Moonlight Lover (27 page)

"It's all right, Rachel. It's all right." He stroked her hair. "It's only a dream."

"No. No!"

She screamed again, desperate to get her hands free. Her eyes flew open. Dazed, disoriented, she didn't see Sin-Jin for a moment, only the man in her dream. And then she slowly focused on Sin-Jin's face and recognition settled in. She let out a huge, shuddering sigh.

"You." The single whispered word overflowed with relief as she slumped against him.

He held her there for a moment longer, though he was certain she didn't even realize it. She was oblivious to everything but the need to distance herself from her dream. Sin-Jin continued to stroke her hair.

"You had a nightmare." He felt her mute response. A single nod of her head as she leaned against his bare chest. He became aware of dampness. She was crying.

"Tell me," he coaxed.

She had resisted this for so long, had kept it buried within her like the most heinous of secrets. Suddenly, she had an urgent need to say the words, to be rid of them once and for all. To be rid of the burden, the shame. She pressed her cheek against his chest, as if the very beat of his heart could protect her.

"It was Mother," she murmured. "The landlord was trying to—trying to…" The lie trembled on her lips and faded.

Sin-Jin needed no more to understand. He had known his share of landlords in England. Some were fair. Others were not. And a handful roamed their acreage like veritable gods of the manor who took what they thought was their due, what their loins demanded. And Riley had told Sin-Jin enough. He didn't want to put Rachel through the pain of retelling the story.

Sin-Jin rested his head against hers. "Shh, it's all right."

Rachel pulled away from him and shook her head. Her cheeks were slick with tears. She needed to tell someone, to set the words free from where she had hidden them for these ten long years. She shut her eyes and saw it all again. The memory was far more vivid now than her surroundings were. It hung like heavy black smoke within the dank, dark walls of the cabin.

"No, no it isn't. It wasn't." She pressed her lips together to keep back the hysteria that gurgled inside her. It rose in her throat, as large as a peach pit. She swallowed, attempting to keep it down. Without thinking, her hand went to her throat.

"I never told anyone." Her voice was a hushed whisper. "Not Da, not Riley. But I was too late." She said the words as if they were a death sentence.

He didn't understand. "Too late?"

"To save her." Her voice quavered as she raised her eyes to his. "He was raping her when I ran in. She was on the ground, her clothes all torn and bloodied and he was on her, that bastard pig. In her." Angrily, she wiped her cheek with the heel of her hand. "He turned and leered at me, as if she was nothing at all. As he was driving himself into her, he was telling me that I was to watch and learn for I would be next." She stopped, a sob escaping. Sin-Jin reached to take her into his arms again, but she waved him away, determined to finish.

"That's when I stabbed him with the poker. Lancaster ran off, squealing and bleeding like a stuck pig." She
stared off, unseeing, her voice deadly still. "I took care of
Ma as best I could. When Da came home, I told him I'd been in time to save her from Lancaster." Even now, the lie chafed. Sin-Jin could see it in her eyes.

She looked at Sin-Jin to see if he understood. "It was to
spare her the shame of it, don't you see?" Rachel knotted her fingers together helplessly. "But I wasn't in time. I was too late."

If only she had returned sooner. If only she hadn't left her mother alone that day. If only—

The phrase had haunted her for the last ten years.

Sin-Jin gathered her to him. This time, she didn't attempt to push him away. As she cried her silent tears, his soul was filled with hatred for a man he had never met, a man he would never know.

"You did what you could, Rachel. No one can ever ask
you for more than that."

But it wasn't enough. Didn't he see? She raised her head. Their faces were scarcely an inch away from one another. "But he—he—"

"Shh."

Without conscious thought, Sin-Jin inclined his head and gently kissed away her protest. It wasn't meant to be any more than that. Just a simple kiss to comfort her, to let her know she was not alone in this grief that yawned before her like a deep, bottomless abyss. To let Rachel
know that he would be there to hold her for as long as she
needed.

But Sin-Jin had forgotten about his own needs. And hers, those that were shimmering like rainwater in a barrel, just below the surface of the opening, waiting for someone to reach in and touch it. When he did, the water overflowed.

