Montana Actually (20 page)

“Hello? It’s Rhonda.” The door opened and the Bear Paw courier stepped inside holding a couple of boxes. “Got that e-reader for your mom, Katrina.”

“Great, thanks, Rhonda.” Katrina took the packages and set them on the table.

“Oh, hey, Doctor Stanton,” Rhonda said, catching sight of Josh as Katrina signed. “I’m glad you’re here. I’ve got a delivery for you that needs signing for. Can I bring it in now?”

He wasn’t expecting anything. “Are you sure it’s not something for the clinic or the hospital?”

She shook her head. “Nope. It’s got your home address on it. I’ll go get it.”

Used to interruptions and never getting to finish meals, he turned his attention back to his breakfast and shoveled in a few more mouthfuls of the crispy bacon and runny egg before Rhonda returned with a large box. As he signed for it, she tapped the label. “It’s from out east. Chicago. You have a good day.”

When Rhonda left, Katrina passed him some scissors. “Is it your birthday and you didn’t tell us?”

“No, that’s in November. Maybe the guys from Mercy have sent me my favorite coffee blend.”

She rolled her eyes. “Yeah, like you can’t buy coffee here. Give me their address and I’ll ship them some.”

He laughed. “You getting all parochial now you’ve been home for a while?”

She shrugged. “I miss some stuff about Philly, but I don’t miss the traffic or the noise.”

Sliding the blade along the brown tape, he pulled open the cardboard top and removed the crumpled newspaper that had been used as filler. An eclectic collection of things lay underneath: some CDs, an old copy of
Gray’s Anatomy
he’d always used as a doorstop in college, a bunch of paperback novels, his tuxedo still in its protective bag, a baseball mitt signed by the New York Yankees and some mail bundled together with a rubber band, the top one a slightly yellowed letter from the Mount Sinai Medical Center.

Ashley had done a comprehensive clean sweep of the apartment and sent him all his stuff. He noted with some cynicism that her engagement ring and the expensive silverware his family had given them were not there. The inclusion of his letter of offer from Mount Sinai was a particularly vicious touch.

Fuck you, Ashley.
With a burst of delayed fury, he picked up the letter and ripped it into pieces.

—

STUNNED
by Josh’s outburst, Katrina watched the pieces of paper flutter to the ground. “It seems dumb to ask if something’s wrong when obviously it is. Want to talk about it?”

His gray eyes, which recently had glowed warm and soft whenever he looked at her, had taken on the color of flint. “Not particularly.”

“If a patient had just done something like that in front of you, would you leave it alone?”

He grunted. “It’s nothing. Just ancient history.”

“History has a way of coming back to bite you.”

He ran his hands through his hair and then rubbed his freshly shaved cheeks. “Tell me about it.”

She picked up the scattered papers and made out the words
Mount Sinai
. “Prestigious hospital.”

“Oh yeah. One of the best in the country.”

“And?”

He kicked the box. “And I had the opportunity to work there.”

And he was in Bear Paw. She poured more coffee for both of them. He looked like he needed something stronger than caffeine, but at seven in the morning, it was the only option. “Did you work there?”

“No. I took the job at Mercy instead.”

“Having a choice is fantastic. So why are you upset?”

His brows pulled down in a sharp V. “You’re going to keep at me until I tell you, aren’t you?”

She nodded. “I think that I am.”

“Why?”

Because you look like you’ve been sucker punched
. “Friends tell each other things.”

He tilted his head, his eyes far too incisive and intelligent. “We’re friends now, are we?” His gaze made her shiver. “I thought you said we were just using each other for sex?”

He’d turned her words back onto her and the effect was unsettling. “I . . .” She rolled her palms outward and then laced her fingers. “Can’t we do both? You’re obviously upset and talking might help.”

“Oh, but that’s where you’re wrong,” he said quietly, his voice edged with steel. “Talking doesn’t help at all. Ashley and I talked for months. We went around and around and it didn’t resolve a fucking thing.”

He’d talked about his father but he’d never mentioned anyone else. “Ashley?”

