Moonstone (25 page)

But the last time she’d kissed anyone else was during a fight. The moment flashed in her mind. Hannah was high as usual but then she’d started drinking. The owner of the yacht in the berth next to their houseboat shared his whiskey freely. He wouldn’t listen to Kelsey when she’d told him about Hannah’s problem. When the free bottle of whiskey was finished, she’d wanted to go to the store to buy more. She couldn’t find her keys. Kelsey had hidden them in a box of Cheerios.

Hannah came unhinged when she couldn’t find the keys and immediately blamed Kelsey. Kelsey hadn’t expected that she’d hit her. Maybe it was meant as a slap. But Hannah’s fingers were curled in a fist that cuffed Kelsey’s ear. She’d dropped to her knees and held her head, trying to stop the ringing. It had happened so fast. Then Hannah was pulling her up into her arms and rushing with an apology. Her lips had pressed into Kelsey’s and though she’d struggled, Hannah refused to let go until Kelsey had said that it was all okay. Of course it wasn’t. She’d numbly went to the cupboard to fish the keys out of the Cheerios. When she handed over the keys, she made a pact to leave. But it would be weeks until she followed through…

Kelsey gritted her teeth to stop the quivering of her chin. Kissing Joy was nothing like kissing Hannah. But she wanted to be in control of the kissing now. How could she possibly explain that to Joy? Joy’s arms wrapped around her and she finally relaxed enough to rest her head on Joy’s shoulder. The smell of Joy’s faint perfume was intoxicating.

“You’re shaking,” Joy said softly.

Kelsey let Joy hold her for several minutes. She wished they could curl up in a bed together. The thought of Joy holding her while she fell asleep was too much to ask for, but it was all that she wanted. Kelsey stepped back. “It’s late. I’m just tired.”

Joy studied her for a long moment. “Then we should go.” She brushed her hand over Kelsey’s hair. “Any chance you’d come home with me?”

Kelsey wanted to say yes, but she only stared up at Joy. She could guess at Joy’s expectation but she knew she wasn’t ready for sex. At least not with Joy. If it was anyone else—anyone that she didn’t care about—it’d be a different story. And she couldn’t help thinking that Joy had been with Vanessa all weekend. It shouldn’t matter that Joy could casually have sex. But it did. There was no way that Kelsey could
casually
have sex with anyone.

Kelsey didn’t answer and after a moment, Joy shook her head. “Okay, never mind. Can we pretend that I didn’t ask?”

“I want to go home with you,” Kelsey finally said. “But…”

“We’ll stay up late talking.”

Kelsey slipped her hand in Joy’s. Maybe it was a mistake, but she could beat herself up tomorrow about it. Tonight she didn’t want to let Joy go.

At least the sheets were clean. Joy wasn’t certain she was making a good decision bringing Kelsey to her house. It was obvious that something was going on that Kelsey couldn’t or wouldn’t talk about. Whatever it was, Joy wished it could be set aside for the night. She wanted to take her to bed. She’d imagined kissing her so many times, and yet Kelsey’s real kiss was better than anything she’d dreamt. Her head was still buzzing from the feel of Kelsey opening her mouth, the feel of her falling into her. She could have held her forever.

Joy flipped on the lights in the family room. The brightness was sobering. “Want something to drink?”

“Water, please,” Kelsey said. She glanced at the sofa and then at Joy. “Could we go to your room?”

Joy nodded. Kelsey’s voice was different. She sounded unsure, vulnerable. But maybe all along she’d been reading Kelsey wrong. Joy went to get two glasses of water and then pointed to the staircase. “I’ll follow you up.”

Kelsey walked up the stairs and opened the first door on the left.

“Bathroom,” Joy said. “Keep going all the way to the end of the hall.”

Kelsey opened the bedroom door and stared about the space for a moment. The condo was designed with two master bedrooms. The bedroom had enough space for a sitting area with a gas fireplace and the king-size bed didn’t seem too big. Kelsey walked over to the bed and leaned against it, staring at the unlit fireplace.

Joy slipped off her shoes and set the water glasses on the nightstand. She considered reaching for Kelsey, but she wasn’t sure Kelsey wanted to be touched. She seemed still to be in her own thoughts. Joy went over to switch on the gas and waited for the logs to ignite, then turned down the bedroom lights. Firelight filled the room.

“I don’t want to give you the wrong impression…it’s not that I have cold feet or that I don’t want more. I just don’t think that I should.” Kelsey paused. “At least not yet. Not yet with you, I mean.”

