More Than Words (34 page)
Smoke drifted from a cook fire in the Gypsy camp, and I hesitated, unsure if I should call out and announce my presence or simply wander in without warning. I tried to decide what the Gypsies might prefer, but I hadn’t a clue. If there had been a door, I would have knocked, so it seemed more fitting to call out. I strained to see if I might catch a glimpse of Oma, but there was no sign of her from my vantage point. Alija and several other women were standing near the fire.
I cupped my hands to my mouth. “Gut afternoon, Alija!”
The women startled and looked in my direction before backing toward the wagons. All of them were pointing and chattering, the noise enough to draw the attention of several of the Gypsy men. Thankfully, Zurca was among them. Elbowing his way through the women, he waved me forward.
“What do you want, Gretchen?”
“My grandmother is missing, and I have come looking for her. I hoped I would find her here with you or Lalah.”
“I have not seen the old woman.” He glanced to his right, and Lalah stepped from behind one of the wagons.
Lalah shook her head. “I haven’t seen her, either, but if she comes into the woods, I will bring her back to the store.” The girl appeared soulfully sad.
I smiled at her, but she remained unresponsive. “Any word from Loyco?”
Zurca shook his head. “I am beginning to think he has deserted us for good. Either that or he is dead. He never stays away this long.”
Zurca had given no thought to the girl’s feelings with his gruff retort, but his words had impacted Lalah. She disappeared behind the wagon without a word, and I wished I could snatch back my question. “I will pray for his safety.” I raised my voice loud enough for Lalah to hear and hoped my promise would bring her a little comfort.
Alija shook her bony finger at me. “We don’t need your prayers. We can take care of Loyco using our own ways.”
“Bah!” Shoulders squared, Zurca strode toward her. “Your potions and chants haven’t brought Loyco home, Alija. Maybe Gretchen’s prayers will help. Either way, we break camp at the next full moon.”
I didn’t look at Alija before I turned to leave. Her angry eyes would only cause distress and further anxiety. And Zurca’s statement that they would leave with or without Loyco hadn’t helped, either. That opened the possibility of Lalah coming to live with us, which I hadn’t yet discussed with my father.
For now, I couldn’t worry about other matters. I climbed the path leading out of the woods, my fear increasing with every step. Where could Oma be hiding? I tried to tamp down my rising panic and told myself that when I returned to the store, she’d be back. I told myself Conrad had likely found her sitting on the porch of the Küche with Mina and the other women, or Father had discovered her in the barn with some of the calves.
Please, Lord, keep Oma safe and bring Loyco back to his people.
Over and over I sent the prayer winging toward heaven, then held my breath as I stepped inside the store and met Veda’s steady gaze. “Have they found her?” I asked.
She shook her head. “I’ve heard nothing from your father or Conrad.”
My shoulders sagged under the weight of her words. “If either of them returns, tell them she wasn’t in the woods or at the Gypsy camp, and that I went to the garden shed. Maybe she wanted to see some of the women who work in the garden. If she’s not there, I’ll go out toward the onion fields and circle back around.”
Veda tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “That’s a long walk for an old woman.”
“Ja, but not impossible for Oma.” When she wasn’t in her right mind, I was amazed at the things she accomplished. Who would believe she could climb a tree or walk six miles? Not even Oma would suppose such a thing when she was in her right mind, but her mind overpowered her body when she was having one of her spells.
Veda stepped from behind the counter and clutched my hand. “Do you think we should sound the alarm bell so others can help you look?”
“Not unless Vater tells you to. I don’t think he wants anyone else to know about the spells with her mind. He thinks it would embarrass her.” I squeezed Veda’s hand. “Pray that we find her before suppertime.”
“Ja, I will be praying.”
Confidence eluded me as I walked to the rear of the store and out the back door. The scent of autumn was in the air, and though some of the flowers in Oma’s small garden had died, the blooming mums and zinnias seemed to welcome the changing season. I stopped outside the washhouse. Had anyone looked inside? Better to look than discover she’d been so close all this time. There were several good hiding places in the washhouse, but Oma wasn’t in any of them.
