Authors: Jessi Kirby
Tags: #Juvenile Fiction, #Family, #Parents, #Social Issues, #Death & Dying, #Emotions & Feelings, #Social Themes, #Suicide
Then I saw her brown hair. The rest of her frame followed, and in a second she was a footfall in front of me. Jillian looked back and smiled, then full -out sprinted the last twenty-five yards. She was walking small circles when I crossed the chalked line at the top. I wanted to crumble to the ground, but I forced myself to stagger forward and walk it off.
Coach Martin walked over slowly, his steps measured out by the slow claps of his hands. “Well done, ladies. That was quite a battle.” I bent over, hands propped on my knees, and didn’t say anything. My necklace swung out from under my top and dangled, shiny and red. I just watched it and tried not to heave up my oatmeal.
“Anna, is it? I guess you should formally meet the senior who just handed you your ass.” He turned and put a hand out. “This … is Jillian.” He turned to her.
“And, Jill, you should formally meet the new girl who
almost
handed you yours.” We looked at each other and breathed, expressionless, and waiting to see who would look down first. Then she stood up and stuck out a hand. “Good one. You run like something’s chasing you.”
I grabbed it and managed a smile. “
You
were, for a few seconds.” She smiled back, and we shook once before she turned her attention to the other runners, who stepped across the chalk line. She cheered for them, hands to her mouth. Some walked it out. Others bent over. One gave me a nod.
Everyone looked like they hurt.
Coach Martin clapped his hands again. “All right, ladies. Good effort up here this morning. Hope you saved some for this afternoon, though. We’ll be doing a long, slow distance run. Head on down, get a drink, and don’t let yourselves get too tight before the afternoon. Good job.” We all started down the hill.
“Anna, you got a second?” He motioned for me to step over to him, then took his glasses off. I waited.
“What you just did back there was pretty impressive—”
“Thanks,” I breathed, still tired out.
“I haven’t seen Jill run like that … well, for a while. You got her guts up, and that was good to see. Nicely done. We’d be happy to have you. Now go rest up for this afternoon.”
“Okay. Thanks, coach.” I turned on shaky legs and made my way down the hill with a vague feeling that I knew what he meant about Jillian. I was still annoyed at getting beaten, but I entertained the possibility that maybe we’d even end up friends.
When I got to the bottom, Ashley’s car was already idling in the parking lot. I peeked in the passenger window. She lay fully reclined in the driver’s seat, almost completely covered with blue gel ice packs. She had a green eye mask over her eyes. I could hear the muffled sound of music but couldn’t quite make out what it was.
I knocked. She didn’t startle, didn’t sit up or even uncover her eyes. She simply extended an arm and motioned languidly for me to open the door. As I did, the smell of lavender poured from the car, along with the voice of a man telling us to breath deeply into our heart centers.
“Hey—”
Her hand jolted up abruptly, in the motion of a crossing guard. It was too much. I lost it and burst into a laugh, finally. She sat up, and the green cucumber gel mask fell off her face.
“You totally interrupted my meditation.”
“I’m sorry,” I managed.
A slow smile spread across her red face. “I know. Don’t worry. It’s just that I heard somewhere that visualizing yourself doing something is the first step to doing whatever it is. I thought I could start with breathing and running at the same time. You wanna get in?” I looked down at the white leather. “No, it’s okay. I’m all sweaty. I was just coming over to tell you that we have another run this afternoon. A ‘long, slow distance run.’”
She scrunched her nose. “Maybe I’ll be better at that. I can do slow. I just don’t know about the ‘long’ part.” I flexed my foot in front of me. “Yeah. It’s gonna hurt after that hill. I think I’m going to get something to eat and then hang out on the beach until then. You wanna come down?”
“Oh, I wish I could, but I have a cleansing massage schedulled, and then I have to take my dog to her psychologist.” Had she not been so matter-of-fact, I would have thought she’d decided I wasn’t worth hanging out with. But I figured nobody would make up something that ridiculous-sounding. “Okay. See you at four, then. Rest up.”
“Sounds good.” She smiled. “Try to eat as little as possible today before the next run!”
