Montana Cherries (11 page)

“Of course it was nothing she’d done. Lia is a selfish—”

“I get it.” Dani nodded. She squeezed his arm. “Not mother material. Some people aren’t. But Haley is four. She’s confused and scared. It’ll take time before she’s secure again.”

Pain etched over Ben’s face. “What if she never had security to begin with?”

“You think that was the case?”

Ben eyed Dani as she voiced the question, and silently ran through what he knew of the first four years of his daughter’s life. She’d been raised by a grandmother who’d had one foot in the grave and a mother who’d dashed in and out of her life.

The grandmother had passed away a couple of months ago, leaving Haley with Lia. It was very reminiscent of his own childhood. Which answered Dani’s question.

“I think being with me is as close to security as she’s come.”

And he’d blown that big-time. Because he’d been mad at
himself
.

What an idiot.

He sighed and turned away, and he and Dani continued on their walk. He captured her hand and tucked it into the crook of his elbow, and when she didn’t pull away, he tightened his fingers over hers. It felt good to have her close.

He didn’t immediately return to talking, though, and she seemed to sense that he needed time. Instead, he listened to the quiet sounds of the night settling around them. He’d spent the past several hours driving around the perimeter of Flathead Lake, questioning each of his decisions made over the past month. Had it been a mistake taking Haley in the first place? Coming to Montana? Would Haley be better off with someone who had a clue of how to raise a child?

But if so, who?

Then he’d gotten a phone call that had seemed to come at the perfect time.

Only, now it seemed the call had merely been a test.

They emerged from the canopy of trees, and up ahead was a worn path through the grass that led to the beach. At his glance, Dani nodded and they moved in that direction. They walked for several minutes, stopping only when they reached a rise that provided a brilliant view of the lake. The sun had almost touched the mountains by now, and the sky was layered with long stretches of clouds striated with color. Orange was the most prevalent, mixed with purples and reds. The calm lake tempted the same feeling to grow behind the wall of Ben’s chest. This entire area spoke to him. It always had. As had being with Dani.

“I’ve got to go to New Mexico tomorrow,” he told her.

Dani straightened beside him. “I thought you’d canceled your contracts.”

“I did, but I can’t get out of this one. The backup bailed. I got a call this afternoon.”

She looked at him for a minute before removing her arm from his. He let his drop to his side.

“You
can’t
get out of it?” she asked. “Or you don’t want to?”

Truth was, he hadn’t tried to get out of it. But he couldn’t call back now and change his mind. It was too late. He had a flight to catch in the morning. “Maybe both,” he admitted.

The silence from her was deafening as he waited for her reply. She’d always been able to understand who he was before. He was curious if she still had that ability today. She didn’t disappoint. “You miss your old life.”

Yep.

He crossed his arms over his chest, feeling ashamed for spending the afternoon wishing he had his life back, and concentrated on the smoothness of the lake. It was late, so there were no boats to be seen. No Jet Skiers, no fishermen. Just nature. Just reality.

“Yes,” he answered truthfully. He turned his head to look at her. “Everything feels out of control right now. I thought maybe being ‘normal’ for a couple of days might help. Might put things more into perspective.”

The look on her face said she understood what he was feeling. The need to run. “It feels like your life is spinning out of control,” she said. “I get that. Okay.” She nodded. “I can watch her while you’re gone.”

“I’m not asking you to.” He captured her hand again.

“What’re you going to do then?” A ghost of a smile crossed her lips. “Ask your mother?”

Her question made
him
smile. She did know him well.

His mother had come up in conversations with Dani several times in the past, and he’d shared his frustrations that she had not, exactly, been “motherly.” In fact, she’d never been. That had been difficult after spending his first seven years with his grandfather. The man had let Ben trail along behind his every step. He’d taught Ben to explore life, to live it. He’d also taught him about others, and how to respect the people he came into contact with.

And he’d done his level best to show him what love was.

But then Ben had gone to live with his mother, and he’d discovered that love came in all shapes and sizes. Which was what worried him now.

His mother hadn’t been able to love the way Grandpa did. She’d provided. She’d taken him on trips. And she’d never seemed especially put out by having to do either.

But he was merely a task on her assistant’s to-do list.

His mother had also never once looked at him like she was
happy
he was a part of her life.

He’d lived with that kind of love a lot longer than he’d experienced his grandpa’s, and that fact always made him wonder which flavor
he
was capable of. Or if he believed in love at all. Because it wasn’t as though he’d been sitting around pining for the woman of his dreams to come walking by these past few years. Nor had he wanted anything more in his life.

He’d been happy and content. His life had been good.

“You messed up today, Ben,” Dani spoke softly at his side. “You made a brilliantly bad move, but you know it was wrong. You feel awful about it.” She cut her eyes over to him. “You’re not like her.”

