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“No.” She shakes her head. “I mean, happy is good, but I can’t stand to see people living a lie.”

“Okay, I’ll bite,” I say. “Who is living a lie?”

“I think you should tell her,” Lisa the lackey says, tipping her head toward me.

And that’s when Tabby’s face goes white. Almost in a state of panic, she says, “Get out of here, Jenna, or I swear to God.”

It’s strange. The entire exchange.

“Ah, I see,” Jenna says with a nod. “You
know
, don’t you, Tab?”

“Know what?” I ask. “What’s going on?”

“Let’s just go,” Tabby says. “Foster can catch up to us.”

“Stop, Tabby,” I tell her. “We’re not letting her chase us off.”

“You could ask Foster, too,” Jenna says.

“Obviously you have something to tell me, Jenna.” I say, even though I know it’s not going to be good. It’s like driving by a bad car accident—one where you can’t help but look. “Out with it already.”

“Jules, I just don’t want to see you get hurt,” Jenna says. “Foster cheated on you once before and I don’t want to see it happen again.”

My stomach turns. I know I should turn away now and run. I know it, but I don’t. I stay to hear it.

Huge mistake.

“What are you talking about?” I ask.

“Me and Foster. Well, me and Foster circa 2009.”

“You and Foster what?” I ask, my brain swimming in a sea of confusion.

“We were together, Jules. When the two of you were dating.”

That little…

“I don’t believe one word of your lies, Jenna,” I say, feeling everyone’s eyes on me. I fight off the embarrassment with anger. “Try again,” I spit.

“Didn’t you ever wonder why Noah kicked him out?”

“A lot happened that year,” I say, not caring about the bite in my words.

Her face grows even colder. “Yes, it did. Apparently a lot you don’t know about. But you know, this kind of news comes best from a friend and it looks like Tabby already knows. So I’ll let her fill you in. Have fun with your little party of four.”

I want to bury my head in denial, but my stomach is sinking. I’m terrified it’s the truth. I look to Tab for confirmation. “Tabby?” I ask, praying this is all a mistake.

Tabby is still white, eyes watering. She bites her lip and gets ready to confirm the news. News that’s going to shatter my heart into a million pieces.

What a fool I was to start believing in the future again.

Foster

I approach Jules from behind and instantly go hard at the sight of her in that dress. Until I see Tabby in tears—and then panic in her eyes when she spots me. Jules follows Tab’s expression and she spins around to me without a moment’s notice.

Or a freaking warning bell.

Her face is crimson, her eyes glazed over, her mouth tight.

“You mother fucker,” she screams.

Tabby frantically shakes her head.

What the fuck is going on?

“Not here, Jules,” Tabby says.

That doesn’t stop her. She charges at me and flings her drink in my face. It takes me several moments before I understand what’s going on.

The girl just threw a drink in my face. This can’t be good.

Jules is ready to throw something else. I can see it in her eyes, so I gently take her by the elbow and lead her away from all the people.

“Calm down, baby,” I say in my most soothing tone, quite a feat considering my insides are in knots. “Whatever it is, I’ll take care of it.”

I look to Tabby for help and she mouths, “Jenna.”

Panic runs through my veins and I turn cold. I’ve thought about this situation so many times. How I would tell her, how would I explain? Now, in this moment, I’ve got nada.

“Jules, let’s go to my place,” I say as she shakes herself out of my grasp. “Let’s go somewhere quiet to talk.”

“Why?” Her voice is icy and removed.

I’ve already lost her.

“So you can lie to me again?” she asks. “Continue with this charade—your little detour for the summer?”

“Don’t say that. You know that’s not true. You know it.”

“I don’t know anything…except that you’re a liar and cheat.”

“I’m not.” I reach for her again, but she recoils. “I’m not anymore.”

“And you’re nothing to me anymore,” she hisses and walks away.

Tabby tries to follow her, but she turns and says something that stops Tabby in her footsteps.

Then she’s gone.

~~~

The next week passes in a blur. I’m mentally, emotionally asleep as I go through my days. Still, I get through it. That’s the thing—your heart can be bleeding on the inside and nobody knows. You’re just expected to get on with it—even though it burns like a son of a bitch.

It’s my fault. I blew it.

I actually blew it a long time ago—and I’m not sure how much more guilt and pain I can take on. I’ve already suffered and made myself pay in so many ways. I can’t take it back, I can’t undo it. I can’t erase how selfish and messed up I was back then. I can’t go back and shoot a shot of self-confidence into my bloodstream.

Once again, Noah was right. I should’ve told her. Should’ve started off with a clean slate. She still probably wouldn’t have agreed to dated me, still I think she would have remained my friend. At least then I’d have some part of her.

Ash has been by to see me about ten times after hearing what happened. She wants to nurse me back to health—I’ve said no.

The bar—and the booze—has been calling my name each night after work—I’ve said no.

What I said to Jules was true. That’s not me anymore. I am better and no matter what happens, I will survive.

But to know it’ll be without Jules makes me numb. I want to find a way to survive
with
her.
I think I just may have one more shot.

~~~

“Uncle, Russ,” I make the call I never thought I’d make. “It’s Foster.”

“Nephew,” he answers. “How are you? How’s school?”

I fill him in and we make small talk. He tells me all about the comings and goings on the reservation, and I tell him about the restaurant. Over the last year, I’ve been trying to reconnect with my old life—with my heritage. It’s been good. I’ve made a few visits and few phone calls and I’ve brought Tristan with me.

