More of Me (6 page)

“Then you're a fool, Ryder. All I wanted was you.” Silence hung between them, and though she had waited a dozen years to say those words to him, it didn't give her the satisfaction she had hoped for. When he continued to just stare down at her, she threw up her hands in exasperation. “Look, it's all in the past. I'm not married, I don't have children, and right now I have a job to do. You need to make a decision by tomorrow about which venue you are going to pick for my clients.” Taking a step back, she faced the two elderly women who were just as speechless as Ryder. “Ladies, I hope you enjoy the reception.”

Once again, Ryder reached out and stopped her departure. “This isn't over, Casey,” he said tightly.

“Yes it is, Ryder,” she said with finality and pulled her arm from his. She hadn't gone more than three steps when Minnie came up beside her.

“You know,” she began, “there were a few last-minute cancellations, so there are going to be some empty seats and uneaten meals. Why don't you two come inside and enjoy the reception? You'll be better informed.”

Casey shook her head. “While I appreciate the offer, it's not our place to interfere with a wedding; that would be completely inappropriate, and I wouldn't want to do that to the bride.”

“Nonsense,” Izzy said coming to stand with them. “This is my niece's wedding. Well, she's not technically my niece anymore. She used to be married to my nephew, Barry, and he was a complete moron. We always told him that if he let Mary go, we'd be on her side, didn't we, Minnie?”

Casey looked at them both in confusion.

“We're both related to the bride's ex-husband. Actually, there are five of us here sharing a table who are related to that moron.” Minnie rolled her eyes. “We were thrilled when Mary found her Mr. Right. Fred may not be as good looking as Barry, but he's a decent man with a secure job and he loves Mary. They're going to have a very happy life together.”

“Well, that all sounds very lovely and I hope that they do have a wonderful life, but it's still not appropriate for us to just make ourselves at home at this wedding. We have an arrangement with the management—”

“Nonsense,” Izzy said and reached over to grab Casey's hand. “Come and sit with us and be in the middle of the action. If anyone gives you a hard time, Minnie and I will set them straight.”

“Aunt Izzy? Aunt Minnie? What are you two doing out here? Why aren't you inside sitting down and enjoying your salads?” They all turned and saw the bride heading their way. Casey groaned.

It took less than a minute for the two women to rattle off Casey and Ryder's situation, and although their version left Casey's head spinning, the bride smiled the serene smile of a woman in love. “My aunts are right; you should come inside and enjoy yourselves. The more the merrier.”

“Are you sure?” Casey asked. She looked over her shoulder at Ryder and wondered how he would survive sitting at a table with five ex-aunts of the bride. Suddenly, she was actually looking forward to this. Ryder seemed less pleased.

Mary nodded. “We've already paid for the food. I'd hate for it to go to waste. Please. Join us.”

“You are very gracious,” Casey said, smiling brilliantly at Ryder, and they found themselves flanked by the three woman and led into the reception hall.

* * *

An hour later, Ryder cursed his luck. While he was grateful for the opportunity to see the reception service in action—which was superb—the conversation around the table was almost more than he could handle. The women simply gushed over Casey and asked her dozens of questions about the weddings she'd done, and then asked her opinion of the wedding they were currently attending. Once that subject had been exhausted, they had seemed suddenly to remember his presence and started glaring at him, one by one.

“What?” he asked, looking at each of them individually with confusion. “What did I do?”

“How could you break this poor girl's heart?” Minnie was the first to ask. “She is an absolutely delightful young woman, and you just walked away and left her like that? How could you?”

“Well…I…” he stammered.

“And then you come back here,” Izzy interrupted, “and you just waltz right back into her life and expect her to trust you? If it were me, I would have told your cousin to find someone else to help out because I certainly wouldn't be willing to work with you.” She snorted with disgust.

“Now just a minute,” Ryder began in his own defense. “I had no idea that Mac would…”

“Why would you even agree to something like this?” This question came from ex-aunt number three, Marie. “You knew what you did was wrong, so why put Casey through having to work with you?”

“As I was trying to say—”

“Typical man. Only thinking of himself,” Minnie said as she reached for her glass of champagne.

“If you would just let me explain—”

“Oh, we don't want to hear your explanation, young man,” ex-aunt number four chimed in. Jean. “We're not the ones who need to hear it. Personally, I don't think Casey wants to hear it either, because what's done is done; you can't change the past. But a decent man would not subject a woman who he hurt to being in his presence like this. You've made her come to this beautifully romantic wedding,” she began, gesturing to the room at large.

