More Than Friends (5 page)

Shaking her head, she sank into the chair across from Kendall. Kendall and Melanie belonged together. Yet Kendall sat here telling her that Melanie had ended it.

“When things settle down, you’ll talk to—”

“She’s right, Evelyn. We’re basically roommates these days. It’s over.” Kendall’s eyes filled and immediately spilled over, as if saying the words pushed her across a boundary she’d been clinging to.

Evelyn stood and circled the table. Kendall started to cry just as she put her arms around her. She couldn’t say anything to comfort Kendall, but her mind raced ahead to where she would seek answers next.

*

“Open up, Mel. I saw your truck. I know you’re in there.”

Melanie had known who pounded on her door even before Evelyn shouted. Despite Kendall’s assertion that she didn’t know where she’d go, Melanie suspected she would eventually end up at Evelyn’s.

After Kendall had left, she’d curled up on the couch and let go. She’d pulled a blanket over herself and cried, as if releasing her tears could also purge her heart of the grief and guilt. When she’d finally quieted, her throat felt raw and her eyes swollen, but her emotions remained.

She wasn’t ready to deal with Evelyn yet and debated not answering the door, but Evelyn probably wouldn’t give up. Unfortunately, she couldn’t let her continue to yell and wake her neighbors. So she stood and used the few steps to the door to compose herself, pushing back her shoulders and taking a deep breath. She glanced in the mirror in the hallway as she passed. She didn’t have time to fix the mess her face had become, but she swiped at her cheeks and straightened her hair anyway. Evelyn barely waited for the door to open completely before she strode inside.

“What’s going on? I just spoke to Kendall and she’s a wreck. She says you two are splitting up.”

“It’s complicated.” She turned away.

“Relationships are complicated.” Evelyn rolled her eyes. “Or so I’ve been told.” She skirted the coffee table and blocked Melanie’s path back to the sofa. Melanie changed course and avoided eye contact. “What happened?”

“Nothing. I mean, nothing specific.” She picked up a stack of mail off the foyer table and began to flip through it. Though the task occupied her hands, she stared unseeing at the envelopes in front of her.

“You don’t just end a seven-year relationship for no reason, right? Come on, Mel. What happened?”

“I don’t want to talk about it right now.”

“You don’t—Kendall’s at my place crying her eyes out. Tell me—”

“It’s really not your business, Evelyn.”

“The hell it isn’t.” Evelyn ripped the stack of envelopes from her hand and tossed them on the counter behind her. “You guys are my closest friends.” Evelyn took her by the shoulders and guided her to the couch, then sat down on the edge of the coffee table facing her, their knees nearly touching.

She met Evelyn’s eyes and choked back a sob. She looked away, unprepared for the compassion so at odds with the harshness of Evelyn’s tone. She took a deep breath. “We’d been holding onto something that was no longer there.”

“You can get counseling.”

“We tried it once.” She heard the echo of failure in her own voice.

“What? When?”

She shook her head. “It doesn’t matter, it didn’t work.”

“Maybe if she knows it’s her last chance, Kendall will try harder this time.”

“It’s not—she didn’t—” Therapy had been Melanie’s idea, but she hadn’t expected to feel so uncomfortable. They would talk to someone and fix their relationship, or so she’d thought. But they couldn’t find a solution by talking to a stranger about the intimate details of their life together. Or maybe she just didn’t want to accept the answers she’d discovered. Though she didn’t want to discuss this, she also couldn’t let Evelyn blame Kendall. “Counseling didn’t work—for me, Ev. This was on me.”

“You can try again.”

She surged to her feet. “Seven years. Do you think I’d just let that go without being sure?” She sighed. She’d rehearsed that conversation with Kendall dozens of times before getting up the nerve to initiate it. But she hadn’t thought about how difficult talking to Evelyn might be.

“We lost touch. I mean, I know the relationships in those romantic comedies she loves so much are fiction. But do you think the passion can last?”

“So this is about sex?”

“Not sex. Well, not just sex. Intensity, maybe. Kendall and I had become little more than friends. We could barely summon the energy to argue anymore.”

“You—uh—you said not just sex. Kendall said something similar. I didn’t know you guys were—um—”

“Incompatible?” Melanie forced a smile. “I can’t remember the last time we were intimate.”

