Moore To Love (9 page)

“Come. Upstairs. Now.”

I never knew how sexy a demanding man could be. I mean, my dad’s demanding in the “get me another brewskie, Josie” sort of way, but
this
—Hudson can order me around any which way he pleases.

I giggle past the doorman, float on over to the elevator, and once inside, Hudson narrows his dark stare my way, asking, “Ever do this before?”

For a split second I think he’s asking me if I’m a virgin, but when I see him eyeing the elevator buttons I wise up. “No,” I answer, biting my lip.

“Good.”

With that, Hudson’s finger presses the stop button and the elevator jerks to a halt. “Is this safe?” I ask, my nerves getting the best of me.

“Who cares,” he states rather than asks, lunging at me with a look that can only be described as animalistic.

Holy shit! Mandy was right! Hudson just made me a gym lover. I mean, I know it’s shallow to think that he’s only interested in me because I lost a little weight, but what else gives? Three months ago, I wasn’t getting the attention of gorgeous men sipping martinis and tonight I am. Lectures from the past from loved ones ring loud and hauntingly in my head as Hudson continues to adorn my neck with warm kisses.
I am worthy. I always have been. I’m the same person I’ve always been. He’s attracted to me because I’m me.
If I say it enough it’ll become a mantra. 220 or 183, I’m still the same old Madeline Moore, but with a drop more confidence now that
I
like what I see.

“Madeline?” Hudson interrupts my thoughts, moaning against my neck as his tongue licks a trail inside the curve of my ear.

“Hudson?”

“I’m going to fuck you right here.”

Well, hello! Glad to oblige.

“You can have me wherever you want me.”

And have me he does.

Here, there, and everywhere.

Four times that night I scream out his name. Four times that night I nearly cry at how good it feels to be adored this way by a man again. Four times that night I swear I will never, ever, succumb to any of my old habits again. Because, damn it, the pain of pushing myself and learning to overcome the self doubt was worth every ounce of sweet ecstasy Hudson bestowed on me that night. The night I allowed a handsome stranger to fuck the insecurities right out of me.

YOU KNOW THAT SCENE IN
the
Sound of Music
where Julie Andrews spins around and sings “
The hills are alive with the sound of music
?”

Well, that’s me this morning. Except, instead of bellowing from the grassy knolls and mountains of Austria, it’s just me, in my shower, singing the praises of last night’s tryst with Hudson.

What a few orgasms and some manly hands all over your body can do to lighten your mood. Not to mention, your ego. There’s something to be said about being worshiped by a man’s lips and adored by his tongue.
Mmmm.
The thought has me weak in the knees all over again.

It’s been years—I mean,
years
—since I’ve felt this good about myself. Hell! This good in general. Call me crazy, but I really don’t care that it took a man to breathe that kind of confidence back into me. There’s a first step to every process and I’m ready to follow through with the rest.

As I rinse the shampoo from my hair, I lace my fingers through the long locks the way Hudson did when he kissed me. While I lather my body with soap, I trace the curves of my new and improved shapely body, mirroring the stroke of his hands. “Oh, Hudson,” falls from my lips as my fingers dip between my legs and emulate the deft motions of the man whose name I recited over and over again last night. I bring myself to rapid breaths and erotic groans, an inch away from release. My impending eruption is cut short by a pounding on the bathroom door.

“Leni, you bitch! You never called. Hey, you okay in there? I thought I heard you—oh, shit!”

Oh shit, is right.
I thought I was alone and here I am moaning and groaning with my fingers buried in my garden and my best friend as a witness. “Be right out!” I yell, wrapping up my long, luxurious shower with a turn of the knob to run colder water.
Snap out of your sex-fog, Leni. She’s gonna want a full report, STAT.

Faster than you can say orgasm stealer, I’m out of the shower and semi-ready to face my friend and her inquisition. I wrap a towel around my hair and another around my body as I smudge the steam from the vanity mirror. Refreshed—regardless of my lack of um . . . garden exploration—I inhale the thick, foggy air and smile at my reflection. “You did good, Leni. Be proud.”

When I open the door, Tatum’s impatiently swinging her legs over the arm of my couch while flipping through Vogue. “About damn time, sexy lady. I was about to call the search and rescue party when you didn’t answer any of my calls!”

Relentless. It should be her middle name. “Sorry for making you worry, even though I know you weren’t
really
worried, just nosey and mad that I didn’t call you as soon as I stepped out of Hudson’s reach.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah . . . now tell me all about that reach! How was it? How was he? Is he your new beau?”

Whoa, Nellie.
Seriously? “First of all,” I twist the Q-tip inside my ear with one hand and remove her legs from the arm of my off-white tweed upholstery with the other. “This isn’t a barn. Second of all, what ever happened to respecting the privacy of others?”

“Privacy?” she laughs, amusing no one but herself. “You screwed that theory in eighth grade when you made me
show
you how to insert a tampon. Plus—I heard you in there.” She points to the bathroom with a smirk. “I’m used to getting a nice welcome, but
that
—oooh, aaah, ohhhh—was pretty fancy, Len. Thanks. I’m flattered!”

