More Letters From a Nut (39 page)
Full text of the above letter to follow.
MR. PRESIDENT BAILEY OLTER
Government
Pohnpei, Micronesia
Dear Mr. President Olter,
As President of Micronesia, I’m sure you get many, many letters regarding your citizens. Yes, this is a good letter about a great Micronesian citizen that helped me out in a big way.
I was standing in the street with a broken heel on my shoe. It was hot and the pavement was tar-y. Anyway, my heel got stuck in the road. I had noticed this person (he later said his name was Kystavj or something like that) circling in his mini van with the windows soaped over. He saw my predicament.
He pulled over and freed my tar-y heel from the hot sidewalk and offered me a ride. At first I was hesitant. But the barrier of the Micronesian language was broken and he gave me a ride to my destination. This very nice gentleman from your beautiful country fixed my heel with a staple gun. I have always wanted to visit Micronesia. I have heard it is a beautiful land. I guess you always have cold drinks there.
In a world where people write about all the bad things that happen to them I am writing about something nice which happened to me. You can be proud of your citizens. Micronesian people are the best ! ! ! I wish I knew this person’s name.
(Koonjaminjrt or something with letters like that). He was not from Tajikistan! Please write me and let me know you received my letter. Thank you.
With all respect,
Ted L. Nancy
Future Micronesianer
Full text of the above letter to follow.
NATIONAL GOVERNMENT
OF THE
Federated States of Micronesia
P. O. Box PS-53
PALIKIR, POHNPEI, EASTERN CAROLINE ISLANDS 96941
Telephone: (691) 320-2643 Telex: 729-6807 Fax: 320-2786
December 27, 1996
Ted L. Nancy
560 No. Moorpark Rd., #236
Thousand Oaks, Calif. USA 91360
Dear Nancy:
This is in respond to your letter of November 11, 1996, in which your praised a Micronesian.
Let me pause here for a minute and explain to you what is happening here in Federated States of Micronesia. President Bailey Olter whom you wrote to is not in this country at the moment. He is in Houston, Texas, (USA), for health reason. In the meantime, Vice President Jacob Nena is acting as the President of the country. Vice President, Jacob Nena gave me your letter to handle. My name is John A. Mangefel. I am a Liaison Man for the State Matters in this office, (President’s Office, FSM).
And now, I would like to take this opportunity to thank you for your letter of November 11, 1996. It is indeed very gratifying to receive such a letter as yours about our citizens who have migrated to your country. We are indeed very proud of such person who is promoting and “ambassadoring” good image for us in your country.
I have tried to identify the person you mentioned in your letter through people here in the office and other people as well but we have not been able to do so. We will continue in trying to find out who is that person. In the meantime I will share your good letter with other people.
I would like to advise and caution you though with respect to Micronesians. Like any other group of people, not all Micronesians are good people. We have our share of the so called “bad guys”. I am glad you met one of the good ones. Some of us are and some are not so good.
Again, thank you very much for writing us.
Sincerely yours,
John A. Mangefel
Full text of the above letter to follow.
560 No. Moorpark Rd. #236
Thousand Oaks, CA 91360
Mar 17, 1997
Appointments
DR. EDWARD O. TERINO, M.D.
327 S. Moorpark Rd.
Thousand Oaks CA 91361
Dear Dr. Terino:
I recently lost my nose in a bad bird accident. My bowling team teases me, but I love those guys. Here is what I would like to know. Would it be possible to graft another part of my body and use that as a nose? What about a toe? Could you surgically sculpt a functioning nose (with working nostrils)?
I’ve heard this isn’t a rare procedure in your country. (I’m new here but have insurance and additional funds to pay for this).
Can it also work with a thumb? My face is very important to me. It’s on my driver’s license. In my line of work I use it all day long. Your ad said to write with surgery questions. Being new in the U.S. I have always wanted to get my nose fixed but when I saw your ad I thought you could help me. I am willing to put down a large deposit.
More doctors should be doing this surgery. After all, if it is okay to make a guy out of a girl, why can’t I breathe through my big toe? Will I be able to blow my toe? Please let me know I may come in for a consultation. I am sorry, but I am embarrassed and would like to talk to a doctor about my nose. It is in bad shape. Let’s get my toe on my face! Thanks for writing back and giving me an appointment.
Sincerely,
Ted L. Nancy
Full text of the above letter to follow.
Diplomat of the American Board of Plastic Surgery Fellow of the American College of Surgeons
Aesthetic and Restorative Plastic Surgery Restorative Surgery of the Breast
March 29, 1997
560 North Moorpark Road
#236
Thousand Oaks, CA
Dear Ted:
Thanks for the inquiry. I wish a thumb would work for a nose, but I think that you can understand how you couldn’t blow it! It is possible, however, to take the middle part of your forehead or even part of your upper arm and make a nose. It would require removing bone from your hip to build the framework. This is not a common procedure, but for accidents, it is the only way to go. It is extremely expensive, however, and takes a long time with several stages. One would have to be out of commission, so to speak or in hiding, for probably one to two years. Being new in this country, I don’t think that this would serve to your advantage. If I were you, I would just tell your bowling teammates that they should love you for who you are!
Thanks again for writing.
Sincerely,
Edward O. Terino, M.D.
EOT/th