My trip to the garden proved fruitless, as well. Except for some gardening tools, the shed was empty. Several of the women stopped their work and waved, but I continued onward. If I stopped, they’d ask questions. Questions I wasn’t prepared to answer.
I followed the narrow path that would lead me to the onion fields, all the time watching for Oma’s slight figure. If she had tired and lain down somewhere, I’d never find her out here. My disheartening search continued, with my only sightings the men who worked in the fields. Not one sign of Oma. I prayed as I walked, and when my thoughts wandered from my prayers, I tried to think where she could have gone. For the most part, she returned to the same spots when she was out of her mind. I continued my prayers—this time I also prayed that the Grossebruderrat would say yes to the Älterschule.
Please keep Oma safe, Lord. Please bring Loyco back to his people. Please, please, please. Do you hear me, Lord? I’m begging for your grace and mercy.
The sun had begun its slow descent. Soon the men would return from the fields and the supper bell would clang. I stared into the distance, but Loyco didn’t appear on his white horse, and Oma’s slight figure didn’t emerge from across the field. Assailed by defeat, I entered the far end of town and plodded down the street.
Streaks of deep golden sunlight shone through the meetinghouse window. A slight stirring captured my attention. I shaded my eyes and stepped closer, but nothing appeared. Nothing more than dancing rays of sunshine on panes of glass. Still, I felt compelled to remain, to watch. And then I saw it again—movement, a black cap on white hair. My shoes clattered up the wooden steps. I pushed down the latch and opened the door, my heart pounding at a frantic pace.
With her head bowed and hands folded, Oma was sitting on one of the benches. She looked up when I drew near. Her eyes were clear, and she patted the bench. “Sit down, Gretchen. We should talk.”
I dropped to the bench beside her, silently thanking God that she was safe. “We were worried about you, Oma. How long have you been here?”
“Who can say?”
I heard the wistful regret in her voice, and I reached for her hand. “Vater and Conrad are worried about you. We should return to the store.”
“Nein. We must talk.” She set her gaze on the unadorned whitewashed wall at the front of the church. “I know that sometimes my mind doesn’t work right and I do foolish things. This I have known for some time. I prayed I would get better.” She pulled her hand from my grasp and tucked a wisp of hair behind one ear. “God doesn’t hear my prayer. I am no better. Maybe worse, ja?” Her eyes said she knew the truth but hoped to be wrong.
“You have had trouble in the past, Oma. But who can say what the future holds? I am here, and I will take care of you, no matter what happens with your mind. I promise.”
“Ja, I know. You are a gut girl, Gretchen. Just like your Mutter.” She folded her hands together and rested them in her lap. “But it doesn’t change the way I feel. It doesn’t remove the fear in my heart. If I am not to get better, then I pray the fear will leave me or that death will come.”
“Don’t say that, Oma. What would I do without you?”
“You would be just fine. When Emil died, I thought I could not live without him, but I have. You have memories that will help you until we are joined again in heaven.” She offered a wistful smile. “There would be some peace in dying. I would be with Emil and your Mutter again, but I wouldn’t be with you and Stefan.” She pressed her palm to my cheek. “It is very frightening to know your mind is leaving you, Gretchen. You want to pull it back, but you can’t.”
“I understand, Oma.”
“Nein. You do not understand, child.” She touched her gnarly fingers to her heart. “In here I feel like a young girl—just like you, yet my brittle bones and gray hair, they tell me I am old and feeble. And if that is not enough, now my mind plays tricks on me.”
“If only there were some way we knew when it was going to happen so we could protect you from danger. I’m afraid you’re going to get hurt.”
Wisps of her gray hair danced in the waning sunlight as she bobbed her head. “I know you worry. I worry, too. Sometimes I know when one of these spells is going to happen. I get a little dizzy and can’t gather my thoughts. I try to be calm, but fear always wins. Then other times there are no signs at all. Nothing but a hazy memory that something has happened to me.”
I didn’t know how to respond. Though I knew my fear wasn’t the same as Oma’s, it was as deep. “When you know a spell is coming on, does it help if you rest?”