He ran his hand through his hair. “Yeah.” He walked outside and she followed him, sliding her hand into his as he leaned up against the porch rail and looked out toward the mountains.

They stood there silently for a long minute before Josh walked to the porch rocker, taking her with him. “Ashley and I dated for two years, before we rented an apartment together. A year after that we got engaged. We were together five years.”

Shock dropped her mouth open and she had to work really hard not to stare at him. For some reason she’d never once imagined Josh in a long-term relationship, let alone one headed toward marriage. “That’s . . . that’s a long time. When did you break up?”

“Officially? The day the moving truck arrived to pack all of our stuff for the move to Bear Paw.”

Unofficially?
Memories of the prickly, aloof and angry guy who’d arrived in town three months ago came to mind. She’d never quite been able to reconcile why, if Josh had chosen to come work in Bear Paw, he’d been so detached and irritable instead of enthusiastic in his early weeks. Now she might have stumbled onto the answer. “Ashley didn’t want to come?”

He gave a harsh laugh. “That would be the understatement of the year. She said it would be professional suicide.”

She thought about how Bear Paw was always chasing all types of medical and support staff. “I’m guessing she didn’t work in health care?”

“No. She was in corporate marketing.”

“Oh.” Maybe Ashley had a point.

“Oh?”

His stony expression made her feel as if she were letting him down in some way. “What I meant was that there’s not a big call for that type of work in Bear Paw.”

He grimaced. “There isn’t, but her company understood and totally supported her telecommuting from Bear Paw three weeks out of every four. They knew it wasn’t forever and were bending over backward to help. We were coming out here to knock down my student loans fast so we could do the time, get the hell out of Dodge and start a family.”

A family?
Her gut thudded to her feet. First he’d been engaged and now he was admitting to wanting to be a dad? None of this matched up with the Josh she thought she knew.

“And . . . um, that’s what Ashley wanted? Um, what she agreed to?” She fought to sound coherent while her thoughts splattered across her mind like they’d been whizzed in a blender.

“She’d agreed to way more than that.” His thigh was so rigid against hers she could have bounced a ball off of it. “When I left the surgical program, I got offered my dream job in the ER at Mount Sinai. At the exact same time, Ashley got offered a position in the Chicago office of her firm. It was a big promotion for her. She sided with my father about my change in career direction and had been upset with me, but when I discussed my ideas with her on how to reduce my student loans fast, much faster than staying out east, we agreed on a plan. I supported her by moving to Chicago so she could take her dream job, and when the time came, she’d support me and we’d move somewhere rural out west for three years. Somewhere we both agreed on. We struck a deal for our future and got engaged. You know, the give-and-take of a mature relationship.” He snorted.

“I’m not sure I’ve ever had one of those,” she confessed with a wry smile.

“Yeah, well, they don’t exist,” he said bitterly. “I doubt Ashley ever had any intention of keeping her side of the bargain, but she happily let me give up Mount Sinai to get what she wanted.”

He’d given up his dream job for this woman, and Katrina clearly saw Ashley’s betrayal in the lines on his face, around his mouth and at the edges of his eyes. She thought about her total blindness with Brent. “Hindsight’s a bitch.”

“She’s a bitch.”

She squeezed his hand.

A hint of gratefulness lit up his eyes. “When the time came for me to apply for rural positions, I presented her with a list of ten places I’d researched and thought would be good places to work. She chose Bear Paw and I started all the paperwork.”

She shifted to face him straight on. “So, wait, I don’t get it. If she chose Bear Paw, why did she then refuse to come?”

“Apparently she never thought I’d go through with taking a rural job or expect her to actually uphold her part of the deal.” Every muscle in his body clenched. “As we stood on the curb with movers waiting to get into the apartment, she told me that if I’d stayed in the surgical program, none of this would have happened.”

“How did she figure that?”

He sighed. “Surgeons don’t work in towns this small. Surgery meant we could have continued living in a big city, which was the only place she was prepared to live, and I could have paid off my loans without it impacting her life.”

