More Than Enough (17 page)

“My car is parked right over there.” I looked over to find a black Chevy Cruze parked on the curb. “Let me go clock out and I need to text my boyfriend and let him know I’ll be late.”

My head popped up suddenly. I didn’t mean to have the reaction I did, I just wasn’t sure I would have expected it. Honestly if he hadn’t said anything I never would have guessed. Sure, I questioned his outfit earlier this evening but that was it. To me, he was someone reaching out and being a friend in the time of need. Boy was that coming in handy right now.

“So you’re like Will?”
I asked. Ok maybe that wasn’t the best way to approach it but it just sorta came to me. This is what I get for drinking.

He turned back and smiled a megawatt smile and replied, “Yep, just like you’re Grace.” He winked then ran back inside real quick.

I walked over to his car and just stood beside it waiting. I really wanted to pull my phone out and text Luke again. If he would just talk to me, then everything would be ok. We could get through this I know it. There isn’t a single beat in my heart that doesn’t believe that.

Paul made his way over and unlocked the car. I sat down and put my seatbelt on. The darkness inside was welcoming. No one could see the pain I was feeling from here.

He started the car and looked at my phone to see the battery life that was beginning to barely hang on. “Charge your phone before it dies. And give me your number so I can check on you tomorrow.”

I smiled and rattled my phone number off to him.
He saved it and showed me the name he put it under, Grace. I wasn’t in a laughing mood but that definitely put me in a better mood. “Thank you for driving me. Do you know where Newton is?”

“I do, sit back and relax.” He turned on the local country station and began humming along to the Luke Bryan song that was playing.

Luke Bryan. Luke. That name was just coming up everywhere it didn’t need to be. I fought back the latest round of tears that threatened my eyes and looked out the window. I must have played connect the stars several times the whole ride to my moms house. I made at least three hearts, two dogs and something that I couldn’t even identify.

The rest of the trip was a blur. Paul didn’t push me to talk, he just silently drove and once we got into
Newton I took a deep breath as I was getting ready to face more demons in the closet. I kept reminding myself that everything was ok now. Things were different, thanks to….Luke.

When he pulled up into my mom’s driveway, I noticed that everything looked the same. The same tree still stood in the front yard and the same brown door was propped open like every night she waited for me to come home from a football game
in high school. I guess some things never change. She stood in the doorway when she saw the car pull up.

I leaned over to give Paul a hug. “Thank you again. I’m glad I met you, Will.”

He smiled and kissed my cheek. “Anything for you Grace. I will be checking on you. If you need a ride back home, call me.”

I smiled through my hurt and replied, “I will.”
I grabbed his hand and squeezed it one more time. I was so glad to have found a friend in him, and just to think earlier I was being a bitch practically threatening his job.

“Hey, Paul I have a question.”
He gave me his complete attention as he waited to see what I was getting ready to say now. “My friend Halley’s wedding is next weekend, would you like to be my date? I have to walk in the wedding with oh you’re gonna love this one…the guy who kissed me.”

His jaw dropped and his eyes practically were bugging out of his head. “Girl, that sounds like a whole mess.”

Oh no, he was going to say no. Shit. Well, it was worth a shot. He had no idea just how big of a mess this really was going to be now. Wait until I told Halley. Maybe I could get lucky and she will convince Marcus to yank Trevor out of the wedding.

“Count me in. I’ll be your date.” I hugged him one more time before I got out of the car.

As I closed the Cruze door behind me and Paul drove away, I stood there frozen for a second. You can do this Macy. Ray isn’t here anymore; it’s just you and mom like old times. Being here for a day or two will give me time to clear my head and sort things out and then maybe Luke will be ready to talk to me. He needed time to heal and forgive me, I totally get that. I really don’t know what I need to be forgiven for since I didn’t lie to him. I was upfront and honest about the kiss, it’s not my fault that he believed something he thought he saw. I blinked back a few tears at the thought that I wasn’t going to be lying in bed with him tonight.