“Geez.”

“Yeah. More than you wanted to know about us, huh?”

“I’ll say.”

“It wasn’t always like that. In the beginning—” Her face suddenly flushed with embarrassment when she realized how much she was revealing. She clenched her hands together until her fingers ached. “I’m sorry. I’m sure you don’t want to hear about this.”

“Not in detail, no.” Evelyn covered her hands. “Are you sure about this?”

Evelyn’s eyes mirrored Melanie’s own grief, and emotion strangled any response she might have had. She nodded.

“Are you—um—is there someone else?”

“Wow. Kendall didn’t even accuse me of cheating.” She pulled her hands free and leaned back.

“I didn’t mean—I’m just trying to understand what happened and why now.”

“I’ve always been faithful, and if we’d stayed together I would have continued to be. But fidelity isn’t enough, Ev. I want her to be happy and I want to be happy. I want to be wanted—desperately. God, does that just make me sound like a pathetic romantic?”

“Not at all,” Evelyn said quietly.

“I’d convinced myself that couples were supposed to mellow into friendship—that it happened to everyone. But I just couldn’t shake the feeling that I need something more. Besides, that wasn’t our only issue. We barely see each other. I work all day, and by the time she gets home from work all I want to do is go to sleep.”

“We bid for shifts every year. She’s got enough seniority to get day shift.”

“I know. But she didn’t.”

“That doesn’t make sense. If she knew you were having problems, she should have…”

Melanie winced, knowing exactly the memory Evelyn’s mind had grabbed hold of. Once, last year, Kendall had told Evelyn she was thinking about bidding a different shift. Evelyn shot the idea down immediately without asking about Kendall’s motivations.

“She never told me.” Guilt washed over Evelyn’s features.

“It’s not your fault.” She and Kendall had talked extensively about the proposed change in shift, but in the end Kendall wouldn’t commit. She clung to her routines, both personally and professionally. Evelyn’s objection had been a convenient excuse, one of many. But she’d grown tired of excuses when she barely got to see her girlfriend. Just once, she wanted to come first.

“Why didn’t you tell me? I know, this is about you guys, not me. But neither of you let on that things had gotten this far.”

“I’d been telling myself my unhappiness would pass, that it was a phase. And I didn’t want to put you in the difficult position of choosing sides. I still don’t.” As close as they both were to Evelyn, Melanie believed some things should stay between them as a couple.

“Is there anything I can do for you?”

She shook her head.

Evelyn looked as if she wanted to say something more, but she didn’t. Instead, she stood. “I’m sorry for barging in so early. But Kendall was so upset I kind of freaked out.” She backed toward the door and Melanie followed.

“It’s okay. You were concerned for Kendall, I get it.”

Evelyn lowered her head and fished her keys out of her pocket. “I’m sorry you guys are going through this. You’ll call me if you need something?”

“Of course.”

Again, she felt like Evelyn wanted to say something more, but she held back. After a moment of awkward silence, Evelyn nodded and opened the door.

Melanie suppressed the urge to call her back inside and ask her to stay. Though she should be alone, to work through her feelings, she’d rather plop down on the sofa with Evelyn and find a good movie to distract herself for a few more hours. But Evelyn worked with Kendall and Kendall was at her house right now. Even if they didn’t ask her to choose sides, by default, the decision was made. Her friendship with Evelyn was just one of many things that were about to change drastically.

Chapter Four

“Good morning,” Evelyn called as she pushed open the front door.

“In the kitchen.”

Evelyn followed the sound of Kendall’s voice, surprised to find her there. The past several mornings she’d returned from her daily run to find Kendall still moping in bed. Today, she stood in front of the stove, spatula in hand. She flipped several pancakes and then turned to Evelyn. “Breakfast?”

“I can’t eat anything that heavy after a run.” She inhaled the smoky scent of bacon and couldn’t resist snatching a piece from the plate.

“Pancakes?”

“No, thanks.” Knowing the punishment her stomach would inflict if she indulged, instead she took a container of Greek yogurt and several fresh strawberries from the fridge. “Looks like you’re feeling better.” She watched Kendall pile four pancakes onto a plate and saturate them in syrup. “Got your appetite back, huh?”

