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Ian walked over to where she stood, put a friendly arm around her, and surveyed the apartment. “Look at us,” he said. “When did we become a couple of adults?” The moment was interrupted by the sound of the doorbell.

After a few minutes of hugs and hellos, Kate sat down for Thanksgiving dinner with Ian and his family. Ian’s father prayed for the meal, but he gave Ian the honor of carving the turkey.

“Ian, Kate, this is delicious! What is this spice I taste in the turkey?”

Kate gave a slight nod to Ian, encouraging him to answer his mother’s question. She hoped that he remembered what spices were added to the turkey, since they had both prepared it together. “I’m glad you like it, Mom. Um, let’s see. There’s some garlic, and some lemon, and salt and pepper, and…and…”

“It’s thyme, Mrs. Rutherford.”

“Ah, thyme. Of course. And for the last time, dear, call me Molly.”

“It’s thyme, Molly.”

“Time? Time for what?” asked Ian, obviously confused. The rest of the table erupted in laughter.

“Ian, don’t you remember what we put on the turkey? Thyme is a spice. T-h-y-m-e.”

“Yeah…um…I knew that. Just making a joke.
Obviously
.”

In an attempt to rescue Ian from being the butt of the joke, Kate turned to Ian’s sister sitting next to her and said, “So Elizabeth, you’re going to be done with high school before you know it! Are you going to follow in your brother’s footsteps and go into law?”

“No way! I’d rather die than go to seven more years of school.”

“I don’t blame you. Four years of college was quite enough for me,” replied Kate.

“I really don’t want to leave high school. There’s no way I’ll never make friends as good as the ones I have now.”

“Oh, that’s not true,” said Kate, patting Ian on the arm. “You’ll meet tons of new people in college. And some of them will stay your friends long after college.”

“And some of them will be nice enough to cook Thanksgiving dinner for your parents, hopefully,” said Ian’s father Mike. “Ian, you better be nice to Kate if you want to keep eating like this.”

“I am nice to Kate! Kate, am I not nice to you?”

Kate smiled, looking around the table at this family that she seemed to fit in so well with. She loved this feeling of inclusion. Her heart had ached for years to truly feel like part of a family again, and at this moment she felt whole. “He’s wonderful to me.”

Kate ate more and laughed more that night than she had in a long time. After dinner was over, shoes had been kicked off, and everyone was sitting in the living room with cappuccinos over an intense game of dominoes, she thought to herself,
I could get used to this
.

Dear Mom,

I can’t believe that it’s December! This year has just flown by. I can’t wait to come home and spend some time with you. Maybe we can work a little bit in the garden while I’m there. I know you’ve been working hard on it recently and I can’t wait to see what you’ve done with it.

Thanksgiving with Ian and his family was…interesting. No, that makes it seem like it was bad. It wasn’t bad; it was great. Beyond great. We’re pretty much done decorating his house (you would love it – too contemporary for your taste, but I’m sure you’d be able to see how it’s perfect for Ian) and his parents were amazed at all the work we had done. I’ve spent plenty of time with his family before, but this was the most comfortable I’ve ever been around them. I probably talked more to his parents than I did to Ian. I just felt…I don’t know…like I belonged. But there was one thing that happened that made me a little bit uncomfortable. When his dad was praying for the meal, he said “Thank you for Kate and Ian being willing to host us here this evening.” And I know what he meant. I mean, we did host them. We cooked as a team, we decorated as a team – it really did feel like they came over to “our” house for the holidays.

But the thing is, Mom, it’s NOT my house. I don’t live there. I don’t have any connection to Ian other than being his close friend. And yet somehow, when I’m there it just feels right. It feels like home. And I’m worried for my heart, because I don’t know how much longer I can take this. I can’t keep playing house with him. I think I’m ready to take the step beyond friendship, and I don’t understand what’s stopping him. We want the same things in life, and we’re both so tired of being alone. What could possibly be holding him back?