“Yeah, willdo.” I closed the door and headed over to my bus, already feeling my legs tightening up. The twenty in my purse wouldn’t come close to getting me a massage, but it could get some lunch. I immediately thought of the smell s from the Beachcomber the morning before, and decided to treat myself after a shower. On the highway, ocean air rushed in through the open windows and swirled all around me. I turned up my music, stuck my hand out the window, and flew the bus all the way home.
The rest of Hell Week flew by in a blur of running, eating, and sleeping. The eating became my big inside joke with myself. Ashley continually showed up at practice, consistently didn’t finish the runs, and always kept tabs on what I had eaten that day. She was very considerate that way. I tried to help her out with the whole running thing, but it turned out that she didn’t much like exerting herself. Still, she showed up to practice and began creating a role for herself there. Kind of a team cheerleader/fashion consultant/new age guru. It would take a little while, but I could see her slowly winning over the team, and even Coach Martin. Jillian and I continued the friendly rivalry we’d started on the first day, and one day, after a beach run, she even stayed after the rest of the girls had gone. We sat on the beach, people watching and tossing pebbles into the water. We talked mostly surface stuff—running and school, and I got the feeling she might actually want to be friends but was the kind of person who held people at a distance for a while first. I understood, and it felt like another thing we had in common.
Between practices I spent my days on the beach trying to soak up the last week of sun and summer before the start of school. And hoping to run into Tyler again. Each day when I came home, I checked the tower closest to our cottage. Not that I had any sort of chance at this point. I hadn’t seen or talked to him since we’d met. But the possibility brought me down to the beach in a different bikini every day, sore legs and all. I walked a bit, looking for glass. I jumped into the water when it got too hot. Sometimes I tried to read. Mostly I drifted in and out of sleep with the sounds of the ocean and the kids around me making their way into my dreams.
My dad seemed happy that I had settled in. When he got home in the evenings, he would either go out for a dive or just paddle out and sit on his board, watching the sun go down. We barbecued and ate at our peeling red picnic table every night, listening to the crickets and the ocean. It was easy and seemingly peaceful, and we both left it at that.
From our back patio, though, I could just see the sagging roof of the beach cottage on the sand below. Every night we sat out there, I almost asked him to tell me about it, but something stopped me. Aside from the night we’d arrived, he avoided talking about the cottages so much that it seemed obvious. And I knew from experience that if he didn’t want to talk about something, we didn’t.
Still, each night when I flipped off the living room light, I stood for a minute in our warm living room, staring out the giant window at the dark silhouette of the abandoned cottage, waiting. For something.
On Saturday morning I lay in bed long after I was awake, because I could. The sun shone brightly through my shades and lit up the room, golden and warm. My dad had the day off, and I listened as he made his coffee and shuffled around before settling down somewhere. When I got up, he was sitting on the couch, cup of coffee in hand, watching the water.
“Mornin’.” He nodded at the window. “Check that out.” I looked out just in time to catch three silvery dolphin fins surface and then dip below again.
Smiling, I stretched my arms above my head. “Yeah, they’ve been out here every morning this week.” I shook off a yawn and sat sideways in the armchair, hanging my legs over the arm so I could face the ocean. It had become a favorite spot of mine. On the sand, families were already starting to stream down, lugging ice chests and umbrellas. A pair of little girls, still in their sundresses, ran circles around each other as their parents unfurled a bright red beach blanket and then smoothed the lumps of sand beneath it. Out in the water, beyond the lifeguard buoy, an outrigger canoe glided over the morning glass, its paddlers perfectly in sync. After the week’s endless workouts, I couldn’t think of anything better than being out there on the beach all day, doing absolutely nothing.
“You wanna go out on Andy’s boat today? We’re taking it out paddy-hopping, looking for sea bass. You wouldn’t have to dive. You could just stay on the boat if you wanted, or you could come with us.” My dad was grinning like he always did when he got together with Andy. I weighed the idea. “C’mon. He hasn’t seen you in almost a year, since he was up last Christmas.”
Andy was my surrogate uncle, Dad’s best friend since elementary school. Together the two of them were ridiculous and perfect, and the closest thing to a family I had, besides my grandma. Andy had never left this area like my dad did, but had always made the trek up north to see us on holidays and vacations. I loved him dearly, but it wasn’t what I had in mind.
