Mountain Ash (31 page)

Nate watched her mount the steps that led into the McCauley's Hill house. She was like a Mountain Ash. Majestic.
Vulnerable
.

A proud unmarried single mother of one, soon to be two.

He didn't know what to do. He didn't know how he could convince her to let him into her life. The front door closed. A gentle snap and the woman he loved was gone. He stared at the house for a few minutes more, then turned and trudged to his ute. He slammed his hand against the steering wheel in frustration. Fuck it. His mind dodged wildly from one course of action to another. Stay? Go? He could find Stacey and try to force her to tell him where Jodie was heading. But, in reality, was that really going to help his cause? He wasn't a stalker. She didn't want him: that much was very obvious. But what the hell
did
she want? Love? Security? A fucking huge house?

Was there any way he could change her mind?

The answer came as he keyed the engine. He couldn't. Not for the moment anyway. He wheeled out of the drive with an overwhelming sense of desolation. He had to let her go. It went against everything in his body because damn it, she was having his baby …

He could try and follow her. But what then? Force her to allow him to be involved in the child's life? She'd end up hating him more than she did now and those feelings would then be sensed by the child.

And then there was Alex. Jodie seemed to have some crazy idea that he could reconcile with Nate and Clem. Like flaming hell. The old man hadn't made any attempt to contact them since the aborted wedding. For all he and Clem knew, the old bastard was dead in his bed. But then, he was sure Mue would have told them about that. He managed a wry half laugh to himself. Yes, Mue. The housekeeper-cum-lover. What a fucking mess.

How that must have hurt his mother. Probably gutted her, though she'd never let on. Mue was convinced his mother never knew but he wasn't so sure. As a little kid, he once asked why he couldn't have Clem as a brother. Elizabeth's laugh had been shrill as she'd replied, ‘Be careful what you wish for, my love.'

And as for his own father, Seamus Brannigan. Elizabeth and her parents had been staying at a family friend's property in the Western District of Victoria, Mue had now told him. Seamus was a charismatic Irish shearer his mother had fallen in love with. Her parents thought him a no-hoper with few prospects. So worried were they that their only daughter would run off with the itinerant Irishman, her parents whisked Elizabeth home and quickly married her off to the next-door neighbour, Alex McGregor, to commence a subjugated life. Seven months later a baby arrived, a child fathered by Seamus Brannigan. Exactly
when Alex McGregor had found out the infant wasn't his, Nate didn't know. What he did know, though, was his mother could've been better off married to his real father. They might not have had any money but at least they'd have had a chance of being happy. Perhaps he should try to find the man one day.

But that was for the future because knowing his real history didn't solve his current problems. He didn't have a job. A home. Not much was going for him at the moment. He needed to change that. Maybe this was how he could win Jodie back? Put down some roots. Buy a property of his own. Settle in some place. He could then somehow track down Jodie, Milly and the baby, and prove to her he could give her and the kids the security and loyalty she craved. The property wouldn't be much, his savings wouldn't run to anything too extravagant, but at least it would be his. And maybe Clem's. The thought of his oldest mate, whom he'd always longed for as a brother,
becoming
his brother for a nano-second and then being taken away again would have been laughable if it wasn't so tragic.

It took him a good half hour to drive back to Clem's place, and it was in that time he decided to pack up and head north. He'd leave Warrior with his mate until he found a place, then he could come back and pick up his horse. He was pretty sure Clem wouldn't mind, especially if he could give Warrior a few runs at a campdraft. He'd give Wal a choice of staying or going, seeing as the old bloke seemed to have taken up with Mue, by all accounts. At least one of them had been successful in the female stakes. Which led him back to Jodie. Beautiful Jodie. The woman he loved, who was going to have his child. He could barely even think about it without breaking down.

It didn't take him long to pack up his stuff. His gear bag, a swag, Esky, Rupert, and a few keepsakes that Mue, taking pity on him, had spirited out of Glenevelyn. That morning he'd tried to ask for them himself, to see Alex and make amends, for his mother's sake if nothing else.

