Montana Hearts (11 page)

Shock snapped her head back. A future? Together? She hadn't expected, hadn't dared to hope, had only dreamed he might…

And yet she knew in her soul, a painful reality, that a future with Kurt was an impossibility. Not that she
hadn't grown to care about him. Maybe even love him. But there was one obstacle she couldn't ignore.

“I'm sorry, Kurt. So very sorry.” Tears of regret, of longing, burned in her eyes. “I don't think that's possible.”

L
ike a horse that had kicked him in the ribs, Sarah's rejection of him drove the air from Kurt's lungs. His chest ached. Drawing a single breath took all of his strength.

“You don't have to decide now.” His throat tightened, making the words sound ragged to his own ears as he backtracked to save face. He wasn't going to beg. “My timing's off. I shouldn't have rushed you.”

“That's not why I don't think it will work.” She raised her hand as though to touch his face, then dropped her hand back to her lap.

“I know we haven't known each other long.” He'd grown up with Zoe. Why would he expect any woman to agree to marry him when they'd only met a few weeks ago? “I can wait. We'll spend more time together getting to know each other better. I care for you, Sarah. Very much. I think you care about me.”

Her eyes softened, glistening with new tears. “I do care about you, Kurt.”

“And you get along great with my kids. It was a little rough there at first with Beth, but she's come along.”

“Your children are wonderful. You're very lucky to have them. I envy you.”

He shifted his position and stared out the windshield. Ripples of heat rose off the asphalt parking lot. Disappointment and a sense of futility weighed his spirit down like someone had handed him an anvil to carry.

“I guess I understand why you wouldn't want to live on the Rocking R permanently. It's okay for a summer maybe, but I imagine you're already missing city life.” Zoe had, and she'd never lived anywhere except Sweet Grass Valley.

“That's not why I don't think that us as a couple is a good idea.”

He turned his head. “Okay, then why not?”

“My faith is extremely important to me, Kurt. I'm sure you're aware I read my Bible and go to church whenever I can.”

“Hey, that's fine by me. I'd never stop you from going to church or whatever you wanted to do. I didn't stop Beth when she wanted to go, did I?”

“No, you didn't. But I believe in marriage both the husband and wife should share the same faith in the Lord. You've lost your faith, Kurt.”

A muscle clenched in his jaw and he gripped the steering wheel with both hands. “So what if I've lost my faith in God? I have my reasons. But if it's that important to you, I'll go to church with you.”

“It's not the same,” she said, her tone filled with a regret he couldn't understand. “I'm sorry.”

“Then I guess there's no point in talking about it.”

When she remained silent, he cranked the key and headed home.
No point at all
.

 

After a few days, Sarah knew something had to change.

Kurt had been avoiding her. That hurt almost more than she could bear. She ached with the loss of his presence, his deep voice, the quick flash of his smile. His rare moments of laughter.

The memory of his kiss tormented her.

She prayed for a miracle, for God to take matters into his own hands. To touch Kurt's heart.

When that didn't happen, she went about her business of caring for his children. Caring for them when they were at home, which wasn't all that often.

Friday rolled around. She took Dr. Zoom to the hospital to entertain the children. That evening she served the family a chicken-and-noodle casserole, whole-wheat bread and a fresh green salad for dinner.

She couldn't let this tension between her and Kurt continue any longer. With a little extra effort, she thought she could break through the wall he'd built around himself and do something good for the children at the same time.

She sat down at the table, bowed her head for a silent grace, then looked up.

“It seems to me you two children spend a lot of your time at your friends' houses.” She glanced at Toby and Beth. “I think it would be a nice idea if you reciprocated by having a party for them here at the ranch.”

Kurt frowned at her from across the table, but said nothing.

“What kind of a party?” Toby asked. “It's not anybody's birthday.”

“It doesn't need to be a special occasion. You invite your friends and I can help you organize games. Maybe a treasure hunt in the barn. Or some sort of riding contest. You'd get to pick.”

“One time at Billy's he had a blindfolded calf-roping contest. Most of the guys fell off their horses and the calves got away.”

That sounded a little dangerous to Sarah, but she let it go for the moment.