But no matter how many times Uncle Russ asked, I’ve never agreed to take my 18 money. As a member of my father’s tribe, I’m entitled to money from the profits of the casino built on tribal land. Each member gets a lump sum at eighteen and then small per capita payments after that.

Dad burned through his money pretty fast. The per capitas left were not enough to live on and he was always chasing after the same quick cash. It never came. I think he was just trying to get by, knowing my 18 money wasn’t far off and he’d have another well to draw from. He never made it that far and once I turned eighteen, I couldn’t cash in. It was blood money in my mind, so Uncle Russ kept it in the trust for me.

“I want to talk to you about my trust,” I tell him now.

“Foster, it’s yours,” he says. “You know that, whenever you want it.”

“I want to tell you about my plans,” I say.

“You don’t have to. The money belongs to you and I’m not entitled to any explanation.”

“I know, but I want to give one all the same. I want you to know that it’s not greed or desperation. I have a plan.”

“In that case, tell me all about it.”

Jules

You know how when most people get depressed, they lock themselves away? They sleep a bunch, hang out alone in their room, and stop eating.

Well, that’s so not my style. I keep going until I can’t go anymore. I work like a fiend. Eat like there’s no tomorrow. Party. Run. Go. Go. Go.

I’m pissy. I lash out.

And then finally, I crash.

It’s how I coped with Ed and how I got through the aftermath of Ben’s accident. It’s what I’m doing right now—to let my heart heal from Foster’s betrayal.

I’m in my cubical at D and D on a Friday evening when it all comes tumbling down, and that’s when I crash hard.

A soft stroke along my back wakes me from the welcome slumber.

“Jules,” Jake whispers. “Hey there, girl. Is Mr. D working you too hard? Because I could have a talk with him.”

I meet Jake’s eyes and he smiles. He really is a good guy, despite his overly optimistic view of the law, and love, and maybe life.

I laugh. “Yeah, right. Like you’d ever stand up to Mr. D.”

Jake nudges me. “Hmm. Maybe for you I would.”

I stretch my neck and start pulling myself together. I look at the clock on the computer.

“Ugh,” I sigh before dropping my head back down.

“Now what?” Jake asks.

“I missed my bus.”

“What? No Foster?”

“No.” My insides instantly chill. “No Foster. I can’t drive yet, so I’ve been bussing it in.” My arm is finally out of the cast, but I’m still an uncoordinated invalid.

“No worries,” Jake says. “I can drop you—if it’s still allowed.”

“Oh, it’s allowed. I’m my own woman now, mister.”

“Hey, I’m sorry Jules. I didn’t know.”

“It’s okay.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“No,” I say a little too loud. “Absolutely not.”

“Okay, okay.” Jake holds up his hands. “How ’bout a drink then?”

It does sound like a good distraction and escape from Tabby. And Lord knows Foster isn’t staying in nursing a broken heart. He’s taking care of himself, moving on, doing what’s best for him…just as he’s always done. I was just too stupid to notice.

Well, fuck him.

“Yeah, that actually sounds perfect.”

~~~

Jake picks a place in Uptown and we score a table outside on the sidewalk, perfect for a distraction. Once the waitress delivers our margaritas, we down them fast and I start to perk up a bit.

“There,” Jake says, noticing my new relaxed state. “That’s better. You look more like you now.”

“I’m feeling a little more like me.”

“I love that dress, by the way.”

And there he does it again—bringing Foster to top of mind. I remember Foster’s eyes growing wide when I tried a dress on for him and how he wanted me to wear it for our date. The date that never happened.

I turn my head to fight off the tears I feel coming. It’s too late.

Bathroom. Pronto.

“I’ll be right back,” I call out to Jake, already on the run.

“I’ll order you another drink,” he yells back.

I turn to give Jake a thumbs-up and that’s when I spot—who else?—Foster. He’s sitting in a booth with Ashley and another bimbo. I can’t fucking believe it. They are all smiles, drinking champagne.

Why wouldn’t he? Free man and all. His world is a party.

When I catch his attention, his smile fades. I almost fall as I scramble to get to the bathroom. Inside, I try to pull it together, splashing cold water on my flushed face.

“Hey, Jules.” Ashley joins me.

It keeps getting better and better.

“Ashley.” I cough the lump right out of my throat. “Looks like you guys are having fun tonight.”

“Trying to,” Ash says with none of her usual bitchiness. “But Foster’s in rough shape, Jules. He’s hurting bad.”

“I’m not too worried. He has you to cheer him up. No, Foster isn’t one to stay down for long. By next week, he won’t even remember or care what happened.”

“You keep telling yourself that,” she says. “For such a smart girl, you can really be a dumbass. But hey, I’m just one of his bimbos, right?”

She leaves and it’s a good thing because my blood is boiling and I’m ready for a fight. I count to ten and walk back to my table. Jake is waiting with a smile and two drinks.

“I’m so sorry, Jake,” I tell him. “But we need to get out of here.”

“Hey.” He touches my arm. “No problem. Let me get the check and I’ll take you wherever you want to go. Promise.”

I take the drink and raise it to him in appreciation.

“That’s the spirit.” He winks.

We slam our tequila, pay the check, and walk past Foster and his harem on our way out.

When I take one last look, his eyes are on me with the saddest expression I’ve ever seen.

But that’s just too damn bad. He made his bed…

~~~

Still whirling over my run-in with Foster, I’m now drunk. I don’t know what the hell I’m doing. Tabby’s out for the night so Jake and I have the place to ourselves. We’re sitting on the couch, a little too close in my humble opinion, with our legs resting on the ottoman as we play a drinking game called
Three of These Things
.

Yep. That’s what I’m doing. With Jake.