Her words meant a lot. As did her ability to follow his thoughts.

“Mom’s not a bad person.” He truly believed that. She did a lot for those less fortunate, and had been recognized as a Goodwill Ambassador for the United Nations. She donated both money and her time for charity appearances. She was a good person.

Her focus had just never been on raising a kid.

“I’m not saying she is,” Dani said. “But she wasn’t the greatest mom.”

He chuckled. “No, she was not that.”

Dani went quiet for another moment before forcing him to face facts. “You came out here intending to ask me to watch Haley for you, didn’t you? You wanted to go away, pretend she didn’t exist for a couple of days?”

He nodded. He was an ass. “Pretty much.”

But that had quickly changed.

He turned to her, the need urgent for her to understand. Because he didn’t want to be like his mother. He wanted to be a good father.

And he wanted to believe in love.

“I won’t do that to her, though,” he said earnestly. “I made a mistake. Big time. I see that, and I won’t do it again. I won’t desert her—
I’ll take her with me.” The idea of taking Haley was suddenly exciting.
Not because he wanted her on location with him, but because there were so many things he could introduce her to.

The world had a lot to offer, and for making him aware of that fact, he would always appreciate his mother. His childhood hadn’t been a total waste.

“There are always extra people on-site,” he pointed out. “I’ll get someone to keep an eye on her when I can’t.”

Dani’s eyes softened. “Make sure it’s someone nice, will you? She needs nice.”

“Definitely.” Then he shot her a teasing wink. “Or you could come with us? Watch her while I work?”

“Not on your life, Hollywood. You created this mess, you handle it.”

She slipped her arm back through his and rested her head on his shoulder. Both of them let out heavy breaths as they turned as one to face the water. It was so much like it had been in the past, only they weren’t lying side by side on the dock.

“Do you really believe I can do this?” he asked. “Without screwing her up?”

She tilted her face up. “The very fact that you ask the question tells me you can.”

He wanted to kiss her in the worst way. “Thank you,” he said, instead of leaning down and putting his mouth to hers. “I hope so.”

“I know so. But I do have a suggestion that might help.”

“What’s that?”

“A therapist,” she told him. “Will you consider taking Haley to see someone? I have a friend with an office here in town. She’s great with kids. I think it might be good for Haley.”

That wasn’t a completely bad idea.

It was humiliating to admit he might need help. But he wasn’t simply talking about
his
life these days. This was his daughter’s.

“I’ll think about it,” he promised. He lifted Dani’s hand from his arm and pressed a kiss to her fingertips. “I believed I could do this on my own, but after today . . .” He shrugged. “I’ll think about it.”

“You’re a good guy, Ben.” She touched his cheek. “You’re changing your life for her. She’s a lucky girl.”

He just hoped he didn’t keep screwing it all up.

His phone chirped, and, aware they’d asked Gabe to watch Haley, he pulled it from his pocket.

He checked the text. “I’ve got to go. Haley’s asking for me.”

chapter ten

D
ani
closed the lid of her laptop and slumped in her chair in relief. After a long day of work for a client she’d picked up at the festival over the weekend, she’d just finished a video chat with a potential roommate. Their conversation had gone well. The other woman was a product manager for a financial company, and had lived in New York City for three years. She’d recently broken up with her live-in boyfriend, regularly worked sixty hours a week, and though not desperate for a roommate, she was certainly in the market.

She seemed normal and capable of paying her bills, and that was pretty much what Dani was looking for at this point. Signing a lease—much less agreeing to live with someone—sight unseen was nerve-racking.

Pulling the lease agreement off the printer, Dani spread it out in front of her to reread it.

This was such a big step. Which was a silly thought, because it was a step she had to take. It wasn’t like she hadn’t already made the decision to move to New York. Yet reading through the language of the contract, and seeing the glaring blank line where her signature would go, had her heart racing. She was really about to do this.

She was about to have the life she’d always dreamed of.

It was both exhilarating and completely frightening at the same time.

A door in the back of the house opened and closed, and she lifted her head to listen. It wouldn’t be Ben or Haley. They’d both left the morning before and wouldn’t return for another day.

After rushing back to the house Saturday night, Ben had not come out of Haley’s room. Dani had peeked in on them before going to bed to find Ben asleep on the top bunk, his feet hanging off the end. The sight made her smile. And also warmed her heart.

He really was a good guy. She couldn’t imagine going from the life he’d had, to suddenly being thrust into single parenthood of a four-year-old girl, but Dani was confident that both man and daughter would come out the other end of this okay.

And she was slightly sad that she wouldn’t be around to see it unfold.