“I don’t know.” I rubbed my eyes. “I was kinda looking forward to just hanging out here for the day.” My dad shook his head. “You’d like it out there in the big blue. You’re gonna be sitting on the beach later today, and all of a sudden have a feeling that you’re missing out on something.” He set his coffee cup on the table and looked at his watch. “You have an hour to change your mind. I’m gonna get my gear packed up.” He messed my hair as he walked by.
I swatted at his hand, and he did it again, trying to get a smile. “I’ll think about it,” I conceded. We both knew I wouldn’t change my mind, but I didn’t have the heart to just flat-out say no. Now that we were down here, Andy would probably become a regular fixture anyway.
“Fifty-eight minutes!” my dad yelled from the kitchen.
I turned my attention back to the beach and to the guard who was just opening his tower. The lifeguard truck waited while he undid the padlocks on the windows. Once he had it open, he jumped onto the sand and pulled a set of fins and a red buoy from the back of the truck. A hand reached out from the passenger window and gave him a radio. He climbed the ladder again, and the truck slowly trundled south to open up the next tower. I couldn’t see who was inside, but I buzzed with the possibility that it could be Tyler, and I was perfectly happy to stay on the beach, with my dad far out on the ocean in a boat with his friend. Heh heh heh.
I bided my time in my chair until I saw him heave his scuba bag into the back of the bus. Dressed in trunks, a T-shirt, and flip-flops, my dad looked younger than he was. Anyone who saw him with Andy probably assumed they were just a couple of single bachelors. He came up the front steps and poked his head in the door. “Last chance to change your mind.”
I leaned my head back on the chair. “Nah, I’m stayin’. Ashley might come down to hang out.”
“All right. Suit yourself. He’s gonna be disappointed, though. You’ll hear it next time you see him, for sure.”
“I know.”
“Okay. I don’t know how long we’ll be out. There’s plenty to throw together for dinner. If you go anywhere, leave me a note.” I nodded. “Bye, Dad. tell Andy I said hi, and get some fish while you’re out there.”
“Will do.”
As soon as he pulled out, I jumped up and went to find my bathing suit for the day. Within ten minutes I was on the sand, heading over to the mystery lifeguard in the tower. He saw me coming and came outside on the deck of it without taking his eyes from the water. I stopped in front of his ladder and squinted up at him. He kneeled down, eyes still on the water.
“Hi there. Can I do something for you?” His big, cheesy smile was further complimented by his dark brown mustache and reflective aviators.
I smiled back, tilted my head, and leaned on the tower ladder. “Hopefully. I’m looking for a guard who works here … Tyler.” I stopped, realizing I didn’t know his last name, then tried to recover. “I thought he was schedulled for this tower today.” Another smile crept across the lifeguard’s face, though this time it was more mischievous. He raised an eyebrow. “He
was
schedulled for this tower … until our new supervisor up and shifted the schedule all around for some reason.” He pushed his sunglasses back into the mass of salty-dry curls and smiled at me with eyes older than I had initially guessed he had. “You must be Anna.” He stuck out a hand. “I’m James. James Mil er. And I’ve been warned about you already.”
We shook, and I smiled back, startled. “
Warned?
By who?”
“Oh”—he grinned again—”a few different sources…. Cute little blond girl trying to pass herself off as a regular ol’ tide-pooler, when she’s actually the daughter of the boss man.” He took in an exaggerated deep breath. “Yep. I’ve heard about you. Luckily, my taste is far more sophisticated … like Mona here.” He motioned to a woman jogging through the soft sand. Her skin shone, brown and oiled, except for her face, which was shaded under a running hat. Along with her resolved expression she wore a sports bra, a water belt, and bikini bottoms. She passed by the tower and nodded at James. He gave a wave and watched as she went by. When she did, there was nothing I could do but marvel. Her bikini bottom was a black thong that revealed a high, rounded butt of all muscle. “The benefits of running the beach,” he muttered, shaking his head.
“Wow. She’s gotta be in her forties.” James nodded appreciatively, still looking. I tried to figure out how old
he
was. He carried himself like a young guy, but the lines around his eyes told a different story. He was probably a perma-seasonal, as my dad called them. Guys that started out lifeguarding for their summer jobs at sixteen and just kept on doing it and living the life. I liked James already. He was like every one of my dad’s friends that came around. All of them wanted to be young forever, and at some point they neglected to realize that they weren’t. We both stood and watched Mona bump farther and farther away.