I snatch a throw pillow from behind me and toss it at her head. “Way to embarrass me, bitch! With friends like you, who needs enemies?”

Tatum’s laughter turns into guttural cackles followed by excessive snorts. She raises her hands in surrender and shields her face from any further pillow flinging. “Continuation from last night, or remedying what
didn’t
happen?” She peeks through her fingers, testing the waters.

“Continuation,” I mutter, my cheeks flushing.

“You, dirty, dirty, ho! I’m so jealous!”

“Why? You have a guy, and plenty waiting in the wings. What’s it to you if Hudson rocked my world—four times last night?”

“Four! FOUR! Oh my God, Leni’s back!” She catapults from the couch and rushes over to the widow, drawing my curtains with a loud grind of the grommets against the rod. “You hear that, world? She’s back and better than ever!”

This time, I laugh, allowing the humor in the moment to engulf me. It’s a good thing. I’m not the butt of the joke this time. Now, I’m the belle of the sexscapade ball. “Would you sit down and stop your nonsense?” I beg. She’s entertaining, but I have to get to the market and then to my parents’ so I don’t exactly have all the time in the world to gush on and on about my special night.

Sensing my haste, Tatum sits next to me and looks me up and down.

“What?” I ask when she doesn’t say anything.

“You look different.”

“Well, I lost 37 pounds. That could be it.”

“No, that’s not it. I’ve never seen that part of you, you know that. You could be 600 pounds and you’d still be my gorgeous, funny biffle. But today—you look different! It must be the after-sex glow?”

I touch my face and smile. “Maybe.”

“So, I guess you’re not in the mood to share
everything
, but I have to know—how did you leave off? Do you think you’ll see him again?”

The million-dollar question. I thought about it on the cab ride home last night, before I drifted off to sleep at home, and as soon as I woke up this morning. The answer’s been the same every single time. Without a doubt. “No.”

“No? Why? You did say four times, didn’t you? That means he was good in bed and he was totally hot, so what gives, huh? Is his dick crooked or something?”

“Oh my God, Tatum! No! His dick is perfectly straight and just the right size.”

“Oh, so he was tiny?” She whispers the last word as if Hudson might hear her from across town.

“How do you get
that
from what I said?” See? Relentless. “If you must know, he was very well endowed both in length and girth, okay?”

“So? Then why don’t you want to see him again?”

And that’s the
gazillion
dollar question. The other one I’ve been thinking long and hard about. After debating, I’ve come up with an answer that I’m happy with whether or not Tatum agrees. “Because I’m better than that. And before you question me, let me explain.”

Tatum slouches against the couch cushions with a look of confusion tainting her features. With an outstretched palm and a nod of her head she gestures for me to continue.

“I feel like a new person, Tay. It took hard work to get here, and while I absolutely
floooooved
the attention Hudson shelled out, I can’t feel good for a guy. I have to feel good for
me.
” What my friends don’t know is that in addition to working out my body I’ve been working out my soul. I decide to confess what I haven’t told anyone. “There was this day, about two months back, when I had to literally force my boss to keep me late so that I couldn’t get to the fast food joint before they closed.”

“Oh, Len. Why didn’t you call me? You know I would’ve—”

“Of course, I know, but that’s not the point. I didn’t want to rely on you or Ash or
anyone.
I wanted to win the battle over my sucky willpower.”

Tatum places a hand on my arm and smiles, allowing me to continue. “That night, once it was safe to walk the streets without the temptation of Mickey Dee’s or the sort, I went home and did some research. You’re going to shit yourself,
but
I ordered some of those Joel Osteen books Ashley always talks about.”

“You didn’t?” You’d think I admitted to hooking myself the way Tatum’s mouth falls open.

“I did! And you know what, Preacher Man is pretty amazing! I learned so much about motivation and self worth from those books and now I know that guys like Hudson can’t make me happy. It’s up to
me
to make me happy. I looked past the holy sermons about Jesus, The Lord our Savior, and grasped the deeper meaning.”

“Being?” She furrows her brows but her eyes twinkle with understanding.

“I don’t need a guy to make me feel thin and pretty anymore. I may not be perfect now and I probably never will be,
but
I’m the best me I can be. Hudson certainly put a little boogie in my booty and I’ll always remember him for that, but just because one hot guy gave me attention doesn’t mean I have to marry the dude, either. Maybe this is the beginning of a new era, you know what I mean?”

“The slutty, one-night-stand era?” she muses with a wink.

“Something like that.” I laugh.

She tackle hugs me and almost knocks the towel off my head. “I’m so proud of you!”

“Can’t. Breathe. Over. Here.” I manage to get out.

Tatum backs up and stares. “You’ve managed to lose
and
gain all at the same time.”

“Yup! Imagine that?”

“No, imagine the look on Mr. Martini’s face when you don’t accept a second date.”