She struggled to understand Ashley’s logic. “But you weren’t happy doing surgery. Surely as your fiancée she wanted you to be happy?”

His mouth pulled down on one side. “Her solution was for me to go beg my father and ask him for the money to pay off my loans and we stay in Chicago.”

An intense dislike for the woman crawled through her veins. “How could she ask you to do that? She must have known how much that would cost you?”

—

JOSH
saw Katrina’s jutted chin and the spark of indignation in her eyes and heard the pique in her voice. It took him a moment to realize that her reaction was for him and not against him. He wasn’t used to the feeling of support from anyone outside of his colleagues, and as it slowly dripped into him, he had to work at not questioning the reasons behind it.

“Ashley believed it was something I should do for both of us. A sign that I was putting our relationship first. She didn’t understand why I wasn’t prepared to go into financial debt to my father. I knew if I asked, he’d levy a heavy emotional debt on us. He’d likely want my firstborn child and a commitment that, no matter what, the kid becomes a doctor. No way in hell was I committing to that when I’d already broken away. The emotional cost at Thanksgiving and Christmas is more than enough.”

“So don’t go this year,” she said, her very kissable lips thinning fast. “Invite your parents to Bear Paw instead. Show them you’re not only responsible for your choices, you’re fine with them.”

The absurdity of his parents coming out here made him laugh. “Maybe I can even get the town to throw me a ticker tape parade.”

“They’d probably do it now.” She grinned and giggled. “Wait. I have a better idea.”

His fingers toyed with her hair. “What’s that?”

“We introduce your father to Bethany. She’d pin him to the wall with that crutch and set him straight.”

A rush of something he didn’t want to name filled him and he leaned in to kiss her.

She kissed him fast and then pressed her hands to his chest. “You have to go to work and I have to go check Dad’s packed everything Mom needs.”

He rose, his mind running through his work schedule. “I’ll let admissions know your mom’s coming in right away and I’ll talk to her oncologist.”

Her green eyes, which could light up a room, dimmed. “She’s not strong, Josh.”

He knew that, too. “We’ll set up isolation procedures to keep her safe from any hospital bugs, and I’ll call you the moment I’ve got the test results. We’ll hit it with everything we’ve got.”

“I can’t ask for more than that. I just hope it’s enough.”

“So do I.”

She was standing right next to him, so close and yet so far away. He wanted to reach out, grab her wrist, spin her back into his arms and kiss her the way he always did just before she left the cottage. He wanted to say,
When will I see you? Next time, come stay the whole night with me. Let’s make plans to go watch the aurora borealis.

But timing was everything, and sadly, this was so not the time.

Beau McCade, 12:37 p.m.
Day 2 of cutting hay. Hunter & Rastas driving the tractor. Don’t worry, it drives itself ;-)

Shannon Bauer, 12:40 P.M.
He looks happy
S x

Beau McCade, 5:04 p.m.
Radar showing chance of rain. Hunter will be at gate at six. Sorry, I can’t stop to stutter or steal kiss at pickup. Will miss your smiling face. B x

Shannon Bauer, 5:55 P.M.
I left pie at the house for everyone, especially you. I notice you don’t stutter when we’re having sex. S x

Beau McCade, 6:30 P.M.
Thanks for pie. Speech therapist never suggested that particular exercise for stutter. I should practice more.

Shannon Bauer, 6:31 P.M.
S xx

Beau McCade, 11:42 p.m.
Long day. Just finishing with hay now.

Shannon Bauer, 11:43 P.M.
Are you hot and sweaty?

Beau McCade, 11:44 p.m.
Yes.

Shannon Bauer
So am I. It’s a hot night.

Beau McCade
Too hot for covers.

Shannon Bauer
Too hot for pajamas.

Beau McCade
Take them off. Enjoy the breeze.

Shannon Bauer
It’s like your breath against my skin. If you were here, I’d like you to . . .

Beau McCade
Spray you with a mist of cool water and lick you dry.

Shannon Bauer
God, I wish you were here.

Beau McCade
I can make you feel like I am.

