel that nearly preternatural connection that seemed to tether me to him despite my best efforts?

The memory of his kiss flitted across my mind, and my body began to burn from more than just the heat of the water that pounded down on me.  The way that he had handled my body, demanding complete control as he took my mouth…

That unfamiliar pulsing between my legs was back.  I had never experienced this, this… wanting.  Sean had awoken something within me that no man ever had before, that I had never allowed any man to before.  And now that the flames were back, licking at me insistently and stoking the warmth at my core, I found it impossible not to seek release.

My hand slid slowly down my stomach, my fingers coming to rest at the top of my soft curls.  I paused, my mind whirring.

What are you doing, Claudia?
  I thought furiously.  I rarely did this; I never really saw the point beyond meeting an occasional desire.

But this was more than just desire.  This was
need.
  Maybe if I just got it out of my system, I wouldn’t feel so affected by Sean?

That thin excuse was enough for me to rationalize my actions.  Tentatively, I trailed my fingers lower, gently touching my soft folds.  They were slick with more than just water.  I closed my eyes and leaned back against the wall to steady myself.  The coldness of the tiles reminded me of how Sean had forced me up against the wall, pinning me in place while he claimed my mouth, making me melt for him.

My forefingers found my hardened bud, and one touch nearly sent me over the edge.  God, this felt so
good. 
I was greedy for more.  I began to trace little circles around it, picturing Sean’s cocky smile, his corded arms, that dusting of dark hair that led down into his jeans…

My orgasm hit me harder than ever before, and a small cry of pleasure escaped me before I could quickly stifle it.  I bit down on my lower lip as I rode out the waves of bliss that were emanating out from my rippling core.  I didn’t take my fingers from my clit until the contact became painful; I was desperate to wring every last delicious drop of ecstasy from my body.

For a moment, I remained pressed back against the wall, breathing hard.  As I came back to myself, I realized that the water was going cold, making my skin pebble.  Was I shivering from the chill or from the residual pleasure?

As I turned off the tap, I tried to force my thoughts into some sort of order.  What had I just done?  How could I be disgusted by the taint on my body one minute and caressing it the next?  My stomach was churning, half-disgusted by myself and half-thrilled at the new discoveries I had just made about the potential for pleasure that my body had kept secret from me for my entire life.

Well, perhaps one good thing would come of this: the release I had achieved might make being around Sean more bearable.

But I was just fooling myself.

Chapter 7

As soon as I entered the bedroom, my eyes were drawn to him like a magnet.  He was staring at me, a curious light in his eyes as his gaze flicked up and down my body.  My cheeks warmed as I realized that my nipples were still hard, the little peaks of them clearly visible though the thin nightshirt I wore.

I did my best to pretend not to notice as I positioned myself on the bed as far from him as physically possible, praying that I wouldn’t cuddle up to him in the night.  I was tempted to sleep on the floor to ensure that it wouldn’t happen.  But that would just prove to him that he had some effect on me, some hold over me.  And I wasn’t about to show him my uncharacteristic vulnerability when it came to him.

I stared resolutely up at the ceiling, my muscles drawn tight as I tried to ignore the pulsing tension between us.  How I hated it.

“Do I have to lock the door?”  Sean asked quietly, his voice tinged with shame.

“No,” I said shortly.  I wasn’t going to try to escape again.  Not tonight.

He paused for a beat.  “How did you get out earlier?”  He asked.

“Bradley forgot to lock the door,” I lied.  I hoped he would buy it; I didn’t want him to take away my hairpins.  I might need them again.

“Alright,” he said after a moment.  But his tone was skeptical.  I held back the sigh of relief that I wanted to release.  It seemed he had been affected enough by the drugs that his memory was hazy.

“You should get some sleep,” he said after a moment.

I huffed out a breath, saying nothing. 
Right.  Like I was going to be able to sleep with my mind in overdrive.  But to my surprise, my exhaustion got the better of me.  After everything I had been through, my body insistently pulled me under.  I was out in minutes.

His hot, putrid breath blew across my lips as he panted against me in gleeful anticipation.  Rough, dirty hands were groping me, ripping at my dress.  My fingers clawed at him, but they seemed to pass through him as though he was an apparition, and he leered at me as my desperate efforts to fight him off had no effect.  I tried to scream for help, but I couldn’t seem to make a sound.  He gripped my shoulders, shaking me.

“Claudia,” he said my name insistently.  But it wasn’t the soft, inhuman voice that I remembered.  “Claudia.  Wake up,” the deep, familiar voice ordered.

His comforting, musky scent surrounded me, enfolding me like a warm blanket.

“Sean,” I breathed his name like a prayer as I looked up into his gorgeous green eyes, which were filled with concern.  His browns were drawn together, betraying anxiety.  His arm snaked around me, pulling me into him.  I clung to it, the strength of his hold reassuring me.  I felt safe, protected.

He brushed my sweat-dampened hair back from my forehead, stroking it tenderly.  I closed my eyes and leaned into his touch.

“It was just a dream,” he said gently.  “You’re safe now.”

“Don’t leave me,” I mumbled, sleep pulling me back under.

“Never,” I thought I heard him say softly.

But when I woke the next morning, I was sure that I had imagined it.

“Why is this door unlocked?”  Bradley’s voice jerked me from my slumber. “And what the fuck happened to her?”  I opened my eyes to find him standing in the doorway, studying me.  His eyes were focused on my cheek, clearly taking in the bruise that had formed there overnight.  The slight throbbing of it let me know that it must look bad.

Bradley’s attention shifted to Sean, who was sitting upright with a book resting on his chest.  “I thought you were all for treating her humanely.  What did she do to make you snap?”  He began to advance on me.  “If you hurt him, bitch…” he began menacingly.  I scooted back from him, intimidated, but I was stopped short when my back hit the headboard.