More than the Sum (12 page)

“
So you didn’t know Craig at all before the divorce?” she asked him, having assumed they had been friends, or known each other previously.

“
No, not at all. He might have found me in the phone book, for all I know.  He called me last November, asking me to represent him, and I obviously agreed.  When I met him, he was a mess. He was conflicted, and it became painfully obvious to me that he still cared a lot about you. But he seemed weak—well, in retrospect he was weak.  It wasn’t like he wanted the divorce; but that had become the inevitable consequence of his choices.  In spite of that, he still calls me once a month to see if you need anything.”

She was stunned.  “I haven’t heard one word from him directly since the night he left.” 

Allan said gently, “That is how he wanted it.  I think he thought it was going to be much harder for both of you if you were communicating. My personal opinion is that he wanted to make it easier on him, and I think he still struggles with guilt issues.  But, before we saw each other that night at the gallery, I advised him that unless he wanted to reconcile, it was better for him to leave a closed door shut.”  He watched her; to be sure she wasn’t upset by what he had told her.  He went on to add, “I may as well tell you, they’re expecting another baby.
”

Surprisingly, the news didn’t bother her. “Well, I guess that’s good if that is what they wanted.  Have you told him that we have been seeing each other?”  Brittany asked, surprised that the news didn’t bother her.

“
Yes, he knows.” He looked sheepish.  “And,
I
told him I can no longer represent him,” he added.

“
Good.” Brittany was relieved. “That makes me feel better.  I felt sneaky thinking we were seeing each other behind his back. I know that doesn’t make sense, but after you’ve been married, it is weird to feel unencumbered.” 

“
No, I see that a lot.” Allan responded. “Some people get the
vow
part
of the wedding ceremony, and take the responsibility to heart, but, most of the people I see in my office are married to someone who didn’t get it.  And, trust me, for the couples with children caught in the middle, it is rarely anything less than a nightmare.” He shook his head, obviously jaded by what he saw. “The parents try to justify their behavior to their children and lay the blame somewhere as far removed from their own choices as possible.  If you can believe it, the divorce rate for Christian couples is the same as for those outside the faith, and then some of the divorces between professing Christians are some of the ugliest I've seen.”

“
Well, since at the heart of it, both parties, whether they will admit it or not, have failed—or at the very least, made questionable choices, aren’t the odds stacked that it won’t be pretty?”  Brittany asked him.
   

“
I never looked at it that way” Allan said, “But it is so true.  When both parties are on the defensive, it is bound to get ugly”

***

Forming her foundation was a fairly straightforward process.  With the help of Allan and after several visits with Gloria Zachery she was able to conceptualize what she hoped would be a lasting legacy that dovetailed perfectly with where Gloria was heading with her new ministry. Since Brittany wanted no compensation, it was set up as a 501c3 charity to allow for tax deductible donations.

After meeting with Anita and her pastor, Brittany moved forward with her first project—helping Susan Brown, the still unemployed mother with the five children.  Brittany needed Anita to be the ‘front man’, letting Susan know what was being offered to her, because Brittany wanted to remain anonymous. They concluded the best way to accomplish what Brittany wanted was for her to give the money to the church, that would in turn, help Susan.  Both Allan and her pastor strongly warned her of the risks of anyone knowing about the money, convincing her how it could look like a fortune to people with questionable motives. 

Brittany was thrilled the day she wrote the first check to the church. It was a miracle to be part of how God could use the worst of thing in her life to do something amazing.

                                                             
Chapter Fourteen

With both hands, Brittany readjusted her tall white chef’s hat that was once again tipping to the side. She was trying to make it stay upright; wishing she’d decided to be anything but a chef for Halloween. 
How do they
do it?
She wondered, thinking how frustrating it would be to try to work wearing one of these awful things.  No matter what she did, whenever she moved the hat took on a life of its own. 

It was Halloween night, and she was almost ready for the onslaught of little ones who would soon be ringing her doorbell.  With great care to keep her head upright, she lifted a bowl of candy, setting it on her entry table by the door. 
Done!

The weather was not cooperating with the holiday. That morning a cold front had moved down the Atlantic Seaboard, bringing wind and rain with it.  By dusk it had begun to drizzle, and with nightfall the dense humidity was giving off the appearance of fog and even the streetlights outside her house were encircled with a ghostly aura.  She watched a passerby with his head down who looked ghostly, almost sinister. The woman checking her out at Wal-Mart when she was buying her candy told her to be careful tonight, very soberly warning her that demons would be running loose. The person walking past her house shrouded in fog looked as though he could be part of her prophecy. 

Shadow, a grown cat now, sat on the sill in the front window, watching for activity outside, his tail making time like a pendulum, indicating his impatience.  Now, as a cat owner, Brittany could defend that cats seemed to have an uncanny ability to sense change. It was as though he was anticipating something would be different about this evening and was waiting for the fun to begin. Brittany grabbed her cell phone to take a picture, hoping to capture him sitting silhouetted against the dark window, reflecting on how much he had added to her life over the past year. 

A car’s headlights streaked across the window; it would be Allan bringing their dinner.  He lived in an apartment building near his office, recently admitting to her that most years he didn’t give a thought about the hubbub this holiday stirred up, mainly because no one could get past his door man for the purposes of tricking and treating.  But, Brittany’s childlike anticipation made him curious to experience what being on the inside looking out felt like. He walked into the house, loudly announcing “Dim Sum”.  She took one look at him and was crestfallen when she observed he hadn’t changed his clothes after work.