Shannon Bauer
Yes please.

—

SHANNON
was cleaning out the diner’s fridges when she heard heavy footsteps and the clack of dog’s nails on the floorboards.

“Hunter?” She automatically glanced at the clock to check if she’d lost track of the time and was late picking him up. She pushed up off her knees and to her feet just as he appeared. “You’re home early. Is everything okay?”

He shrugged. “Beau came into town to visit his mom, so he brought me home.”

“That was kind of him.” There were so many kind and thoughtful things about Beau McCade that she kept pinching herself to be sure that he was real and not some imaginary guy she’d dreamed up to keep her company at night.

And oh boy, in one way or another, he kept her company at night. The few times they’d managed to meet up at Ty’s house when he was out on the range, she got to be cradled in Beau’s strong arms and lie against his work-toned body. Those times, she knew he was real. But between his long hours on the ranch and her long hours at the diner and both of their family commitments, those stolen moments in the middle of the night were too few and far between. As much as she enjoyed the sexting, it wasn’t the same as being with him.

Rastas padded over to her and sat at her feet, her eyes big and brown, ever hopeful of a treat. “You think if you look cute, I’ll give in and feed you.”

Rastas licked her hand and she patted her head. “She really is cute. You’re doing a great job with her, Hunter.”

“I’ve taught her some really dope tricks. Do you wanna see?”

“I’d love to.” She pulled off her gloves and followed Hunter out into the yard.

He pulled some dog treats out of his pocket and Rastas raced around his feet, barking. “Sit.” Rastas sat. “Good dog.” He gave her a treat. “Stay.” Hunter turned and walked a couple of yards before stopping and facing the pup. “Back up, Rastas.”

The dog looked at him and thumped her tail on the ground.

Hunter took two steps toward her. “Back up.” Rastas rose and took two steps backward. “Now sit.” She sat and Hunter rewarded her with “good dog” and a treat.

Shannon clapped. “That’s so awesome.”

Hunter’s smile was wide and proud. “She can do more.”

Over the next five minutes he had Rastas stand, take a bow, shake a paw and spin and beg.

“That must have taken you hours.”

He shrugged. “I do it at lunch when Beau’s practicing his talking.”

She stared at him, clueless as to what he meant. “His talking?”

“Yeah. He reads out loud. I thought it was pretty weird at first but I got used to it.”

“What does he read?”

“Stuff.”

She laughed. “Obviously, but what sort of stuff? Ranching stuff?”

He shook his head. “Nah. He read a book about some kid who built a raft.”

Surprise shot through her. “
Huckleberry Finn
?”

“Yeah, like those pies you make.”

Hunter wasn’t a reader, so she was interested to hear what he thought of the classic story. “Did you enjoy it?”

“It was okay. It was pretty cool how Huck didn’t have to go to school.”

Trust her boy to think that. “Has Beau read anything else?”

“A crazy book about a pig and a spider.”

“
Charlotte’s Web
.” She smiled at the memories that story evoked. “That was a favorite book of mine when I was in middle school.”

“The animals in it were funny, and I liked the rat best.” He ruffled Rastas’s ears. “It was sad at the end when the spider died.”

“I always cried at the end. So what’s he reading now?” She expected Beau was revisiting another classic like
The Old Man and the Sea
or
The Chronicles of Narnia
.

“This one’s about a boy who’s a wizard.”

Hunter had seen all the movies about the world’s most famous boy wizard, but he hadn’t read the books. The fact Beau was reading them was unexpected. “Beau’s reading
Harry Potter
?”

“No. This one’s about a boy who lives in a place where the only way to practice magic is to write down the spells. He can’t do that and then he realizes he’s been cursed by some evil magic that’s taking over the world. He has to stay alive long enough to work out how to break the curse, write the magic and save the world. It’s good but Beau’s been too busy cutting hay to read the last couple of days.”

Shannon’s throat tightened with shock, making it hard to speak. Hunter appeared oblivious to the fact he’d just described his own learning problem. Beau wasn’t practicing speaking by reading out loud; he was reading to her son. Showing him that words on a page could be enjoyed by listening—free of the struggle to assemble the letters and compute them in his mind.