“Sometimes, but sometimes not at all.” She pointed first to one side and then to the other. “Sometimes I am half here and half there. Alija brewed a potion for me, but it didn’t help.”
“You told Alija?”
“Nein. She told me. One day when you were away from the store, she came in and talked to me. She said I had problems with my head, handed me the potion, and said I should drink it.”
“I cannot believe you would drink something that woman gave you.” There was no telling what Alija might have given Oma. After all, she had professed to thinking Oma had some special ability, hadn’t she? Maybe it was Alija’s attempt to steal the power she thought Oma possessed by using Gypsy rituals. To say such a thing aloud would sound silly, but who could know what Alija would say or do.
“Ach! If it was going to kill me, I would already be dead. And if it was going to help me, I wouldn’t have had a spell this afternoon. Enough about Alija. While I still have my thoughts in the right place, I want to confess something to you.”
“You should take your confessions to God, not to me.”
“You do not need to teach me about the faith, Gretchen. I know my confession of sins is made to the Lord. But this I need to tell to you, because it is about Conrad. I shouldn’t have interfered, but I am your grandmother. That’s what we are for—to interfere.”
I couldn’t imagine how she could have interfered with Conrad or how anything she’d said could have created a problem. Still, my shoulders tensed at what I might hear. “What did you tell him, Oma?”
“That you and that salesman were holding hands and whispering to each other. I told Conrad he must not stand back or that salesman would steal you away from us.” She pulled her handkerchief from her pocket and pulled at the hem.
I exhaled a breath and relaxed my shoulders. “We settled that matter some time ago, Oma, but I never did understand how he knew.”
“He didn’t tell you?”
I laughed. “No. Whenever I asked, he avoided my question.
Now I know why.”
“That Conrad, he is a gut man. Just like my Emil, he protected me.”
My exact memory of that day wasn’t particularly clear. I’d been so taken aback by Mr. Finley’s behavior and his offer to help me that everything else had become a jumble. “I was certain you were taking a nap when Mr. Finley was in the store.”
“Ja. That’s what you thought, but I wasn’t. I watched the two of you and decided Conrad must be told. He was taking too long to tell you of his love. I could see how he loved you from the time he was a young boy, but he didn’t have the courage to claim you. And that Mr. Finley. Ach! He was a
dummkopf
.”
“I don’t think so, Oma. Mr. Finley is a very shrewd man. He deceived me and many of the elders, too.”
She shrugged. “Maybe, but he didn’t fool me. I could see in his eyes he was not honest. I hope he never comes back here. Enough trouble he has caused.”
“I don’t think you need to worry about that, Oma. Maybe we should go home now?”
She shook her head. “One more thing I must tell you, Gretchen. If your Vater decides to send me to Mount Pleasant, you should not fight with him. Is not gut to have trouble in the family. I will go there if it is best.”
“How do you know about Mount Pleasant?”
She pulled on her earlobe. “I hear more than you think. I would not like to go there, but I would rather go than cause a problem between you and your Vater.”
“I don’t think we need to talk about Mount Pleasant. Mina has asked the elders for permission to open an Älterschule. If they agree, you could go there in the daytime and be with Mina. At night you could come home with us.”
The twinkle returned to her eyes as I described the Älterschule and Mina’s plan for the building to be located near the Kinderschule.
“I can teach the little ones to knit and crochet. Just like I taught you, ja?”
“Yes, Oma. Just like you taught me.” The bell rang in the distance. “We must hurry.”
She cackled. “Ja. If your Vater and Conrad miss supper on my account, they will not be happy.”
We joined hands as we departed the meetinghouse. For now, she was herself, and for that I was most thankful. Who could say what the future would hold, but I was certain God would provide the answers we would need.
Later that night after I’d gone into my room, I lifted my journal from the trunk and turned to the next empty page. What exciting stories I’d written since the day I’d met with the Grossebruderrat and made my pledge to God. Though none of my stories would be read by anyone except Mina or Conrad, it hadn’t diminished my pleasure in taking pen to paper. Not in the least.