“It really is romantic, isn't it?” Izzy asked.

“Definitely,” Marie said.

“As I was saying,” Jean interrupted, “you've made Casey come with you to this beautifully romantic wedding, and you don't think that it hurts her? You don't think that a setting like this has her thinking about what your wedding would have been like?”

“Jean,” Casey said gently, doing her best to not crawl under the table and hide, “I'm really not sitting here imagining my own wedding. I do this for a living. I don't sit and compare them to the wedding that I want. And besides, I never imagined myself married to Ryder.”

“You didn't?” This came from everyone at the table collectively, including Ryder.

Casey wasn't sure who to answer first. “Honestly, no. We were young, and we both had to finish college, and at the time, I had no idea where I wanted to be when it was all said and done. I just wasn't ready for it to end, that's all. I'm sure everyone can understand feeling like that. No one wants to be dumped, right? Wouldn't you all agree that you'd rather be the one to end a relationship than have someone else do it for you?”

The ex-aunts all nodded in agreement and before they could speak, the DJ called all of the couples to the dance floor for a slow dance. “Oh, you two should go and dance,” Minnie said.

“No, that's okay,” Casey said politely. “We really shouldn't even be here.”

“Nonsense,” ex-aunt number five chimed in. Celia. “Dancing doesn't cost anything. Go out there and take a turn on the floor. None of us can do it any longer.”

“Speak for yourself,” Minnie snapped. “I could handle a slow song if I had a partner.”

“Who'd want to be your partner?” Izzy asked, making a face.

“Ladies,” Ryder said diplomatically as he stood. “You are all too lovely to be fighting. If I could, I would take each of you out on the dance floor with me right now. But if you don't mind, I think I will take your very sage advice and ask Casey to dance.” He held out a hand to her, and his eyes implored her to take pity on him and get him away from the table for at least a few minutes. He thought he saw a hint of mischief there in those beautiful eyes, and he feared that she'd reject him. He was relieved when she placed her hand in his and stood.

“Excuse us,” she said to the table at large and let Ryder lead her out to the dance floor.

Once they joined the other couples, Ryder pulled Casey in close as they began to sway to the music. “Thank you.”

Casey leaned back a little and looked at him. “I'm surprised you didn't make a run for it sooner.”

“They're a tough crowd,” he said with a chuckle. “I'm sure they mean well, but they are definitely a handful. It seems unusual that the bride still considers them family. If I were her, I would have run once the ink was dry on the divorce papers and never looked back.”

Casey rolled her eyes. “They're not that bad; they're just a little more…vocal than most. They're only stating their opinions.”

“Loudly,” Ryder said with a hint of asperity. “Look, they seem like they're harmless, but that's only from a distance. Up close and personal, they will eat a guy for breakfast.”

“Don't be upset that they pointed out the obvious.”

“What obvious?”

“Seriously, Ryder?” Casey said with annoyance. “You don't think it's a little awkward for us to have to be working on your cousin's wedding together? Couldn't you just have said that you weren't available?”

He stopped dancing but didn't let Casey out of his arms. “You can't be serious.”

“But I am,” she said in the same tone.

“So I should let my cousin's wedding planning suffer due to family emergencies and the fact that I was a jerk twelve years ago, just so that you don't have to feel…awkward? Do I have that right?”

When he said it like that, Casey realized how ridiculous it sounded. “Okay, maybe I'm being a little dramatic…”

“You think?” He gently pulled her back into his arms and began dancing again.

“I'll admit that this hasn't been…terrible. And after tonight, we're done. We won't have to see each other again until the actual wedding.”

He stopped dancing again.

“Wait. What?”

“You'll need to have your answer by tomorrow. You can simply text it to me, and I will go from there with the planning. Your uncle will be coming down next week for a couple of days to go over anything else that needs to be done, and so really, after we leave here tonight, your job is done.”

“And so…what? We can't see each other again?”

Casey wasn't prepared for this line of questioning. She had secretly hoped that after his part of the planning was done, he'd be more than happy to walk away. That was what he was good at. Without showing that his question had thrown her a little off course, she simply shrugged. “I don't see why we'd need to.”

