More Lessons for Laura (3 page)

The buzzing in my head from my alarm ended whatever dreams I
might have imagined. A hot shower and a large cup of coffee would set
everything right again. I raised the shade on the door and then flipped the
open sign. I saw her bike still parked in the same spot. I turned quickly, and
there she was sitting in one of the large reading chairs in the far corner,
just watching me.

I started to speak, and she raised her finger to her own
lips to quiet me.

“Continue your routine, Laura. Like I’m not even here”

I released the lock on the door and walked back to my desk,
glancing her way as often as I could get away with. The first customer strolled
in a short time later, and I was quickly distracted. She remained in the chair
watching.
What is she doing? Why is she
acting so strangely?

More questions than answers drove me crazy, and I just
couldn’t hold it any longer. When I could take it no more, I walked over,
locked the door, and pulled down the shade. She placed her book in her lap and
watched as I approached. The smirk on her face only served to entice my
determination to know what she was up to.

“I wondered how long it would take you to question this.”

“What is going on? Are you just going to sit there all day
and watch me work?”

“Is that a problem?”

“No, I just…”

“You just need to focus and act like I’m not here.”

“But you
are
here,
and it’s very difficult to…” I hesitated as I tried to read her expression.

“What is difficult, Laura?”

“Last night was…”

“I didn’t think last night was so difficult.”

I grew flustered at her teasing and just stood there for a
moment. “Are you all right?”

“Do I not look all right?”

“Well, something is different. Last night was different.”

“Last night was about what I wanted. How was that
different?”

“You were different. You made love to me.”

“I always make love to you. Why was last night different?”

“You were different and I felt… I felt… love.”

“I would hope you always feel my love. Do you not?”

I was more confused than ever, certain what we had was not
exactly what I would consider ‘love.’ Not in the sense I had loved or been
loved before.

“Is it love? Do you love me?”

“Love is a word, Laura. Everyone feels it differently. My
feelings for you are true and deep and I want you close to me. If that is your
definition of love, then yes, I love you.”

This was the first time she’d said she loved me. I thought I
knew it, but to hear it felt somehow more real. I looked into her eyes,
searching for the truth I craved at that moment, wanting to trust her, wanting
her to take me in her arms and show me again; but she just sat there, in
complete control of both herself and me. Control I wished she would let go of
more often, if that meant more like what I’d had the night before.

“Is there something else?” Her patience diminished as her
eyes flashed a slight warning.

“No.” There was; but I felt it might be better to save the
deeper conversation for a more appropriate time. A customer was knocking on the
door and peering in the window to investigate the odd closing.

“Then I suggest you let whoever that is in.”

I reluctantly turned to walk away, not completely satisfied
with the exchange, but also unwilling to accept the consequences of my
persistence in the matter. The rest of the day went by quickly. Saturday was
always a busy day, so her watching me wasn’t as hard to overlook as I’d
imagined. I soon fell into a normal pattern, though I remained ever conscious
of her observation.

Just as the old wall clock started its first chime of four,
the sound of her boots across the floor made me look up from my desk. She was
locking the front door and turning the sign. She pulled down the shade, then looked
at me and then up to the apartment door.

Without hesitation I stood and made my way to the stairs.
She was close behind me as I started up. Feeling her eyes on me was becoming a
natural part of my existence. Wanting her eyes on me was becoming my obsession.
She announced that evening she would be staying for an extended period, and I
needed to make the adjustments in my schedule to accommodate her. She had never
stayed longer than three days at a time, with long periods of not seeing her at
all in between.