“But if I was someone else you’d be jumping into bed?” Joy smiled.

Kelsey nodded and then said, “Wait, no, I didn’t mean that. I don’t do that. I mean, I don’t jump into bed with just anyone. Ever.” She shook her head. “But it’s fine that you do. If that’s what you do. But I really wouldn’t want to do that with you.” She took a deep breath and started again, “I need to stop talking, don’t I?”

Joy laughed. “No, I think you should keep going.”

“So I can dig myself out of this hole?” Kelsey covered her face with her hands. She started again, “All I’m trying to say is that I’m into you. And I feel like I’d be messing everything up if I did what my body wants to do tonight.”

Kelsey relaxed when Joy reached for her hand. She seemed to melt with the touch. “You know, we don’t even have to talk. We can get in bed and lie here next to each other and not say anything at all.”

“Worst date ever?”

“Not even close.” Joy took off her belt and then her jeans, knowing Kelsey was only pretending to not watch. Her untucked shirt covered her underwear. She laid the clothes over the sofa and then climbed into bed. She plumped the pillow next to hers and glanced up at Kelsey.

Kelsey took off her shoes and then her pants as well. Her shirt didn’t cover her underwear. It was a light blue thong and Joy had to look away when she realized she was staring. Kelsey slipped into bed alongside her. She lay on her back, careful to leave room so they weren’t touching.

“I feel like a hot mess,” Kelsey whispered. “I don’t even want to begin to explain all the reasons why you probably shouldn’t kiss me. But I’m lying here hoping that’s what you plan on doing next.”

Joy rolled onto her side. She leaned on one elbow and touched Kelsey’s cheek. “I used to be so scared of even looking right at you. And so turned on at the same time.”

“I don’t believe you. You were never scared of anything. Remember that fight at school? Kids would say the worst shit to you and all you’d do was stand a little taller.”

“Trust me, I was scared. But I put on an act and kept it up long enough that I think I even started to believe it. I started to think I didn’t care what anyone thought. Anyone except this one girl. ‘Too Cool Kelsey West.’ It’s possible that I had a crush on you since seventh grade. But don’t worry. I don’t have a crush on you anymore.”

“Oh good.” Kelsey looked up at Joy. “Seventh grade? I don’t think we even talked until junior year.”

“You asked me if I’d taken notes on Mr. Hamilton’s lecture on
Heart of Darkness
. And I gave you the wrong page numbers to read. We didn’t talk again until the orange juice thing.”

“I remember. So much has happened since. But for some reason you aren’t asking me to explain anything.”

“I get the impression you don’t want to tell me what happened,” Joy said. “But I also have a feeling that I probably need to know before we go too far.”

When Kelsey didn’t respond, Joy traced her lips lightly with her fingertip. “But maybe not tonight.”

“I want to kiss you again…so much that it’s all I can think of right now.”

Joy leaned close and met Kelsey’s lips. When Joy started to pull away, Kelsey followed her. Their kiss deepened. Joy could feel that Kelsey wanted more. They kissed again and again, and Kelsey’s hands moved up and down Joy’s body, her touch igniting every place she caressed.

Joy couldn’t resist reaching for Kelsey then. She brushed wisps of hair away from Kelsey’s face. Her skin was soft and smooth, a warm gold glow in the firelight. She massaged Kelsey’s shoulders and then stroked down her back. Kelsey’s body tensed as soon as Joy moved past her shoulders. She stopped kissing Joy and her hands froze in place on Joy’s arms. Her eyes squeezed closed like she was holding back tears.

Minutes passed, and Joy finally shifted onto her back. “I don’t want to push you, but I need to know.” She paused. “What’s going on?” she asked softly.

Kelsey didn’t answer. The flames made dancing shadows on the wall and ceiling. Finally, Kelsey moved closer to Joy, curling against her with one hand resting on her chest. Joy wanted her, longed to take her in her arms again, longed to kiss her again, longed to feel her naked body against her own. But she didn’t know what she was up against. Kelsey wasn’t ready to be touched. But it was all she could think of. “What would happen if I kissed you again?”

Joy waited for Kelsey to say something but the longer she waited, the more she realized the answer. She closed her eyes, but she couldn’t relax and couldn’t possibly fall asleep with Kelsey’s hand still on her body. In some ways they were still strangers. She didn’t know what had happened to Kelsey but something had changed the fearless girl she remembered. Joy listened to Kelsey’s breathing, wondering if she’d fallen asleep.