‘What're
you
doing here?' had been Alex's opening line. Well, at least he was still alive. The man he'd always thought was his father then turned and walked away from the imposing front door of the old homestead. Nate took off his hat and followed him into the living room, determined to have his say.

Alex stood in front of the fireplace, Elizabeth's portrait staring down over him. He had a glass of whisky in his hand. Nate was surprised, seeing it was only midday. But then he peered closer and realised Alex was already tipsy, if not drunk. And who wouldn't be, sitting in this big old house all alone?

‘I've come to say goodbye.'

‘Fucking off again, are you?' the older man scoffed. ‘Typical.'

‘What do you mean?'

‘Always running. You bugger up, but then never stand and take it like a man.'

‘You call being an arrogant, dominating prick taking it like a man?'

‘I'm a McGregor. That's what we do. We fight to win, to succeed, to be the best.'

‘And you think I don't?'

Alex gave a half laugh, raised his glass. ‘I'll let you be the judge of that.'

‘I don't know why I even bothered coming here.'

‘I don't know why either,' snarled Alex. ‘You've ruined everything,
again
.'

‘The first time was when I was born, right? Very sensible to blame me for that, you old fool. Anyway, I know who helped ruined things this time and it wasn't me.'

‘But she's not going with you, is she?' Alex looked smug. ‘She's tossed you out too.'

‘I'm leaving of my own free will.'

‘Exactly. Run, run, run away like you always do,' said Alex, stumbling against the coffee table in front of him.

Nate could see he was really drunk. It was sad, almost pitiful. ‘I came to say thank you for giving me a roof over my head while I was growing up. To thank you for at least standing by my mother, and I guess I was stupid enough to think you'd hear me out.'

Alex blinked. His chin rose, and his face plumped up like a puffer fish. ‘I loved your mother.'

And that was the crux of it. Alex
had
loved Elizabeth, as much as he could love anybody. It was just a shame he couldn't have loved her son.

‘Tell me, when did you find out I wasn't yours?'

Alex stared at him with red-rimmed eyes. ‘When you arrived two months early.'

‘I could've been a prem baby –'

‘You were over nine pounds. A screaming, red-faced ball of fat. They had to rip you out of her. The complications destroyed any chance of us having another baby together.'

And he'd paid for that for his whole life.

He took in Alex's belligerent expression and realised there was nothing more to be said. ‘I'll be going then.'

‘I'm leaving Glenevelyn to Clem.'

Nate put his hat on. Stood proud. ‘And I'm sure Clem will look after it.' He nodded. ‘Goodbye, Alex.'

His stepfather seemed not to hear him. Just stood staring, as if he wasn't sure what to say or do now his ‘big' announcement hadn't caused an eruption.

To be truthful, Nate was relieved he didn't owe the man anything any more. He turned and walked out the French doors onto the verandah, down the steps to his ute. As he backed his vehicle around and drove out the drive of that magnificent old property, he never once looked back.

Three weeks later and he was ready to go. He'd spent hours trawling the internet via Clem's dodgy satellite connection, trying to find properties for sale through western New South Wales and Queensland. He found a few possibilities Clem had agreed with, because Clem still wanted to go shares in a station, even though Nate had told him what Alex had said.

‘I don't want it,' said Clem. ‘I don't want anything to do with Alex McGregor.'

‘Well, whether you want it or not, you're getting it.'

‘He's never worried about me or Mum before. Why now?'

‘Mue had a job at Glenevelyn, didn't she?'

Clem scoffed. ‘Yeah, until she found out Alex expected her to be his mistress right under Elizabeth's nose. She'd also realised how lovely your mum was and what an arsehole the old fella could be, and so she left. She worked her bum off at that café to provide for both of us.'

‘So who paid for your private grammar school fees?'

‘Mu–' Clem stopped. Looked thoughtful.

‘Exactly. Mue couldn't have afforded those, could she? You didn't get a scholarship like me.'

‘No, I didn't. Still –'

‘I reckon Alex paid for it. I think he might've paid for a few other things too, like that class trip to the States you took in year ten.'