The kiss grew, heated, until the passion that beat madly within them like the wings of a hovering hummingbird broke free.

She knew that this was madness, that she should stop. But she needed something to make her forget the pain and the guilt that enshrouded her like a living death. She needed to feel this hot, demanding surge that pulsated through every part of her body, making her feel alive. She wanted to feel his arms around her, holding her, making her feel safe. She wanted to feel his hands on her, feel the hot imprint burning through her simple nightshirt. Purging her of pain.

She moaned as his mouth skimmed her jaw, her chin. It trailed along the sensitive skin of her throat as her head dropped back. She gripped his shoulders as the vibrations within her increased. Movements, responses materialized from some faraway portion of her soul, taking command as if she had always known of them. It was as if she had learned a dance in her sleep and knew all the steps without knowing how she knew. Her body just took over. Instincts suddenly seized control, leading her to a land she had never inhabited. Taking her there as if it was old, familiar ground and not forbidden terrain.

Sin-Jin had made love for the first time at fifteen, in a hayloft with an overripe scullery maid who was far more interested in stripping the young master of his clothes than she was in cleaning. She had been a lusty and able teacher and he an eager, willing student. During their times together, she had instructed him well in the ways of pleasing a woman. Other women had followed with fair regularity.

But now, with this trembling, willing virgin, he felt as if it was his first time. Wanting to show her only gentleness, for the first time in his life, Sin-Jin felt clumsy, afraid that he would hurt her somehow. She was trusting him with something very precious, and he was humbled.

He saw the desire in her eyes, the willingness to complete this journey, and he knew there was no turning back for either of them. He pressed a kiss to her throat and felt her heart beat frantically, like the heart of a newborn kitten. Was it from fear?

"Oh Rachel, Rachel," his words whispered along her skin, "I won't hurt you."

She knew she could trust him. Despite all the prejudice
that had existed in her soul, all the hatred she bore to men born of English soil, she knew she could trust him. "I know."

Rachel trembled as Sin-Jin slowly lifted the nightshirt from her, exposing her silken skin by degrees. Dropping the white homespun garment to the wooden floor beside their bed, his hands delicately worshipped her body, like a Renaissance sculptor reverently touching the finished product of his genius.

It was as if every inch of her had been set on fire, as if she was ablaze with desire. Eagerly, Rachel splayed her hand over his bare chest, desperately wanting to make Sin-Jin feel the way she did. Wanting to entrap him in this fiery prison she found herself in. He had to feel this too. This was too wondrous to keep only to herself.

Gently, Sin-Jin lay Rachel on her back. His eyes held hers for a moment before he began to wrap her in a blanket woven of kisses, a blanket that kept her far warmer than any one that was fashioned from wool.

When his tongue encircled her breasts, she gasped, then arched, desperate to have the newly created sensation build and sweep her into oblivion where only feelings mattered.

Keeping his own desire under tight rein, Sin-Jin discovered secrets for her that she had never known existed, coaxed sensations from her that robbed her of her breath as swiftly as a highwayman cuts free a purse. And all the while, as he was teaching her, showing her, there was this wild, insistent drumming within her loins.

It was something, she knew, to be ashamed of. But shame never touched her. There was no room for it in this swirling cauldron of feelings he had created for her.

He could have feasted on her forever. She was a cornucopia of delicious tastes and scents, so easily molded, so easily instructed. Yet her simple innocence had been a far more deadly trap for him than the wiles of a far more experienced woman. He treasured every response, lost himself within every gasp and surprised sigh of pleasure that she uttered.

As her body moved against his, greedily savoring his touch, Sin-Jin could feel his own blood pounding throughout his body, demanding release. And still he toyed and suckled, savored and adored. Until he could no longer rein himself in.

Aching, he arched his body over hers.

Rachel's eyes flew open like daisies turning their heads toward the sun. He saw the fear and was awed by the shadow of trust that existed there as well.

Sin-Jin framed Rachel's face with his hands, his fingers stroking her skin. "It'll hurt the first time," he warned, "and I'm sorry for that. I would want your first time to be filled with nothing but glorious sensations."

