More Than One Night (24 page)

Today.

Today she would press him to tell her the truth about the nightmares and promise him she'd see a specialist about her infertility. She would invite him to come with her and ask that she be allowed to come to counseling with him. They could be there for each other—find their own little slice of happiness in this world.

The hissing and gurgling from the coffeepot signaled the completion of the brewing cycle. "Thank God." A moment later the strong, hot beverage washed over her taste buds and heated the stone pit resting heavily in her stomach.

Unable to put it off any longer, as she didn't want Annie to be awake for this conversation, she poured him a cup and slowly made her way back to the bedroom.

The rock in her stomach did a flip-flop as she drank in the magnificent sight of Daniel. His body, a picture of perfection. The frown on his face and the deep furrow of his forehead indicated his mind was in turmoil. The ache in her heart intensified until the pressure in her chest stole her ability to breathe. The pure, agonizing realization washed over her. For the first time in her life, she'd allowed herself to fall in love. Her love for him demanded she try to help him get better. Though she thought it would be hard to argue against the merit of nightmare-free sleep, she wanted to avoid the same mistakes her mother had made by defining better for him. Pulling him down a road she'd never traversed would be wrong, but offering to walk with him would be better.

The smell of fresh coffee worked its magic, and a few minutes after entering the room, his long lashes fluttered open. His crystal blue eyes lit up as he came to awareness. "You brought me coffee in bed?"

She handed him the cup and smiled at the look of relief settling over his handsome face as he took the first few sips.

The lump in her stomach defied gravity and slid into her throat. She didn't want to mess this up. "I know I said it last night, but I don't think I had your full attention. Thank you for everything you've done for me and for my family. You have given so much of yourself, and we've shared so much of our pain. I've never felt a connection to another person like I have to you, almost from the moment I bumped into you on the plane."

He nodded but didn't smile.
Not good.
"I don't know how I can repay you for showing me how to live life and to face my dragons, even if you had to knock them down to size for me first."

Daniel set his cup on the table next to the bed and lifted her hand to kiss the back. "We've been good for each other."

She didn't like his use of the past tense. "Agreed, and I see not only a good future together but a great one." When he looked away from her, the lump in her stomach tripled in size. Placing her cup next to his, she reached out to touch his shoulder. The tension in the muscles clearly indicated he was anything but relaxed. "I know something is bothering you. I suspect your nightmares have returned. Talk to me. We'll figure this out together."

"There's nothing to talk about. This is something I have to work out on my own."

She blinked rapidly to stop the tears accumulating from slipping down her cheek. "No, you don't. I thought I was going to have to deal with my physical problems alone, but you offered to help me. I was thinking this morning as the coffee was brewing. We can set up an appointment for a specialist for me, and we can find someone to meet with, together, to help you through your challenges. I know they're not the same, but we both have things we need to deal with. Won't it be better to do it together?"

The nervous tension inside her body overwhelmed her small frame and escaped into the air from her admission. Waiting wasn't one of her strong suits either. Would her words get through?

Daniel's eyes hardened as he slid out of bed. "I appreciate the concern, Mel, really I do, but it's not necessary. I'm fine."

Following his lead, she moved to stand on the opposite side of the bed. "You told me the other day I needed to tell the truth, even if it hurt. Maybe you should follow your own advice. I may have a lot to learn when it comes to people, but I've developed a pretty good understanding of you. You're not sleeping, you've been withdrawn, and last night I watched you suffer through a nightmare. You are anything
but
fine, Daniel."

His body tensed, and the warmth drained from his eyes. "You have no right to judge me. You can't possibly understand what I'm going through."

She nodded. "You're right. I can't. But I want to understand—want to help you. Isn't that what people who love each other do?" Dear God, that's not how she wanted to profess her love for him.

*   *   *

Daniel's eyes widened. "You're trying to guilt me into therapy by telling me you love me?" That may be the lowest trick in the book anyone had every tried on him.