More than one set of footsteps moved through the family room, and Dani closed her eyes to focus on the patterns of the movements. One sounded like Jaden. Another was softer, probably Megan, given that wherever Jaden went, Megan followed. And vice versa.

The girl seemed sweet and very down-to-earth. And Jay was smitten. Big-time.

Which made Dani wonder what Megan thought of Montana, and if she might be considering moving here with Jay.

Heavier footsteps moved into the kitchen, pausing for a moment, before heading down the hall. That would be Gabe. Dani was ready for him when he reached the open door to the study.

“Can I talk to you for a minute?” she called out as he passed.

His steps stopped and he leaned back, bottle of water in hand, and peeked into the room. “What’s up?”

She put a concerned expression on her face. “What’s going on with you and Michelle?”

She’d tried to stay out of her brother’s business, but the house was full of people now, and the arguments hadn’t slowed.

Gabe took a careful step backward and came into the study. He closed the door, and stood, legs apart, in front of it. “What makes you think anything is going on with me and Michelle?”

God, she hated the alpha act men could dish out. “Don’t treat me like I’m an idiot, you moron. I hear you two arguing every night.
Everyone
hears you two arguing.”

“Couples argue. It’s nothing I can’t handle.”

“Maybe I could help.”

He laughed at that, but the sound was more sarcastic than jovial. “Did I miss your wedding?” He pointed the bottle of water at her. “Got some firsthand experience hidden in there somewhere?”

“Don’t be a jerk. I’m only trying to help.”

“Well, I don’t need your help.”

He turned for the door, so she tried again. “You know she’s been flirting with Ben?”

It took a couple of seconds, but he once again reversed positions. He didn’t speak.

“She took her clothes off in front of him last week,” Dani informed him. “Did you realize that? Walking down the hall. And yesterday she was in the kitchen before he and Haley left, in a nightie that no one but
you
should see. It was embarrassing, Gabe. And completely inappropriate.”

“I know. And we’re all aware that she’s angry with me,” he explained. “She takes her anger out in really poor ways.”

“Well, she needs to stop.”

“And maybe you need to mind your own business.”

Dani stood from the desk. “You are my business.” Her voice rose. “Every one of you is. I’ve been here for the past fourteen years taking care of things. You can’t just shrug that aside.”

“Maybe we never wanted to be your business.”

At his words, she froze. Then dropped to her seat. Was he serious?

“I didn’t mean that,” he said. And he actually looked apologetic. “Of course we were glad you were here. I’m just tired, and I’m not in the mood to argue.” He held his hands out at his sides. “And I don’t even know what we’re arguing about.”

She didn’t get his attitude. Not too long ago they could talk about anything. They’d been close. It hadn’t always been that way, but life had leveled out for them over the years. However, pretty much since the day she’d announced she was moving to New York, things had begun to change. His arguments with Michelle had escalated, and Dani sensed the distance growing between her and her brother every day.

She felt it with her whole family.

“I don’t want to argue either,” she spoke more calmly. “But I hate the thought of moving away, and leaving everything in a mess. And I’m afraid my going is what’s doing it.”

He stared at her then, and she could see his thoughts churning. Finally, he lost some of the steam in his stance. “Your leaving is not the problem.”

“Then tell me what is,” she begged. She needed to be able to fix things. “I just want to help because I care.”

“I get that. Really. But it goes both ways. I care about you, too.”

“Then why won’t you tell me what’s going on?”

He shook his head as if frustrated with a child. “Don’t you get it? I’m trying to handle this on my own—to leave you out of it—
because
I care. Because I don’t want anything to get in the way of your leaving.”

She rose once again, panic beginning. “What is it?”

When he didn’t answer, she moved to stand in front of him. Her brother was tall and well built, but standing before her now, he didn’t seem as solid as he always had. They’d relied on each other a lot through the years. She wanted to be there for him now.

“Don’t push me out,” she pleaded. “Tell me what’s going on.”

His jaw was hard, and she didn’t think he would share anything with her. But when she put her hand on his arm, he broke. “Michelle wants to move,” he told her, his voice cracking.

“With Jenna?” Fear swelled in her. He couldn’t let Michelle take Jenna.

“With
me
and Jenna,” he corrected.

“Oh.” She blew out a breath. Then the meaning registered and her eyes went wide.
“
Oh.”

“To the West Coast,” he added flatly.

“But . . .”

They couldn’t go to the West Coast. The orchard was here. He
ran
the orchard.

“I know.” He nodded. “And I’ll figure it out, I promise. I can hire a foreman, and still come back a couple of times a month, maybe more. I’d be here for harvest, of course. There are plenty of qualified people around to oversee things the rest of the time.”

He wasn’t going to run the business?

But it was their
family
business.

“Is moving what
you
want to do?” she asked. She couldn’t imagine her brother anywhere but here.