I
drew in the deepest breath I could and let it out. I slowly walked up to my mom and as she pulled me into her arms, the tears came back like I never cried before.

Chapter 12

She held me as I cried for what seemed like forever. I don’t even remember the last time this happened. That’s pretty sad but at least I’m here now in this moment. She leads me inside the house. The same house I grew up in. The same house I lost my innocence and happy times in. The same house that made me the way I am today, the reason I couldn’t move on with my life how I wanted to for so long. I shoved all the negativity back and wiped my eyes because at one time this was a happy home and right now it became one once again.

The kitchen still looked the same as before. Mom always left her clean dishes in her drain board. She hated putting the dishes up so she just grabbed when she needed something. She grabbed a glass and filled it with water for me.

“Drink this baby girl.” She held the glass out and slowly I grabbed it and gave her a half smile.

I drank the water and rinsed the glass out placing it right where she just grabbed it from. See? It’s this crazy repetitive cycle. I walked to the living room. The same photo of mom and me when I was seven hung on the wall next to one of us before I went off to my junior prom.

I remember that night like it was yesterday. She and I had gone dress shopping just a few days before. It was so risky. I actually was worried that I wouldn’t be able to find a dress. I don’t even remember why we waited so long but when we went, I knew it was the dress the minute I saw it. The dress was ivory colored with beads along the bust. I didn’t even have to get it altered; it hung just perfectly and fit everywhere it needed to. I assumed it was a sign from God, I mean it was absolutely everything I was looking for. Gah, I loved it. When my date picked me up, she made us do all the cheesy poses in front of the mantle and gave him the stern talk of have my daughter home by midnight and blah blah blah. We were just happy to get into his truck and go. That night was an absolute blast.

I looked at the clock and yawned. “I’m going to go lay down mom. Thank you for letting me come stay.”

“Not a worry baby girl. Get some rest.”

She disappeared into her room and I stalked slowly to my bedroom. Suddenly I wasn’t sure if this was the better decision.
Facing these demons were something I hadn’t really given too much thought to. What if I begin to literally lose my mind? Maybe I should have stayed with Gary.

I stood outside the closed door just staring at it. The wooden ‘M’ that I had painted pink with blue polka dots still hung on the door along with a cheerleading pennant from my high school.

Before I opened the door and faced whatever demons were waiting on the other side of the door, I grabbed my freshly charged phone and texted Paul. “Thank you again Will ;)”

Instantly he replied, “You’re welcome Grace :)”

I drew in a deep breath and walked inside the room. I searched for a familiar scent but couldn’t find one. You couldn’t smell the Britney Spears perfume I used to wear or the massive amounts of hairspray I would put in my hair to keep it in place for games. I flipped the light switch on to find everything looking exactly how I left it four years ago. My bed was still unmade. The pink striped comforter was still pulled back and the pillow still lay at the head of the bed.

The tan colored walls still held the same posters. The poster of Kurt Cobain still hung next to the one of No Doubt
and on the other wall my Marilyn Monroe calendar was next to my clock that held the wrong time. Guess that battery died a while back. There were one or two framed pictures of me and my mom hanging on the other side of the clock along with a picture of my old cheerleading team. I smiled at the memories and yawned. I was exhausted mentally, physically, and emotionally.

Things have become such a mess and I was trapped in the middle of it all. This was definitely not how this night was supposed to have gone. I never thought I’d see the day I was back in this house.
The urge to text Luke came across my mind one more time and before I could decide whether to or not, I fell asleep with the phone lying in my hand.

“Ohmigod Trevor I think it’s time!” The warm liquid slid down my legs and for a minute, I thought I had just peed myself. This definitely was not pee.

Trevor came running in the room with a huge grin on his face. He pulled me in for a kiss which was amazing, but I felt absolutely disgusting.