Being single and pushing 30 is so hard. Please tell me it gets easier someday. Your bug, Kate

~~~~~

“Ian, cut it out. I’m trying to listen to the sermon!” Kate hissed as she stared straight ahead toward the pulpit, attempting to ignore the piece of paper that Ian was trying to slip into her hand.

“Hello, it’s called multi-tasking,” whispered Ian, insisting that she look at the paper he had passed her. Amidst his doodles, he had written a note.
Picnic lunch today? Check yes or no
. Laughing at his junior high attempt to make plans, Kate grabbed a pencil out of the seat back in front of her and added a third option.
You’re crazy and it’s raining
. A second later the note was in her lap again with a fourth box added.
I’m aware of that and it’s not raining indoors
. She nodded, crumpled up the note in her hand, and tried to listen to the pastor. Ian grinned and glanced at his friend, who was wearing a purposefully pious look on her face just for his benefit.

After church was over and they were standing in the parking lot, Kate asked, “Okay Mr. Indoor Picnic, what exactly did you have in mind?”

“Let’s stop off at that place you like and grab some sandwiches,” said Ian, leading her to his car. “I’m not going to let weather stop me. We’ll have a picnic on the floor in your living room.”

“I think it’s a great idea. But just so you know, half of the fun of picnics for me is reading once I’m full and then falling asleep on the picnic blanket.”

“I can’t think of a nicer way to spend a Sunday,” said Ian. They stopped at the deli to pick up made-to-order sandwiches and fresh potato salad, and at the last minute Ian grabbed a big chocolate chip cookie to split. “Come on, you need a treat today,” said Ian when Kate tried to protest. It wasn’t long before Kate had pushed her coffee table to the side of the room and spread out a blanket and the two sat down, barefoot and cross-legged.

Kate couldn’t think of any place she’d rather be. It wasn’t much of a leap to imagine going from being friends with Ian to being in a relationship with Ian. They were already so close to one another. It just seemed like the next logical step. Although to be perfectly honest, logic was pushed aside and the butterflies took over when she watched him remove his sport coat, revealing strong arms on his perfect frame. His blue eyes sparkled as he unpacked the food. Taking a bite of his roast beef on rye, Ian asked, “So you got big plans for Christmas in Carmel?”

Chewing her tuna salad on wheat, she swallowed and answered. “Oh, nothing spectacular. We’ll do presents and make gingerbread houses and go to the candlelight service on Christmas Eve. Christmas is always pretty low key at the Henry household.”

“Do I sense a little bit of sadness in your voice?”

“Oh…I don’t know. I guess. I try not to dwell on it much.”

“Dwell on what?”

“Well…it’s just…Christmas has never been the same since my dad left. I know it’s been years and I’m an adult now, but there’s something about going back there at Christmastime that just makes the memories flood back, you know? My life just seems a little bit emptier at Christmas. I don’t think that’s how Christmas is supposed to feel.”

“You don’t really talk about your dad much,” said Ian.

“I don’t really think about him much, to be perfectly honest. There’s not much to think about. We haven’t spoken in years. He has his new wife and his new family and that’s that.”

“It still can’t be easy.”

“You know what the hardest part about Christmas is for me?”

“What?” asked Ian, breaking the giant cookie in half.

“Watching my mom. I know she’s always so glad to have me home, but I know that there’s nothing in this world that would make her happier than to have a house full of people at Christmastime. She’s never admitted it before, but I know she wishes I would bring home a husband and a couple of kids and we could all have a real family Christmas. I watch her try and make the best of it, but I know that she feels the same emptiness I feel around the holidays. I feel like I’m the only person who can change that for her, and I’m failing.” Without warning, a huge wave of emotion swept over Kate and she began to cry. “I’m so sorry,” she said, wiping her eyes. “I don’t normally break down like this in front of people.”

“I’m not people, Kate. It’s me. You can be yourself around me, even if you just need to have a good cry,” said Ian. He moved over next to her and put a comforting arm around her. “Don’t be so hard on yourself. You can’t possibly think that you and you alone are responsible for your mother’s happiness.”

Kate nodded and continued to cry, resting her head on Ian’s shoulder.

~~~~~

Kate closed the front door to The Bestselling Dwelling after the last customer had left the following day. It had been a long day; several shipments came in, one of the salespeople had called out sick, and there just seemed to be a lot of customers for a Monday. She stepped out of her high heels and padded across the creaky wood floor in her stocking feet back to Meredith’s office. She sank into a chair and yawned.

“Tired, hon?” asked Meredith.

“Yes. Long day, but it’s more than that. I’m just…
emotionally
drained. I’ve been spending all this time with Ian and it just takes a lot out of me. We ended up spending the whole day together yesterday. We had a little indoor picnic at my house after church and we read for a while and then fell asleep on the floor. I’m trying to interpret every word that he says and every little action, and it’s just exhausting. ”

“It seems to me that you are beginning to become part of each other’s routine,” said Meredith insightfully. “Is this what it was like in college?”

“Yes and no,” replied Kate. “Looking back, we were just a couple of kids. We enjoyed each other’s company and respected each other very much, but it was college. It was before we had gone out into the real world. In college, there are always tons of other people around. But when it’s just him and me, it feels more…I don’t know…real, somehow. Intentional.”

Kate sighed and looked out the window. “We confide in each other about everything,” she said, starting to get misty eyed. “Yesterday we were talking about Christmas and I completely broke down. I told him how I feel so guilty that I haven’t been able to get married and have a family so that my mom and I wouldn’t have to be alone at Christmas. I feel like I’m her last chance to have a normal family again and for some reason, I just can’t seem to provide that for her.” Kate wiped the tears from her eyes.

“Sweetheart. That’s too much guilt for one person to carry around. I’m sure your mother doesn’t want you to feel the burden of her happiness,” replied Meredith, her tone concerned and gentle.

“I know. That’s the same thing that Ian said,” she replied. “He was so kind when I starting blubbering about all of this. Most men would get uncomfortable and try to fix things, but he just let me talk and cry and didn’t make me feel like I was burdening him with my problems.”

“He sounds like an extremely mature and thoughtful man,” said Meredith. “I’m glad he’s in your life.”

Kate nodded as she accepted the tissue that Meredith offered her. She was also glad that Ian was in her life. She just wished she knew what role Ian was meant to play in her life.