She shook her head as the tears began to fall. "I'm not trying to guilt you into anything. You want to define 'whatever this is'? Well, I can't answer for you, but for me
this
is love. That's right. I love you, Daniel. Because I love you, I want to share in life with you, both the good and the bad. You've given me a little of each along with a healthy dose of wonderful. Now I want to be there for you."

She loved him. Shit. He really didn't deserve that. She was everything he was not. Oh, he tried to be a good father, a good soldier, a good friend, but he'd failed. Annie had been growing up with an alcoholic mother while he was off fighting a war. He'd followed orders and demanded the same from the men who reported to him. His orders, his choices, had directly resulted in three men losing their lives. Last, but certainly not least, his green-eyed sexy wallflower had blossomed into the amazing woman standing in front of him telling him she loved him. He couldn't risk bringing her down with him. No. It was going to be hard enough holding himself together for Annie and making sure he didn't screw her up. He refused to take that chance. "You can't be there for me."

His heart began to break off into tiny pieces, cutting into his very soul at the sadness permeating the entire room. "I can. You just have to let me."

Whether she would ever believe him or not, he was doing this for her own good. "You can't because I'm leaving."

"You can't leave. Please, Daniel. Stay so we can work this out."

He closed the distance between them and kissed her on the forehead. "I'm sorry, Mel. I can't."

Her tears fell freely now. Damn. Damn. Damn. This really was for the best…wasn't it? "When are you leaving?"

"As soon as I can pack our stuff. I'll take Annie out to the car while she's still sleeping."

The thought of both of the women in his life reduced to tears delivered a crushing blow to his chest, making it difficult to breathe. He pressed his hands against the sides of his head, willing the pressure to ease. "When she wakes up, I'll try to explain everything to her."

"I need to say good-bye."

 "No."

He forced himself to ignore the look of pain on her face.

"Please, Daniel. I know you're hurting, and I've probably gone about this all wrong. But, I really do care about you and Annie. I just want to say good-bye."

Stepping closer, his voice lowered. "If she sees you crying then she'll start crying. Not going to happen." His eyes found hers and locked them together for a moment. He needed to make sure she understood. "I hope you can forgive me for doing the right thing here. You're going to meet Mr. Perfect someday, rather than Mr. Messed Up, and you'll thank me for having the strength to leave you."

Melodie watched numbly as Daniel moved about the apartment collecting his and Annie's things. She wanted to say more but, really, what more was there to say? She'd told him she loved him and offered to walk next to him through difficult times. That was it—the most she had to give. And it wasn't enough. She wanted to scream at him, argue with him…hell, even throw something at him. Annie's peaceful, sleeping form kept her from doing any of those things.

Maybe the gift of argument was something to be treasured. Before she could come up with anything more to say, he'd carried Annie to the car and returned to grab their bags. Leaning forward, he kissed her on the forehead. "Good-bye, Mel."

She'd watched him pull away and stared after the empty space for several minutes before shutting the door and moving into her bedroom. Not wanting to be on the bed, she lowered herself to the floor in the corner of her bedroom, knees clutched close to her chest and head lowered. She let the tears fall until the supply had dried up, leaving a raw, empty ache deep inside her chest. Time passed by, either quickly or slowly, she couldn't be sure. Her cell phone buzzed a couple of times, but she was in no condition to talk to anyone right now. She'd call whoever it was back later.

Stacks of unread books hovered nearby on her nightstand, calling to her with their swan song. An invitation to lose herself in the pages and escape the pain reality served up on a regular basis. Why had she let herself succumb to Daniel's charms? Even worse, why had she agreed to let him stay here with his loveable daughter?

An incessant banging on the door proved much harder to ignore than a buzzing cell phone. She hugged her knees even tighter and tried to black out the images of Daniel carrying his sleeping angel out the door and out of her life.

"Mel, what the hell is wrong with you?" Her sister's voice entered the room only moments before she did.