“Beth, do you think your friends would enjoy face painting? I could get extra supplies and show them a few tricks. Then you could paint each other's faces.”

The girl perked up. “Yeah, they'd like it better than blind calf roping.”

“None of her dumb friends are gonna paint my face,” Toby announced.

“They wouldn't want to, gopher boy,” Beth countered in a teasing voice.

Sarah swallowed a laugh. “Toby, you could entertain everyone with your ventriloquism. How does that sound?” She'd helped Toby create a sock dummy with a big red mouth, a purple tongue hanging out and green button eyes, which he named Mervyn the Monster.

He shrunk down in his chair. “That sounds scary. I've never shown anybody—”

“You're becoming quite skilled, Toby. I think you're ready for prime time.”

He shrugged, then shoveled two quick bites of casserole into his mouth. “Okay,” he mumbled. “But you gotta do Dr. Zoom, too. I'm not gonna get up in front of the guys all alone.”

Sarah was happy to agree to that condition. “We can serve watermelon, ice cream and cake—”

“I think Nana would make a cake for us,” Beth said.

“Dad's got a hand-cranked ice-cream maker we used to use a lot,” Toby offered. “If you can get that out, Dad, the guys will crank the wheel.”

“Good idea, son.” Although Kurt had remained silent until now, he seemed to be on board with the party idea.

They set the date for a week from Saturday.

 

The following morning shortly after breakfast, Sarah heard banging and clanking on the back porch. She followed the noise to find out what was going on.

Kneeling on the porch and muttering under his breath, Kurt appeared to be in a wrestling match with an ancient ice-cream maker.

Shoving it aside, he muttered, “Worthless!”

“It might make a big hit on
Antiques Roadshow,
” she suggested.

His head jerked up. When he saw her, a reluctant smile tilted his lips. “You might be right. This thing has been in the family since I was a kid.”

“It looks like it served you well.”

“Yeah.” He picked up the ice-cream maker and stood, his expression somber. “Nothing lasts forever.”

Her breath hitched. Was he talking about more than the ice-cream maker? Suddenly, he looked vulnerable. She wanted to hold him, feel his arms around her. But she couldn't do that. She didn't dare.

“Kurt, I'm sorry if I've hurt you. I didn't mean to.”

“Hey, no sweat.” He held up the ice-cream maker.

“I'll order an electric one this time. It'll do a better job and won't be such hard work.”

He walked off the porch toward the barn and never looked back.

Sarah wasn't that strong. No matter where she went or how long she lived, she'd always look back on this summer and remember how she'd fallen in love.

 

Preparations for the party kept everyone busy the following week.

Beth and Sarah worked on activities for the girls—Beth had invited a dozen of her friends—and they selected goodies for the treasure hunt in the barn.

Toby wanted to take his buddies out to the swimming hole, but Kurt convinced him that excursion would be better done some other day. So they decided on blindfolded calf roping, but not from a horse. The boys would keep their feet firmly on terra firma. Or so Sarah hoped.

When Toby wasn't working with his dad, he rehearsed for Mervyn the Monster's big performance with Sarah or up in his room.

Nana promised to do her part by providing two sheet cakes, one strawberry and one chocolate.

“I'd love to help out,” Grace had announced. “Zoe loved hosting parties. Usually for adults, though. Too many children made her nervous.”

In contrast, Sarah was looking forward to the party because so many youngsters planned to attend. As a child who was almost constantly in ill health, Sarah had
been allowed to attend few parties. Come Saturday, she planned to make up for that.

On Friday, she volunteered at the hospital with Dr. Zoom. When she returned home, makeshift tables made of plywood resting on saw horses were arranged beneath the tree in the backyard. Paper table covers and matching plates were ready in the laundry room to be taken outside in the morning. Treasures had been hidden in the barn, little trinkets and candies that didn't cost much but would be fun to discover. Kurt had brought two calves in from the north section to serve as subjects for the calf-roping contest.

The only possible hitch in their plans came from the weatherman. He predicted Saturday afternoon thunderstorms throughout the area.

“If that happens,” Kurt said, “we'll move the boys into the barn and the girls can come inside. It'll be fine.”