After several weeks of her all but moving in with me, I simply
opened my eyes each morning hoping it would not be the day she told me she was
leaving again. Could I bear for her to leave after being with her consistently
for so long this time? I had finally found a balance and routine with her there.
A narrow line was drawn and I followed it willingly, and a calm, clear tone settled
in my mind. Our time was spent in a world of heightened desire and I lost
myself in pleasing her. I attended her needs as if they were my own; and I
discovered that they
were
in fact my
own. It did not pervert me from deliberately drawing her fire from time to time.
My need to feel her flame was almost as strong as my desire to know her love.
Sometimes I wondered which drove me more.

~~~ 3 ~~~

What was different this time, and
why had she stayed for so long? I grew hungry for more than just accepting she
was there. I wanted to know her on a more personal level. I had been obedient
and given her all I had; and now it was time for her to give more than a
physical commitment. Who was she? What was she? I had all but abandoned the
questions of a normal relationship for the emotional submissions she required.
My love and lust had grown stronger, and it was time to know her. I finally
gained the courage to demand the answers I craved.

When we were relaxed and completely alone and she was in a
soft loving mood, I decided to risk the inquisition.

“Are you ever going to tell me anything about you?”

“What would you like to know?” She looked up from the papers
she was studying.

“Where do you go when you’re not here?”

“Work.” The one word answer was her customary response.

“But what do you do?” I asked. Most of the time I got quick
funny answers like,
I’m a spy.

This time she said, “I train naughty girls for a living.”

“Very funny.” I snarled sarcastically.

She was obviously not willing to share, and I was painfully
aware she had a life that, for whatever reason, I was not part of. Anytime I
pushed or tried to dig for more information, she would turn the subject or
distract me with her ability to drop me to my knees with a word or glance. I
think that might have been one of the attractions. I was not required to be
more than
available
to her. It was
also one of the biggest distractions. I wanted to know I was more to her; and
yet at the same time I wasn’t sure I was capable of being more.

Work wasn’t the only thing she avoided talking about. There
was never any mention of family. I’d had no family since my grandfather passed,
so it was possible she too was alone in the world. Were we destined to be alone
together?

She expected complete disclosure from me and would question
for hours about the smallest details of my past. Lovers, experiences, even my
childhood, making me face the deep pain felt from the loss of my parents
– nothing was off limits. I was not allowed to evade her inquisition, but
she offered nothing in return.

Lesson Three

Warm spring air brushed across my
skin and the last of the snow had melted into the ground, nourishing the scent
of wildflowers. Late morning sun washed my face as I was held against the warm,
prickly, brick wall behind the bank in the center of town. Her body pressed
against me as my heart pounded with excitement and the delicious fear of being
caught before she finished. I was learning to focus on what she wanted rather
than my precarious surroundings. It was still difficult to completely relax
when she fucked me in public places, each time more daring and exposed than the
last. I was starting to anticipate where it might be next.

She consumed my body at will, and I was finding it more
desirable to please her than to fight every request. My skirt was completely up
and bunched at my waist as she placed her fingers inside the leg of my panties.
She slipped deeper into the fold until I felt her sweep the silky hot liquid up
to my pounding clit. She squeezed it between slippery fingers and tugged at it
to encourage my response, while warning me to conceal it at the same time. My
eyes were closed, and the noise of the street just a few steps around the
corner faded into my moans.

“Open your eyes, Laura.”

Her voice was all I required to obey after the prolonged
conditioning. Her grin told me her intention and my heart knew her desire. I
pushed my hips from the wall to chase her teasing hand as far as I could, with
her other hand trapping both my wrists to the wall over my head. My mouth was
open, gasping for air and control. Just as the sounds of my orgasm flooded out
and I lost composure, she forced her tongue deep into my throat to quiet the
outburst she herself had provoked.

I pressed against her and she stepped back to look at me.
Still holding my wrists above my head, she watched as I twisted with temporary
insanity. I pushed my hips forward to encourage more. I wanted more of her; I
wanted all of her. Instead she stepped back and released my hands, still holding
me with only her eyes.

“Your control is improving, but you still need to work on
that verbal outburst.”

I smiled as I dropped my arms to correct the indecency of my
shuffled attire. She waited for me to adjust my hem line and close my jacket
across the button-less blouse she’d sacrificed in her hunger to expose me
quickly. Another for my collection of clothing she had either torn or cut from
my body. I took her arm, and we walked out from behind the building like we had
simply taken a wrong turn. I felt the dampness between my legs and the warm
flush on my skin as we continued on our way through the farmers market.

“I think you might be ready now.”

“Ready for what?”

“To know what I do.”

I was shocked; her announcement had come from nowhere.

“I would like you to attend an event with me. It is held
each year where I work.”

Work?
Was I
finally going to be more than…than what? What exactly was I to her?

“What type of event?”

“It is still several weeks away, so I will give you more
details as you need them.”

As I need them? What
did that mean?

“Well – it would be helpful if I at least had a date.”

“I will give you the information when you need it.”

“You just expect me to be available whenever you…”

I could feel the impact of my sarcastic tone as her arm
tensed. Her look indicated I had best let it go. We arrived back at the
bookstore, and the subject was not brought up again by either of us. I was so
curious it was all I could think about until she announced later that evening
she would be leaving the following morning.

A bit of warning would
have been nice.
The angry words remained safely in my head. After almost
three months of her undivided attention she was just leaving… in the morning.

Knowing that one of my biggest flaws was letting my
displeasure show, I tried very hard to avoid the entire situation by turning my
attention elsewhere. I finally looked up from my distracted and unnecessary
tasks to her studying my silent rage. I had gotten very good at having an
entire argument with myself only to have her win it in the long run with a
single word or gesture. Reading my mind was one of her most fascinating and
frustrating skills. She would almost start conversations in the middle of my
thoughts as if answering me.

I struggled to hold tightly to my independence while at the
same time give her all the dependence she required. It was a skillful balancing
act, but one I was starting to get pretty good at; or at least I thought I was.

“Come here, Laura.”

My hesitation was brief but long enough to make her take in
an irritated breath. Once I was standing in front of her, she spoke.

“I feel like I give you sufficient time to comply with all
of my requirements. You should be able to adjust quicker and not have this
attitude each time things do not go as you wish them to.”

 
“You consider a
day’s notice sufficient time?” I blurted, my frustration and disappointment
getting the better of my sense and causing me to speak my mind regardless of
the penalty.

“I consider an hour’s notice sufficient time. You should by
now be willing to accept change very rapidly.”

“Well, I don’t consider less than a day…”

“Be very careful, Laura.”

My eyes darted to hers and I was reminded of her
expectations very quickly. I took in a deep breath of my own, trying to control
my tone and demeanor.

“You can’t just show up when you want and then leave without…
”

“That is where you are mistaken, my dear.” She stopped me
cold with both her words and a disapproving look. “Your life is no longer your
own. If that is not what you want, then you need to make that choice right now;
but if you intend to have a life with me, you will not question my decisions.”

“Exactly what do you expect?”

“You know what I expect.”

Her eyes penetrated the part of me that wanted nothing more
than to make her happy. That determined expression was impossible to resist.

“I have made all the concessions I am willing to make. I
respect your attachment to the bookstore. Therefore, it is up to you to make this
work. I could require you to accompany me when I have to be away. If you
display this unhappiness every time I leave, I will be forced to correct the
situation.”