Melodie sensed her crouch down next to her, the familiar smell of her perfume offered a small touch of comfort in the midst of the turmoil. "Where are Daniel and Annie?"

A fresh supply of tears from God knows where found their way to her eyes and spilled out onto her cheeks. "Gone."

"That sonofabitch left you again? I'll find him and rip him a new one." Evelyn morphed into full attorney attack mode.

"No, I made him leave, I guess." Her voice wavered, but the message made its way through.

Her sister's body nudged in next to hers as Ev made room for herself on the floor. The pleat in her immaculately pressed pants served as a vivid reminder of how completely opposite they were. Still in the grey shorts and pink T-shirt, a very damp pink T-shirt, her appearance was a stark contrast to her sister. Not that it mattered anymore…

"Tell me what happened." Evelyn put her arm around Melodie and pulled her closer in a half embrace.

"I messed up in a big way."

"How so?"

"I told him I loved him and wanted us to help each other through the challenges we were facing." The admission came with a quiet acknowledgement, the tear slipping slowly from the corners of her eyes. Honestly, how could there be any water left in her body at this point? Realizing she was now dampening her sister's silk blouse, she pulled back. "Sorry about the blouse."

Warmth infused her cold heart as a strong arm pulled her even closer. "It's a stupid blouse. You cry if you need to. I'll send you the dry cleaning bill."

The slight tease in her last statement prompted Melodie to lift her head enough to see her face. "Thanks for being here."
Having a big sister is nice.
"Why are you here?"

"I wanted to see how things went with Mother. I tried calling, but you didn't answer the phone or return my calls. A bad habit you have, I might add. I came after mass."

"Where are the boys?"

"With their father, something about a trip to Bass Pro Shop, I think."

At the mention of the store where she'd had dinner with Daniel, she buried her head back in the comfort of Evelyn's embrace. "I was going to call you later. As you can see, I'm in no condition to carry on a conversation."

Manicured fingers gently combed through her hair. "I'm going to give you about five more minutes to wallow in self-pity, and then we're going to get off this hard floor, have a cup of coffee, and figure this out."

Melodie wanted to argue but knew this time her sister was right. Not that she would admit that outright to her.
Five more minutes didn't seem a reasonable time to process everything that happened between her and Daniel this morning. "Ten minutes?"

Evelyn smiled. "Seven and a half. Who says I can't compromise?"

Melodie closed her eyes but returned the smile with a small one. "You're a gem."

Exactly seven and a half minutes later, she was in the kitchen with her sister, watching as she made a fresh pot of coffee. "So, he left because he doesn't love you?"

"No, I'm pretty sure he left because he believes he doesn't deserve to be loved."

"Why?"

Melodie paused for a moment, not really sure this was her story to share. "Something happened when he was in Afghanistan working as a civilian contractor. He feels guilty for the role he played." She made eye contact with her sister, hoping to convey how serious this was without providing any more details. "Very guilty."

Several moments passed before her sister blinked and nodded. "OK, I understand that's his challenge. What's yours?"

This explained why her sister was a successful attorney. She never missed a detail. "I can't have children."

Evelyn's face registered surprise, but she quickly composed herself. "When did you find out?"

"The doctor told me about six months ago, right after Tom shipped out after his leave. The doctor and I have been trying different treatment options, but the scarring from the endometriosis is too severe."

Her sister pulled her into a strong embrace again. "I'm so sorry, Mel. The fact you can't have children isn't the end of the world. There are other options."

Melodie smiled sadly. "That's what Daniel said. I believed him…and you." She added. "I told him this morning I wanted to help him through his challenges just like he offered to help me through mine. I thought it was a perfect solution. He disagreed."

"And you listened to him?"

Evelyn's words struck a chord. She'd fought hard for him…for them. Hadn't she? "Not at first, but, unlike my family, I wasn't going to pressure him into trying to be or do something he wasn't ready for."