I slowly moved to the bathroom and wiped down my legs as he went to get our bags that we had packed for the hospital.
He threw them in the car and came back inside to help get me. I started breathing pretty heavy trying not to freak out. I wasn’t having contractions or anything yet, but it was pretty nerve racking knowing I would be giving birth sometime today to our daughter.

I pulled my phone out and sent a group text to Halley and Gary. They both responded rather quickly and told me they were on their way to the hospital.

Instantly they admitted me and I was in a room on a drip that hurt like hell. The nurse said this will soften my cervix. Eff that!! She needs to see what this feels like. Halley sat there feeding me ice chips while Gary and Trevor were talking. They have it so easy; I really don’t like them right now. I’m sick and tired of ice. I want real food so this baby needs to come on! The contractions I had begun having were horrible. It felt like the worst menstrual cramps times a million. That’s the only way I can think to describe it. But once I got the epidural, I felt like a whole new woman. Maybe this wouldn’t be so bad. I could talk without wincing at pain.

Two hours later, the nurse said the baby was ready and she ran to grab the doctor. Gary and Halley walked out of the room so I could bring our daughter into the world. Dr. Reid was amazing the whole time and when he placed her in my arms
for the first time, I cried.

“You did it baby.” Trevor said giving me a kiss on my forehead before he leaned in to kiss her head.

“No, we did it.” Now we our family is finally complete.

But it still felt like something wa
s missing…..someone with green eyes, wait who? I don’t know anyone like that. What’s wrong with you Macy?

I woke up trembling at the dream I just had. It took a minute or two for me to realize where I was once I tried to feel for Luke and couldn’t feel him.
Awkward isn’t even the word for this moment. I’ve been so used to his chest pressed up against my back for so long now; it’s like remembering how to breathe all over again. I checked my phone to see what time it was. It was a few minutes before six am. The sun would be coming up soon and a new day was here whether I like it or not.

Everything from the night before started coming back to me slowly. Drinking with Halley, dancing, meeting Paul, missing the hell out of Luke then Trevor. He ruined everything for me again. I can’t believe he tried to kiss me. He had a hell of a lot of nerve
, but then when didn’t he have nerve? Thank God he hadn’t tried to text me or I would really light his ass on fire. I was beyond pissed at this point, I was purely livid. Now the thought of having to walk with him in the wedding really did make me sick to my stomach but being the best friend I am, I’m going to suck it up and deal with it. I can’t believe Luke didn’t believe me and just walked away like that. He said he’d never leave me, I heard him tell his Mom he was never going to let me go. He told me that and I believed it with everything in me. He asked me to marry him for crying out loud and I said yes. My heart was his still, I couldn’t take it away. I’d forgotten all about how it felt to hurt and I need someone to take all the knives out my chest because that’s what it feels like. Pure, searing pain all through my body. If it hadn’t been for Paul, I’m not sure what I would have done.

Slowly I sat up on my bed and took in the same surroundings I did just a few hours ago when I got here.
I groaned and drug myself out of bed. Gross I still smelt like last night. I desperately wanted all of last night off of me. Good thing about being at my mom’s house was I still had a dresser full of clothes. I fumbled for a pair of soft shorts and an old high school t-shirt. On the floor by my dresser was a pair of Nike shoes that I had bought the day before I left. They were still practically brand new. Good I needed shoes to wear. I definitely was unprepared for this trip. I loved my boots but my feet were bound to be killing me if I wore them all day long.

I opened my bedroom door and peered out down the hall.
The house was quiet, almost an eerie kind of quiet. She must still be sleeping. I made my way to the bathroom and shut the door. I wasn’t sure why I even looked in the mirror, it was just horrible. My face was worn out and my eyes had bags under them from crying last night. I looked like a damn train wreck. All aboard the hot mess express. I got the clothes off and stood in the hot shower letting the water wash all the pain away. Under the shower, I couldn’t help but start crying again and I let all the tears go down the drain.