“I guess so.” Kendall shrugged as she slid onto a stool next to the island.

“Will you be ready to run with me tomorrow morning? I could really use the workout.” Their competitive natures fueled them when they exercised together. She mixed sliced strawberries into her yogurt and then leaned against the counter opposite Kendall.

“I see no reason to get up at five a.m. if I don’t have to.” Kendall shoved a forkful of pancake into her mouth, chewed quickly, and swallowed. “There’s a reason I work second shift, you know.”

“Yeah, what is it?”

“What?”

“Why do you work evening shift? You and Melanie could have been on the same schedule if you’d gone to days.”

Kendall shoved her plate away and stood up. “I thought you went over there last weekend to talk some sense into her, but apparently you’ve been listening to her bitch about me.”

“I just asked a question.” She clamped down the urge to remind Kendall that she’d been listening to her complain about Melanie as well. Kendall had called in sick to work and sulked for the past four days.

“Oh, come on, those words were right out of her mouth.”

“She wasn’t bitching about you. She talked about her reasons for doing what she did. I listened, yes, because I’m trying to be a good friend to both of you.”

“Yeah, well, I have my reasons, too. I worked days when I was in training and hated it. I don’t like getting up early, and I hate making bullshit reports all shift. That’s all they do on days, and you know it. So what good is there in Melanie and me spending more time together if I’m miserable half the time? I would never ask her to change her career to make me happy.”

“I’m sorry. I know this is a tough time and I don’t want to add to your stress.” She didn’t have any right to judge how Kendall was handling her relationship. She certainly wasn’t an expert on keeping a girlfriend.

Sometimes she wished she could go back to men, though she knew plenty of lesbians who would judge her for such thoughts. Her relationships with the men she dated until her junior year in college had been easy. She had no problem fulfilling the physical requirements, and they expected very little from her emotionally. Then she’d met Colleen. Colleen was older, a graduate student, and unabashedly driven. She’d fallen head over heels. She’d never felt anything nearly as intense and, while not ready to label herself as lesbian, she couldn’t deny being at least bisexual.

When it ended, she tried to convince herself she’d been attracted to Colleen not
because
she was a woman, but in spite of it. She started dating men again, but once that part of her was awakened, she was unable to stop the flashes of awareness when she encountered a lesbian or the sparks of attraction when she developed a crush on a female classmate. She could still appreciate an attractive man, but when it came to relationships, she wanted to be with a woman.

Her relationship history was still a disaster—short-lived love affairs that burned out once the sex was no longer exciting and regular. She couldn’t always blame the other woman, but she didn’t shoulder all of the responsibility either. Still, she expected things would change when she met the right woman. She hoped her grand romance, her love-at-first-sight-across-a-crowded-room moment was still out there.

For now, she intended to support Kendall through this breakup.

“Are you going to work today?” She didn’t think their sergeant would buy illness as an excuse for too much longer. And she hated the evasive answers she recited when the other guys kept asking after Kendall’s health.

Kendall shrugged. “Stay home with me. We’ll catch a movie or something.”

“Can’t.” She snagged another piece of bacon from the plate Kendall had pushed away. “I have court, two cases in General Sessions. Actually, I have to get ready soon so I can go in early. You have to go back eventually. Tuesday is as good a day as any to make a fresh start.”

“Maybe tomorrow—”

“Nope. Today.” She took Kendall’s hand and guided her from the stool and down the hallway toward the bedrooms. “Maybe work will help occupy your mind for a while. It can’t be good to spend so much time alone. I’m giving you a few more hours for this pity party, and then I expect you to take a shower and get your butt to the precinct. I’ll meet up with you when I get out of court.”

She nudged Kendall in the direction of the guest bedroom, then went to her own room to get ready for work.

*

Melanie hefted several patches of sod from a large pallet at the edge of the driveway. She crossed the lawn to the end of a completed row, passing two other members of her team on the way, and placed the new pieces, carefully adjusting the seams. As she returned to the pallet, her mind began to wander to Kendall but she snapped it back. She wondered how Kendall was coping but had decided not to call or text. Though their relationship had been nearing an end, she had been the one to sever their lifeline and now she had to give Kendall space.