“How about because I want to see you, dammit?” he snapped. “How about because ever since I jogged over to your house the other day, I haven't been able to stop thinking about you? Or maybe because you said that we could at least be friends, and I'd like to actually have the opportunity to hear about your life? I know that it's Mac's wedding that brought us back together, but that doesn't mean that it's all we have to talk about.”

The song had ended and people were starting to stare. Casey felt more than a couple pairs of eyes on them. “Can we discuss this later?” she whispered.

Ryder threw his head back in disgust, then reached for Casey's hand and led her out the nearest door. They were out on the deck overlooking the ocean, and when he stopped, he took her by the shoulders so that she couldn't get away. “I can apologize for the next twelve years, and it still wouldn't be enough,” he finally said. “Even if you forgave me, I can't forgive myself. What I did was selfish and screwed up, and I regret it. I can't change it though. If I could, believe me, Casey, I would. All I'm asking is for a chance to get to know you again.”

His hands on the bare skin of her arms felt nicer than they should have, and everything that he was saying was making her anger at him simply dissolve. The fact that he was being so sincere and that he truly seemed to be in as much distress over the whole thing as she was spoke volumes.

“What do you want me to say, Ryder? I never thought I'd see you again. This is new territory for me. We were kids back then; we had no idea what we really wanted.”

“That's not true, and you know it,” he said thickly, pulling her closer. “What we had wasn't some teenage crush; from the first moment I saw you, I knew that you were out of my league, and yet I couldn't stop myself from introducing myself to you and doing everything humanly possible to convince you to go out with me.”

Casey smiled at the memory. “You were pretty persuasive.”

“Because I knew what I wanted. I knew it then and I know it now.” And then he kissed her.

Casey knew that the kiss was coming and yet didn't want to do a thing to stop it. She was honest enough to admit—at least to herself—that this was bound to happen. She had dreamed of a time when she and Ryder would spend hours just kissing and holding one another close. But the kisses of an eighteen-year-old boy were nothing compared to that of a thirty-year-old man. And this thirty-year-old man certainly knew how to kiss.

Ryder was slowly going insane from the feel of Casey in his arms. This was not the way he had envisioned their first kiss, but in the moment, it was all he could think of to do. Her lips had gone soft and pliant under his, and when she had let her hands come to rest on his chest before gliding up and going around him, it had nearly brought him to his knees. He touched his tongue to hers and heard her soft whimper.

For all he knew, the wedding was over and people were milling around them, but he didn't care. Casey was in his arms where she belonged, kissing him like he had dreamed, and it would take an act of God to make him let her go.

“Ryder,” she sighed when he moved his lips from hers to travel down the silky expanse of her throat. “Wait.”

Okay, maybe not an actual act of God, but a soft plea from her.

Reluctantly, Ryder pulled back and looked at Casey. Her skin was flushed and her eyes were slightly glazed, and she was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. He waited to see what she wanted to say because he didn't want to do anything that would make her uncomfortable or ruin the possibility of his getting a second chance with her.

“What are we doing?” she asked breathlessly.

He couldn't help but smile. “I would have thought it was obvious.”

A small chuckled escaped before she could stop it. “That's not what I mean.” She looked up into his eyes and saw his every emotion just like she always had. “This is crazy.”

Ryder shook his head. “No,” he said solemnly, “it's not. It was always like this for us, Case, and it doesn't matter if it's been twelve years, twelve hours, or twelve minutes, it's always going to be like this for us.” He watched as her eyes widened, and he hoped he hadn't said too much. Unable to help himself, because it was all or nothing, he said exactly what his heart was telling him to. “I want you, Casey. I've always wanted you. Seeing you again made me realize everything that's been missing from my life.”

She took a step back as panic began to build. “No, you don't really mean that, Ryder. It's been too long; you don't even know me anymore.”

He took a step toward her, unwilling to let her get away. “I do know you. I know that right now you're starting to feel a little bit panicked, wondering what you've gotten yourself into. But at the same time, you're feeling a little bit excited at what this could be. You hate that we're here right now and you're probably worried that you left your purse at the table and then wondering how you'll be able to go in there and face the five ex-aunts without them knowing that we've kissed out here.”

More than anything Casey wanted to deny what Ryder was saying, but unfortunately he was spot on. “How…?”

Ryder reached out and cupped her face in his large hands. “I know because I know you. I can't take back what I did twelve years ago, but I can promise to make it up to you. If you'll let me.”

