Mountain Homecoming (33 page)

“I think it's time you found out what kind of person I really am. It was cold that winter night in Kentucky, and I'd just gotten paid. I was walking down the street in the town the coal company owned, and two fellows staggered out of a saloon. I guess they thought a skinny boy like me was easy pickings, and they wanted my money. That little bit of money was all I had in the world. When one of them hit me, something came over me. It was like I was that boy being beaten again, and I tore into them like a wild man. They were so drunk it didn't take much to knock both of them down, but I didn't stop when they fell. I kept kicking them in the stomach and face until several men who'd come outside grabbed me and held me until the sheriff got there.”

“What happened?”

“He arrested me because they were hurt so bad and took me to jail. I figured that's where I'd stay. But the next day, this fancy dressed fellow named Harry came to see me. Said he'd seen the fight the night before, and he liked the way I handled myself. Said he'd like to hire me. He traveled from town to town with a group of fighters and challenged the locals to matches which he took bets on. He said one of his men had been hurt and couldn't fight for a while. He wanted me to take his place. He said he'd pay the sheriff off so he'd release me, or I could stay and face going to prison. It turned out that the two men I'd beaten up were foremen, and the coal company had already fired me.”

“So you went with him?'

“I did.” Matthew rubbed his hands over his face. “The next few years are like a blur. We traveled from town to town. I can't remember how many men I fought. I didn't show any mercy to anybody, and I beat most of them to a pulp in the ring. No telling how many men's bones I broke or how many I left crippled.” Tears filled his eyes. “And I liked it, Simon. When the crowd cheered for me, it was like I was finally being accepted by somebody. And for once in my life, nobody tried to take advantage of me. Even the other fighters who traveled with us were afraid of me.”

Pain flickered in Simon's eyes, and he shook his head. “Matthew, you don't have to tell me this if it's too painful.”

Matthew gritted his teeth and shook his head. “No, you have to know what I was like then.” He took a deep breath. “There were no rules in the kind of fighting we did, and I could figure out in the first round how I was going to put a man down. Harry started calling me the Ice Man because all I wanted was to knock my opponent senseless. Every time I walked away from some man lying in his own blood I'd think of my father and wonder how many men he'd left in the same shape. And I'd know I was just like him.”

Simon's forehead wrinkled. “Oh, Matthew, you…”

“Then one night,” Matthew interrupted, “we were in some little town in Ohio, and this boy of maybe fifteen wanted to fight me.” The memories were coming too quickly now, and all Matthew wanted was to rid himself of them. “He looked scared, and I thought I'd finish him off in the first round. But I didn't. Every time I knocked him down, he'd get back up and come at me again. He wouldn't quit. Time after time he pushed back up and staggered toward me, and I'd hit him harder. Before long, blood was running in his eyes, and he couldn't see, but he'd come back at me again. The crowd started booing me, and his friends on the sidelines kept yelling for him to quit, but he wouldn't. He'd just stagger to his feet again.”

“He must have had some reason to take all that punishment.”

Matthew nodded. “The crowd got louder, and I got angry. This kid was making me look bad, and I didn't like it. I went after him with a vengeance, and by the time I finished, he looked like he'd been mauled by a bear. I stared down at him and couldn't believe what I'd done. His friends ran into the ring to carry him out, and one of them told me the boy had entered the fight in hopes of making some money to buy food for his mother and little sister. When I heard that, I knew I was worse than my father had ever been. That boy had been trying to do what I'd failed to do for my mother and brother. I ran out the back door of the building we were in and threw up. Then I grabbed a few clothes and headed south. All I wanted was to forget what had happened, but I couldn't.”

“How far did you make it?”

“Over the next few months I slowly made my way back to Tennessee by working odd jobs along the way. One night I walked into Elkmont—into one of the Little River camps. My shoes and clothes were worn out, and I looked like a raggedy man.”

“Is that when you went to work for Little River?”

Matthew nodded. “I didn't have any money, and I survived for a few weeks by eating out of a garbage can behind a restaurant. One night the cook found me rifling through the garbage. He took pity on me, invited me inside, and fed me. The next day he took me to the Little River office where his brother was hiring railroad workers and got me a job. From then on, I had one goal in mind. Make enough money to come home. I kept to myself and saved my money. I vowed I wouldn't fight a man again. Now all I fight are the nightmares of those years.”

Simon clasped his hands in his lap and stared at Matthew. “Why haven't you ever told me any of this?”

“Because I'm ashamed of what I did. I didn't want you or Anna or Granny to know that I was exactly like my father.”

“And what about Rani?”

Matthew's eyes grew wide, and he jerked his head up to stare at Simon. “I especially didn't want her to know, and you have to promise you'll never tell her. I've prayed every day since I can remember that I won't be like my father, but inside I'm just like him. Now somebody else knows it too, and he wants me out of the Cove.”

“But you can't leave, Matthew.”

“Yes, I can. I can't fight anymore, Simon. I just want some peace in my life.”

Simon stood, walked to the fireplace, and reached for the Bible lying on the mantel. “Is this your mother's Bible?”

Matthew nodded. “Yes. I've always kept it with me.”