He looked at her then, and she flashed back fourteen years. They’d been standing side by side at their mother’s funeral. Her dad had his arm around Aunt Sadie, and the youngest kids were in front of the two of them. Cord had been on the other side of the adults with his girlfriend. But she and Gabe had stood apart from the rest of them.

They’d both felt the weight of the world on their shoulders that day. At the ages of eighteen and seventeen, they were no longer kids, and they’d understood that they had a family to think about. As the oldest siblings, they couldn’t desert their family.

“I don’t know,” he answered, and she could see the truth of it. He’d been like her. He hadn’t had options. “I’m not sure I’ve ever asked myself
what
I want to do with my life. No one has.”

She stepped forward and wrapped her arms around her brother.

“You know I don’t need hugs,” he said drily. His arms remained at his sides.

“Everyone needs hugs.” But she dropped her arms when he remained immobile. “We can figure this out. But let’s include everyone in the decision. Maybe Jaden will want to take on more. If no one ever asked you, I’ll bet no one ever asked him either.”

“Dani—”

“We’ll have a family meeting.” She nodded, not letting Gabe stop her. “If Cord and Nate can’t be here, then we’ll call them, conference them in. Have you talked to Cord lately?” she asked. She’d tried Nate earlier today, but he was still avoiding her. “We should do this before picking starts, and from the looks of things I’d say that’ll be soon.”

“No, I haven’t talked to Cord. And we start picking Wednesday. Some of the pickers got here today.”

“So tomorrow night.” She looked at her watch. “It’s not too late. I’ll call Cord and—”

“
I’ll
call them,” Gabe interrupted. He didn’t sound happy with the fact, but he did sound resigned to it. “I’ll set it up. Tomorrow night. Should we bring in Dad?”

“No.” Dani shook her head.

Gabe lifted his brows.

“He’s retired,” she explained.

“And that’s all? It has nothing to do with you being upset that he’s marrying Gloria?”

“I’m not upset that he’s marrying Gloria.”

“Could have fooled me.”

She stared stonily at him, but he merely stared back. She routinely forgot that he was more stubborn than her. Finally, she conceded. “Okay, fine. It wigs me out a bit,” she admitted. “I know they’ve been together a long time, but I can’t help but wish it were still him and Mom, you know?”

Gabe didn’t agree, only stared. She sighed.

“I’ll get over it,” she promised. Mostly because she knew she’d have to. “But really, he’s retired. He turned the business over to us. Let’s let him have that. We can figure this out.”

It took a few additional seconds, but Gabe’s jaw finally eased. He shook his head in resignation. “
You
were supposed to be in New York before
I
figured anything out. You know you can’t stay, right? Even if no one else in the family wants to run things. You’re moving to New York.”

“Of course someone in the family will want to run things. It’s our
family
farm,” she stressed. “But I don’t get why you didn’t include me to begin with.” His omission hurt.

“Because I worry about you, you dumbass. You don’t need another excuse not to go.”

“I haven’t been making excuses.” Her voice rose with the denial.

Gabe once again glared at her. “We’re all grown, Dani. Jaden’s been an adult for years. You’ve made one excuse after another to stay here, and we won’t let you do it anymore.”

“No, I haven’t,” she continued to argue. Was he blind? “I had to stay. Dad needed me to take care of things. You
all
needed me. I had to make sure everyone was okay.”

She’d promised their mother she would.

“We’ve been okay for years. And you’re going.”

When she didn’t immediately reply, Gabe added, “We won’t have the conversation if you don’t promise me that. I’m serious.” And he sounded serious. She couldn’t remember ever hearing him be so firm with her.

“Of course I’ll still go,” she admitted. “But my boss is great. I could delay a few weeks—”

“No.” His voice turned hard.

“I’m just saying. My new boss—”

“Will be thrilled when you’re in New York. You can’t stay, and you won’t stay. You’re leaving if I have to fly across the damned country with you and make sure you get off the plane.”

It wasn’t like she’d really had a choice of going before now, but she saw no need to argue the point further. “So you’re saying that you’re tired of me?” she teased, wanting to lighten the air in the room. It had grown too heavy.

Gabe scratched at the back of his neck in frustration, and he suddenly reminded her of their dad. Though their dad hadn’t looked that worn out in years.

“No, sis.” Gabe took her hands in his. “I’m not tired of you. Never. But you need to have your own life. It’s time.”

She suddenly understood this entire conversation. “And you need yours, too?”

His lips pressed together and he nodded.

She hugged him again, she couldn’t help it. That time, his arms lifted to circle her loosely. He ended up patting her on the back. “Tomorrow night,” she murmured into his chest. “And I’ll still get on that plane in . . .” She peeked at the wall calendar and finished with “Seventeen days.”