Her eyes never left his. "It already is."

Rachel encircled Sin-Jin's neck with her arms. Raising her head, she pressed her mouth to his. His last shred of resistance crumbling, Sin-Jin groaned. When he entered, sheathing himself in her, he felt her arch and tremble once, drawing away. The startled cry that came from her lips echoed on his mouth.

And then she stopped pulling back. The pain was fading, even now forming a distant blur. A whirlwind of pleasure was spiraling up in its place, sweeping her away with it. She grasped his shoulders, surprised, delighted, confused as the rhythm of his hips brought forth a mate within her own. She moved with him, shadowing his actions as the tempo increased more and more rapidly.

What was this? Damnation couldn't follow. A merciful God couldn't create something so wondrous and then make it forbidden. She moaned as Sin-Jin initiated her in the ritual of mutual ecstasy.

Her breath grew ragged as her movements became more frantic. Whatever this was, she wanted it to never end, yet she knew that if it continued she would surely die of it. And die happily.

They were swept away to the pinnacle together. Sin-Jin made sure of it. He didn't want Rachel's first passage to be taken alone.

Chapter Twenty-Eight

It seemed almost a hundred years later that Rachel finally opened her eyes again. The sensations she was experiencing were much like floating down to earth on a gentle cloud; at least that was what she would imagine floating from a cloud would be like.

She turned, still dazed, to look at this man who wove such magic with his mere touch, with just his mouth. Her skin was slick with sweat and her heart felt as if it would never cease its joyous hammering.

So this was what it was all about, she thought, stretching lazily like a cat who had gotten into the cream. Why was it such a secret? She felt like shouting about it from the crow's nest.

Sin-Jin's heart quickened as he looked at her. God help him, but he wanted to do it again. She looked so beautiful, lying there. And still so innocent.

Sin-Jin raised himself on one elbow and traced her lips with the tip of his finger, guilt gnawing small holes in his soul. He had lost control and taken her innocence from her. "That wasn't supposed to happen."

Rachel's face tensed as her joy shattered like a looking glass dashed upon the cobblestones. So he was sorry. Damn his hide to hell. She fought back angry tears as she pulled the sheet to her and held it tightly in place.

Her mouth felt like cotton. "I thought I was the one who was supposed to have regrets."

"Regrets?" Sin-Jin echoed incredulously. His eyes narrowed at the hurt in her voice. "Is that what you think I'm having?"

Oh, her kingdom for a good club to use on this infuriating man. Was he going to play with words now? Now that he had bedazzled her soul and was even now abandoning her? "Well, what else am I to be thinking you're having, the way you talk?"

Though she had stiffened like a nightshirt left on the line to dry in midwinter, he managed to tuck her against him. "Minx, if it's regrets that I'm to have about this, the only one I have is that I didn't take you that very first night I saw you."

She softened slightly as she regarded his face, searching for the lie. There was none. The slightest hint of satisfaction lit her lips. "It was good?"

He laughed and hugged her. The sheet slipped and his hand was in the way so she was unable to pull it into place again.

"Good is a very poor word to use in this situation." His eyes skimmed along her face lovingly. "Wondrous is more in keeping with what just happened here."

Her chin lifted, along with her spirits, but there were rules to play by. "You're mocking me."

"Never." Sin-Jin laughed, then lightly kissed her temple.

She could feel it happening again, that awakening, that voice that cried out within her for him. She reached for the sheet, though her movement was far from quick. "Let me cover myself."

His fingers wound around her wrist, keeping her hand in place. He wanted nothing to obstruct his view. At least not yet. "In a moment. Have pity on me. Let me tarry in this paradise just a little longer."

The hue that rose to her cheeks rivaled the glow of a roaring fire. Perhaps she had snatched up happiness a little too soon. "You are mocking me," she accused.

Oh no, he was well acquainted with that tone. Sin-Jin wasn't about to let her withdraw again. They had come too far to retreat now.

"You misunderstand, Rachel. You're always too quick in your opinions about me. Far from making sport of you, this is humbleness you see displayed before you." A smile curved his mouth. "You are beautiful."