Clem was looking surly now. ‘If he did, well so he ought to. He left my mother high and dry.'

‘And who paid for her house in town?'

Clem's face was blank while he chewed that one over. Finally, ‘Well, I'll be. She's never said. And she wouldn't tell me either. I almost didn't find out about Alex, except I found a letter Alex had written to Mum. I guessed from that.'

‘And would you want to compromise her pride by demanding to know? Now? When it really doesn't matter any more because it's all said and done?'

Clem frowned. ‘Why are you, of all people, sticking up for him …?'

Nate had asked himself the same question. But the fact remained, even though Alex McGregor was hard and strict, he
had
provided another man's child with an upbringing.

Clem went on, ‘And he ruined your chances with Jodie.'

Nate wasn't so sure about that. He'd had time to think about this too, and he could see that he, Nate, hadn't done a very good job of trying to win Jodie over. She wanted, correction,
needed
security. That was what she had been looking for in Alex. The only way Nate was going to be able to win her over was to follow through on buying his own place. Get some stability into his life. Then, and only then, would he have something to convince Jodie he was in this for the long haul. That he wouldn't ride away like cowboys do, no matter what he'd told her at Riverton. That he wanted her and the children to be in his life forever. It might take a while to find
her, but he wouldn't give up. He'd search for her forever if he had to.

But for the time being he had to leave. To get himself sorted so hopefully someday Jodie would give him the chance to prove he was worthy of her love and that of her children. He wanted to have the chorus Roo Arcus had sung to him back at Riverton …

On the hot evening before Nate was due to leave, Clem came pelting up the drive to his cabin. ‘I've just come to say goodbye. The fire-spotting tower saw more smoke this afternoon just north-west of here. Another lightning strike from those thunderstorms the other week, I reckon. The northerlies flared it up and it's got going. Department of Conservation want me up on the fire-line.'

Nate rolled his eyes. As a part-timer for the Department, Clem often got hauled in for jobs other than dog-trapping, particularly during fire season. ‘Yeah, no worries. I'll give you a call sometime later in the week. Let you know how I'm going.'

‘You do that. Is Wal going with you?' Clem hadn't been around much, keeping busy with fire work. The thunderstorm fall-out'd had the Departmental boys running around chasing smokes all week.

‘Yeah, I'm picking him up from your mum's place.'

Clem nodded. ‘Mum won't be happy.'

‘He's coming back. Just wanted to keep me company I think.' Nate smiled. ‘Reckons I can't be let out on my own. I get into too much strife.'

‘He could have something there.'

Nate reached in the window of Clem's ute and scruffed his hair. ‘As if you can talk.'

‘Hey, I wasn't the one who pinched the old man's sheila.'

Nate grimaced and Clem immediately backtracked. ‘Sorry, mate. That was a bit below the belt.'

‘It was below the belt that fucked it all up,' said Nate with a weak smile.

Clem's expression was sympathetic. ‘Safe travelling, mate.'

Nate took the proffered hand in a firm grip. ‘Be careful up there. I want my partner in prime condition, not charred.'

Clem nodded, looked grim for a moment, then said, ‘I gotta go. I'll talk to you soon.' And he left, the ute's chunky tyres spinning up a hailstorm of stones.

Nate went back into the cabin and pottered around aimlessly for a while. He sat on the verandah and watched the hazy red sun slowly sink below the horizon. It was still light when he decided he may as well hit the road now. Get out of town. What was the point of waiting until morning? He rang Wal.

‘How about we head off now?'

‘Thought you'd never ask,' said the older man. ‘Mue's going to stay up at Glenevelyn tonight rather than come back down here. We've already said goodbyes.'

‘Why's she staying up there?'

‘Argh, she just wanted to keep an eye on Alex,' said Wal. ‘He's been drinking a bit.'

And didn't he know about that. His last meeting with his stepfather was still fresh in his mind. ‘Good luck to her then.'