“You know those pills that you found in my sweatshirt?”

Kelsey’s voice was so quiet Joy could hardly hear her. Joy nodded.

“They belonged to my ex. Hannah was addicted to painkillers. And alcohol. And other things. There was a phase where she tried anything she could get her hands on. After we broke up, I found out a lot more…things she’d done while we were together that I hadn’t even known about. She had secret friends, a secret life, a meth dealer…I had no idea she was into crystal. It got really bad in the end. She was out of control.” Kelsey paused. “Things happened that I haven’t processed—that I haven’t talked about. With anyone.”

Kelsey stopped talking and rolled onto her back. She wiped at her eyes and Joy knew she was trying not to cry. Kelsey cleared her throat and then chuckled softly.

“I had no idea that I was still a complete mess until you came along. I thought I had everything together. Finally. I was holding down a good job. Saving up money. I even went to look at apartments so I could move out of my mom’s place. Then the one person I’ve wanted to impress for years shows up…exactly when all the cards fall into place.”

“For the record, you impressed me years ago. You can let go of that one.” Joy shifted to her side and balanced on her elbow. She brushed away a tear that was on Kelsey’s cheek. “You’re still impressing me.”

Kelsey shook her head. She met Joy’s gaze and whispered, “I like kissing you. I think I’ve been waiting for that for years.”

Joy touched her fingertip lightly on Kelsey’s lips. “You can kiss me whenever you want.”

Kelsey pulled her into another kiss and Joy’s lips parted. One kiss followed another. And then another. It was perfect, Joy thought, and yet no matter how much she wanted more than kissing, she couldn’t try anything more. She wasn’t used to letting a lover direct each step, but she knew that if she didn’t let Kelsey lead, everything would stop. Kelsey’s hands slipped under Joy’s shirt, moving up and down her back, and she felt her bra hooks loosen. Kelsey was working at the buttons on her shirt, but when the shirt fell open, Kelsey hesitated. She seemed to realize what she’d done. She looked up at Joy.

“I told myself I’d stop at kissing…But I want you so much.”

Joy ran her fingers through Kelsey’s dark brown hair, combing the soft waves. The wavy strands made a tousled mess on the pillow, framing Kelsey’s face. Joy stared down at her. “You’re beautiful. And the things I want to do to you right now…make me feel a little crazy.” She shifted onto her side. She traced Kelsey’s arm from the tip of her fingers up to her shoulder and then stopped. “I want this enough to wait as long as you need me to.”

Kelsey closed her eyes. Joy watched a tear slip down her cheek, but Kelsey wiped it away before it fell on the pillow. Maybe she’d never known Kelsey as well as she’d thought. Maybe she’d never been fearless. Or too cool. Joy slipped off her bra but kept her shirt on. After she’d buttoned a few of the buttons, she lay back down and reached for Kelsey’s hand. Their fingers entwined and she relaxed, finally. It had been a long day and she’d never expected it would end quite like this.

The phone rang at nine o’clock. Denise’s voice on the other end of the line was a startling wake-up call. Joy sat upright and rubbed the sleep from her eyes. She stared at the clock in disbelief. It wasn’t the clock’s fault that she’d forgotten to set her alarm, but she blamed it anyway. And she didn’t trust that it was almost nine.

“Is Kelsey with you?”

Joy suddenly realized Denise wasn’t calling because she was an hour late for work. “Yeah, she’s right here.” Kelsey had opened her eyes and then pulled a pillow over her head after one glance at the clock. Joy continued, “Do you need to talk to her?”

“No, no…Barb was worried, that’s all. I think Kelsey must have turned off her cell phone. Barb tried calling her. I’ll give her a ring and let her know she’s with you. By the way, it’s nine…”

“I know.” Joy was already out of bed and heading for the shower. “I can make it there in a half hour. Can you entertain my first appointment?”

“When you weren’t in by seven thirty, I had Helen reschedule your first two. Can you be here by ten?”

Assuring her that she could, Joy hopped into the shower and the hot water brought her drowsy brain into full attention. How could she have forgotten to set the alarm? Kelsey West had slept in her bed. She could hardly get past that detail.

Kelsey was still in bed when Joy came out of the shower. Her hair was a mess and the polished look of the sales professional was completely gone. Joy smiled. She liked the new look.

“How’d you sleep?”

“Good,” Kelsey answered. “Are you in trouble?”