Excitement kept Sarah awake most of Friday night, and she woke feeling extra tired and a little achy. Ignoring the feeling, she dressed and prepared for the party.

A little after noon, carloads of youngsters began arriving. She wished she'd thought to get them all name tags so she could tell one child from another. She'd remember that next time, she thought before realizing there wasn't likely to be a next time.

The end of summer was approaching all too swiftly. She'd be gone soon. Gone from the Rocking R. Gone from Kurt.

The thought brought an ache to her chest and sent a shudder down her spine. She'd miss Kurt and his children. More than she dared to admit even to herself.

Blinking away the sudden burn of tears, she went outside to greet the arriving guests.

One of the mothers approached her. “Hi, I'm Jayne Morgan, Billy's mom. All these boys can be quite a handful. Would you like me to hang around and help out?”

“If you'd like to stay, I'd love to have you. The more helping hands the better.” Only half of the boys had arrived so far and it already looked like a gang of wild creatures had invaded the Rocking R Ranch. The girls were much more subdued, though their giggles were so high-pitched and shrill, it sounded like a flock of screaming eagles had joined the party.

She wondered if she'd been that silly as a preteen. She supposed she had wanted to be even if her mother hadn't approved.

By one-thirty, Sarah had developed a headache and began to wonder if the party had been such a great idea after all. Not that the youngsters weren't having a good time. They were. But she felt both drained of energy and flushed.

That wasn't like her. She'd been extraordinarily healthy since her surgery. All those pills were doing their job.

So far, the weatherman's clouds had remained at a distance. She hoped it stayed that way until after the party.

Nana, Beth and Jayne Morgan served the cake, and Kurt handled the ice cream while Sarah went inside to get Dr. Zoom. She and Toby planned to perform while the youngsters ate their dessert.

She picked up her tote bag, glanced in the mirror
and frowned. Overnight she'd grown dark bags under her eyes. Her cheeks looked puffy. Lack of sleep, she told herself, and went back out to the party. She blamed nerves for the slight case of nausea unsettling her stomach.

Kurt had constructed a small, foot-high stage for them between the two makeshift tables and had placed two chairs in position.

“I'm kind of scared,” Toby said under his breath.

“You'll be fine,” she told him, taking her seat. “Just remember to speak loudly enough so they can all hear you.” She winked and pulled Dr. Zoom out of her tote.

“Whoa! Vhat are all deez kids doing here?”
Dr. Zoom asked, looking around.

Toby held up Mervyn and stuck him in Dr. Zoom's face and growled in Mervyn's voice.
“They're having a party, dummy. And they didn't invite us.”

“Vhy would they invite you? Nobody vants a monster at their party.”

Slowly the youngsters began to realize something was happening. As Mervyn and Dr. Zoom carried on their nonsensical conversation, they began to listen.

“Hey, doc, knock-knock,”
Mervyn began.
“Who's there?”

“I don't know, monster. Who's there?”

“Boy, you must be a real dummy. Anybody can see it's me, Mervyn the Monster.”

Sarah twirled Dr. Zoom's head around as though he was going to attack the monster.
“Who you calling a dummy, huh? Look in the mirror, vhy don't ya?”

As Dr. Zoom and the monster sparred, Sarah began
to feel even worse than when she'd gone into the house. Maybe it was the heat added to her lack of sleep. The clouds were approaching, too. She could see streaks of lightning slicing through the black sky.

She shouldn't feel this bad. Fatigued. Nauseous. Flushed. Those were symptoms the doctor had told her to watch for. Potentially fatal symptoms…

“You're so smart, doc. Tell me what you get from a pampered cow?” the monster asked, followed by laughter from their audience.

Sarah had trouble concentrating. Her stomach roiled like the oncoming clouds and she felt breathless.
“You get…”
Her body starting shaking.
“…spoiled milk.”

Like a window shade being pulled down, everything turned dark. She felt herself sliding off her chair in slow motion.

The next thing she knew she was on the ground looking up at Kurt as big, round drops of rain began to fall on her face. Toby stood behind his father, his concerned expression a twin to Kurt's deeply furrowed forehead.