“
What’s wrong?” he asked her, suddenly defensive when he saw her in her Chef’s attire and remembered he was supposed to be in costume.  “Okay, so I came as a CPA.”  He laughed at his own remark, but he could tell he’d hurt her feelings. Still, he couldn’t believe how she could be upset with him for not wearing a costume.  “I didn’t dream you meant for me to really wear a costume.  Honest...” 

“
Fine then...”

“
Really, Brittany, you should have been more specific.” 

“
Allan, I said, 'Wear a costume’, didn’t I?  How was that not specific?  And, now you have taken all of the fun out of it. This is our first Halloween together!”  She looked like she might cry.

He walked over to her, attempting to kiss and make up. She shoved him away. “Leave me alone or you’ll knock my hat off.”  It had already tipping to a cockeyed position, and she hurriedly reached up to set it aright one more time. He thought he saw the beginning of a smile just before the doorbell interrupted and she turned to answer it.

“
Trick or treat!” little voices cried out in unison. 

His attention turned from her to four little people, unrecognizable of course, who were extending their bright orange plastic pumpkins toward Brittany, expectantly watching her to see what she would add to what appeared to already be a significant haul of candy.  Brittany squatted down in front of them, with her chef’s hat askew again, intent on being at their eye-level, asking each of them in turn questions about their costumes, inquiring who they were supposed to be, and why, before putting more candy into the waiting pumpkins. 

When Allan looked beyond the children he saw three fathers waiting for them on the sidewalk, each holding umbrellas to shelter their young companions on their way to the next house.  He had never thought about being a father before, but tonight, for the first time, he wanted it.

And, he knew exactly who it was that he wanted to be their mother.

Chapter Fifteen

It was the afternoon of Christmas Eve.  Draped across Brittany’s bed was a red silk pant suit she’d purchased to wear for their dinner later that evening.  It seemed a bit much, but the color red had become so symbolic to them, she hadn’t been able to resist it. The suit was an Armani she had miraculously found in her favorite consignment shop—the original tags still on it.  Even though it had been greatly reduced in price, it was still a splurge, justified because how could she have imagined a year ago that she would be spending Christmas Eve with someone she hadn’t known existed, much less be so madly in love with him that her heart hurt?

When they discovered in early November that their birthdays were only a week apart, they agreed to not exchange gifts, but instead put the gift money into Brittany’s trust, now named
More than the Sum
, taken from Aristotle’s quote, “The whole is greater than the sum of its parts”—for Brittany it summed up her last year, if not her life.  God’s goodness to her was in every way more than the sum—and with time's passage, she could now look back and see that it was more than the whole as well.  When she gave God
permission to put the pieces back together, the outcome was bigger than the best whole imaginable.

She also believed she understood the lapse in time between seeing Allan at the gallery and when he called her in the fall. God had been at work in both their lives during that time and had they been seeing each other it might have distracted them both from what was now clearly a blessed relationship.

The day before the Thanksgiving holiday Brittany, Allan, Jeanne, and Randy, along with some volunteers from the church, delivered all of the fixings for turkey dinners to the women in her group who were struggling with making ends meet.  And, for the Christmas holiday, what the women didn’t know was that Santa, in the flesh, would soon be arriving at their homes, bringing presents for their children, and for them.  There were no words to describe the feeling that came from doing something good and taking no credit for it. 

She drew a hot tub, tossing a handful of scented salts into it, before dimming the lights and lighting a candle. Allan had called saying something unexpected had come up, allowing her time to indulge herself with the luxury of a too infrequent bath.  She slid into the silky water, letting her head rest on the cushioned pillow attached to the back of the tub.  There would be no disrespectful bubbles this afternoon—she wanted total silence, so she could reflect on what the holiday meant to her now that she truly grasped “The Reason for the Season”.

“
Thank you, God,” she whispered, looking over at a picture on her dressing table. It was one she had taken of Allan one evening a few weeks prior. The picture was of his profile; he was lounging on the sofa, wearing his reading glasses and reading the newspaper, his stocking feet were propped up on her coffee table and Shadow was proprietarily curled up on his lap. That night was the first time Brittany allowed herself to look ahead and see her future with him, and with his children, should God so bless them. 

He had not seen the picture, nor had she shared her thoughts with him, guarding them protectively, not wanting to test their fragility.  Hanging above the picture of Allan was the painting she had bought at the gallery that crazy night they watched the moon fill the sky from her front porch. Father Fate, as she called her Father above, must have had fun arranging that date.

Rich mentioned that he had pictures for her from the show, but she had declined seeing them, still grimacing when she remembered the fashion fiasco that day was.

***

For some reason she was feeling anxious, not in a bad way, but nervous in the fluttery way one feels when they are anticipating something good.  She was aware that, as it is with everything else in life, the moment would become, all too quickly, a memory. 

With the holiday approaching, they’d decided together it was vital to plan something that would overshadow the events in Brittany’s life a year ago; this was their first Christmas together, after all.  Rather than celebrate at home, Allan suggested they go to the Willard Intercontinental Hotel for dinner, and afterward to the Washington Cathedral for the Christmas Eve services there.  Brittany felt like a traitor for not going to her own church, but she was very excited about Allan’s suggestion.  She and Craig had never attended church services together, so their traditions, while personal and meaningful to them, completely missed the point of the holiday’s true meaning.