Simon sat back down and flipped through the pages. “I remember when you were a boy, you told me you had put your trust in God and wanted to follow Him. Do you still believe that?”

“Yes, but for years I acted like He didn't exist. I've failed Him in so many ways.”

“We all have failed at times, Matthew. But He's always ready to forgive us for faltering in our faith. You've had this fear all your life that you're going to be like your father. The truth is that all children are affected by the actions of their parents. You lived with your father's abuse and drunken rages. You convinced yourself that since his blood runs in your veins, your life would be just like his. But have you thought about Jesus's blood? He shed it to give you a life free from sin and doubt.”

Matthew frowned. “I know that, but it's hard to forget what I've done in the past.”

“I understand that. But you need to focus on Jesus and what He promised in the Scriptures. You've let the fear of being like your father control you for years. You need to quit dwelling on that and think on the promise we're given in 2 Corinthians 5:17. ‘Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.'”

“But Simon, how can He forgive me for injuring, and maybe crippling, all those men?”

“I wish I knew how many times someone has asked me how God can forgive horrible sins we've committed. The answer lies in one little word, Matthew. It's grace. When we sin, we don't deserve His favor or His mercy, but He gives it freely. It's difficult for us to understand how He could love us that much, but He does. God stands willing to forgive you for what you did, but it sounds like it's going to be harder for you to forgive yourself.”

Tears ran down Matthew's cheeks. “I don't know if I ever can.”

Simon pressed Naomi's Bible into Matthew's hands. “Do you believe the words in this book like your mother did?”

“I do,” he whispered.

“Then put the past behind you and become the new creature God wants to make of you. You can't run the rest of your life. It's time you faced up to the past.”

“How do I do that?”

“You pray and ask God to forgive you for what you've done. Ask Him to take the guilt out of your heart and replace it with peace and strength to live your life for Him.”

Matthew pushed to his feet and strode across the room. He stopped with his back to Simon and raked his hand through his hair. After a moment he turned, retraced his steps, and came to a stop in front of Simon. “It can't be that simple. There has to be more to it than that.”

Simon put his hand on Matthew's shoulder and sighed. “Don't try to make something difficult out of something so easy. The Bible tells us that we're going to have tribulations in the world, but Jesus stands willing to give us the peace we need to face them. All you have to do is ask Him.”

Matthew's lips trembled. “I want that peace, Simon.”

“Then ask Him to help you find it.”

Matthew dropped to his knees in front of the bench and clutched the Bible to his chest. “Oh, God, help me. I asked You into my life when I was a boy. But somewhere along the way, I forgot about You. Forgive me for the things I've done and the people I've hurt. Help me be the kind of man my mother would want me to be. Show me how to let go of the past, Lord. Make me that new creature the Bible speaks of.”

Simon knelt beside him and placed his arm around Matthew's shoulders. “You've taken your first step toward letting your past die, Matthew. Now you need to study God's word and discover the man that's inside you waiting to be born. His name is not Luke Jackson. It's Matthew Jackson, and he's got a life to live free from guilt and the fears of the past.”

Matthew stared into the face of the man he'd always admired more than any other and smiled. “I think I'm on my way to finding him, Simon.”

David stopped the car in front of Uncle Charles's house and swiveled in the seat to face Rani. “I enjoyed having supper with you tonight, Rani. I hope we can do it again soon.”

Rani laughed and shook her head. “David, we've had supper together nearly every night this week, and you've said the same thing every night when we've gotten home.”

He grinned, and the dimple in his cheek winked at her. “It's my way of reminding you that I enjoy your company and want to spend more time with you.”

“I enjoy your company too. I'm sure we will be together more. In fact, if I remember correctly, Uncle Charles asked you to come to supper tomorrow night.”

David put his arm on the back of the seat, and his fingers touched her shoulder. “That he did. I suppose he thought the only way he was going to get to see you was to invite me over. I hope he doesn't think we're spending too much time together.”

She shook her head. “No, he understands how hard I've been working to get ready for the exhibit, and he appreciates all the help you've been to me.”

He leaned closer, and his arm slid around her shoulders. “I enjoy the time in the studio with you, but it's the after-hours time that's beginning to interest me more.”

Rani's throat went dry, and she swallowed. “I've enjoyed that too.”

His other arm encircled her, and he pulled her closer. “We've only known each other for a few months, but you must have figured out that I'm crazy about you, Rani.”

She stared into the eyes that held her captive. “Y-you are?”

“Yes.” His hand slid up her neck, and his fingers stroked her hair. “You're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen. I think about you all the time.”

“I think about you too, David, but…”

His finger touched her lips. “Don't say it. He's gone, Rani, and I'm here. We're a good match. We have the same interests, we work well together, and we never fight.”

The memory of the heated words she and Matthew had spoken at times flashed through her mind, and she realized she and David didn't clash like that. Maybe they
were
a good match. “We do seem to get along well together.” Her gaze drifted over the interior of the car. “But there are other things to consider. Your family is wealthy and can afford to give you anything you want, like this car for instance. I'm a girl from a poor family in a remote mountain valley. I'm sure your family wants something better for you.”