It was on the tip of her tongue to just say yes; Ryder Montgomery was the one. True, she always considered him to be the one that got away, but now he was back and saying everything that she had always longed for him to say. But could she trust him to not break her heart again?

“It's too much, Ryder; it's too soon.”

He leaned in and placed a gentle kiss on her cheek. “I'm not going anywhere,” he promised. “When you decide what it is that you want, I'm going to be here waiting.” And with that, he took her hand and led her back into the grand ballroom, back to their table, where they were met with five pairs of inquisitive eyes.

Luckily, no one made a comment about their absence or about the fact that all of Casey's lipstick was gone, and some of it was on Ryder. Rather than sitting down, Ryder reached for Casey's wrap, placed it around her shoulders, and then handed her the beaded clutch that was on her chair. “Ladies, thank you so much for inviting us to be a part of your niece's wedding. This was definitely helpful to my decision-making process. We hope that you have a lovely evening.” With a hand placed low on Casey's back, he waited for her to say her good-byes and then together they left the reception.

“Didn't you want to stay until the end?” Casey inquired as they were walking out into the lobby. “How do you know you'll like the way that they do their dessert presentation?”

Ryder shrugged. “I saw more than enough. I'm not going to lie to you; it's a tough decision, but I think I'll be able to sleep on it and know by tomorrow which one is best.”

“You don't know right now?”

He shook his head. “Never make a decision about something this important in the heat of the moment; you'll always second-guess it. I tend to make myself wait at least twenty-four hours before making a major decision.”

Casey couldn't agree more. She had a feeling if she had said yes to Ryder out on the deck moments ago that at some point she would have wondered if it was the right decision or if she was simply caught up in the moment. “That's very wise.”

They reached his car, and once he saw that Casey was settled in, Ryder walked around and climbed in. They drove in silence, and when he pulled into her driveway, Ryder could feel the tension rolling off her. “There is nothing I want more than to go inside with you, Casey,” he said softly. “But I know you're not ready for that. I'm asking a lot from you; I know that, and yet I can't help the way that I feel. I'm not going to sit here and try and persuade you or seduce you into letting me back into your life. The decision needs to be yours.” Leaning over, he kissed her cheek and then climbed from the car.

Casey watched as Ryder walked around to open her door for her, indecision screaming in her brain. She wanted to invite him in, wanted him to take the decision from her because it was just too hard. Ryder reached a hand out toward her and she clasped it and rose from the car, standing toe-to-toe with him. She sighed as she leaned into him.

Wordlessly, Ryder took her by the hand and walked her up to the front door. Taking the keys from her shaking hand, he unlocked the door and gently pushed it open. “I had a great time with you tonight,” he said, taking in the beauty of her face in the moonlight. “Thank you for making the time to go with me so that I can do what's right for Mac.” Then, he did something that even surprised himself. Ryder took Casey's hand in his and gently placed the keys in the palm before stepping back and wishing her a good night.

Casey watched, dumbfounded, as Ryder walked back to his car. That was it? He seriously wasn't going to do a damn thing to convince her to let him come inside? Didn't he realize that she was teetering on the edge, and it wouldn't take much to win her over? She was certain he was going to turn around and stride back toward her and kiss her senseless.

She hoped that he would.

Then he turned around, and in that moment, Casey was certain that he was coming back.

“Go inside, Case,” he said. “It's getting chilly out.” And then he climbed into his car and drove away.

With no other choice, Casey walked into her house and shut the door behind her before sliding down the cool surface and wondering what in the world had just happened.

* * *

It was barely eleven thirty and Casey still hadn't been able to unwind. It had been a little over two hours since Ryder had dropped her off, and her mind was still in overdrive trying to figure out what had happened. She understood that he was letting her make the decision; he wanted her to be one hundred percent certain of what she was doing.

She both loved and hated that.

In less than a week, Ryder Montgomery had managed to turn her world upside down once again. They were older now and a little more in control of their emotions, and yet that wasn't helping matters right now. The more Casey thought about it, the more she realized that she couldn't hold the actions of an eighteen-year-old boy against a now thirty-year-old man. Everyone made mistakes in their youth, and looking back, it was probably for the best. Long distance relationships rarely worked, and at the time, she had resented his commitment to getting an education thousands of miles away so that he could stand out in a family of well-accomplished businessmen.