Nate rang off. Once he'd locked up Clem's cabin and loaded Rupert onto the tray he took one last look around. He knew how incredibly simple it was to just get in his ute and drive away – after all, he'd done it plenty of times over the past years. Problem was, this time was different. He was leaving a part of his heart behind. On McCauley's Hill. With a woman. A will-o'-the-wisp who, come the next few days, would be gone herself.

Nate cranked up the ute and drove towards Narree. He was bitterly aware the whole time that McCauley's Hill sat silently hunkered into the landscape at his right shoulder.

Beckoning. Taunting. Forbidding.

He drove on.

The first warning was a text from Stacey on Jodie's mobile.
Fire could be headed your way. Keep eye on it.
Stace was in the local fire brigade and just a wee bit prone to hit the panic button early, so Jodie didn't really take much notice. She was too busy packing the last of their stuff. The horse float was laden with gear, the final load ready to be driven out the next morning to the storage garage in Narree she'd hired for six months. The flat on the property they were going to was fully furnished. They wouldn't need much beyond personal gear and, of course, all Milly's soft toys. These were the problem right at the minute. Getting them all to fit in the very last small box she had was proving difficult.

‘I'll sit on it, Mum. That'll do the trick.'

Jodie didn't think Milly's slight weight would help much. ‘How about
I
sit on the box and you tape it?'

Milly looked doubtful. ‘What about we ring Nate? He'll get it all in. He knows how to fix everything.'

If she heard Nathaniel McGregor's name come out of her daughter's mouth one more time she'd scream. ‘I think we can manage, Milly.'

‘But Nate –'

‘We can manage, Milly.' It didn't come out quite as a yell, more a wheeze with a high-end note. If damn Nathaniel McGregor didn't exist on this earth she wouldn't be pregnant: she might even be safely married to Alex, living the high life at Glenevelyn and not here trying to pack her whole life into a ute.

Shit. No. That would not have been a good marriage, baby or no. And this was getting her nowhere. Jodie glanced at her watch. Eight-thirty: long past Milly's bedtime.

‘Mummy,' said Milly, standing beside the radio, ‘the news just said there's a fire above Lake Grace. They're saying if you're going to leave, leave early. Is that us?' The little girl looked worried.

Jodie immediately went into soothing-mother mode. ‘I'm sure there's nothing to worry about. Travis would have told us if there was.'

‘But he's gone away for a long weekend. He and Tammy took Billy to the beach, remember? They asked me to go too but you said I couldn't cause we were leaving?'

Jodie did remember. Was that this weekend? The weeks had just flown by. She must be about four and a half months pregnant by now.

‘Well, I'm sure someone would have told us.' Then she remembered Stace's text. Jodie asked her daughter to get ready for bed, and while Milly was busy she grabbed her mobile phone and tapped out a message to Stace.
Where is fire? Should I be worried?

Her friend's message came back quickly.
Not sure. They're saying it's the most unpredictable fire behaviour they've ever seen.

Jodie chewed her lip. Should she get out now? As Milly reminded her, they always said if you
were
going to go, to leave early. Her phone binged again.
Wind not due to get up until at least 9am. Fire is miles away. You should be right until morning. Have another look then.

While Milly was in the bathroom brushing her teeth, Jodie snuck outside the back door and looked around at the night sky. The air was very dry and warm, which was unusual at this time of night. Usually there was
some
moisture in the air. She walked around the house and gazed out across the black hulking ranges. Sniffed the air. She couldn't see anything and all she could smell was smoke, but they'd been smelling that for days. Embers – cold blackened leaves and twigs – had been falling too.

With an uneasy feeling pitting her stomach and Floss following, Jodie went back inside to put her daughter to bed. Milly looked lonely without her toys clambering for bed space. Her daughter's face was pinched with worry. ‘Mummy? Is the fire coming?'

‘No, sweetheart. Stacey says it's miles away. Don't you worry. Just close your eyes and count sheep. We've got a big drive ahead of us in a couple of days.'

‘I wish we didn't have to go,' said Milly.

And didn't Jodie know that feeling. ‘I wish it too, mate, but unfortunately we have to.'

‘But why, Mum? Why do we have to leave Muey, and Billy and Clem and … and … Nate?'

