Authors: Margarita Engle
who follows close behind me, paying his own special
human attention, with eyes and mind instead of a smart,
twitching nose.
At the end of our practice search, all three of us
know that we've done our best seeking
and hiding.
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13
TONY THE BOY
LOSER
I would hide in the wilderness
forever if it meant avoiding
prison visits.
Mom's arms
are crisscrossed
by new tattoos
of paw prints.
As long as I can remember,
she's always had a few
dark blue designs
on her skin
but now there's a mark
for each fighting pit bull
that ever won a battle
and a teardrop
for each dog
that lost
its life.
Does she actually care
about the dogs that lost fights?
She used to call them losers,
the same name she gave me
each time
I tried
to turn away
from the sight
of blood.
I hate visiting the prison,
but each time TÃo assures me
that I don't have to go, I always
decide to give Mom
one more chance.
I don't have much to say
when she chatters
on and on
about all her new
prison friends.
I don't even want her to know
Gracie's name.
Or Gabe's.
I come away from those visits
feeling like such a loser.
If I turned into a tattoo
on Mom's face,
I'd be
a teardrop.
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14
GABE THE DOG
BOY TRAINING
How do I train a boy? I try to show him
how to be joyful just walking and running
and chasing
roundness
but each time Tony goes back down
to the flatlands
he comes home smelling
like sorrow.
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15
TONY THE BOY
LONELY SMELLS
Prison visits are getting harder,
but helping TÃo and Gabe solve
their search-and-rescue mysteries
has given me a new way to face
the mysterious side of math.
Compared with trying to figure out
how Mom's weird mind works,
school is almost easy.
Numbers aren't always scary anymore.
They don't have to remind me
of mean men betting
bad money
at dogfights.
I understand some types of problems,
if I go slow and count trees or rocks
instead of fangs
and claws.
Gabe tries to cure my worries
with demands. He needs attention.
I throw a tennis ball so many times
that my shoulder gets sore.
Then he wants to swim, dive, plunge,
paddle, drip, and shake.
All Labs love water.
Gabe swims like a dolphin.
I don't.
I'm terrified of depths. No one ever
taught me how to laugh when I splash,
so I sit on a creek bank while Gabe
plays in the water, begging me
to join him, begging me to leave
my safe shore.
Heart dry.
Mind dusty.
Over and over, I promise Gabe
that someday, somehow, I'll learn
how to swim with him so we can be
happy
together.
Back in the cabin, when the phone rings,
I'm secretly glad that it's a call-out
for a search. I know I shouldn't be glad
that a stranger is lost, but I need a chance
to show my uncle
that I can be trusted
to stay at base camp.
This time, the subject of the search
is a sad old man
who drove uphill,
far away from his room
in a nursing home.
He parked at a wilderness trailhead
and started walking away from his life.
A couple of Italian thru-hikers saw him
when he got out of his car,
so the driver's-side seat
is the place last seen.
Gabe is on a long leash, working
as a trailing dog. He sniffs the dusty
upholstery, inhaling the old man's
hospital scent, a mixture
of skin, soap, and medicine,
along with invisible clues
that only a dog's nose can detectâ
adrenaline from excitement or fear,
and probably all sorts
of mysterious chemicals
produced by loneliness
and confusion.
Gabe matches the smell on the seat
to the only footprints
on this rugged trail
that were made by soft
bedroom slippers
instead of steel-toed
hiking boots.
I've learned to wait.
Hiding in the woods has made me
patient. Visiting Mom has helped me
want to help othersâthe people who
are willing to be helped.
I know I can be useful to TÃo
by obeying his command to stay
at base camp, which, as usual,
is a sheriff's van and a table where B.B.
is in charge of deciding which
dog teams, horse teams, ATVs,
and ground pounders
will search the areas
not covered by Gabe.
Gracie chatters, but I hardly listen,
because I'm trying so hard
to imagine what it must be like
for TÃo
out there
in the forest
where the old man
is lost.
Where does he find
his Rescue Beast courage?
When I'm his age, will I know
how to search?
I wait for hours.
By the time Gabe finds the old man,
he's hungry, dehydrated, weak,
and grateful.
He thought he wanted to die
alone in the woods, but now he's glad
to be alive and surrounded
by people who care.
I'm happy for him, but I'm also
happy for myself. In a small, quiet,
satisfying way, by hiding out in the woods
during training, I helped teach SAR dogs
how to save lives.
I also proved that I'm trustworthy.
TÃo ruffles my hair with his hand,
and I grin when I imagine
that if Gabe could praise me,
he would probably shout,
Good human!
Instead, he rewards me
with a ball-chasing game
and the warm, brown
roundness
of his wise, happy
dog eyes.
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16
GABE THE DOG
SNIFFING SCHOOL
I search for the sad-scented old man.
I find him.
I win!