Her guarded heart that held everyone except Hunter at bay opened. She was fast falling in love with Beau McCade.

—

BEAU
hated hospitals. Truth be told, he feared them, but his father had told him that Bonnie wanted to see him. She wanted to see each one of his siblings on their own. That alone scared the hell out of him. He’d scrubbed his boots clean and showered and changed into fresh clothes before coming to visit, but right now, sitting in a chair next to Bonnie and wearing a paper gown, a mask and gloves, he was petrified it wasn’t enough to keep her safe.

Germs from the ranch, from the hospital, from the air were like incendiary bombs to her. Josh had explained to everyone how chemotherapy couldn’t tell the difference between the good cells and the cancer cells and just nuked them all. Right now, Bonnie had no resistance to infection. Everyday bugs that healthy people took for granted could kill her, and right now they were doing a good job trying.

The beep of a monitor displaying her heartbeat and a heap of other numbers he didn’t understand glowed green, and two IV lines pumped fluid and antibiotics into her. The elastic of an oxygen mask broke the line of her pale and jaundiced cheek.

If Beau had thought she’d looked sick when she was at home three days ago, it was nothing compared to now. “Mom?”

She opened her eyes and reached out her hand.

“I don’t th . . . th . . . th . . .” God he hated this mask on his face, suffocating his speech. He hauled in a breath. “I don’t think . . . I should touch you.”

She pulled the oxygen mask down. “Of course you should.”

He wrapped his gloved hand around her now unfamiliarly thin hand, dwarfing it in his broader one. He remembered back across twenty-seven years to the night he’d arrived at Coulee Creek. How she’d kneeled down on the kitchen floor and hugged him tight and stroked his hair with her very capable and caring hands. It was the first time in his life he remembered feeling safe. He didn’t feel safe now. He felt terrified he was going to lose her. “Are you feeling any better?”

She squeezed his hand, her fingers lacking strength. “I want to say yes.”

His fear coalesced in his belly. She’d always been the one who reassured him. She’d always believed in him and seen his intelligence behind his slow and lumbering speech. She’d insisted that he was the one in charge of his stutter, not the other way around, and she’d been the one to drive the hundreds of miles over the years, taking him to speech therapy. She’d introduced him to the magic of books, encouraged him to go to college and had always been his champion, often knowing what he needed before he did.

“How’s Shannon?”

The question caught him off guard. He’d been expecting the usual inquiry about the ranch. “Um . . . she’s . . . um . . . good . . . I guess.”

Bonnie gave him a mother’s knowing look. “I know the two of you are seeing each other.”

They’d been so careful. “How do you know?”

“I’m your mother. I might be sick, honey, but I’m not blind or deaf. Trucks that arrive and depart in the middle of the night are noisy.”

He wanted to say
Katrina’s part of that noise, too
, but the two of them had an unspoken pact about their comings and goings when they met in the kitchen at odd hours of the night.

“You think you’re being secretive, but really, you’re not.”

Stunned, he stared at her over the top of the mask, not knowing what to say.

Bonnie laughed, but it quickly turned into a racking cough.

Half gut instinct, half pure anxiety, he carefully wrapped his arms around her and lifted her forward so she could catch her breath. When she’d recovered, she patted his hand.

“Does Shannon make you happy?”

How could he tell her that in one way he was the happiest he’d ever been when she was lying here fighting off death as it clawed into her and held fast?

As if reading his mind, she said, “Beau, it’s okay. All I’ve ever wanted is for my children to be happy. If you’ve finally met the woman I’ve been hoping you’d meet for years, the timing doesn’t matter. I don’t want any nonsense about bad timing. If you love her, tell her. If I beat this, I’ll welcome her with open arms at Coulee Creek. If I don’t, promise me you’ll bring her anyway.”

Tears burned the backs of his eyes, and his throat was so thick he could hardly speak. “You’ll be there . . . w-w-when I bring . . . her home. You have . . . to be.”