Why? Because she was afraid. She was scared witless she would succumb to Nate, and then she'd come to rely on him,
love him. And he'd leave. Just like everyone else she'd ever loved with all her heart. Her mum, Rhys, even her dad in the end. And she wasn't going to put her children through that agony. She was a mother first and foremost. She had to protect them.

‘Because we just do.' She kissed her daughter on the cheek, received a peck in return. ‘Now, Floss looks like she's going to keep you company while you go to sleep.' The dog had laid down beside her daughter. Jodie moved to leave the room, but before she did she cast one more look at her little girl, lying on her makeshift bed, a pink swag rolled out on the floor. Long blonde hair braided into plaits, a tiny dot of a child it was Jodie's privilege and duty to care for. She touched her belly. And there was another one in there.

Jodie sighed and walked back into her little kitchen to finish packing. Maybe she'd make a cup of tea and just sit down for a few minutes. The dry heat of the night was making her feel all lightheaded. Both she and Milly had been working so hard. After she unloaded the final horse float in town tomorrow, there were only Parnie and Buggsy to go. They were going to Clem's. Just as Nate was leaving Warrior at Clem's. It was poetic justice really that their horses could be together while the owners couldn't.
Wouldn't
. Jodie boiled the kettle, made herself a cuppa, and then sat down on the only piece of furniture she owned that was still in the house. A bean bag. She made sure she left the radio on in the background. She needed to keep an eye on this fire.

It was around eleven when Nate and Wal hit the New South Wales border. ‘Want to roll the swag out now?' said Nate.

Wal yawned. He'd been napping anyway. ‘Yeah, no worries.'

In the beam of his headlights, Nate found a likely spot to camp, a track diving off to the left. It'd do for a bit of shut-eye for a few hours. He pulled the ute into the scrub. Both men got out, grabbed their swags. Nate let Rupert off for a wee and a scratch around, but then chained him up again. Wild dogs would likely be in the vicinity and he didn't want Rupert wandering.

‘We'll head off at first light, that suit?'

‘Okay with me,' said Wal in his usual easy-going way.

It was good to be back on the road again, for sure, but Nate couldn't shrug off the feeling that this time he was
leaving
, rather than heading towards new horizons. It wasn't a pleasant sensation. It wasn't sitting comfortable in his bones at all.

And he couldn't sleep. Wal was snoring loud enough to keep any wild animal away – far too loudly to allow his mate to get some shut-eye. He lay on his back and stared up at the stars, arms behind his head, counting. Milly had told him that was how she got to sleep on the nights the sandman wouldn't come. Milly. Which led, of course, to Jodie. He couldn't get her out of his mind. She was always there just lurking on the edges, waiting to jump out and grab hold of his heart and wring it like a dishcloth.

He got up and decided to hike up the pile of rocks he could see in the moonlight. Taking a head torch out of the ute cab, he set off. It would only take him ten minutes and Wal wouldn't miss him: the man was snoring as loud as a Stihl chainsaw at full throttle. Possibly louder. Nate shook his head and wondered how Mue coped with it. Which then led him to thinking about Jodie again. Enough! Stop it! he instructed himself. She doesn't want you.

He walked through the bush, following a brumby trail towards the rocks that reminded him of Ram's Horn, a huge pile
of boulders at home with the most incredible view out across the ranges. A bit like the view from Jodie's front verandah. Fuck it.

Nate pushed himself to climb higher and higher, clambering up over the great prehistoric stones, using the head torch and moonlight to guide his way, until he was right at the very pinnacle of the outcrop. The view would have been spectacular in the daylight. By night it was as if he'd climbed a part of the staircase to heaven. The silence was deafening. Even Wal's snores couldn't be heard from here.

That was until a piercing ring shattered the stillness. His mobile phone. He'd forgotten he had it on him. He thought they'd lost service an hour back. The phone stopped. He'd been too slow.

He dragged it out.
Missed call

Just as he was punching a key to trip the light again so he could take another look, the phone rang a second time.

‘Nate here.'

‘Where are you?' Clem. Ever straight to the point.