Now Tony wants to learn all my search games, so I show him how my Leo teaches agilityâ
crawl through tunnels
climb up ladders
leap onto a seesaw
while
it
moves
balance on a long, narrow beam      don't fall but
if you do tumble    don't  be  afraid    to  try  again
and     again     and     again.
I can teach obedience, too:
Come! Sit! Stay! Down! Heel (always on the left).
I also share what I know about NO.
NO chasing squirrels.
NO chasing rabbits.
NO chasing deer.
NO chewing boots.
Finally, I teach Tony to see how I get along
with other dogs, and I'm not afraid to jump
right into a roaring, whirling HELO, the helicopter
that takes me to other mountains
for faraway search games â¦
and when I'm through teaching
all that I know
about work-play
it's time to show the boy
how we can both
lie down and curl up
and rest.
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17
TONY THE BOY
INSECT MATH
There are so many ways
to get lost. Each search is a surprise.
One day, an experienced outdoorsman
goes hiking alone, and when he doesn't
come home, his wife calls 911,
and the sheriff calls TÃo.
By the time Gabe finds him,
he's feverish, his legs broken
and infected from a fall.
The next week, a teenage girl
separates from her friends,
promising to meet them
at the far edge
of a rocky slope.
She's hiking with flip-flops
instead of boots.
A tank top and shorts.
No jacket, no warmth.
She suffers hours of terror
all night, and then a swift burst
of relief
when Gabe finally appears,
collar bell rattling,
orange vest glowing.â¦
TÃo runs close behind Gabe,
offering the cold girl
a space blanket,
silvery and magical
like moonlight.
Panic. It's the topic of my next
online article. A lost person often
runs in circles, following the same
frantic pattern
over and over,
like an orbit around a planet
of hope.
Both Gracie and our teacher
love the article. They tell me
I've learned so much!
It's true. Gabe has helped me discover
new things each day. Dog truths.
People truths, too.
For instance,
there's this one
really great
prison visit,
the biggest surprise
of my new life,
because I never expected
to be able to smile
on the other side
of that heavy gate.
Mom looks cheerful,
and she acts
gentle.
Her hair is supershort.
She tells me she volunteered
to cut it and donate it to Wigs
for Kids with Cancer.
She's also started volunteering
to read books out loud
in a quiet room
with an easy chair
beside a red rose
in a blue vase.
She says that little room
is the only peaceful place
in the entire prison.
She describes the way her calm,
soothing voice
is recorded to make
listening books
for blind children.
She tells me that generous
volunteer projects
will help her get early parole,
and a new career helping people
instead of hurting dogs.
At first, I just feel amazed,
then hopeful, and finally,
so excited that I'm able to relax
and share a happy picnic with Mom
on the same sunny lawn
where women with incense
are singing.
That one good visit
feels like a joyful dream
until the next time, when
she doesn't even
show up and the social worker
warns me that Mom is fighting again,
insulting other prisoners,
hitting, hurting,
and getting
hurt.
I'm ferociously disappointed,
but I struggle fiercely
to concentrate on
now
instead of
the future
. I try to pay attention.
Even in math. TÃo helps me
with the numbers. It's the first time
anyone has ever looked
at my homework.
When you put TÃo and math
together, you end up
way out in the wild forest.
I learn how to estimate
the temperature of soil
at a 6-inch depth
by counting beats
per minute
in the song
of a cricket.
Fast insect music
means the earth is warm.
Slow bug songs come only
on long, cold cricket nights.
TÃo also shows me how to count
the age of a giant sequoia tree's
charred stump. Rings of growth
from ancient times. Wide rings
for spring, narrow ones
for summer
or drought years.
We punch mapping coordinates
into a GPS gadget, but it only works
if you're out in the open, with a clear path
to a satellite orbiting in space. The GPS
won't work if you hold it in a dark,
shadowy forest
where modern science
can't find you.
All the outdoor math lessons
are helping, and I'm really hoping
to get good grades. The semester's
almost over, and I can hardly wait
for summer, even though
it's going to be weird.
I'll have to spend weekdays
with B.B. while TÃo is away at work
in distant campgrounds.
Luckily, loud Gracie won't be around
to make me feel
small.
She'll be far away, in India, visiting
her parents and the elephants.
I imagine she'll spend half her time
making elephant Popsicles
and the rest just trying to figure out
ways to come back bragging
about traveling so much farther
than prison.
B.B. is excited. She tells me
she's planning activities for me.
Sports, crafts, swimming lessons,
and bear whispering.â¦
Bear whispering? Bear whispering!
If only summer wasn't still two whole
seven-day weeks away! Math tests
are making me 50 percent crazy.
No cricket music or tree rings,
just the speed of airplanes
and other really hard word problems
that send 99 percent of my mind
flying away
flying into daydreams
about reaching
summertime
and the end
of tests.
My final-exam grade is a C.
Average! For the first time
in my entire life,
I haven't