But seeing the man Ryder had become? She knew that he had done the right thing. She knew him. Sure, there were some stories of their lives that they would need to share and talk about, but the person at the core of it all would still be familiar.

She sighed.

When Casey had found out she was going to have to work with Ryder, all she could think of was keeping her distance. But now? All she wanted was a chance to be everything that Ryder had mentioned earlier. She wanted—no, she needed to know if it was possible for lightning to strike twice, for two people to find one another again after so many years and realize they were the one thing missing from each other's lives.

It was late.

She had already changed out of her dress and shoes, and was roaming her house in yoga pants and a tank top.

She had no shoes on.

And her hair was a mess.

“Screw it,” she murmured, reaching for her keys and walking out onto the back deck and then down the wooden steps that led to the beach. The Montgomerys' home was only a half a mile up the coast, and there was something very soothing about walking in the cool sand, watching the moonlight play on the water.

Each step she took filled her with a sense of anticipation, and yet she kept a fairly leisurely pace. More than anything, Casey needed to prove to herself that she was in control and that she wasn't rushing, although the thought of being back in Ryder's arms had her body humming. The cool air had felt good on her heated skin when she'd first left the house, but now she cursed herself for not at least grabbing a sweater.

Up ahead, she spotted Ryder's family home and stopped. Was she certain? Was she seriously ready to let go of the past in hopes of a future? There was still a chance that things wouldn't work out, and if that was the case, could she handle having Ryder break her heart for a second time? Was she ready to take that risk?

Her feet started moving before her head gave her a definitive answer, and soon she found herself at the base of the steps leading up to the deck. Casey's hands gripped the railing like a lifeline, and she took one last fortifying breath before taking that first step that would finally lead her to Ryder.

When she was finally up on the deck, the first thing that she noticed was that the house was dark inside. No lights were on except for a soft one out on the deck. If she knocked, would Ryder even hear her? With no way of knowing except for simply doing it, Casey raised her hand and knocked on the glass and waited.

And waited.

And waited.

Had he gone out? She was just about to turn and leave, cursing herself for her impulsive behavior when she saw Ryder coming toward her. Her heart rate kicked up at his approach, and when he reached the glass door, he simply stood there and looked at her. Casey couldn't read his expression, and she began to really second-guess her decision to come here.

“Ryder?” she asked with uncertainty. But he said nothing; he simply continued to look at her through the glass. “It's kind of chilly out here. Can I please come in?” She was certain that he'd open the door right up for her, but instead he turned his head and looked as if he was searching for something.

Oh no…
she suddenly thought with a sickening feeling in her belly.
He's not alone.

Putting her hand up and taking a step back, she said, “You know what? It can wait. Really. I'm sorry that I disturbed you.” Turning and doing her best not to trip over everything in sight in her attempt at a quick and hasty getaway, she didn't hear the door sliding open.

“Casey,” he said gruffly and she turned back toward him. “What are you doing here?” His hair was ruffled and he was shirtless, wearing nothing but a pair of cotton pajama pants hung low on his hips.

She nearly swallowed her tongue.

“It…it was nothing,” she stammered and continued her less-than-graceful backward walk toward the stairs. “You can just…go back to…whatever you were doing and um…text me tomorrow with the venue that you want me to book for your cousin.” She banged her heel on the edge of a lounge chair and cursed.

Ryder came toward her slowly. “Are you okay?”

“What?” she asked nervously. “Oh, I'm fine. Really. Never better.” Looking over her shoulder to make sure that the path was clear, she added a final good night before turning her back on him.

And that's when he reached for her and pulled her back against him. Casey's skin was freezing against his hands and Ryder could feel her shivering. He rubbed his hands up and down her arms for several moments while he simply took in the feel of her against him—the smell of the ocean and the vanilla that always drove him wild. “Why are you here?” he whispered against her throat and heard her moan slightly as she did her best to press her body fully against his without being obvious.

“I wanted…”

“Yes?”

“I needed to…”

He kissed her neck and then simply blew on the spot and almost had to catch Casey as her knees buckled. “What do you need, Case?”

“You,” she said, her voice shaking “I need you, Ryder.”

Without a word, he bent and swung Casey up in his arms and strode back to the house, stopping only to shut the sliding doors and lock them before taking Casey to his bed.

Gently laying her down, Ryder stood and took in the sight before him. Everything about it was right.